Flush twice... it's a long way to Sally Quinn's place!

Pundit Pap for March 30, 2003
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War Spin!
Rummy is on the retreat, Myers steps up to the plate
by JJ Balzer

March 30, 2003, 2 PM EST -- NEW YORK (apj.us) -- The ongoing "Operation Saturation Coverage of War in Iraq" media onslaught has given political junkies one maddening consequence -- or delightful collateral consequence, depending on one's taste in Sunday morning entertainment: some of the "political" talk shows found themselves in new and unexpected time slots.

On the one hand, it made today's job a little bit tougher -- on the other, the big "marquee" guest was Joint Chiefs Chairman Gen. Richard Myers, with War Secretary Don Rumsfeld relegated to only a couple a few appearances. We knew Rummy would be on the defensive following the journalistic battering he took from Reuters about ignoring the advice of actual military officers in the Pentagon and the Washington Post's Vernon Loeb, who fingered Rummy for "diluting" troop strength in Iraq.

Before the "official" Sunday shows, CNN showed Rummy walking into one of the networks' Washington studios -- and immediately talking about General Tommy Franks.

Ah-ha! So that would be his gambit: prattle on about Franks' role in the planning of "Operation Take Down That Evildoer Osama... er, Saddam" and while saying things were on schedule make any "delays" in a quick victory sound like HIS fault. This would also provide plenty of diversionary cover for a gaggle of "cakewalk chickenhawks,' most notably Richard "Global Crossing" Perle, Paul "Kill 'Em All" Woflowitz and Ken "Slappy" Adelman. Heck, everyone who's following the wall-to-wall war porn on cable news knows who Franks is, and since he's in direct charge, let the buck stop with him! Don't want Rummy -- not to mention George Junior -- to look bad, now, would we?

And so the war spin began...

This Leak
Another Blustering Performance by Dr. Strange-Feld

Players:
George Stephanopoulos
Donald Rumsfeld, grouchy Secretary of War who has had it -- I said had it -- with all the niggling, nattering press criticism of Operation Get Your War On!

We opted to watch the first half of ABC's Sunday show since Rummy was the guest. Steph went pretty easy on him, all factors considered. Steph started the interview by mentioning two war incidents: a truck careening into and injuring nine soldiers, and a car bomb that killed four American soldiers yesterday. Rummy gave a meandering response -- including mention that CNN's Christiane Amanpour talked to two would-be Iraqi suicide bombers that decided not to bomb for Saddam, and some Islamic religious leaders issuing fatwas ordering the faithful not to support Saddam.

And Rummy, of course, touted the "successes" of the war early on: the US controls northern Iraq and the oil fields in the south, controls the air, and has Saddam "in hiding". Rummy thinks that the Republican Guard will provide the toughest fights and then talked about the "death squads" forcing Iraqis to fight for Saddam or die.

And Rummy said the war has been going on nine days (hold it -- it's eleven!), and it's just no fair to do "postmortems." (Well, the fact that people are pointing out that the war is no cakewalk is not exactly a 'post-mortem" in that the war is not dead yet, Rummy -- care to grasp for another metaphor?)

Steph challenged Rummy on current troop strength and reports that it is inadequate, and Rummy used his stock spin: he and his War Department cohorts consulted with Gen. Tommy Franks and decided on the present strength. "Franks sat down and did the planning... it is HIS plan." (But that doesn't answer the question -- did you provide enough troops for the plan -- or did he change it because you insisted on less troops?)

The implication of Rummy's comment was clear: "Blame Franks." The fact: more people than Rummy imagines read newspapers and know better -- it was Rumsfeld himself who insisted on less manpower.

Steph had mentioned an article by Sy Hersh in New Yorker; he also cited Vernon Lowe's piece in the Washington Post focusing on resupply snafus. Rummy went so far as to call these vetted, sourced stories "fiction."

Got something to hide, Rummy?

Now, there's no question that Rumsfeld is one of the brighter guys in Smirk's circle of handlers -- but he tends to do one of two things: unequivocally deny allegations that make him look as if he made a big mistake, or give rambling, convoluted, non-sequitur-laced answers to direct questions -- with a tone of hysteria in his voice.

And Rummy did the latter as Steph pressed him on the lack of progress on the ground war, citing 1991's "Operation Desert Storm" and the effort to secure Kuwaiti oil fields. (Okay, so we secured the oil fields in the South -- what about the WMDs, Rummy?)

Steph also used an article to blast the military for being too careful about "collateral damage" and avoiding targets such as Iraqi TV. Huh? Steph sounded like he was lusting for a body count -- and gave Rummy a chance at acting as if he is avoiding loss of innocent life. But then Steph mentioned some bombs that have gone astray -- including one that Iraqi sources claim killed over 50 people. Rummy was at a loss, going off on a tangent about Iraq's inability to shoot down our planes.

Rummy then talked about Iraqi civilians tipping off coalition troops about the location of "death squads" -- which just served as a reminder that while we are, as Rummy said, fifty miles from Baghdad, the going is VERY slow.

Steph than brought up the issue of NO chemical or biological weapons having been found -- and Rummy went off on a tangent about what we control, then claimed that the WMDs are in Tikrit and Baghdad, and there are "dozens" of WMD-related locations. (Right -- like the one southwest of Baghdad that was supposedly a chemical weapons plant that turned out to have NO evidence of chemical weapons.)

Will we be there six months from now? Rummy sighed, and said the war will end with "the Iraqi people liberated." Rummy sounded tired, cranky and -- well, a little defeated.

ABC showed its continuing inability to get marquee guests (unless offered by Team Smirk) with their next guest, election thief James Baker III. We grabbed the remote and switched over to the Cartoon Network.

McLaugh-In
The encounter session is back!

The usual players: John McLaughlin, Pat Buchanan, Eleanor Clift, Tony Blankley, Larry O'Donnell

We missed the first minute of McLaugh-In, but tuned in just in time for Pat Buchanan to say in his most emphatic (and somewhat panicky) voice the Iraq mess is "no quagmire" -- but admit it would take time. Eleanor Clift said that we will have a military victory -- but we are losing the political and diplomatic war and there is a possibility of a so-called peace that amounts to an urban guerilla war. Tony Blankley was interrupted by John saying that Richard Perle and Paul Wolfowitz talked about a "cakewalk" -- which gave Tony a chance to say some journalists were overexcited. Larry said that the "cakewalk" talk was a means for the Bunnypants Administration to draw support from allies. (Right, Larry -- and we all know how well that gambit worked.)

John played a clip of Rummy murmuring something -- and Eleanor blasted Team Smirk for not putting a real dollar figure on the cost of this Iraq adventure.

John then implied that the aftermath could be messier than Vietnam -- and Pat fears that if things go wrong, there will be a public call to get out of Iraq.

John mentioned Gen. Wallace's scathing comment toward the end of the week that the Iraqi forces being engaged are not the ones they took on in war games! Larry said that this is reminiscent of McNamara's missteps in Vietnam, and Tony angrily tried to spin Wallace as supportive of the Smirk military strategy. Much yelling and wringing of hands ensued (and lately, there's been more hollering than usual on McLaugh-In). Pat started bellowing about stretched supply lines -- and everyone else started screaming. Eleanor said the Joint Chiefs recommended TWICE the troops Rummy wanted. Tony whined and yelled, saying that Rummy sent a quarter million troops.

John actually pointed out that there is a humanitarian crisis in Iraq (he sounded like a regular Albert Schweitzer for a brief moment) -- and Larry was dismissive of Rummy's mumblings to the contrary. Pat argued that Iraqis -- notably Shiites -- will not rise up until Saddam's gone, and agreed with Eleanor -- the more we crush civilians, the more it helps Saddam.

When will Baghdad be taken?
Pat: Could be May 1, by May 15th.
Eleanor: A couple months.
Tony: I don't know. Aside from Pat: The cities will be pounded -- Saddam wants to turn Baghdad into Beirut circa 1982. John and Pat started screaming about American troops.
Larry: American soldiers will be shot at all the time in Baghdad, along the lines of what happened to British troops during the occupation of Belfast.
John: It's impossible to tell.

Why no uprising against Saddam among the Shiites and Kurds? John said it could be the failure of the US to support uprisings back in 1991. Eleanor called the situation "criminal" and explained that the current administration does not understand the culture (or, more accurately, the cultures and Yugoslavia-like ethno-cultural layout) of Iraq -- US forces, she said, are not being welcomed as liberators. Larry slammed Bush Daddy for declaring the war over early and walking away.

How resistant are Iraqi resistance troops to Pentagon planners? Pat said they want us to help them get rid of Saddam, but John said that's not what they are telling local press. Eleanor rated their resistance at 8.5 -- Tony and Larry at 3 -- and John at "over 8."

John then played Tony Blair saying there had to be "reckoning" of diplomatic accounts between the US and European states after the Iraq war is over. John suggested that many feel Smirk must pay a diplomatic price for the war against Iraq, and Pat said Chirac will pay a price! John mocked Pat's isolationist stance. Do Bush and Blair see eye-to-eye on mending these relations? Pat and Eleanor both said no -- and Eleanor said Blair has the more realistic world view. John observed that Smirk sees America as the sole superpower -- and everyone else had best get in line (how true).

Predictions

Pat: Perle will resign (he did just before McLaugh-In started taping) -- and the ENTIRE Defense Policy Board will be investigated by Congress.
Eleanor: Saddam will be allowed to flee Iraq.
Tony: Smirk will get a half-trillion dollar tax cut.
Larry: He won't -- the Senate limits will prevail.
John: There will be no draft.

John had a final word paying tribute to Pat Moynihan -- and the entire panel praised him.

Deface the Nation
Joint Chief Spinner Myers is on message!

Players: Bob Schieffer
Gen. Richard Myers
CBS correspondent David Martin

Bob Schieffer began Face the Nation by saying that there was a report that the Third Infantry Division is "moving on Baghdad" (which tempted us to take a peek at CNN to see what sort of war porn they were showing) -- but Gen. Myers cautioned that we are applying pressure to Iraqi forces and "we will have to see when the major push comes."

David Martin said ground forces are fighting the Revolutionary Guard (IRG); Myers said armed reconnaissance units are fighting and they will keep the pressure on the IRG. In a semi-redundant question, Martin asked if the ground war against the IRG has begun (oh, please -- there are more important issues to address, David). Schieffer asked Myers to assess the status of the IRG, and Myers said some units have had their equipment destroyed, and some are infantry operating in the field -- but we are the better force and we can afford to be patient. How much have they been degraded, asked Schieffer -- by half? A third? Myers said that has to be judged on a unit-by-unit basis, but altogether their capabilities have been diminished by half -- though his most loyal forces are still ready for a fight.

"What about Saddam Hussein?" Myers said we haven't seen Saddam or his sons live on TV -- while the US operated with impunity across Iraq. Is there any coordination of these IRG units or are the "freelancing"? Myers sees some coordination -- but there's no sign that Saddam's calling the shots. It will be hard to completely cut off communications between whoever is running the show and military forces -- but how enthusiastic they will be to defend Baghdad remains to be seen.

Myers did flog the successes of the campaign, notably the prevention of an environmental disaster in Iraq's oil fields. Myers also said there has yet to be a major blow against American forces by Iraq. Myers' main message; this will take time and we'll take Iraq one step at a time.

Will the suicide bombing change tactics? Myers said it would -- there will have to be more caution in dealing with civilians, and the military can protect their own from attacks.

Schieffer then pressed Myers about generals disagreeing with top DOD civilians and Rummy "meddling" with war plans. If things are going so well, why the criticism -- and why is nobody taking credit for major victory? This question put Myers in a spot -- and he gave the best and most obvious spin: it's Franks' plan! (Well, we know that Myers and Rummy are on message today.) Myers said he is the top military advisor to the President -- and from his "perspective" the Iraq war plan is "on track." (In other words, it's not a walkover and there are no stunning victories or failures, and this is going to be a potentially LONG war.)

Schieffer asked Myers what exactly exploded yesterday in a Baghdad marketplace -- and Myers said he was not sure. (Hmmm -- how "not sure"?) Martin asked Myers about whether there is intelligence that the IRG plans to use chemical weapons once we cross a so-called "red line." Myers said they have the capability to use them, including aircraft equipped to spray weapons (which doesn't quite answer the question about whether they have usable chemical weapons). Are reports of unloading of large barrels of chemicals true? Myers implied that it may be -- and ticked off a list of the evidence, including chemical suits in hospitals.

How many POWs is Iraq holding? Myers wants the International Red Cross in for a look, and does not have a specific number. Martin asked about suspected WMD sites -- have their been any significant findings? Myers talked about documents and a laptop, and signs that Al Qaeda had been in the north possible producing poisons (but, oddly, there was no mention of any links between Saddam and Al Qaeda -- probably because the lack of such link is best left unsaid).

Schieffer then turned to that little problem of perception -- we are NOT seen as liberators. Myers said that the US wants to be out of there soon but also insure there is no ethnic fighting. (Well, that's a bit of a problem. Good luck on getting both.) There is fear in Iraq because of Saddam, and it will help the US when it is clear Saddam's regime is gone forever. (But will that help stop ethnic fighting in a post-Saddam Iraq? Don't count on it.)

There was a lot of talk toward the end as to whether there were sufficient forces to complete the job of overthrowing Saddam. Myers, naturally, said yes -- but was pressed by Schieffer about specifics and timing of their deployment.

All in all, Myers' answers were quite a bit less than satisfying -- in fact, they are strong reason for pessimism about the emerging quagmire in Iraq.

JJ Balzer is a former television news producer. He lives in New York City.