Jeff Koopersmith

Goofball Preznit, Goofball Press
By Jeff Koopersmith

April 16, 2004 -- WASHINGTON (apj.us) -- I don't know if you watched President Bush's speech-cum-press-conference on Tuesday evening, but it was even more hilarious than usual -- so much so that I'm still seeing news coverage of it on Friday. Andrew Kurtzman, the political reporter for the local CBS affiliate in New York, just tore the disappointing little display of three nights ago to shreds.

But he didn't report the one aspect of the story that you should all be aware of: the White House press corps is yet petrified to ask our President anything that even appears as a penetrating question.

Talk about softball. Mr. Bush could have been nailed to the cross by any number of reporters in the East Room – but none dared try. Think they're just watching out for the paychecks?

You betcha.

That aside, here are the more side-splitting comments made by George DumbBellYou during his near-neurotic comments to the gaggle.

• The President claimed that something "INSTICATED" something else.
• He made up another word: "INATED."
• He pronounced United Nations "UNI-ED NATIONS" at least three times.
• He mentioned "SECRETARY OF STATE (oops!) Donald Rumsfeld" and did not
  correct himself.
• He claimed (rightfully) that "[w]e lost an ally in Baghdad" - a Freudian slip?
• He made the case that he had purposely caused a situation in Iraq from
  which we cannot extricate ourselves – yet he never took credit it, or blame.
• He was worried about "SUICIDERS."
• He made this brilliant statement about Iraq: "A country that hides things is a country that's afraid of being caught." Huh?
• He made the insightful comment about Iraqis: "They are not happy, they are occupied."
• He was "Sad for those who lost their life."
• He made up the word: "WHAN-N'T"
• He made the statement: "Nobody likes to see dead people on their 6 PM television screens."
• As for the missing Weapons of Mass Destruction, he said despairingly: "They could still be there."
• He referred to our actions in the Iraq and the Middle East as things. "We have been 'called' to do……."

Called? By whom, or what?

By God, I assume.

Only in America kids, only in America.

JEFF KOOPERSMITH is a political consultant, opinion research authority, policy analyst, and self-described "renegade lobbyist."