American Politics Journal -- Pundit Pap

Pundit Pap
for Sunday, June 16
Get Saddam! FAUX champs at bit for war, war, war; pundits wax nostalgic on Watergate break-in 30th anniversary; Pope Tim hosts Church Chat
by The Pundit Pap Team

June 16, 2002 -- New York/Washington (APJP, updated June 16, 3 PM) -- We've enjoyed a week of gaffes from the now seemingly hapless Smirk Team:

First, there was "Jay-zus" John Ashcroft's high-profile Monday "Live from Moscow" announcement that a dirty bomb plot had been thwarted -- a hugely hyped proclamation that somehow neglected to mention that nothing even remotely approaching carrying out the plot had been started, and downplayed the fact that the alleged plotter -- American citizen and former street gang member turned Al Qaeda 'gangsta" Juan Padilla -- had been arrested a month ago and was being held by military authorities.

Then, there was the matter of a PowerPoint presentation masterminded by Karl Rove being found on a floppy in the street by a Democrat staffer after a White House intern supposedly lost it coming from a presentation.

Finally, there was the matter of the First Doofus making a commencement speech at OSU -- following an announcement by a college official that attendees, particularly graduating students, would be expelled and arrested if they so much as dared to engage in their constitutionally-guaranteed right to political protest.

There was no mention of the latter on any of the Sunday shows -- in fact, there has been an eerie, ominous silence in the media concerning this incident, a moment in history that demonstrates the utter contempt that Boy George and his cabal of fascist handlers have for the constitution and any citizen who is not a big corporate player. The PowerPoint gaffe was briefly discussed on a couple of the talk shows -- but not too much, because after all one does not want to get on Karl Rove's enemies lies (at least yet, while the Bunnypants Administration still calls the shots and other shoes have not yet dropped). And the Padilla arrest? Little talk of that, lots of talk about the threat of weapons of mass destruction.

Over at NBC, Pope Tim Russert morphed Defeat the Press into Church Chat, making the Catholic clergy sex scandal and the bishops' meeting in Dallas his sole topic. Face it -- it was a great way of avoiding any talk that might cast the Goebbels-like Rove, his supposed boss, and the full retinue of Mad Prince George in a negative light. Tim's their whore, and he's getting plenty of use out of those presidential Seal kneepads.

Here's what we did catch:

FAUX News Sunday

The good news: FNS was almost completely Catholic-free.

The better news: guest one was Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle.

Daschle is still too nice by at least six degrees, but this week he did not wear the customary Democratic pink tutu. Tony Snow had "decided" (likely on the direct orders of Roger Ailes and Kim Hume) to make Smirk's new "first strike doctrine" his top issue of the week -- never mind the fact that there's growing infighting and chaos in Bush-land; Daschle, a bit too nicely, said it is his hope that the US "will work in concert with our allies" unless there is absolutely no choice (translation: "Snippy had better watch it with the isolationism, and this latest swipe at Saddam ain't gonna play unless Europe and at least a couple Mideast Arab countries are on board"). Tony conceded that most of our allies oppose action to topple Saddam Hussein; Daschle said that there is global consensus on the need for a regime change there, but the timing and method must be right (translation: "Chimp had better have our allies lined up on this"). Was Daschle in the loop about the Chimp-in-Chief's "finding" (the orders given to the CIA) that put into motion action against Saddam? Yes, said Daschle, and it looks solid (translation: "The reasoning is good, but bigger military action is still out without Congressional support").

Tony then asked Daschle about three Al Qaeda operatives -- all Saudi (we noted that Tony put emphasis on the Saudi spin, as a sure sign that he'd be talking about Saudis a bit more as the segment and show went on); Daschle was critical of the rather anemic level of support from the Saudis in going after Al Qaeda and their financial interests. Tony then turned to a video clip FAUX had picked up from a privately-owned Saudi network in which a very young Arab girl was shown spouting hatred against Jewish people; Daschle, naturally, said it was "disturbing" (we think he should have gone even further in his condemnation). So what should Little Georgie say to the Saudis? Daschle said it's time for the administration to call for more cooperation and ask the Saudi regime put the damper on racist, bigoted propaganda (Daschle sounded more forceful than usual, but his always soft-spoken demeanor tends to undercut his clearly emphatic wording).

Should the US put money and effort into propaganda? Daschle said yes -- particularly in Africa and the Middle East. Public relations campaigns, he added, need to be more formidable than they are.

This was a major missed opportunity for Daschle, who should have said His Fraudulence is more worried about polling numbers at home (hence Ass-KKKroft's big announcement on Monday) than American stature abroad.

Tony asked about Daschle's critique of Smirk's secrecy in formulating a budget. Instead, Daschle slammed Snippy's secret reorganization of the Executive Branch, but said that despite this big misstep Lieberman's antiterror bill has legs. On the matter of how the FBI and CIA can be made to work together, Daschle cited Lieberman's idea of a White House office to coordinate these efforts, something he noted that the Dauphin does not like.

When talk turned to Campaign '02, Daschle did take a good swipe at Karl Rove politicizing the war effort; Tony mentioned Max Baucus' ad featuring photos of him with the President, but Daschle came back with the notion that promoting bipartisanship is different than politicizing the war effort.

Daschle said it is inevitable that a commission will be formed to look into the attacks of 9/11 -- and it won't be quick.

Tony asked Daschle about the Palestinian situation; Daschle said he is disappointed with the lack of constructive engagement by Arafat, and "sooner or later it has to happen, there has to be a regime change there." So should we discourage Sharon from negotiating with Arafat? Daschle disagreed, and again slammed Arafat's "lack of leadership."

Tony then tried to divide Daschle from Lieberman on past tax cuts; instead, Daschle called for putting the brakes on future tax cuts. Is there a deal with Lott on putting more Democrats on administrative panels? Daschle said there's been progress.

We shunned the next segment, in which Watergate felon turned Bible thumper Chuck Colson tried to foist the notion that Al Qaeda is actually recruiting INSIDE American prisons, calling them "a breeding ground for terrorism" (we agree -- look at what prison did to Liddy: turned him into a hate radio king). His unsupported claim that "Black Muslims" recruit using hatred of the system is broad, deceptive and frankly more than a bit racist -- not at al unlike the Jim Crow undercurrent still to be found in some Southern "Christian" churches. The segment was almost as disturbing as watching an Al Qaeda propaganda tape. Even worse -- Colson called for the elimination of post-Watergate reforms, declaring them a "failure".

What a pitiful, hypocritical excuse for a "man of God".

The panel (Brit Hume, Mara Liasson, Juan Willliams) seemed plenty excited by the Doofus's "finding" giving the CIA a shot at going after Saddam (and potential boffo ratings for cable news). Mara was appalled by another clip from that Saudi TV channel in which some so-called Islamic loon admitted encouraging some potential martyr because he's get a late model car in Paradise, and Hume, in a rare lucid moment, flogged Saudis for placating extremists -- adding that supporting the Saudis is a contradiction in US policy, in that we are supporting a regime that coddles extremism. Mara said that Smirk has failed to confront Saudi leaders on their appalling human rights record; Juan cited examples.

Tony then turned to yesterday's guilty verdict against Arthur Andersen, trying to make a big thing of the judge's call that it's OK to find the firm guilty even if they can't pin the cover-up on a single person, claiming it's grounds for appeal. Juan seemed to think there is a problem -- but it's over for Andersen. Hume practically called it a miscarriage of justice -- because 85,000 Andersen employees will suffer.

Baloney. That's more than likely not the reason Hume was having a hissy fit; more likely, Hume considers it a miscarriage of "justice" because a big company couldn't get away with a crime.

In an intermediary segment, Tony turned religious for a second time, focusing on the Catholic sex abuse scandal. Yes, we have plenty of sympathy for the victims -- but whatever happened to politics?

Finally, there was some discussion of Karl Rove's PowerPoint presentation. Mara thinks that GOP is writing off Sen. Bob "John Birch" Smith. Juan talked about politicizing the "war" on terror by Smirk.

But none of the usually propaganda-savvy FAUX panelists mentioned the the obvious conclusion of both our own Morrie Friendly and the Los Angeles Times' Stuart Rothenberg: the exaggerated ominous "message" means the target audience for the presentation is not party higher-ups, but big-dollar contributors who are being scared into giving more money now to "save" the 2002 elections (in a somewhat more sophisticated way than, say, Pat Robertson scares old folks into forking over their money to save their souls).

-- JJ Balzer

McLaugh-In

The Seinfeld of pundit shows, McLaugh-In, turned first to the subject of Jose Padilla, the so-called "dirty bomber" -- despite the fact he had no dirty bomb, radiological material or, for that matter, explosives. The notorious shout-fest's ringmaster, John McLaugh-In, said there are those who see the capture of Jose Padilla as no big success -- and scoffed at the announcement coming a month after the fact!

Michael Barone, arch right-wing spinmeister extraordinaire, claimed that the only reason that the announcement was made was because he's been handed over to the military (right, Mikey -- it had NOTHING to do with Smirk's F scores tanking!). Eleanor Clift cited Smirk's Homeland Paranoia Department having gone over like a lead balloon -- and slammed Ass-KKKroft's Ministry of Justice for declaring Padilla an illegal combatant only to see Paul Wolfowitz play down the arrest within days. Conservative apologist Rich Lowry tried to save face for Ass-KKKroft, and Larry O'Donnell mocked the mixed message from a White House having to retreat. Mike said that dirty bombs are not too lethal, but could cause panic. Eleanor scoffed at Ass-KKKroft's claim of "mass death and injury" -- and Eleanor and Mike agreed that the big problem in the wake of a dirty bomb would be the economic impact.

So, is Padilla a trophy, or a patsy?

Mike: Sorta trophy
Eleanor: Patsy
Rich: Trophy
Larry: Rich has acknowledged the end of the jury system (this triggered a mini-debate over Ass-KKKroft vs. Wolfowitz)
John: Patsy --it's PR value!

Issue two: the new Shrub Doctrine -- preemptive action, or, as John said, "Strike first, ask questions later." John labeled containment and deterrence obsolete in the eyes of Smirk's speechwriters and handlers -- and cited criticism by the UK's Geoffrey Robinson. Eleanor denounced it as an attempt to put an "intellectual" (ha, ha) mask on hegemony -- and a doctrine that will infuriate our friends. John grumbled that such a doctrine could result in miscalculated reactions. Rich tried to act as if he cares about human rights (snicker). Larry said it may actually be less than it appears on its face, i.e. surgical strikes. Mike tried to argue that there's bipartisan support for this new doctrine.

More video followed: Don Rumsfeld explaining the new doctrine in his inimitable, unctuous manner -- and even Rich had to admit Rummy's "offense IS defense' speech was convoluted. Of course, Rich -- being the military expert he just must be -- has determined that Saddam Hussein will use chemical weapons against American troops.

Are we less safe now?

Mike: No.
Eleanor: The Administration is making Europe nervous.
Rich: We are safer.
Larry: This is a risky proposition when applied to India and Pakistan.
John: Larry is right -- containment and deterrence combined with preemption may be the ticket.

Issue three: Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) for President? A number of newspapers have done features on Kerry. Larry said that he'd already predicted Kerry is a front-runner, citing his money and proximity to New Hampshire; John cited his momentum. Larry called Kerry "Gore's biggest problem." Rich claimed there's "sneering" dislike for Kerry.

So where does Kerry stand as a viable candidate on a scale of 1 to 10?

Mike: 4
Eleanor: 7
Rich: 6
Larry: 8
John: 8

The final non-sequitur of predictions was safer than usual:

Mike: Blair will suffer a setback when Parliament says no to the Euro.
Eleanor: Smirk's plan to roll back air pollution standards will hurt him even more than the decision not to drill for oil off Florida did in California
Rick: the Dallas bishop's meeting will not quell the Catholic sex abuse scandal (you just know someone would have to mention this)
Larry: An independent commission into September 11th will not reveal much and take a long time doing it
John: Democrats will sweep all seven California state offices on Election Day

What a stretch -- NOT!

-- Dave "Doctor" Gonzo

Face the Nation

Bob Schieffer's first guest was Sen. John McCain. Story one: the Washington Post front-pager about Snippy having given the CIA a green light to start bringing down the Saddam Hussein regime in Iraq -- which means His Subliminableness has to start preparing "the people" for such a move. McCain is all for it -- and said Saddam is a "clear and present danger" to the nation. Would covert effort alone bring him down? McCain said he sees no reason not to try it -- a non-answer, but who can argue? Borger said that reports are that the Texas Dauphin has not seen specific plans -- but McCain said chances are the plans exist. McCain said that Saddam is weaker now than he was ten years ago and that the people of Iraq are living in misery and terror -- and the chances of overthrowing Saddam are good.

Borger turned to the general feeling that Al Qaeda was not defeated in Afghanistan. McCain said that there is a need for better intelligence, but Al Qaeda is significantly weakened. Americans are on edge over the many warnings they've had in the last months, but we will succeed in defeating Al Qaeda. Since we have the intellect, capability and will.

Schieffer turned to the arrest of Padilla -- and the Administration's backoff from plugging it. McCain called dirty bombs a threat -- but also took a swipe at the Bunnypants' Yalie's entire team by saying there was criticism "within the White House" of how the news was initially handled.

Schieffer then welcomed Sen. Joe Biden, asking him about the CIA green light to topple Saddam Hussein. Biden said that Smirk will have to make the international case against Saddam and make sure that contingencies are in place -- an overt plan in case covert operations fail. Biden said there are actually several plans -- but he wants to know what the specific plan to deal with Saddam is, as he does not believe Smirk has made a decision as to which will be used. Biden said that there is actually a strong chance of a "win-win" situation in which global consensus can be reached to take Saddam out of power.

Would Biden endorse preemptive strikes to take out weapons of mass destruction? Biden said it depends, asking if Smirk should take out the Chinese nuclear capability.

Following the break, Schieffer "celebrated" the thirtieth anniversary of the Watergate break-in with John Dean and author Richard Reeves. Mind you, the break-in pales when compared with the theft of the 2000 presidential election, but the story still fascinates. Dean, of course, plugged his e-book, "Unmasking Deep Throat" (due out later today) and Richard Reeves discussed Nixon's problems with actually honoring checks and balances, and called G. Gordon Liddy and Howard Hunt "sleaze-balls". Reeves, who will never be mistaken for a soft-spoken, milquetoast author, also talked about Nixon's almost "autistic", solitary personality. Dean talked about the troubles he encountered after he'd told the Senate there was a "cancer on the Presidency."

Schieffer's final word focused on Nixon's inability to control the press and his miscalculation in trying to attack the press to "prove" to the North Vietnamese that he was in charge. Schieffer said that after thirty years, the enduring impression is that Nixon's achievements -- overtures to China and moves for arms control -- were overwhelmed by the scandal of Watergate and the cover-up.

-- JJ Balzer

LATER: Dash Riprock cannot restrain his laughter at CNN's attempts at pundit programming.

JJ Balzer is a former television news producer. He lives in New York City.

Dave "Doctor" Gonzo is a media producer and guru. He lives in fortified, high-rise compound in New York City.