Everyday is Opposite Day on O'Reilly
by Steve Young

Steve Young

March 9, 2006 /HOLLYWOOD (apj.us)/ After a hard day of lifting the pen and pressing down letters on the keyboard, the wife, kids and I all settle around the old idiot box to watch our favorite box of idiots – FOX News Channel. What better way to forget the anxious realities of the day than to sit back and soak up the wondrous adventures of Bill, Sean and the rest of their FOX News cartoon buddies.

The family and I have bets on when one of Bill's chronic hypocritical flip-flops will send him into cartoon "Does Not Compute" head implosions that makes for such good TV. As a sleazy agent once exclaimed, "That, Mr. Cavett, is entertainment."

There are always plenty of laughs, but this past week Billy O'Reilly set the hilarity bar way high.

He actually said, "I am a reporter."

For those diehard fans of O'Reilly, you know that he abhors reporters giving their opinions. He tore Christina Amapour a new one when she gave her's on Larry King.

But everyday is opposite day is on O'Reilly.

Bill sexually harasses subordinate employees and then rails against rappers for their sexism.

Bill writes and voices his own sleazy novel, then follows up with a book of his morality suggestions for kids.

Bill says he gets more inside military information than congressman John Murtha.

Perhaps the best moment in entertainment this past week was when a caller to O'Reilly's radio show mentioned Keith Olbermann.

Bill threatened that he would turn the caller's personal information to "FOX Security" and warned that he will continue to do so when callers say something "untoward, obscene, or anything like that," and that "FOX security then will contact your local authorities."

The same week Bill told everyone over 80 — I mean, his demographic – that "MSNBC's ratings are a disaster," even though the actual numbers show that most every cable news network, including MSNBC, has increased ratings... EXCEPT FOX NEWS CHANNEL!

To help out MSNBC, Bill pushed for his Boris Badinoff arch-enemy (when Franken isn't handy) Olberman (though he won't mention KO's name) to be replaced by Phil Donahue, the same guy he said was "clueless" in their last TV get-together on Bill's show. Keeping in mind the fact that Olbermann has higher ratings than his conservative counterparts on MSNBC, it seems Bill's efforts are less helpful than retaliatory.

Still, Bill was sooo concerned with helping MSNBC that he turned the possibility over to the folks in his completely unbiased Factor Poll.

But since O'Reilly's numbers are actually DOWN 21%, to help out FOX, I'd like the APJ folks to vote on whether FOX should replace O'Reilly with Deputy Dawg.

Or, if you have another idea, please feel free to make your own suggestion.

Although, I have to admit, I would miss Bill.

O'Reilly, Mr. Cavett, is entertainment.

Steve Young is a Senior Fellow at the Extreme Far Centrist Foundation' Political Husbandry Conservation Centre and Stereo Repair. In his spare time, he is also an author, comedy writer, columnist, LA talk show host and author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful."(What? You STILL haven't bought it? Then visit http://www.greatfailure.com/). You can also check out the satirical side of Steve every Sunday in the LA Daily News.