American Politics Journal -- Pundit Pap

Pundit Pap
for Sunday, May 5
Junta Infighting Week in Review, Starring Condi Rice vs. -- er, and -- Colin Powell
by The Pundit Pap Team

May 5, 2002 -- New York/Washington (APJP, 2:30PM) -- The cracks in the Shrub's "unified and focused" misadministration are beginning to show in a big way. Early in the week, reports of the possible resignation of Secretary of State Colin Powell surfaced in the press -- and were quickly dismissed by practically every faction of Team Smirk. Golly -- what happened to that almost-leak-free, always-on-message Junta we have come to know and loathe? Could it have something to do with the departure of Karen Hughes, whose views are reported in some quarters to be a bit too "liberal" for the hard-right power players that pull Smirk's strings?

Mideast mayhem was the first order of business in the Sabbath gasbag ghetto -- but they had to content with trouble in Tequila'n'Pretzel Boy's paradise this week, and not-so-veiled questions were posed to National Security Advisor Condi Rice and Powell himself.

Meanwhile, another sideshow surfaced, triggered on Friday by the appearance of corrupt Internet "gossip" maven Matt Drudge's disastrous appearance on CNN's Crossfire. It goes a little beyond the two lies Drudge told and that were exposed by our homeboys over at the always-informative Media Whores Online -- about not having his radio show canceled (it was) and that he wasn't "dictated to" by FAUX News Channel (which directly contradicts an earlier assertion he made).

It has to do with what smelled to us like a "scripted" answer to a question he anticipated from Begala concerning the source for Drudge's phony scoop from nearly five years ago that former White House aide Sidney Blumenthal beat his wife. Matt's immediate reply was something about CNN having "lied" in their report that claimed the US had used nerve gas against deserters in Vietnam, and that Begala hid behind executive privilege.

Problem is, Drudge's rehearsed-sounding non-answer was a non-sequitur -- in that Begala asked Drudge why he would not reveal the identity of a dishonest source (long thought to be alleged girlfriend-abuser John Fund). Begala pegged Drudge as a dupe -- and Drudge's answer exposed him as a dope. And, naturally, there was no apology to Blumenthal for the slanders he passed on.

We believe that the fallout from Matt's blunder -- and that of his source -- has not even begun, and that he only managed to dig himself a deeper hole with his ill-considered appearance on Crossfire.

But, as they say, we digress.

Here's what we caught this pundit Sunday...

FAUX News Sunday
Tony schmoozes Condolleeza as Bob Graham opens a can of butt-whup for Smirk

As usual, FAUX News Sunday -- soon to be re-titledFAUX News Sunday with Tony Snow in the wake of Tony's successfully having squeezed Roger Ailes and Rupert Murdoch for more money (and he deserves it) -- became a conduit for the official Smirk Junta spin.

This week's crucial message: "Oh, no, Tony, there's NO friction between Powell and the rest of the team pulling the Twig's strings, we're one, big, united, happy family!" The conveyor of the spin: Condi Rice.

Tony immediately quizzed Condi about some documents allegedly tying Palestinian Authority autocrat Yassir Arafat to weapons given to Palestinian terrorists. Condi feigned ignorance of the full facts (translation: we're not ready to pounce, Smirk's about to visit with Israeli Prime Minister Arial Sharon, and heck, we suddenly NEED peace in the Mideast -- or the GOP loses the House), but did say the US has told Arafat to tamp down extremists. Tony obsessed on the documents. No surprise there -- in the world of "fair and balanced" FAUX News, Sharon can do no wrong and Arafat is a villain, whereas in the real world, they're thugs made for each other. And in typical "fair and balanced" style, Tony asked dismissively about Palestinian claims that the documents are bogus.

Condi, naturally, never gave a straight answer, spending her time trying to bolster the Texas Dauphin's legitimacy and dedication to engagement. The latest spin slogan from Condi was "new behavior"on Arafat's part, in the context of "where Arafat goes next". She also threw in the words "human rights" -- which is pretty ironic, considering that some American policies, including the bombing campaign in Afghanistan (where "collateral damage" hurt the image of our "war on terrorism) and a decade of bombing in Iraq (where over a decade of bombing has strengthened his grip on power and won him sympathy among traditionalist Islamic regimes) cast our Bogus POTUS as a human rights scofflaw in the eyes of many nations, no matter the justification.

The other two terms proffered by Condi this week were "transparent" and "non-corrupt". Translation: Arafat must let other nations, especially Israel, walk all over him, and also has to disclose exactly where he is getting money and what it's being spent on (uh-huh, as if Arafat isn't going to keep two sets of books). Tony pressed Condi on the implication that Arafat was not democratically elected and corrupt -- and Condi, while not saying so overtly, played into Tony's cue that Arafat appears corrupt.

Condi was all deception when she said that the Administration will not "choose" the Palestinians' representatives to international peace talks (translation: we may not pick 'em but we'll pressure and manipulate whomever they select). Tony asked about Powell's comment that Arafat knows exactly what the US expects of him, and answered his own question (we'll put the pressure back on him), giving Condi a chance to optimistically push a "new window of hope."

Honey, that window would have never closed if your Chimp hadn't been pushed to be an isolationist, disengaged martinet. In fact, that very lack of engagement actually helped Osama bin Laden last Sept. 11th. Continued engagement could have moved the peace process forward -- and stolen a phony propagandistic "justification" for Osama and his death cult thugs to attack America.

Come to think of it, the attacks on the Pentagon and World Trade Center were a massive failure of our national security, perhaps second only to the attack on Pearl Harbor. A strong, intelligent and engaged president would have demanded -- privately, but firmly -- your resignation for dropping the ball. Just why is the Chimp-in-Charge keeping you on board?

The rest of the Condi's interview was a nonevent, with heaping servings of "we must move forward" and "the Saudis must play a major role". She did say there is a possibility of normalization of relations between Saudi Arabia and Israel. Tony and Condi tried -- unsuccessfully -- to create a happy relationship between Smirk and Prince Abdullah, but Condi tried to claim that Abdullah liked Smirk because he was "candid".

Funny, but when we hear the word "candid" used to describe diplomatic talks from a White House spokesperson, it usually means icy relations and a need to work out some pretty serious differences.

The most interesting aspect of the interview was that Tony, for the most part, didn't come back with questions to allow Condi to reinforce her spin. Sounds to us like they both know Smirk is knee deep in the brown sauce over the Mideast mess.

Sen. Bob Graham (D-FL) was the next guest. It was a heartwarming segment -- to the embarrassment and astonishment of the whole FAUX News Sunday gang. Graham, usually seen as a conservative Democrat, slammed our Fearless Simian Leader, Homeland Security Nincompoop Tom "The Clown" Ridge, and everyone in the administration -- save Colin Powell.

Mara Liasson called Arafat "reprehensible" (mind you, she was quoting someone, but you could tell she agrees - and so do we); Graham said he "support[s] the president" and Arafat was (for better or worse) the Palestinian leader (for now). Mara obsessed on the same documents Tony had brought up at the top of the Condi interview; Graham said he had heard they confirm, not raise, suspicions that Arafat has been at the center of terrorist acts and wants the destruction of Israel.

Brit Hume, sounding grumpy and dyspeptic as usual, parroted Graham in his question: does Arafat want the destruction of Israel? Graham essentially said yes, and the turning point was the peace proposal at the end of Clinton's term that gave Arafat everything he'd asked for -- and he turned it down. So, asked Hume, what hope is there for a peace accord with Arafat? Graham admitted it's tough; we must convince Arafat to be Palestine's Jefferson.

Juan Williams mentioned a Time article calling Tom Ridge's Office of Homeland Security a failure (talk about understatement -- try "superfluous failure"). Graham said it's time to expand the war on terrorism elsewhere, "get on with the next phases [so] it's not just defined as [against] Al Qaeda", and emphatically said the present homeland security is not working -- so let's make it a cabinet post to help organize the war on terrorism at home.

Then Graham slammed Ridge as "not an ideal man" for Homeland Security boss since he "just does not have the tools to get the job done."

Yes! It's about time someone took this pathetic doofus to the woodshed. Problem is, this gives Smirk a chance to put together an authoritarian cabinet post with an Ass-KKKroft KKKlone in charge.

Talk turned to reports and rumors of about a hundred Al Qaeda sleeper cells in the US. Tony asked how we go about rooting out Al Qaeda here in America, and Graham said that bribes are disrupting and betraying the Al Qaeda network. Mara asked if the government knows who these cells are, and Graham, after a little back and forth, said yes, we know who they are. Hume dramatically asked whether the administration is not doing enough; when he said it's time to bring the fight to other parts of the world, Graham essentially said yes. Hume asked again, and Graham said that the administration is in fact not doing enough to smash Al Qaeda.

Tony then asked about a report that an FBI agent in Phoenix had given Washington a heads-up about a large number of Arabs enrolled in a local flight school prior to Sept. 11, with no movement from FBI higher-ups. Tony also asked if Colin Powell is being undermined by people in the administration. Graham said yes, there were public or back-channel statements made by right-wingers in Smirk's circle of handlers to some foreign leaders that were not consistent with Powell's message and mission.

Tony politely thanked Graham --as we laughed out loud at the extraordinary effort Tony, Brit and Mara were engaged in to conceal their incredulity and shock that someone would DARE criticize the Smirking Doofus and his gang of reactionaries -- during "wartime"! The horror! The HORROR!

Panel time! Bill Kristol dissed Arafat and the prospects of a peace conference -- in effect slamming Condi's optimism. Mara talked mixed messages and spun the upcoming international conference as a "little meeting". Kristol called Powell's approach "the Clinton path", and Hume said in so many words that this is no time for negotiation -- my God, there's a "war on terror" in progress -- and he hopes Sharon did enough to de-fang Arafat. Juan Williams set Hume straight, saying that the war on terror and the Israel-Palestinian tiff are separate agenda items, and Smirk has to negotiate with Arafat; Mara replied that Juan's view means we "run smack into Sharon". Kristol relished in the irony of isolationist Smirk, who had dissed Europe and foreign nations, becoming an internationalist. He blew it when he said Clinton never was an internationalist.

Well, Bill, that's because Europe and other developed nations could trust Clinton to work for stability and peace. Do you think we're idiots?

Mara and Hume talked about suicide bombers (Hume was right for once when he called them a well-organized "cult of death"); Juan said that Sharon is calling for continued occupation; Hume acted as if Arafat has no proposals, which is pretty much true; Juan said it's time for Arafat to sign on to the Clinton plan (you could practically feel Kristol cringe and Hume grab for a crucifix).

After the break, Tony and the gang had some fun at the expense of some goof-ball Palestinian propagandists who were caught on a surveillance video carrying the"dead body"of an "innocent" on a funerary bier -- followed by their clumsily dropping the body and the "dead" guy getting up back on the bier.

It was almost as funny as watching Matt Drudge figuratively shooting himself in the foot on Crossfire! We think FAUX should add a new series to their prime-time line up: "The World's Funniest Surveillance Videos".

Tony talked about the coming meeting between Smirk and Sharon; Kristol said that the world thinks Arafat is a terrorist (that, sadly, is not true, Billy-Bob -- ask the Saudis, who see him as a freedom fighter -- Smirk would like the world to see him as a thug, which he is -- just like Sharon). Juan said that the Palestinians in fact have the truth on their side (huh? after that video?).

To finish off "panel time", Tony then ran footage of the Pathetic POTUS trying to do comedy at the White House Whore-spondent's Dinner last night. It wasn't funny until he came to a picture of Dick Cheney looking into an Oval Office "peephole". The Twig made a cheap joke about Cheney's body language, which was -- well, if you thought FAUX News Sunday was a "family" program and the Simian Simpleton was a "family values" guy, you're wrong on both counts.

Jeez, Tony, kids could be watching! What do we tell the children? Huh?

Tony's final word -- the big dinner, and Drew Carey's monologue. Drew praised the armed forces and apparently praised the Bible.

Oh, please.

And Tony -- why no mention of FAUX News Channel hostess Greta van Facelift's invited guest of honor at the dinner, Ozzy "Prince of Darkness" Osbourne?

-- JJ Balzer

Meet the Press
Tim forsakes the Church...for WAR!!

Tim Russert again snagged the A-list guests: Secretary of State Colin Powell and Sen. John Edwards (D-NC).

What will Powell tell Sharon when he arrives in DC? Powell claimed that Sharon is "committed to a peace process" (partially true, Colin -- with Arafat dead and buried as part of the process). He added that Sharon will be told that he has to work with Arafat. Will Smirk and Powell tell Sharon that he has to shut down settlements in Palestinian territory? Powell said that W. Bunnypants has hinted that the settlement issue must be resolved. Powell also is optimistic about the possibility that Arab nations may normalize relations with Israel -- if Israel will return to their 1967 borders. The question, he added, is the process by which a Palestinian state will be created -- a single phase? Multiple phases? This must be debated. Tim asked about the proposed "Berlin Wall" between Israel and Palestinian territory, and Powell wants to quiz Sharon as to whether this is indeed his view. Powell also wants to hear Sharon's ideas about entering the "Mitchell process."

Tim implied that Powell's stature in the Smirk junta is diminished, and Powell smacked him down, rattling off a litany of diplomatic steps he has taken toward bringing peace to the Middle East (and naturally, Powell had the courtesy not to mention Dick Cheney's disastrous "we're going after Saddam" tour of the Mideast that nearly scuttled all of what little prestige we had in the region). The situation, said Powell, is multifaceted and complicated.

Powell was emphatic on this point. Translation, with apologies to Ron Ziegler: "previous assertions of 'moral clarity' are no longer operative..."

Powell went on to say that he feels it's time for discussions at the ministerial level with Israel, Palestinians and others to generate momentum toward peace and a "transparent" (there's that word again), non-corrupt Palestinian authority. Powell said that some unexpected nations, including Japan, want to help move the region toward peace.

That was the big admission of the week: the Smirking Pretender has squandered America's prestige, influence, and stature -- and now the rest of the world has to fill the vacuum we have left.

Tim mentioned resolutions passed by both houses of Congress supporting Israel -- and incendiary anti-Palestinian remarks by Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Confederacy). Powell dismissed DeLay's blather and stated that there is broad agreement that America should support Israel and we are its strongest and best friend -- but also has an obligation to help Palestinians.

Tim mentioned Saudi Arabia's PR campaign in the US -- contrasting with an ambassador writing poetry celebrating "martyrs" to Islam. Powell instead praised (and boosted the power of) Saudi Prince Abdullah. Tim said that the Saudis have been paying off the families of Palestinian suicide bombers (guess Tim isn't buying into the "homicide bombing" spin) and Iraq wants nuclear weapons. Powell is sure Saddam Hussein is trying, so sanctions must remain in place and Saddam must let inspectors into Iraq. Do you wish you'd gotten rid of him ten years ago? Powell said the decision of the UN (as opposed to Smirk Daddy) was to kick Iraq out of Kuwait, not depose Saddam -- but now it is clear he must be deposed. Tim hinted at the real issue with Iraq -- oil and oil prices -- as he claimed that Saddam is diverting oil surcharges to his nuclear program. Powell said that sanctions against Iraq will "improve" (huh?).

Tim asked Powell about Le Pen -- and Powell said he does not think much of the man.

Finally, Tim quoted an article from the New York Daily News discussing Powell's frustration with Paul Wolfowitz and Donald Rumsfeld, whom he reportedly nicknamed the "bombers". Powell denied the nickname, but gave a non-denial denial of a rift between himself and DOD, saying there were differences but agreement on most matters.

So...an admission of differences! There IS trouble in Chimpy's Paradise.

Tim -- in a rather stupid move --asked if Powell would serve out his term. Powell had to remind him that he serves at the behest of the Chimp.

Then -- Edwards, who came out of the gate saying Israel is threatened on a daily basis, and he wants to see the purported evidence of a a direct connect between Arafat and terrorism. Should Israel shut down construction of new settlements in Palestinian territory? Edwards did not say no, but did say that it's time for an international conference to settle the situation. He said that he can understand Sharon's reluctance to sit at the same table with Arafat. Was it proper for Smirk to tell Sharon to stop its incursions? In a clever dis of the Chimp -- and using an old GOP spin point -- Edwards said it was wrong for Bunnypants to impose on Israel's sovereignty. He added that Smirky had been disengaged from the region for far too long -- and, after praising Powell, said he is also concerned that Powell is being undermined by "other voices" in the Shrub Junta -- they must speak with one voice.

Translation: the Dems in the Senate have thrown their support behind Powell.

When Powell is saying that Israel should back off on settlements and others in the administration are saying to continue, that hurts Powell and American prestige, said Edwards. Tim scoffed, claiming that Edwards wants to step back and embrace Israel. Edwards disputed Tim's assertion and said that he wants the US to pressure moderate Arab countries to move the region toward peace.

Tim then quoted Edwards' assertion that Afghanistan is plummeting toward Taliban-era chaos. Edwards responded by citing the two years needed to raise a national army, the minuscule peacekeeping force, and continued violence among warlords and drug lords. It's time, he said, to use our influence; "we need not to lose the victory" and need to get the world to boost the size of the peacekeeping force.

Tim turned to the economy, giving Edwards a chance to slam Smirk-O-Nomics: increased unemployment, a failure to encourage savings, squandering of the surplus, and zero fiscal discipline. Tim talked about the Social Security surplus -- and Dems reportedly supporting a raid on the surplus. Edwards said that given the present downturn, there is a need to return to fiscal discipline; he opposes making Chimpy's tax cuts permanent, which by and large benefit the rich. What programs would you cut? Edwards slammed Smirk's refusal to reconsider the tax cut -- and that everything has to be put on the table; the loss of the surplus is the direct result of the tax cut. Edwards also hammered Smirk for essentially robbing from Social Security to pay for a tax cut. So why not rescind the tax cut? Edwards said it could happen -- but it has to be justified and targeted.

Tim tried to cast Edwards as the villain on ending the big tax giveback -- focusing a full five minutes on the issue. Edwards came out sounding sane and smart.

Al Gore -- whuddya think? Edwards thinks Gore would be a strong candidate in 2004. Tim asked Edwards about his "candidacy", but Edwards deflected. Can a Dem win without the South? Edwards, surprisingly, said yes. Tim then held up a magazine cover featuring Edwards, "The Next Bill Clinton"; Edwards said that unlike Clinton, he had not spent most of his life in politics. "Do you have different values than Clinton?" (translation: Clinton's immoral, are you a good Christian?) Edwards said he is concerned about opening up opportunities to all Americans -- and there are similarities. Tim tried to dis Edwards by pointing out that he drew 1% of Dem support in a recent poll -- the same percentage as Al Sharpton -- then cited some obscure college poll claiming his support is dropping in North Carolina -- then tried to tie him to "trial lawyers". Edwards said he fought for regular people, and he used to be a lawyer and believes in the jury system, where the "little guy" has a chance.

He should have said that all the "trial lawyer" spin comes from mega-corporate thugs and thieves who want "tort reform" that shuts the little guy out of access to civil courts -- and that the bad guys are the phony, crooked parties out to corrupt the courts, not the lawyers who stand up to the little guy.

All in all, Edwards was pretty impressive-- but he needs to take a cue or two from Paul Begala and James Carville -- stay tough, but stay cordial with Tim. He goes on the attack -- smile, keep it friendly, but jab back.

Tim's Meet the Press minute featured NBC founder David Sarnoff talking about the power of television in time of war -- and the power of military leaders as censors. It all sounds eerily familiar.

-- JJ Balzer

JJ Balzer is a former television news producer. He lives in New York City.