American Politics Journal -- Pundit Pap

Pundit Pap
for Sunday, May 12
Mideast eclipses Smirk's Feast O' Pork
by The Pundit Pap Team

May 12, 2002 -- New York/Washington (APJP, first edition, 2:00PM) -- Pretend-ident George passed a huge helping of pork for the big agri-business states this week -- but what with more insane violence in the Middle East, the issue was all but ignored.

Here's what we caught this morning...

FAUX News Sunday
Tony talks Israel talking -- and Smirk not being conservative enough

Sure, FAUX News Sunday may be run by the same gang of morons who found themselves recently embarrassed by the revelation that their in-house "ex-lieutenant colonel" military expert didn't even make PFC. But at least they get one thing right -- the brisk pace of their ever-entertaining Sunday political yak-fest, now called FOX News Sunday with Tony Snow. Sure, it's "fair and balanced" only if you're a proto-reactionary or Shrub worshipper -- but the show spins for the Bunnypants Administration like no other, and remains the best barometer of what the GOP is thinking.

And this week, they were conflicted as to whether His Illegitimacy had again let down the so-called "core constituency" of ideological conservatives by passing big-dollar farm subsidies -- or had helped a significant player in his real core constituency, big agri-business, by passing a huge corporate farming welfare bill.

Guest one: former US peace negotiator Dennis Ross. Tony pointedly used the Fleischer-sanctioned spin phrase "homicide bombing" at the top of the interview (the first of at least three repetitions of the phrase) when he asked if Israel, with forces poised on the Gaza border, was now balking at going into Palestinian territory. Ross said he thinks there will be action and, on cue from Tony, said that Israel may engage in smaller, commando-type forces to target individual alleged terrorists. Has Israel disabled terror groups "run by Hamas" (which is largely based in Gaza)? Not completely, said Ross, but it is harder for Hamas to conduct terrorist operations, and it's likely that a new Hamas leadership and recruiting infrastructure will emerge. Tony mentioned the mini-summit involving Egyptian and Saudi leaders, the outcome of which seems to be increased pressure from the Saudis on Arafat; Ross concurred, but added that the deal is probably with the US also -- with Smirk pressuring Sharon and the Saudis pressuring Arafat.

Tony said that a Saudi official is paying off families of "homicide bombers", giving Ross a chance to denounce the legitimizing if the killers.

Is Arafat still relevant? Ross, in effect, said yes -- he's the guy we have to talk to, but he's also the person whose power needs to be controlled. There are rivalries within the Palestinian Authority; the US should exploit them. Tony called it a "reform movement" that could marginalize Arafat; Ross, to our surprise, warned Tony off the idea of marginalizing Arafat unless and until institutions are in place that are not as subject to corruption (he should have added that the last thing the region needs right now is a Palestinian power vacuum).

What is Dennis hearing from Saudis, Egyptians and others about Arafat? Ross gave the most important answer of the segment: they're fed up with him and don't trust him but are not willing to go public with it.

Tony then spun Likud politics: Bibi Netanyahu wants to defeat Sharon and is pushing to take the Gaza Strip and the West Bank off the table for Palestinian statehood. Ross said that the campaign is weakening Sharon -- and right now, that is a STUPID idea.

Bravo, Dennis! It's about time someone told off the power-hungry, reactionary, ambitious troublemaker Netanyahu, who seems these days to be an even bigger bigot than either Arafat or Sharon (if that's possible).

Then Tony welcomed one of our favorite Senate fools, Don Nickles (R-Senator in a Drum), whose intellect matched that of the Imperial Chimp -- and whose hypocrisy exceeds that of anyone else in the Senate.

Tony's spin: Smirk is swerving away from conservatism, and cited a farm bill "larded with pork". Nickles whined that it was a "budget buster" -- then said the Democrats had not submitted a budget.

Well, good for them, Donny -- that way, the Smirk and his GOP confederates will be sandbagged by a lousy budget and sink on their lack of fiscal discipline, despite Smirk passing bills that actually help Republican states -- like Texas, which benefits handsomely from the farm bill.

Donny could not get off the "budget buster" rhetoric -- then said that Smirk is "fiscally conservative".

Huh? Didn't the White House submit their own "budget buster" budget? What a hypocrite -- and that was only the beginning.

Brit Hume groused about Defense Secretary Donald Strange-Feld killing an overpriced and unnecessary new artillery system. Nickles, who probably assumed that playing to the GOP's militaristic wing would be the right play, claimed that the US armed forces should have the most advanced weapons (which, we would remind Donny, they already do), Nickles LIED by saying North Koreans have "better cannons" that we do. Hume then embarrassed Nickles by reminding him that these cannons would be assembled in Oklahoma, and said the system was not vital.

We were nearly beside ourselves with laughter, because Hume had also exposed Nickles as two-faced -- who at the top of the segment whined about pork, and was now whining that he wasn't getting his fair share of it! The sheer magnitude of Nickles' hypocrisy -- exposed, mind you, by GOP Spin King Hume -- was the highlight of our pundit weekend.

Nickles just plowed ahead, seemingly oblivious to having spoken out of both sides of his mouth. He claimed North Korean cannons could reach Seoul -- until Hume pointed out that aircraft could take them out. Nickles talked about bad weather and visibility (hey, Donny, ever heard of GPS technology?) and kept whining -- practically begging -- for his "quality artillery" cannons. Tony asked if the cannons get funded, what goes? Nickles deflected, falling back on -- catch this -- "the Democrats have not passed a budget." Tony, who looked as if he were enjoying Nickles' clumsiness, pushed on: what gets crossed out of the budget? Nickles said the guns are still in the budget, and he wants to hear from Rumsfeld.

Tony then uttered one word: "Judges!" This was the equivalent of throwing Donny raw meat. He started complaining about so-called Democrat "obstruction". Tony said it seemed the GOP has no backbone on the issue (now that was a laugh -- given that many Democrats see Tom Daschle as the spineless wonder), and Nickles whined about court vacancies. Tony said the president says that there's a crisis -- how about recess appointments? Nickles showed smarts for the first time in the entire segment -- saying he hopes not (knowing full well that they would be politically damaging not just to the Smirking Usurper but the GOP); he wants hearings and votes.

Brit asked if Nickles were running for Minority or Majority Leader. Of course, Nickles said he's more worried about putting the GOP back in the majority, then did his litany of issues song and dance (translation: yep, he wants to oust Trent Lott). Tony asked about a press report that Nickles went to Lott about press rumors that he's running. Nickles said he confronted Lott about where these stories came from.

Of course, none of the three mentioned the real matter of concern: public and private polls that show Democrats gaining seats in the Senate come November. The "we're taking back the Senate" bravado was not there; now it's "we hope to take back the Senate." The underlying problem is clear: His Fraudulence has no coattails (let alone a mandate). He's seen as being too close to Kenny Boy Lay -- and "privatization" is now equated with "Enron". He's seen as ineffective on the Mideast. Eight years of peace and prosperity have been flushed down the toilet. And the Dems are hungry -- very hungry.

And after Nickles' embarrassing and hypocritical performance performance today, he can kiss any hope of being Minority Leader buh-bye.

Holy cow: Tony served up a full half hour of panel time! Here were the best and worst spin points:

Tony and Brit wondered how far other Arab countries will really go to work toward peace in the region -- and will they help oust Arafat? Fake liberal Mara Liasson said one sign will be the action taken by Mohammad Dalan, the PLO security boss -- and a possible successor to Arafat.

Bill Kristol speculated that the private words between Shrub and Saudi Prince Abdullah were probably different than the public nicey-nicey talk -- and implied the Saudis are in fact a destabilizing force. Juan Williams was correct when he said that Little George needs the Saudis if he wants to take out Saddam Hussein; he predicts that Sharon will show restraint in Gaza.

A little later, Mara said that Sharon wants Arafat deposed and "his time has passed." Kristol said that there was essentially a faked-up plebiscite that Arafat won (shades of Florida, Bill!) -- and said that Israel could live with a "dee-cent" Palestinian state. Juan said the West Bank and the 1967 borders will remain a problem for both parties -- and forecast a continued diplomatic standoff. Mara said a majority of Israelis support abandoning settlements in Palestinian territory. Hume and Mara also agreed that "unlimited right of return" is a big sticking point. Juan added that Sharon's refusal to lay off military operations is the hot issue. Hume called the December 2000 proposal masterminded by President Clinton a "generous offer" (translation: too big in giveaways to Arafat) -- and Arafat rebuffed it!

The blather ended on a pessimistic note -- but, naturally, with no mention of the Chimp-in-Chief's failure to have followed through on Clinton's hard work (not to mention his failure to engage at all in international affairs and his inner circle of Smirk-o-lationists -- but, then, this is FAUX News, and dissing the Texas Dauphin is just not "fair and balanced").

After the break, Tony brought up growing tensions between Americans and Europeans (this looked so rehearsed it was pathetic). Mara talked about European anger first over Dim Bulb's isolationism, then over the Mideast, and now Smirk is headed out on a field trip to try to make nice and be an "honest broker" despite being pro-Israel. Tony claimed Europe is envious (snicker) -- and Kristol said that it's because we love our religion and military and the EU is secular and internationalist.

Please, someone -- where is the laugh track? Go back twenty years -- substitute the words "Soviet Union" for "Europe". You get the idea. Europe is eminently more civilized and practical than the ideologically-driven Junta de Smirko. After all, Israel and the Middle East are practically in their back yard.

Juan hit the nail on the head when he said there was resentment over US cultural hegemony -- not just bad movies, but, for example, the recent school shooting incident in Germany.

Hume then ranted about Jimmy Carter and the notion of making concessions to Cuba. Mara said that a major anti-Castro organization in the US has endorsed Carter's trip -- and Kristol seems to think that Carter may make a bold call for free elections in Cuba.

Then Tony celebrated the tenth anniversary of Dan Quayle's silly "Murphy Brown" speech, a stunt "that will live -- well, let's leave at that." Tony dismissed Eleanor Clift's dead-on response to Dopey Dan from back in the good old days of Mr. Potatoe Hed. Bill Kristol, who worked on Quayle's team, admitted he encouraged Danny to say it! Juan Williams mentioned the new model TV family, MTV's "The Osbournes" -- headed by the "brain-addled Ozzy." Mara told Juan -- much to his surprise -- that Quayle said he likes "The Osbournes"!

A shame they cut off the debate here -- Quayle's kind words about "The Osbournes" has unleashed some hilarious and genuinely inane debate on the right.

-- JJ Balzer

Meet the Press
Tim talks war -- and shameless plugs

Tim Russert scored again on the guest front: Jordan's King Abdullah II and Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg.

Abdullah began the interview by saying he is encouraged by Arab nations meeting in Cairo in an effort to push Palestinians toward peace. Tim, naturally, had to throw cold water on the interview right at the start: what happens if the Likud votes against a Palestinian state? Abdullah said the reaction would be negative -- unless Israel reaches out, violence will be the most likely result. Tim then turned to hand-wringing emotional button-pushing: what about the parents of kids killed by suicide bombers and the security of Israel? Abdullah was frank -- that depends on a hopeful future for Palestinians. Do you believe Yassir Arafat is a terrorist? Abdullah ignored the inflammatory question and focused instead on the long and angry history between Israel and Palestine, and pointed out that Arafat is essentially a politician -- and now must "step up to the plate" (translation: "We know he as to bet pushed, and we want him to make a move toward peace quickly"). Tim pointed out that Abdullah's father had a falling out at one point with Arafat. Abdullah said that the Palestinian Authority gets support from Jordan. Tim turned to video of Abdullah's wife saying that massacres had occurred in Palestinian refugee camps during the recent Israeli incursions. Abdullah was very careful in responding to this Russert ambush: there was, he conceded, a great deal of violence during the incursions, and the situation in Jenin is still tense. "Massacre is a strong word" -- but the violence that accompanied Israel's incursions should nevertheless be investigated.

Tim then played a clip of King Hussein from over a generation ago calling on Israel to settle the Palestinian issue, which he characterized as a serious human rights issue, and for Israel to persuade its neighbors that it seeks peace and will support human rights. Abdullah asked for Tim to imagine Abdullah's son sitting in his chair on the NBC set a generation from now saying the same thing (translation: he wants peace). Can Sharon and Arafat make peace? "The Israeli and Palestinian people can," said Abdullah, and he asked Israel to meet Arab nations halfway. He also pointed out that the language of negotiation should be flexible -- and that Jerusalem should be open to Israel, Palestinians and the world.

Tim then changed tack: is Osama bin Laden winning the psychological and public relations war? Abdullah said that Osama's rhetoric appeals to the youngest -- and exploding -- generation of Arabs, and they are being further inflamed by the Israel-Palestine mess. This was an important answer, one which Sharon and Smirk should pay careful attention to, because they are losing the war for the hearts and minds of young Arabs -- and it's pretty clear that Abdullah has cast his lot with the peacemakers.

How stable is your monarchy? Very stable, said Abdullah with a smile -- since the Intifada, it has been the most stable Arab nation. He changed tack: Powell's recent visit to the region had had brought hope, but it's waning.

Talk about deflating the American press! They seemed to go out of their way to declare Powell's effort to clean up after Cheney's mess a failure -- but perhaps the most respected Arab leader in the region said he brought"hope."

Why are there no democracies besides Israel in the region? Abdullah is worried that he cannot encourage stable reforms within Jordan with a bloodbath in his back yard.

Abdullah should have pointed out that there is indeed another regime that has in fact introduced democratic reforms with more than a modicum of success: Cyprus.

Tim then quoted King Hussein saluting Iraq and Saddam ten years ago -- and Abdullah reminded Tim that King Hussein tried to get Arab nations and the West to effect a political solution to Iraq's invasion of Kuwait before Operation Desert Whatever -- "One can argue that he might have had a point back then." He said there is hope for Iraq to return to the international fold, and given the volatility of the Palestinian problem, an American move against Iraq would create massive disturbances and possibly destabilize the region. So which would Abdullah choose: the US or Iraq? Abdullah offered a third answer: dialogue with both sides, and continued concern that American zeal to get Saddam would trigger a large regional war.

Tim made a last shift of subject: the young and telegenic leader as a media figure. Recently, Abdullah hosted a special about Jordan on the Travel Channel. Abdullah said that he had enjoyed learning so many skills during his military years, and it was a blast showing them off in his travelogue.

Tim also tweaked him about his guest appearance a few years back on Star Trek: Voyager. Abdullah, who is an avid fan of science fiction and Star Trek, smiled as he recounted learning a few things about the business of Hollywood -- but ruled out a future full-time acting career! He did so with humor -- but we wish that he'd discussed one of the underlying themes of Star Trek: civilizations learning to understand and respect one another and working out their differences through peaceful means.

The second full segment was a Today-meets-BookTV-style plug with guest Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg, who was touting her sequel to her father's "Profiles in Courage". We grabbed a refill of coffee as Tim and Caroline made the pundit equivalent of small talk: praise for the policemen and firemen in New York on September 11th of last year, and one mayor who was honored for promoting religious tolerance of Muslims. Al Hunt and Bob "the butt boy" Woodward joined in an impromptu and mostly dull "round table" about the new "Profiles in Courage", to which they have contributed assays. Woodward talked up then-President Gerald Ford's controversial pardon of his disgraced former predecessor Richard Nixon. Al Hunt mentioned that his mostly-GOP family were appalled that he had voted for John Kennedy in 1960.

Tim did tweak Bob about John Dean's impending "outing" of Deep Throat. Bob said Dean had tried twice before and was wrong both times -- and said tantalizingly that he might write a profile of the real "Deep Throat" for the third volume of "Profiles in Courage".

-- JJ Balzer

JJ Balzer is a former television news producer. He lives in New York City.