Dave "Doctor" Gonzo

Out: Evangelicalism. In: Segregationism!
Trent Lott Is Back -- And That's Great News for the Democrats
by Dave "Doctor" Gonzo

Nov. 15, 2006 -- New York (apj.us) -- How can you not love the incoming Senate GOP minority?

In an act of sheer desperation disguised as a "rapid and decisive move," the 49 sore loser Republicans -- still recovering from the shocking and entertaining national application of rigorous red-ass by blue America -- have voted to rehabilitate America's favorite segregationist advocate, Senator Trent Lott (White-MS), as their "whip," the number two man in the Senate GOP leadership.

Mind you, the decision has a lot (no pun intended) to do with public relations: the incoming Minority Leader (and doesn't that have a sweet ring to it), Sen. Mitch McConnell (Big Tobacco-KY), looks like a giant mutant Cabbage Patch Doll and sure as hell comes across like one on the tee-vee, and Lott's only challenger, Sen. Lamar Alexander (Plaid-TN), ran the most charisma-challenged Presidential bid in a generation, making even the bizarre, violet-eyed Christianist Gary Bauer look more presidential! Compared to those two, Lott comes across as telegenic, and will no doubt be the Senate regressives' Sunday morning point man -- starting, without doubt, this coming Sunday.

But the bigger underlying story has to do with the Republican revolt against George Bush Jr., former Texas governor and, by virtue of a ruling by the Supremos, occupant of the Oval Office.

Back in late 2002, then-Senate Republican Leader Lott made his now-notorious assertion that things in America would have been so much better if Dixiecrat segregationist Strom Thurmond had been elected president in 1948, "we wouldn't have had all these problems over all these years, either."

I feel your pain, Trent. Imagine a world free of all of whom Thurmond would have labeled "uppity, troublemaking Negroes" in '48 -- y'know, like Martin Luther King Jr., Oprah Winfrey, Jesse Jackson, Ed Bradley, Charles Rangel, Maya Angelou, Barack Obama and Harold Ford Jr.

But I digress.

The story took nearly a week to gain traction -- it was saved from the memory hole by Democrat- and liberal-leaning Web sites who drove the story to the point that it was actually picked up by broadcast journalists and even FOX News. The White House (read: Karl Rove, Andrew Card, and Bush Jr.) acted swiftly and ruthlessly, forcing Lott out of his leadership position, and tapping Bush loyalist Bill Frist to take his place.

Lott was certainly no pariah, but he was forced to make a "contrition tour" through the DC-bureau-TV-news-o-sphere; he's been a medium profile presence until this morning.

Lott's triumphalist return is a power-play shot by Senate Republicans across the White House bow following Fundie doughboy genius Rove's election day meltdown. The message: "You screwed up big time, George. You screwed up bigger time, Karl. The 'Evangelical' base dumped you like K-Fed, which means they dumped us. WE, the grown-ups, are in charge, WE give the go-ahead now."

And his rehabilitation is an early Generic Holiday Season™ gift for Democrats -- not only in the Senate but at the national level and in the South. After all, those "deliberative" Republican senators could have chosen a whip that would have at least put a moderate face on the party -- but instead, they chose a regressive apologist for segregationist nostalgia if not outright worship of the treasonous Confederacy. Ol' Cheerleader Trent may be a "respected elder statesman of politics" in the eyes of Republicans and their media surrogates -- not to mention the media itself -- but he is also a relic of the most embarrassing facet of 20th century American society, culture and government. Lott belongs not in the Senate but Jurassic Park.

But you know what they (as in another relic of backward thinking and his Neocon pals) say: you have to fight the war you have with the Lott you've got.

'Nuff said!

Dave "Doctor" Gonzo is recovering from a successful multi-year stint as exclusive media advisor to a confidential political client. He lives in a highly fortified apartment compound on New York City's GOP-dominated Upper East Side.

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