The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Tamara Scans the Headlines
by Tamara Baker

Feb. 5, 2003 -- SAINT PAUL, MINNESOTA (APJP) -- Yes, Virginia, this is the Bizarro World.

Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength, Giving the Poor's Money to the Rich is "Stimulus", Lockouts-cum-Coup-Attempts are "Strikes", and Invading without Pretext is "Noble".

In keeping with the topsy-turvy nature of things, here's the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly stories that stood out in my viewing the news today.

The Good: After two months, Coup Attempt Number Two (aka the lockout that the bosses called a "strike") against Venezuela's elected President Hugo Chavez has fizzled out, leaving Chavez in a much stronger position than he was two months ago.

Chavez was able to keep the loyalty of both the army and the masses, even as Venezuela's corporate media rooted for its oil-garchic owners (who are, of course, buddies with Bush and Cheney). Even better for Chavez: He was able to fire the coup adherents among the oil technicians, and replace them with loyal employees who have rapidly learned their new jobs, and learned them so well that Venezuela, which wasn't exporting any oil six weeks ago, will be back at full production by March.

So much for the good news -- and it's very good indeed. But meanwhile...

The Bad: Will someone please tell Richard Perle to can the gawddammed Ollie North imitation? I mean, really: what gives Perle the authority to make France part of the Axis of Evil?

Not since Lt. Col. North was telling the Joint Chiefs of Staff what to do has someone of such light rank or official status been able to speak /ex cathedra/ for the persons occupying the White House. Poor Colin Powell will be awfully surprised to hear that he's not the Secretary of State any more, and that Dickie Perle's got his job. Colin's got his hands full trying to state with a straight face that Saddam has WMD and is working hand-in-glove with Al-Quaeda.

Which brings me to...

The Ugly: British Intelligence officials, alarmed at the mad rush to invade Iraq, have quietly gone around Tony "Poodle Boy" Blair's back and have leaked the truth to the BBC: there are no links between Al Qaeda and Saddam. Period.

It seems that, back in the day, Iraq and Al Qaeda did try to talk with one another, but since the two groups are almost diametrically opposed politically and culturally -- Al Qaeda is most emphatically hard-core conservative Muslim, whereas Iraq is second only to Turkey in its secularization -- the talks didn't get very far, and now both parties hate each other with a passion.

Why do I rate this as an "ugly" story?

Because, dear reader, you know as well as I do that this story will never make the evening news. Heck, it'll be lucky not to get buried on Page Z48 in the newspapers. That's what's so ugly.