American Politics Journal -- Pundit Pap

Pundit Pap
for Sunday, May 19
Cheney Issues Threat!
Is it an effort to divert attention from the real issue: who knew what and why wasn't enough done?
by The Pundit Pap Team

May 19, 2002 -- New York/Washington (APJP, updated Monday, May 20, 2:30PM) -- Even before Pundit Pap went to press, wire services immediately hyped ominous comments made by Dick Cheney in Meet the Press even before the show had aired in some of the major East Coast markets, quoting these words near the top:

"In my opinion the prospects of a future attack against the United States are almost certain....It's not a matter of if but when."

This followed reports late yesterday that U.S. intelligence agencies have seen an uptick in "chatter" suggesting that an al Qaeda terrorist operation could be on the way.

Unfortunately, this latest one-two paranoia punch did little to divert Americans from the more disturbing story: like a rotting onion, layer after layer of the administration's story -- in the form of warnings, assessments, law enforcement reports, and intelligence finds -- is falling away, and the underlying decay may spell political doom for Mister No Mandate and his team of West Wing whiners.

Given that Condolleeza Rice did such a shoddy job of spinning the Bunnypants Regime's failure to do the obvious national security math, she was relegated to appearing on CNN's Late Edition to spin to Wolf Blitzer.

This left Dick Cheney to do the heavy lifting.

His goal was to look as if the Clown College at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue was making a serious review of their failures and not trying to play politics, the latter as a result of Shrub's and Cheney's claim that Democrats were "politicizing" the misadministration's failures having backfired so badly.

Unfortunately for Cheney, people with half a brain watch the Sunday spin cycle -- and can see through his nonsense.

Here's a taste of all the fun you missed this Sunday.

FAUX News Sunday With Tony Snow
Tony lets Cheney spin -- and treats Gephardt with a little respect for once

Dick Cheney was guest one on FAUX News Sunday With Tony Snow, and Tony let Big Dick take a crack at creating today's headline by allowing him a figurative ten-lane highway down which to drive new "warnings" that Al Qaeda may well strike again in the United States. Tony named half a dozen possible targets: buildings, planes, trains...you get the idea.

Best stupid comment from Dick about Al Qaeda: "Nobody mails in a plan."

Really? What about when they send anthrax by first class mail instead? Now THAT'S a plan -- signed, sealed, delivered (only to liberals).

Dick harrumphed about making "America a tougher target' and then told the nation, "it's almost impossible to protect...100%."

It was all a great way to avoid the real issue eating at America: how could Big Dick, his Smirk puppet and the remaining handlers of the Idiot in Chief have bungled so badly with so many warnings? They told their red-meat supporters that the "grown-ups" were in charge, but never warned us that they were talking about the kind of "adults" you might find on Gilligan's Island or The Three Stooges.

Tony made that very point question three: how could they not "connect the dots"? Dick claimed there was "no actionable intelligence" -- but given other revelations this week, that answer simply sounds implausible. Tony said that Richard Shelby's assertion that putting two and two together still would not have stopped the attacks -- and Cheney, of course, gave an answer that ran away from the question. In fact, he ADMITTED that the executive branch needs a system to analyze raw FBI and law enforcement data.

Um, Dick -- it's been eight months. Have you, Snippy, that clown Tom Ridge and your incompetent National Security Buffoon "Doctor" Rice done anything to make the country more secure -- besides bombing parts of Afghanistan back to the stone age (even though they were already there)?

Cheney also hinted at a possible strategy for blocking investigations of his misadministration's incompetence: using the argument that they must protect the secrecy of intelligence technology, methods and human assets, emphasis on the last of the three.

Problem is, there are mechanisms in place to protect security and secrecy.

Are we better off from an intelligence standpoint than we were on September 10th? Yes. A year ago? Definitely (that's cold comfort).

And Cheney even admitted there's been no hard intelligence on Osama for a few months (this as a new Osama video surfaced today, according to CNN).

Does Cheney oppose the idea of a blue ribbon commission? Cheney said he does -- emphatically -- because Congress already is in the process of a "robust investigation" and the Shrub Administration has "confidence" in them.

Yeah, Dick -- to do as "thorough" a job as the Warren Commission. Take that answer to the bank: Cheney and his Simian Marionette fear a real, thorough, fair and independent investigation of an administration that puts doctrine ahead of reality.

Then came the Stupid Move of the Weak: Tony asked Cheney about a comment he made about congressional Democrat leaders "politicizing" the September 11th attacks -- which leader was he criticizing? Cheney blasted Rep. Cynthia McKinney -- and Tony came back with the fact that she's not a "leader" in Congress.

Got news for you both: she is now. She was one of the first to DARE be "unpatriotic" enough (at least by Cheney's authoritarian standards) to demand answers to questions about the lead-up to Al Qaeda's attacks.

Tony's final question was about the possibility of Saddam Hussein allowing inspectors into Iraq to check on WMDs. There were no surprises: Cheney wants all Iraqi WMD's found and destroyed, and a regime change to boot.

Talk about a gloves-on interview. It looks as if someone in the West Wing read Rupert Murdoch the riot act over that "BUSH KNEW" headline in Thursday's New York Post. Maybe the administration figure responsible was stealth press secretary Roger Ailes himself!

Then Tony and Brit Hume attacked -- um, interviewed House Majority Leader-To-Be Dick Gephardt. Tony said that the White House refuses to send briefing information to the Hill; Gephardt, putting on his tutu, said maybe the White House should not do it.

What? For crikey sakes, Dick, grow a spine. America DEMANDS answers and you're folding already. On the other hand, it occurred to us he may push for a blue ribbon type investigation -- but he shouldn't surrender on the first deal.

If there is an outside look at the administration, should it be secret to protect methods and sources? Gephardt said that methods should be protected -- but an investigation should be public. The question, he said, is whether or not information is being coordinated and whether or not the right warnings are coming out. Hume asked whether Gephardt favors a parallel investigation; Gephardt said that information can be put together with Congress, outsiders, and White House officials -- a blue ribbon panel.

Bingo!

Hume tried to press Gephardt on whether hearings should be public -- but Gephardt would not commit to an answer while he insisted that the truth and non-compromising facts come out; the purpose should be to analyze what happened and make recommendations on how to better handle and obtain information, present it to the public, and stop terrorists.

Hume tried to corner Gephardt on what he had said publicly about who knew what when, comparing it to Watergate -- which seemed to be the official RNC spin of the day; we would hear the intoxicated-sounding Texas Congress-moron Dick Armey (R-skirt chaser) make the silly claim that Democrats are invoking Watergate rhetoric as he misidentified Rep. Cynthia McKinney as "Cynthia White" on Late Edition!

Gephardt's point was that he wants to look at all the facts: who knew what and what was done -- which admittedly does sound like Watergate until you consider that G. Gordon Liddy and his merry band of raiders didn't succeed in slaughtering 3000 innocent people.

Tony: did the VP overreact? Gephardt said "it looked like a political campaign" -- a swipe at Cheney. Gephardt said that protecting American security should not be politicized. Hume then played footage of Congressman Porter Goss claiming that Gephardt had not been put in the loop on certain intelligence briefings; Gephardt said that a different set of information was in the president's brief than his -- and there is a need for more sharing and better communication.

In other words, Gephardt was implying that the Cowboy Junta is withholding crucial information from legislators, perhaps for political reasons. There was no doubt as to the direction Gephardt is taking -- greater oversight over both intelligence and law enforcement anti-terror activities by Congress, and implementation of real checks, balances and coordination.

Gephardt even brought up questions about how information about Arabic students at flight schools was handled. Tony asked if things would be different if Gephardt had all that information. Gephardt essentially told Tony he's missing the point: there is a need for better coordination of agencies and facts.

What about the color-coded warning system -- does it work? Gephardt slammed it, saying real-time information is more useful to people, and reiterating his view that there must be a full investigation of events leading up to September 11th.

Gephardt made his point, but far too gently. He should have stated the obvious: this was the biggest national security failure in history; Americans are outraged that Smirk and his team had a stack of clues that something was in the offing; and Americans demand more than answers -- they want corrective measures and leaders they can trust to protect them, not the current crop of arrogant frat boys and doctrine spewers.

Following the break, Tony slammed Dan Rather for comments he made to the Observer before he turned to his panel with some breaking news: there's been a suicide attack in Netanya. Tony also mentioned a news item form the Times (London): a CD-ROM of a very gaunt Osama, thought to have been made during March of this year, has surfaced.

Panel time! Hume said it sounds like Cheney and Gephardt have called a truce as he bashed Rep. McKinney. Mara parroted Hume (as she usually does), and claimed the partisanship was gone -- but also said that Hillary Clinton called for an investigation, mentioning that Post headline. Fred Barnes almost had to gag as he called Hillary's move savvy, then tried to sow trouble between Gephardt and Daschle; Mort Kondracke shilled for Team Smirk by claiming that the Democrats were using an opening to "politicize" Sept. 11, and the misadministration fought back.

Hey Mort, what'd you think of those nifty snapshots of the Chimp-in-Chief calling Uncle Dick from Air Farce One on September 11th that the RNC was peddling?

The Mideast! Hume called two suicide bombings in one month a sign that Israel's recent incursions into Palestinian territory a success (huh? success?). Mara said that Israel held back in Gaza, and there are hawks that want to clean house there; Tony pointed out that Gaza is more densely populated; Fred said Arafat knows who the cells are, so arrest 'em, dammit; Mort said Hamas and Hezbollah will undermine Palestinian reforms, and (a reminder Americans need to hear) these groups actually hate Arafat. Hume said let's see just how Arafat publicly handles this bombing. Mort said that it's interesting that Tenet has canceled a Mideast trip, perhaps due to the "chatter", perhaps due to other security threats, and he hopes that an advisory board on intelligence "cracks heads."

Well, it looks like Mort's right for once. We predict the first heads that will be cracked first are those of Tenet, Rice and Louis Freeh.

Following the break, Hume said that the news of the hijack warning brouhaha is being driven by the Beltway press corps; Barnes said Gephardt is acting like the loyal opposition should (translation: Gephardt is wearing his pink tutu); Mara said Americans have the right to know the truth in a nonpartisan atmosphere (translation: release only those facts that don't hurt the image of the Smirk Junta).

Then, to our surprise (and the visible irritation of Hume and Tony), Mort pointed out that memos to Condi Rice are of tremendous interest to both sides of the aisle in Congress, who are outraged that the White House is not disclosing them. Why, he asked, can't the White House cooperate and tell Congress exactly what and how much they knew?

Tony seemed pretty miffed that the panel had ended on that specific sour note. But he spun like a dervish during his final word: Al Qaeda wants more death for America, and we need to be more compassionate at home and wield overwhelming force on the battlefield. He characterized the hard questioning by Democrats as "partisan" games.

Oh, please...

-- JJ Balzer

The Capital Gang
...that couldn't shoot straight

The lovely boys and girls of the DC pundocracy chatter about Bush's bungling and cover-up, Bush's craven insensitivity, and Bush's disastrous and reckless foreign policy. The conservatives manage to deflect all blame to Democrats, even if they've been out of office for years, and the "liberals" spend much of their limited air time backing away from their criticism to the point of pointlessness, bending over backwards to make plain that they're not really blaming Bush, that being a sin worse than death by all appearances.

Pundit and "news" shows are like a through the looking glass experience where up is down and down is up. And there is an absolute and obvious consensus that the obvious facts about Bush and his blatant corruption and incompetence is something that is NEVER, but NEVER to be pointed out in any direct and honest way. Anyone that does -- for example, Cynthia McKinney -- is to be regarded as a way-out kook. And sadly, I'm talking about the so-called "liberal" commentators and politicians as well.

The effect is eerie. To see them all dance around the criticism and find new and more refined ways to criticize mildly, yet always be certain to never say anything that could in any way possible be construed as being "unfair" to Bush ... by Bush! In other words, they dare not speak the truth as it would be plainly apparent to a child. Smirk and the fascist right have been utterly successful in hanging a sword over the head of every major media figure, and their fear of displeasing the thugs in the White House is plainly on display every day.

Will any of them tell us what we all know? Namely, that Smirk & Co. had everything but Al Quada's flight plans prior to September 11th and yet totally ignored it all?

Don't hold your breath.

The lead story was the further outing of Bush as a total incompetent fraud, this time, due to his having had all the information anyone should ever need that there was an imminent attack planned by Al Quada, and that it was going to use hijacked airliners, and despite the lies put out by the White House spin crew, that the World Trade Center was a likely target.

They showed Monkey Boy struggling to express a thought in the English language (doubly hard since he's not too familiar with either thinking or his native tongue.)

Using more weasel language than Clinton ever did, despite the frothing of the right about Clinton's hair-splitting, our soulless leader pronounced, "Had I known that the enemy was going to use airplanes to kill on that fateful morning, I would have done everything in my power to protect the American people."

What a wad. Without going into his revolting use of overblown language, it's still pretty slimy to pack that many qualifications into a statement. If he had known that they were going to "use airplanes to kill" he would have done something. Evidently, he thought that they were just going to hijack airliners and terrorize those on board... evidently the thought that there may be some deaths involved was out of his scope of comprehension. Not to mention that it makes you wonder what this clod thinks bin Laden's minions were going to do once they hijacked a plane. Did he think they'd demand to be flown to Cuba and released? I mean, what kind of fools does he think we are?

And then as if that's not enough cover, he slips in that if he had known they were going to do what they did on THAT PARTICULAR MORNING, then, we're asked to believe, he would have done something. And what would he have done? "Everything within my power." What's that? From where I sit, that doesn't amount to more than expending billions of dollars of weapons and military might. If a problem can't be dealt with by a massive military assault, Bush and his thugs are completely clueless and utterly ineffective in accomplishing ANYTHING. They've done next to nothing to increase our security long term, and their only ideas involve handing over literally billions of tax dollars to various corporations and other institutions to run around pretending to be doing something about the problem.

They showed Dick "Dr. Evil" Cheney hissing an ominous warning to the Demorcats to not even THINK of criticizing their administration. Why is this gang so incredibly paranoid and defensive? It's simple. It's because they have so much to hide.

Well, let's get to the people that always tell the truth and never ever steer you wrong. I'll paraphrase their responses as a service to you, the reader.

Bob Novak: Bush isn't in trouble. It's no big deal. There's no evidence he knew what was going to happen specifically. It's just the evil Democrats trying to capitalize on this and make something out of nothing. I also think that Cheney and Lott are doing the right thing politically in attacking the Democrats for actually wanting more information. I blame the FBI.

Al Hunt: Nobody in their right mind would ever think Bush knew that the 9-11 attach was coming and he did nothing about it. That's preposterous!

I too blame the FBI, but I'm also concerned that anti-terrorism was such a low priority for Smirk and his crew.

Don Rumsfeld threatened to have his sock puppet veto a bill that would have shifted funds from weapons projects to anti-terrorism efforts.

I also don't like the appearance of a cover-up.

Cheney strong-arming Daschle into not investigating events leading up to 9-11 sure seems like they were trying to cover something up. (It's come to this. A thug like Cheney can actually order the Democratic leader of the Senate around like he's his bitch. If that's not enough to show people what the current balance of power is, I don't know what will.)

Kate O'Beirne: BS BS BS, and some more BS. Gephardt and Daschle are desperate and have had to back down. It's only in hindsight that you can expect anyone to know what was going to happen.

Cheney was right to blast those calling for an investigation because we're at war and they shouldn't have to be on the defense against Capital Hill.

Sure, have investigations, but leave Bush and his pals out of it and focus instead on the FBI. It's their fault that our retarded leader wasn't able to connect the dots, even though a rather dim witted cow could have easily put it together.

Margaret Carlson: And investigation would be good. There might not be anything there, but then again their might. Taken as a whole the evidence is pretty clear that someone should have known what was going on and that a specific threat of hijacking and flying planes into targets was a clear and present danger. Even a Repuglican, Senator Shelby, has said that if the single minded asses in the white house had acted promptly and properly with the information they had, that 9-11 wouldn't have happened.

Novak : It was all the FBI's fault! They're in trouble!

O'Beirne: Maybe the FBI could have done better, they knew that Al Quada members were taking flight training in three locations in the U.S. and wanted to know how to fly them, but not how to land.

But hey, it's easy to say in hindsight that they should have been able to figure out that was some sort of threat. (Yeah Kate, only in hindsight could anyone have thought that was anything serious. Sheesh!)

Hunt: Kate, I agree... Bush didn't know about this. That's not what I'm saying. (Good boy Al, we'll still invite you and your wife to the power dinners in Georgetown.) But why was anti-terrorism such a low priority?

O'Beirne: I don't think it was.

Hunt: The first meeting they ever had on the subject wasn't until the 4th of September!

O'Beirne: But they had a plan. A whole plan for taking out Al Quada.

(Note to readers. Yep, they did. And it was IGNORED until after the attacks, that's why it seemed that the war plans moved so fast post 9-11. The plan was already there, but utterly ignored by the Chimp Prince. This plan was likely in order to secure oil routes and rights as well, and so they were waiting to manufacture a reason to do it. 9-11 just gave them the excuse they were waiting for, part of "the "trifecta" Bush has repeatedly joked about hitting.)

O'Beirne and Hunt then sparred over this, with Hunt saying it took Bush 8 months to do anything about it, and O'Beirne, utilizing RULE ONE of the right, when cornered, blame it on Clinton, then did just that by saying Clinton supposedly hadn't done anything about terrorism in 8 years. (Of course an out and out lie.)

Shields: The Dems really messed up by using the phrase, "What did the President know and when did he know it." That suggest that the president was part of a conspiracy and that's unfair, unhelpful, and misleading. (Rove: "OK Mark, we'll still return your calls too. Good boy.")

Sheilds went on to say that no one was accusing the simian prince of conspiracy, but the question was one of incompetence. (Rove: Mark! Watch out buddy!)

The all condemened Cynthia McKinney for suggesting the truth, that the entire sham "war" is likely more motivated by profits for the Carlyle Group and others, as well as condemning the NY Post for running a headline of "BUSH KNEW." Of course, the Post ran innumerable headlines that were far more outrageous and slanted during Clinton's years, but, and I know this from experience, NOT ONCE did a talking head of either persuasion complain about a single one. If a headline were mentioned, it was brought up to REINFORCE the message and to suggest it was true, not to condemn it for being over the top.)

Shields then brought up the blatant hypocrisy of the right by citing the chorus on the right that all howled long and hard post 9-11 trying to blame the entire thing on Clinton, WITHOUT the benefit of any evidence or testimony. Now we have HARD FACTS and documented evidence that Bush knew about this threat, but he's off limits and it's horrible to try to place ANY of the blame on him for it.

This is the most disgusting aspect of this entire story.

Hunt: The Bush White House was only too happy to leak all kinds of documents and records, even including a private phone call between Clinton and Barak in order to try to blame him for 9-11, yet now the same people are screaming in disgust that anyone would expect ANY information about what they knew prior to 9-11 and withheld the information they had for 7 1/2 MONTHS!!

O'Beirne: But Bush was only in office for 8 months, for gosh sakes!" (yeah. We better give him a pass. Everyone knows that a president is not really responsible for the government he heads until what? A year into office? Two years? And the subtext is that everyone knows that Bush is a genetic mutant who is "mentally challenged" and it's not nice to criticize the handicapped.)

On to the crass use of 9-11 pictures of Dumbya desperately calling Herr Cheney to get instructions as a fundraising tool for Republicans.

Margaret thought the Dems overreacted. But thought the Dim Son, the guy who was supposedly going to bring "dignity" back to the White House, should have known better.

O'Beirne got in some weird dig at Gore by saying that Bush should have just said that it wasn't him in the photo. She also thinks that the Democrats "orchestrated overreaction" to the pictures was a "greater exploitation of 9-11 than the original use of the picture."

(Note to Kate: adjust your dosage.)

Novak made a revealing comment that the Dems are just afraid of "a politically endangered president, who got counted in by the Supreme Court, being so popular. He's still over 70 percent." Is that an admission that you agree with the majority in the country Bob?

Al Hunt started by taking a swipe at Al Gore criticizing the marketing of the 9-11 picture for fundraising purposes suggesting that Gore had NO room to talk. (this is the "liberal" pundit.) He went on to say, "Of course it's tacky, and of course the Democrats would have done it too." Oh really? (And we wonder why Bush is so popular. When even the so called left leaning pundits won't play hardball it's not only not a surprise, it's inevitable. The left bends over backwards to be fair, while the right has NO problems lying, distorting, and taking the low road constantly and unceasingly.)

Hunt did suggest that Cheney was basically saying that it's unpatriotic to raise any questions regarding 9-11 by the Dems, but it's fine for them to use it to hustle some campaign cash. (But notice that he had to spend most of his time defending Bush before feeling it would be ok to throw in a mild criticism.)

This brought on a sputtering fit by Novak in which he kept saying "Come on!" and saying it's ridiculous to even suggest that there was any real issue with the picture or the warning memos.

Shield's finally said, "Too much fuss, Bob?"

Novak: "It is."

Carlson: "You like a fuss Bob. You live on fuss."

Shields: "Is there anything he could do on 9-11 that you (unintelligible)

Carlson: "You thrive on fuss."

Hahhaha!

The panel next went on to discuss whether the US is getting ever cozier with Russia. I'll skip that due to space restrictions.

But as you can see, nothing much changes here at the Capital Gang. You could almost write the script yourself.

-- Dash Riprock

Meet the Press
The Dick Cheney Show, featuring Tim Russert as Ed McMahon

Oh, joy of joys! Tim Russert gave "Big Dick" Cheney maximum, high-profile face time -- a full hour of damage control on Meet the Press. Someone must have recently given Andy Lack or some other NBC honcho a sleepover in the newly-restored Warren Harding Bedroom.

Naturally, to minimize the subject of President GameBoy's failure, Tim first asked about new warnings of terror attacks. Cheney outright admitted that it might not be stopped. "In my opinion the prospects of a future attack against the United States are almost certain...it is not a matter of if, but when."

Well, isn't that special. Eight months to get their sh!t together, and what does America get? Jack squat.

Cheney said (as he had on FAUX News Sunday) that there cannot be 100% protection against terror attacks. This time, however, he cited Israel's intelligence infrastructure, which does not bat 1.000.

Ho-hum. At the outset, the interview was largely a replay of Big Dick's FAUX appearance. Cheney said the same obvious stuff about chatter, clues and intelligence.

Tim brought up Warren Buffett's hyperbolic claim that a "major nuclear event" is inevitable. Cheney tried his best to dismiss the assertion, but said that we know Al Qaeda has been trying to get their tentacles on weapons of mass destruction. Have they been successful? Probably not; they would've used it by now, he conjectured. Tim said James Kallstrom thinks Hamas-style suicide bombers are a possibility (the possibility was featured in this morning's edition of the New York Daily News). Cheney said he can't rule it out.

Tim's tack was obvious: foment fear to play down the failings of Smirk's national insecurity Keystone Kops.

Tim then turned to the anguished words of a relative of one of the Sept. 11th hijacking victims, giving Big Dick a chance to act as if he were on Oprah, expressing his own sadness and frustration over the situation -- before he audaciously declared that he would not be likely to shut down the aviation system in the event of a near-specific threat.

Tim then soft-balled Dick on questions raised by Sen. Richard Shelby (R-Clinton "trout" fisherman) concerning how intelligence was handled. Cheney gave a rambling answer about who know what, and dismissed "talk about a Phoenix memo" ( a crucial memo warning DC authorities about Arabic men learning to fly but not land commercial jets) -- just before he admitted there must be better triage and analysis of intelligence and law enforcement information. Cheney tried to make the point that throughout the summer of 2001 there were many warnings and alerts to embassies and aviation, and insisted that it was still unlikely that the Sept. 11th attacks could have been stopped even with more information.

Cheney then tried to spin the whole mess by saying that there should be -- catch this -- no blame for now, and that the FBI needs transformation.

Well, golly -- Bill Clinton and Al Gore were saying the same thing years ago. Louis Freeh defied them at every turn. Welcome to the world of reality, Dick.

Tim went on the mild attack, outlining the "time line" of presidential briefings, including the president's (read: Rice's and Cheney's) call for an analysis of possible Al Qaeda actions. Cheney mumbled nonspecific examples about the process of which information is brought to the attention of the White House for two droning minutes, insisting that procedures to prevent hijacking were not geared to hunting for box-cutters.

Tim turned to a July briefing that indicated "something big" was in the offing. Cheney bored us with redundant "what do you focus on and what do you ignore" pap -- which implies that the misadministration failed to put into action adequate investigation of evidence that an attack was in fact imminent.

Then Tim flashed part of a very critical comment from Sen. Dianne Feinstein. Cheney's reply was pathetic: he couldn't specifically recall the facts, and Feinstein was pushing specific legislature.

Oh, please. It's NOT all politics, Dick, and for you to imply so is nothing less than rank hypocrisy.

Tim then discussed clues from as far back as 1995 that passenger jets would be used as missiles. Cheney gave an answer that made him seem blithely ignorant -- "you have to have a system in place" to analyze intelligence data.

Translation: we still don't have such a system in place.

Great -- you and Frat Boy had eight months to fix the system. If there's another attack, you've dug your own political graves.

And Tim picked up on that as he said that Condi Rice said they had "no clue" when there were plenty of clues in place. Cheney almost seemed apologetic -- it was reminiscent of Hugh Grant's "I apologize" talk show tour after he was caught in a car with a hooker. Mind you, Tim didn't have the snarling attitude he took a couple years ago with Al Gore, and Cheney just seemed to be playing along with his wordy answers: we're doing our best, we held over good people from the Clinton years, but not even that seems to have been enough.

Tim gently mentioned more evidence: the "Phoenix memo" which should have been tied to other reports that Arabic men were learning to fly -- but not to land -- passenger jets. Cheney even admitted he wants answers.

Then Tim confronted Cheney with Daschle's assertion that he had not been fully apprised of terrorist threats. Cheney denied it outright, and segued into his call for a "nonpolitical" (read: GOP-controlled), "bipartisan" (read: GOP-controlled) panel to avoid a "circus-like atmosphere" (read: critical and thorough press scrutiny).

Cheney knows that he and the Texas Doof have dropped the ball. Big time. He's admitting it. And he knows that voters are furious.

Cheney returned to the theme of "something is in the offing" as he reflected on the attacks on US embassies in Africa -- and that because of threads through the series of attacks on Americans, investigations must be kept low-key (read: conducted in secret to exonerate Cheney, Condi Rice, George Tenet, and everyone else who sold YOUR security down the river to enrich the energy business while blaming Clinton for Smirk's failings).

Cheney did say that it's time for more centralized analysis; it can't happen in the White House because they are policy makers (read: tools of big oil, and intelligence is not our forte).

Tim the played an interview he conducted with Dick after the September 11th: "no specific threat...no domestic concern." Cheney would not change those words because he does not "see anything on the record that would amend" his words. Tim had subtly hinted that Cheney might be engaging in wordplay (i.e. "specific").

Tim cut to commercials. We were reflecting: was Tim going easy on Cheney to help him out? Was he actually giving Cheney free rein to answer at length -- and hang himself politically?

Or was he doing both -- in an effort to hedge his bets in case things go south in a major way for the Texas Dauphin and his Retro Retinue? We suspect that Tim was in fact hedging his bets, doing a little of each.

After the break, Tim played comments by Cheney threatening Democrats over asking questions. Who made "incendiary" comments? This time, Cheney did not name Rep. McKinney, instead decrying a "rush to judgment...this is too important a subject" (translation: how dare anyone challenge the leadership of Emperor Snippy?). Tim played footage of Senator Clinton citing the New Your Post "BUSH KNEW" headline -- and mentioned that Ari the Whiner had blasted the Senator. Cheney harrumphed and called on members of Congress to "cool off" (translation: shut up, you woman, you're undermining what little credibility we have). Tim then tweaked the GOP for using a Sept. 11 photo of Captain Clueless for political fundraising; Cheney tried to distance himself from the decision, and said he was caught off guard by the outrage (translation: caught off guard by the fact that Chimpy's popularity isn't what phony poll numbers claim).

Tim then quoted Gephardt (who wants to know what info was given to the White House and why we're only finding out now) and Daschle (who wants briefing materials and the Phoenix memo turned over the the Senate Intelligence Committee). Big Dick said it would be a mistake (translation: suicide for what little credibility we have left) and recommends that they not be turned over, but he is ready to talk to Congress (translation: give 'em the mushroom treatment -- keep 'em in the dark, feed 'em lotsa manure). He added that it is not about politics (translation: it's about our credibility), and Daschle is responding to a leak (translation: leaking on Smirk is bad; leaking on Dems is good). Tim wasn't through, using Sen. Richard Shelby's comment that the surface of the matter has hardly been scratched; Cheney said he does not believe that to be the case (what else could he say? "Yep, Tim, he's right, we're covering up our own gross dereliction, and that's your headline, buddy!").

Tim turned to Iraq and inspections; Cheney, in a rerun of comments made on FAUX News Sunday, is concerned that new inspectors will not have full and unfettered access, and Saddam's working on WMDs. Cheney did add a detail he did not mention to Tony Snow: Saddam's kids are not to be trusted either -- in fact, one beat one of his dad's valet to death in the 1980s.

Gee, seems to us that George H. Bush has some pretty unsavory sons -- they haven't bludgeoned any valets, but we wouldn't put it past them...

Does Yassir Arafat have the will or means to stop suicide bombings? Cheney said that Arafat may not be able to stop some Palestinian elements, but in the past, some factions with which he has some pull have bombed Israeli targets.

Will the White House honor a subpoena requested by Lieberman ordering the turnover of all documents pertaining to contacts with Enron? Cheney acted as if the White House will cooperate.

Hmmm... maybe Enron-style cooperation? Gentlemen, start your shredders...

Then Tim EMBARRASSED Cheney by showing a goofy picture of the Veep on a "Segway" scooter. Cheney, trying to hide his discomfort, says the Secret Service hates them -- they can't keep up with them.

Well, Jeez, Dick, there's only one solution -- get a phalanx of armored, armed Segways for your Secret Service retinue! Farm the job out to some contractor in Oklahoma so Don Nickles and O.J. Watts will stop whining about that anachronistic artillery "pork" program that got killed by Rumsfeld!

'Nuff said...

-- Dave "Doctor" Gonzo

JJ Balzer is a former television news producer. He lives in New York City.

Dave "Doctor" Gonzo is a media producer and guru. He lives in fortified, high-rise compound in New York City.

Dash Riprock is a freelance smart-aleck based in Moline, IL It's his birthday today and he's surprised he's around to mark the occasion. You may reach him at dashriprockapj@hotmail.com -- no charge.