More UN Trouble Ahead?
by Steve Young

Mar. 14, 2003 -- LOS ANGELES (apj.us) -- A new candidate for the Axis of Evil list is the burgeoning nation of Terrorists Who Have Weapons of Mass Destruction, Hate Everything America Stands For and Have Just Purchased a Shitload Of Plutonium Which If We Don't Use It Against The People of the United States Ourselves Are Willing To Sell It To Any Wackjob Named Osama.

Questioned about the threat posed by Terrorists Who Have Weapons of Mass Destruction, Hate Everything America Stands For and Have Just Purchased a Shitload Of Plutonium Which If We Don't Use It Against The United States Ourselves Are Willing To Sell It To Any Wackjob Named Osama, Secretary of Defense Don Rumsfeld said that the Administration has their eye of the situation.

"In fact," said Don, "we're thinking very seriously of having President Bush call them on the phone. Of course, that is a last resort."

In a hastily called press conference, President Bush was asked why Terrorists Who Have Weapons of Mass Destruction, Hate Everything America Stands For and Have Just Purchased a Shitload Of Plutonium Which If We Don't Use It Against America Ourselves Are Willing To Sell It To Any Wackjob Named Osama isn't considered more of a threat than Iraq.

"For twelve years Saddam Hussein has ignored the United Nations edict to disarm and has even gassed his own people," said Bush.

When the not-called-on Helen Thomas shouted, "But Mr. President. Terrorists Who Have Weapons of Mass Destruction, Hate Everything America Stands For and Have Just Purchased a Boatload Of Plutonium Which If We Don't Use It Against America Ourselves Are Willing To Sell It To Any Wacko Named Osama have not only killed their own people, but are threatening to kill those peoples' pets," the President was more strident than ever.

"For twelve years Saddam Hussein has ignored the United Nations edict to disarm and has even gassed his own people," said the noticeably agitated President.

When asked about the previous day's photo-op on the White House lawn with the Girl Scouts of America, the noticeably groggy Bush stated "For twelve years Saddam Hussein has ignored the United Nations edict to disarm and has even gassed his own people,"

In another potentially damaging blow to the Bush Administration's garnering of the necessary votes to invade Iraq, was the election of Third World nuisance, I Couldn't Give A Good Shit About The Facts, I'm Voting Against Anything Those American Imperialist Bastards Bring Up For A Vote, to chair the UN's Human Rights committee.

In what regular UN observers called somewhat unorthodox for the usually upbeat, Secretary of State Colin Powell lamented, "We're f*cked."

Steve Young is really an award-winning TV writer, author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" (Tallfellow Press) and director/writer of "My Dinner With Ovitz" (http://www.greatfailure.com).