Election DIS-Patch
Game Day in (Oh, No!) New York
by Dave "Doctor" Gonzo

Nov. 5, 2002, 6:55 PM EST -- NEW YORK (APJP) -- This really stinks.

This really, really stinks.

You have no idea how much this stinks.

The Doc is sitting on the couch in his highly fortified apartment compound in Manhattan. Krysztyna has just handed him a large cup of very hot mint tea. He can't taste it at all -- hr has both a head cold and some kind of lower intestinal bug.

Yes, Game Day fans, yours truly has been feeling like hell warmed over since the weekend, with roughly the same energy as that of a freshly salted garden slug

He was supposed to be in a Las Vegas today, celebrating "Game Day" with Krysztyna, Stiggs, "the Vulcan" and a few friends from California.

Instead, he's feeling the wrath of some nameless microbes and making Krysztyna's existence miserable, although she'd be that last to admit it.

He's wearing a bathrobe. That wouldn't be such a bad thing if it had the Bellagio logo on it.

So here yours truly sits -- CNN on one monitor, MSNBC on another, the CBS Evening News on the big screen, the iBook of Love in my lap, and a big cup of tea he can't even taste.

It doesn't get much worse than this.

But there are a few things to feel good about.

First, a picture seems to be emerging based on what The Doc has seen on the two cable news channels. Now, it's no secret to regular viewers (and APJ readers) that the big, ugly corporate media seems to be strongly biased toward the Republican National Committee in their coverage, tone, and preference of guest "experts".

Their attitude all afternoon has been telegraphing two things: irritation that the Democrats are going to snatch so many governors' seats from the jaws of the Republican Party, and an uncomfortable sense that the Democrats might - just might - grab a seat or two in the U.S. Senate.

Second, The Doc was actually laughing long and hard at the "big news" from CNN at 6PM EST -- Voter News Service, the "geniuses" that bollixed projections in 2000, announced that they had given an vote of no confidence to their projection analysis system and would base projections ONLY on actual vote results from key precincts. Poor Jeff "Red State" Greenfield looked absolutely shocked as he related the news.

Third, about twenty minutes ago, The Doc was IM'ed by Stiggs:

So I opened my mail...

hi doc --

well, here it is -- my final point spread on the Senate races.

go ahead and get it out to your readers with the usual disclaimers (all "point spreads" in percentage points between the winner and runner-up, either rounded DOWN to the nearest percentage point or expressed as "less than one percent"; provided for the information and entertainment of APJ readers; does not reflect odds posted at any licensed gambling facilities on the planet; betting on elections is illegal in most jurisdictions including those where gambling is permitted; does not constitute an endorsement of gambling).

Arkansas: Pryor (D) beats Hutchinson (R) by 2 -- looks like Drudge's smear had zero effect -- and have you noticed he removed it from his home page?
Minnesota: Mondale (D) wins over Coleman (R) by 3
South Carolina: This one really gets me down, Doc -- that sleaze weasel Graham (R) defeats Sanders (D) by 5
Colorado: Strickland (D) beats Allard (R) by less than 1
Missouri: Talent (R) beats Carnahan (D) by less than 1
South Dakota: Johnson (D) defeats Thune (R) by 1
Georgia: Cleland (D) edges out that priss Chambliss (R) by less than 1
New Hampshire: Shaheen (D) beats Sununu (R) by 2, with help from Smith
Tennessee: Lamar! (R!) by 6
Iowa: Harkin (D) beats up Ganske (R) by 3
New Jersey: Lautenberg (D) bitch-slaps Forrester (R) by 6 -- I want to see that lying sumvabeeyatch's concession speech
Texas: Cornyn (R) beats Kirk (D) by 2 -- but Kirk scores far better than expected with Hispanics
Louisiana: Landrieu tonight by 2, but with less than 50%; Landrieu will win the runoff by 2
North Carolina: You may not believe this -- but Bowles (D) edges Dole (R) in a shocker

do the math -- that's a net GAIN for Dems

feel better -- drink a lot of coffee if you can hold it down -- I'm having an Ommegang for you

stiggs

This Game Day is beginning to look interesting...

8:30PM -- The Doc is feeling better.-- a lot better.

Why, you ask?

Well, the folks at CNN and MSNBC are looking a bit haggard trying to project winners without VNS. At 8:21, Candy Crowley called the Florida governors' race for Jeb Bush -- but using the network's unproved"SureVote" system. Bill "Pretty Boy" Hemmer claimed that the race "turned" during a debate a couple weeks back when the sleazy brother of that usurper in the Oval Office challenged Bill McBride on how his education plan would be financed.

Oh, really, Bill -- so intimidating black voters, confusing computerized voting machines, and the removal of nearly 100,000 voters by Bush crony ChoicePoint -- most of whom have been erroneously stripped from the rolls -- had NOTHING to do with it?

Crikey! When is this cute face -- heck, when is ANY serious journalist -- going to look into racially-based vote suppression in Jebbie KKKrow's Gulag?

At 8:25, CNN called New Jersey for Frank Lautenberg -- a full 25 minutes after our local CBS affiliate called it.

9:25PM -- How do you bury -- and I mean bury -- a very embarrassing, very high-profile resignation if you are the Chimp-in-Chief?

Simple... accept the resignation on Game Day as some of the most volatile races are being called.

Harvey Pitt has handed His Fraudulence his resignation. The final nail in Fat Harv's coffin was the naming of William Webster to oversee auditing fraud -- when it turns out the Webster was up to his neck in an accounting scandal at defense contractor United Technologies (or, as The Doc called it in his Connecticut college days, "United Deathnologies").

Well, a number of news sources are giving the North Carolina Senate seat to Liddy Dole -- but they're also calling the Illinois Governor race for Rod Blagojevich. No big surprises there. MSNBC thinks we won't know what's going on in the Arkansas Senate race for a VERY long time; the same looks to be true in Colorado.

10:30PM -- It's not shaping up as a great night for Dems in the Senate -- CNN just called New Hampshire for Sununu using their new projection process.

But it is getting very interesting in the state houses. Republicans are falling left and right. Jim Richardson is the new governor of New Mexico.

And there is talk of trouble in Arkansas -- polls remained open for two extra hours in Pulaski County when, for some reason, polling stations ran out of ballots and Democrats obtained an emergency injunction, and the RNC has made no secret that it will challenge all votes cast after the original closing time.

Now, tell me this -- how in the world can polling places run out of ballots? It's beginning to smell an awful lot like Florida in Pulaski County.

CNN just called New York for Pataki. Judy Woodruff made sure to bring up a "scandal" the entire state ignored -- McCall writing letters to help someone get a job on state stationery.

Funny how she forgets to mention Pataki's many scandals, most notably a patronage scandal and the naming of an anti-choice bigot to a CUNY policy-making board. Maybe she just never heard.

Jeb Bush is talking about getting third-graders to read. How about making sure that kids in the protection of the state of Florida stay alive in the first place? He rails against abortion -- but after the kid is born, well, what should he care?

November 6, 2002 -- 1:20 AM -- So it looks as if the GOP just might gain a seat in the Senate.

They shouldn't count on it. Why, you ask? One simple word: Chafee.

The Doc just caught a few minutes of Bill Maher on CNN with the massively overrated (and, need The Doc remind you, biased) Larry King. King made a comment in which he said, "Democrats are holding up" the Homeland Reich-und-Vaterland Bill, and Maher fired back at King, reminding him that the employees would not have civil service protection. Maher also blasted Democrats for not going after Chimpy W's woefully inadequate response to September 11th.

It's no wonder the wrongwingers chased Maher and "Politically Incorrect" from ABC -- Maher isn't afraid to call it as he sees it. You can hear the barely concealed contempt for the Smirkster in every comment he made on CNN tonight -- but also his frustration with Democrats who can't seem to get their message across.

But Maher should know that it's easy to distract most people. Serial Snipers. Saddam. You expect them to think about how the Texas wrecking crew has trashed the economy when the media goes along with the Ari Fleischer-Roger Ailes-Tim Russert playbook?

It's about time Democrats stop playing by the rules. It's about time, as my main man BartCop says, that they dump the pink tutus -- and sharpen the shivs. It's about time that they start calling His Fraudulence and Big Time Cheney on all of their lies -- and yes, they should wield the two "L" words in 200-point letters: "Liars" for the Prince George Administration, "liberals" for the progressive wing of the Democratic Party.

And it's about time they start challenging television's political press mandarins on their agenda and pound home the key points:

The economy has been tanked by the administration's irresponsible tax givebacks to the rich and out-of-control corporate crooks who resisted reforms Clinton pushed that would have kept big businesses honest stabilized the market and protected small investors.

Privatization is a failure, time and time again -- and far more expensive than well-regulated public programs, whether it's Social Security or airport security.

The proper response to the Al Qaeda problem is NOT another big bureaucracy -- it's the more more efficient use of our present resources, but with the Chinese walls torn down and agencies plugged into each other. Nor is the proper response to these criminals the USA PATRIOT Act -- an affront to our most cherished liberties that will be overturned in full or in part at the appellate level. Bank on that, folks. And Stiggs -- set the odds on the PATRIOT Act being overturned by Election Day 2004.

Many races are still up in the air: the Minnesota and Louisiana Senate races. The California Governor's race hasn't been called.

But I'm going to bed.

I'm going to wake up angry -- and so should you.

But I'm also going to wake up happy about one thing: many of the big GOP "victors" come with a burden of unwelcome baggage, everything from niggling hypocritical negatives to outright scandals.

And it's not over -- and even if the GOP declares victory, it may not be over. Watch Chafee -- and other GOPers in the Northeast who have had it with the party's Ol' Dixie wing -- and the idiot who has hijacked 1600 Penn.

So sit tight.

'Nuff said.