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Flush twice... it's a long way to Sally Quinn's place! ![]() apj.us / correntewire.com Feb. 26, 2006 (correntewire.com / apj.us) -- Junior's port sellout debacle and the rapidly deteriorating situation in Iraq dominated the Sunday morning talk shows. Here's the Sabbath swill... Prologue: We Need a Port Security Primer Any news directors out there reading this? After watching my Sabbath Gasbag show (review of which will get underway after I finish writing this) I am more convinced than ever that what we need, and I mean ASAP/no later than tomorrow night, dammit!is a tutorial, written at about the level of a fifth-grade filmstrip (anybody remember those? What's the modern day equivalent?)on How A Shipping Port Works. Because these guys are trying to get away with throwing up a screen of obfuscation that amounts to "you people don't know how these Big Complicated Operations do their Operating, so shut up and let the experts handle it, that's a good child" lecture. You want a structure for this report? How about "A Shipping Container Takes a Trip!" Go into the Port of Newark, or whatever's handiest, point out a random container, and give us its biography. "Yeah, that orange sucker on the third crane from the lefttell me all about it." What's in it? How do you know? (I'm pretty sure this is where those "manifest" things come in.) Is this a manifest you would be checking if we hadn't asked? Now how do you know that what's written on that manifest is what's actually, like, in that container? How many of those do you check? Who decides which particular ones you check? Is there a structure, like "all containers from country X get checked" or is it random, or some of both? Okay, maybe that's a little too detailed, like high school level. Just pick a container. Tell us who owns it (on paper anyway.) Now what ship did it just come off of? Who owns that? Where did it pick up Our Container? What kind of security do they have there? Where else did this ship pick up stuff since this container came on board? (Opportunity for cool maps here as we follow the ship around the world. Sort of like "Paddle To The Sea" but in reverse.) Or maybe that's still too complicated. Just tell us Who Owns What at this port. Who owns it, who operates it, where are hiring and firing decisions made. And finally explain why this is, as is being taken for granted by apparently everybody, something that is so fucking complicated that no American company could possibly do this sort of work. I know we're not too bright heresee recent election returns if not convincedbut maybe with a little training we could at least handle our ports the same way we control our own airports. Tell the American people that we're selling the operations of O'Hare, JFK, LAX and ATL to a foreign countrybetter yet, one that was the home of two of the 9-11 hijackers and financier of many of the rest and see what kind of reaction you get. Don't plan on escaping by air. Preview: "This. This is a civil war!" It turns out the gang at Think Progress posted to their blog about a Sunday "moment of Zen" before I even saw it, but said moment cannot pass without mention. We were smack in the middle of ABC This Week's "round table" when this exchange concerning the situation in Iraq transpired: George Stephanopoulos, boyish host: What does civil war look like? Compound that with Bill Kristol's assertion that the "[w]e have not had a serious 3-year effort to fight a war In Iraq" and the mummified remains of William F. Buckley unexpectedly declaring US failure in Iraq, and think: are the mandarins of the right throwing Bush and/or the Neocons overboard, or issuing the talking points to prepare the way for Bush to "redeploy" US forces presently in Iraqor perhaps both? Meet the Press: Sen. John Warner (R-VA), Rep. Peter King (R-NY), and Arnold (R-CA) Something terrible is happening to me. This is the third TV show I've watched in the last month: first, Face the Nation, then the Olympics, now Press the Meat I can just feel my neurons shriveling up But, duty calls! What are a few million brain cells compared to Corrente readers' need to know? Timmeh frames PortGate as an "uproar" in which "the President stands firm." (Hat tip, Peter Daou, for "the storyline trumps the story.") And after hearing from Peter King (R-NY) and John Warner (R-VA) on PortGate and Iraq "on the brink of civil war," we'll hear about how it feels to govern California with a 33% approval rating from Arnold (R). Gosh, couldn't Timmeh's bookers find one single Democrat? Our SCLM at work. Or, perhaps, in good kabuki fashion, the black-clad invisible scene-shifting kuroko spirited them all away. Our SCLM at work! PortGate Tim Russert: What's the deal with the 45 day investigation? Summarizing The Republican Talking Points on PortGate, they are: Selling our ports (oh, excuse me, the operation of the ports) is A Good Thing because it
Iraq Clusterfuck Russert: Do you believe Iraq is on brink of civil war? Summarizing The Republican Talking Points on Civil War in Iraq, they are:
Der Gropenführer This portion of our show is not so easy to take down. I confess I used to have a certain affection for Rummy, because his verbal stylings were so classically Rummyesque I know, I know. And I confess to the same feeling watching Arnold. Even though I know Arnold was put into power because those weasels at Enron caused the California power "crisis" by rigging the market, and I just can't imagine what Maria was thinking (was she thinking?) I just can't help admiring the guy for being, well, so classically Arnold-esque. Here is a man who acts according to his true nature (which seems not to have a lot to do with any, erm, fixed system of beliefs, but let that pass). Anyhow, Timmeh frames this one as Arnold "trying to mount a political comeback." Reminds me of that old joke about Taft [faint rimshot] . Russert: So, what's the deal with PortGate? Summarizing Der Der Gropenführer, they are: Standard issue Republican talking points the same as Warner and King Globalization, which is all-important
Whether Arnold has any credibility on points 4 and 5 is, of course, an open question. All in all, an interesting performance by a still-dangerous performer. And if there's a way for him to run for President, he will. Remember that the Republicans have no respect for custom, the laws, or the Constitution, so if they want to find a way to run Arnold, they will. And the press will frame it all as a complicated question, and then ask the Federalist Society for their informed professional opinion. Not that I'm paranoid. The Chris Matthews Show: Norah O'Donnell, Dana Milbank, Terry Neal, Amy Sullivan First Topic: Portgate Norah O'Donnell, who mostly batted her giant eyelids and displayed her in-depth knowledge of what Republicans in DC are thinking, echoed the Wingnuttosphere's sentiment that the biggest scandal is that Bush misunderestimated the public's reaction to the news coming out. He is infallible after all, what gives? "Off-base" as in Political Base, "tone deaf", "Harriet Miers Moment" were some of the terms she used to describe the White House's handling of Portgate. Chris "Tweety" Matthews was a Good Republican and forced the Race Card talking point on the conversation at least three times. Even though the panelists dismissed it instantly and moved on to other subjects. But that didn't stop Tweety. Isn't this just an "Anti Ay-rab thing?" He did use the redneck pronunciation, perhaps for effect, perhaps he is one at heart. Amy Sullivan from Washington Monthly was never afraid to "break up the flow" by disagreeing with the other panelists and making strong points. I wonder if she will ever be asked back. Nice black stilettos, by the way. She said there is a reason the port issue is resonating with the public: Bush and the GOP have been pushing fear and "security" issues relentlessly. So it's only right that the Dems highlight Portgate. Tweety: so the Dems are saying "Whether we're right or wrong on this issue we're gonna hit em." Way to frame it, dude. Wow. What must it feel like for Beltway Dems to embody a running joke for the media? Don't they ever get tired of it? Norah brought up what I think is another fake talking point, that Portgate is ripping the Republican party apart. I'll believe it when I see GOP congresspeople voting to override Bush's veto. It will never come to that in a million years. They will work out a deal, but in the meantime the GOP congresscritters can play to the base by looking like they're not taking orders from Bush. Tweety: I'm going back to the ethnic
What if it had been a Belgian company? Out of nowhere Tweety interjected that the Democrats have put their brains together and are working on a plan to pull 80,000 troops out of Iraq by the end of the year. Really? First I've heard of it. Coming from Matthews it's hard to tell if it's disinformation or not. Not to be constrained by an actual discussion, Tweety ended the segment with a video clip of Schumer denying the Race Card Talking Point followed by, get this, Matt Freaking Damon in a clip from Syriana. Tweety's point (an adjunct to the Race Card meme) being that the critics of the port deal are making the same mistake Matt Damon made in the video clip: he was "putting down the wrong Arabs" It's a Tweety Jedi mind trick: "these aren't the Ay-rabs you're looking for". Second Topic: Abortion Ban in South Dakota Tweety referenced a poll saying that 66% vs. 25% of Americans are against overturning Roe v. Wade. Tweety: the Republicans are jubilant! Amy Sullivan: not so much. "I doubt anyone's doing cartwheels in the White House". South Dakota is one of reddest states in the country. As the poll showed, their feelings are not shared by the nation as a whole. "This is the dirty Secret of republican politics", they must appear to be trying to outlaw abortion, but it is not in their strategy to succeed because (the poll again) there would be a backlash from the majority of Americans who are not fundie abortion nutballs. This is pretty one of the big points "What's the Matter With Kansas" makes. I doubt if anyone has ever raised it on Matthews show before, or will do so ever again. Dana Milbank: The GOP strategy is to chip away at the right to abortion in little pieces to prevent the backlash that would occur if it were outlawed in one fell swoop. Like partial birth abortion. Tell Me Something I Don't Know Segment Most of the panelists were boring, but Norah dropped the "bombshell" that Ken Mehlman (Chair of the Republican National Committee) has announced he will help McCain fundraise. Tweety added that Terry McAuliffe (former head of the Democratic National Committee) is in, too. Wha? Closing Monologue: The Global Pinball Machine Tweety ends the show with a bizarre swipe at blogs complete with footage of an out of control pinball machine. And as an example of blogs he has a screen capture of Michelle Malkin's page and a blog I've never heard of "Random Thots" (sic). Feel a little jumpy these days? I knew that you would. He brings up the furor over the anti-Muslim cartoons and the outrage over Portgate, subliminally equating the two by putting them together as examples of a grave threat to civilization. Where did the uproar come from? It came from heat-seeking radio talk types and quick-to-burn bloggers who spread the word, and the anger. First, the WaPo calls bloggers Naked Savages, now, according to Tweety, we're the Human Torch from the Fantastic 4. We've managed to wire the world electronically. But in the process we've wired the world politically. So we're stuck in a global pinball machine, where the smallest slight can bounce from one end of the earth to the next, flashing lights, ringing bells, and maybe, in one of these games, causing the whole global table to tilt. An open, global exchange of information by actual people via the Internets. The Horror! We're all doomed! This Week: Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), Sen. Carl Levin (D-MI), and the Round Table Once again my first one (long, detailed, with links, people's names spelled right, etc.) got eaten on trying to save, so this is gonna be Short and To the Point. You there, in the back, applaudingdon't make me call Security on your ass! McCain: This fuss about the Ports is a distraction from the big things we should be talking about, like IRAN's NUKES! And riots in Nigeria and terrorist attacks on Saudi facilities. And did I mention IRAN'S NUKES! And those who object to Dubai running our ports are just a bunch of stinky racists. "Dubai is freer than China" was a phrase I kept hearing, it seems to be a Rove Talking Point ® this week. You should all shut up about objections to Dubai running our ports because Dubai has our collective national balls in their lockboxes because they let us have military and air bases there which are Vital to the War on Terra. And also if we piss them off they, and the rest of the Arab World, will disinvest from the American economy which would be Bad. [Ed. note: He got through this whole discourse without ever once mentioning Our Godawful Trade Deficit. This proves he is a Great Geopolitical Thinker and should be the next Republican nominee for president.] Iraq is Coming Along but will Take Time because they Have Problems. Talk of US withdrawal is Foolish because that's what Al Qaeda Wants Us To Do. They (al Q) don't care about Iraq, they don't care about Saudi Arabia, they want to Destroy the West. [Ed. Note: Yeah, he's probably right on this point, but it seems that our present strategy is to destroy ourselves first so as to save Osama the trouble. But I intrude on the Great Thinker here.] Mistakes Were Made [not sure if he was talking Iraq or the Hamas election here but it hardly matters] but We Must Prevail. Carl Levin: This "45 day investigation" is not just a good idea, It's The Law. [Kinda like seat belts, eh?] After the 45 days of investigation there has to be a report, Congress must [do something; I think he said "Congress must approve" any ruling from the investigating body but I didn't hear him say that any actual vote would be taken, or by whom]. Levin said that "Even Karl Rove" said that the deal can't go through before the 45-day thing happens. This of course, if true, means that Our Highest Executive Official has spoken. On Dubai specifically, Levin noted that their status as "good guys and Bosom Buddies" is of rather short duration, and they were pretty much bottom-feeding scum suckers before that. Buddies of the Taliban, trans-shippers of the nuclear-weapons materials of [our other new Bosom Buddies] Pakistan's AQ Khan, home of 2 of the 911 hijackers, financiers of the others, banker to Al Qaeda, etc. Yeah they spun on a dime after 9-11 and the "you are with us or against us" speech, but that just means they can spin back just as fast. On Iraq: Here Carl threw a marker on the table-we should give the Iraqi elected officials "6-8 weeks" to put together something, anything, that they can call a government or we should start packing our bags for home. A "government of national unity" would be swell but get something on paper NOW or we're booking. There can be no military solutionLevin said he had been told this by "military leaders" but if he named any names I didn't catch itwithout a political solution. When asked if we can intervene in an Iraqi civil war, Levin said, "nope." We can't solve the problem for them. They must create their own nation. Keeping our troops there indefinitely gives them a blank check. Round Table: Victoria "Tori" Clarke [former PR handmaiden to SecDef Rumsfeld, now hawking a book]; EJ Dionne, [token "liberal" which he isn't very]; Fareed Zakaria [who I used to think was One of the Good Guys before the war, as he was wildly against it; but these days, not so much][looked very haggard this week, don't know if he's unwell, jet lagged or what. But he's still, IMHO, hot] [Xan wipes drool from chin, keyboard] and George Will [who is fading into near irrelevance these days, and surprisingly seems to realize it]: Tori's pitch was that the Higher Levels of the executive branch blew the PR on the ports deal because of a "different information environment." They should have had "greater awareness" of what the Committee of Low-level Flunkies In Charge of Letting Foreigners Buy Up America was doing. [As best I can tell this is a Reverse Outrage Fatigue argument they're trying here. We complain of being unable to follow up on each particular way they're fucking us over because the scandals come too thick and furious so now the f$#@ers are trying to use the same complaint? This is Rove-ian in its red-cape-waving, ratf$#@ing way, but it didn't seem to get much traction on this show. Watch for it to show up elsewhere.] There was more but I'm gonna try to save this now because I have to get to work elsewhere and I'm tired. Hillary Clinton and George Will both got in some good licks in this segment [bet you never expected to read THAT line, didja?] and I will do an Update about it if opportunity presents.
Gene Gaudette is a music and video producer, managing partner of a production company, and publisher/ringmaster/chief bottle washer of American Politics Journal. | ||||
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