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Contact Information for Pundit String-Pullers |
Sunday, February 3, 2002, 3:00 PM EST (APJP) -- Those hyperactive pundits were busy spinning, counterspinning, dissecting and debating the latest "Smirkism", debuted during last Tuesday's overhyped "State of the Regime" infomercial:
Axis of Evil!
It seems everyone had something to say about the slogan -- and practically every point but one came up, namely, that the three countries in President Bunnypants' "axis" -- Iran, Iraq, and North Korea -- are big on missiles, yet pundits and journalists have been loath to mention this peculiar coincidence and the manner in which it is being used to quietly resurrect the idea of a "missile defense shield" -- never mind that it's a helluva lot cheaper to, say, conceal and ship a so-called "dirty nuke" in a cargo ship.
And naturally, the "State of the Smirk" was used to eclipse the mushrooming Enrongate scandal, which has engulfed Dick Cheney. Granted, it was the number two story, but its reach -- in both the realms of political and business news -- is expanding rapidly, with the backfired attempt by Ken Lay's wife and family, aided and abetted by the pro-tobacco spin-meisters at Hill and Knowlton and disgraceful NBC pseudojournalist Lisa Meyers, to depict themselves as "victims".
Hubby Ken Lay appears before Congress next week. Will he be man enough to name names -- including the "evildoers" in the Texas Dauphin's misadministration? We're not holding our breath
Here's a quick look at the Sunday blather:
FAUX News Sunday
Condi spins...er, clarifies that little "axis" comment
Despite the fact that FAUX News boss Roger Ailes is nothing more and nothing less than a shill for the most unctuous powers within the GOP, he knows how to produce programming that keeps viewers interested. The FAUX News Channel constantly flatters their somewhat shallow viewers, persuading them that they're smarter than those who view competing television news -- this despite the fact that FNC has less actual content than MSNBC or the recently dumbed-down CNN (let alone BBC World, still the best news channel on the known planet).
And Roger knows that your average Sunday pundit show viewer is smarter by a huge degree that the typical FNC junkie -- so the approach is different. Since its inception, FAUX News Sunday has maintained both a conservative slant, a fast pace, thorough questioning, and just enough populist (and frequently funny) smart-ass banter from the very right-wing and very talented Tony Snow to keep the full spectrum of viewers entertained.
Before turning to guest one, National Security tutor Condolleeza Rice, Tony got the latest on Wall Street Journal correspondent Daniel Pearl, kidnapped in Pakistan early this week, from their man in the "war zone", and, in a programming tie-in, turned to another interchangeable FNS correspondent for details surrounding Super Bowl security in New Orleans.
Tony then welcomed Condi, who made a point of first thanking Pakistan for its help in trying to recover Pearl before the pap began. Talk immediately turned to Smirk's grandiose proclamation of an "axis of evil", and Tony quoted some critical commentary from former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright. Condi started by saying that the three nations are not particularly nice regimes, and that they are in fact a threat to national security (the usual claims of weapons of mass destruction followed).
In response to the follow-up question, Condi said that this was a "wake-up call" to the national community, NOT limited to the three "axis" states. Whoa! She should have been a little more careful with her wording, since "wake-up call" comes across more as saber-rattling aimed at potential enemies than an alert for other nations of good will to help stop terrorism.
Tony then put up comments from British politico Jack Straw: the speech has to be seen in the context of mid-term elections (and there's more than a little truth to that, not only with respect to the domestic issues Smirk softballed, but the war on terrorism and the proclamation of an "axis of evil"). Condi immediately diverted to national security issues, and in a further follow-up tried to claim that her boss wants to work with other nations.
Tony then asked about Yassir Arafat's op-ed piece in today's New York Times, specifically his comments on Palestinian refugees and the status of Jerusalem. Condi said that a "final resolution" required implementation of the Oslo Accords and immediate shutdown of "terrorists in his presence." She pointedly claimed that he is being treated the way an official head of state would be treated; "he has not done enough and it is clear he [must do more] to disable terrorist networks" (right -- and not manage to be deposed or assassinated in the process -- get real, Condi).
Are the leaders of the "axis" evil? Condi said it's impossible to say Saddam Hussein isn't.
Hmmm... we see! Smirk tars the leadership of the other two nations with the Saddam Hussein brush. Condi sure wasn't explicit about it, but that's what happened. He also sold moderate forces in the other two nations right down the river.
Condi did say that all three nations are out to get weapons of mass destruction (but nothing about missiles). Tony said that Don "Strange-feld" Rumsfeld would not rule out the use of ground forces in Iraq, and Condi, after talking a couple of scenarios, essentially agreed -- adding that Saddam Hussein remains a threat (no duuuh), but without providing specifics. She refused to engage in "hypotheticals" with Tony, showing that in fact the Smirk Doctrine is pretty fluid. She also had to admit that a portion of Iran's leadership is in fact democratically elected and they were of help to the campaign in Afghanistan, but the Iranian government's "attitude" must change. When she mentioned that Iran may be involved in surreptitious attempts to influence Afghanistan, Tony named Afghan warlord Ismail Khan -- at which point Condi went out of her way to distance herself from the notion that Iran was using Khan.
Yessir, it looks like Tony hit a nerve. There's more going on there than anyone at the top of the Twig Administration is willing to discuss -- but it looks like there's a real possibility that there will be major backpedaling on the status of Iran.
What about security alerts at home? Condi said we should be "understanding" (translation -- screw civil and constitutional rights -- live with it). What about "cyberterror"? Condi called it a "very real threat," but could put forward no truly plausible scenario.
The fact is, the attack of September 11 did have a direct "cyberterror" effect. The collapse of the South Tower at the World Trade Center took out Verizon's high-traffic DSL hub for Manhattan, effectively disrupting Internet connectivity for thousands of New York-based businesses. It also forced MIS honchos and sysadmins to start taking a careful look at network security, virus issues, data backup and recovery, and -- most importantly -- decentralized networking. A "very real threat?" Yes, perhaps to the 'Net's facilities -- but there has been a strong move toward preparation for a network disruption.
A red-meat question for war fans followed: is Osama alive? Condi gave a firm "we're not sure" -- but she and the administration are proceeding as if he were still alive.
There was a little talk about democracy and religious tolerance (now THAT'S a riot, especially on anti-democratic, pro-theocratic FAUX News), and Condi acted as if she completely supports the two notions -- until Tony brought up Saudi Arabia, specifically focusing on madrassas, those usually ultra-extreme Islamic religious indoctrination schools. Condi said that Islamic states now see these so-called "schools" as a serious issue to regional stability.
Spots for Capitol One, Advair, Compaq and Malcolm in the Middle, a "wacky" FOX sitcom about a disturbingly dysfunctional family preceded segment two: the Smirk Deficit Budget.
You've gotta love a broadcasting organization that preaches "values" in its "news" operation -- and has a prime-time broadcast line-up that seems hell-bent on putting the "fun" in dysfunctional.
The guest for this second segment was White House Deficit Director Mitch Daniels; Brit Hume joined the fray.
Is there no give in the budget? Daniels came out spinning, saying that the budget is tailored to "protect America" and "win the war".
Good grief -- the entire Smirk team is beginning to sound like the Kennedy-Johnson "We can WIN the war in Vietnam" gang -- will this be déjà-vu?
How do you stop security-related bills from getting bloated? Daniels instead talked about what is in the budget and who will arbitrate security initiatives (that's right -- the generally invisible Tom Ridge).
Tony brought up the ginned-up "grading system" (which will no doubt be used to eliminate programs and perhaps departments that the nation needs), and Brit Hume asked for specifics. Naturally, Daniels gave none. Brit asked specifically about the issue of maintaining farm subsidies -- "the very kind of spending Republicans stand against." Daniels gave a vague answer, saying only that rich farmers get a lot of money.
Watch out, Mitch -- most of those farmers are in ADM's pocket -- or on their payroll!
On foreign policy issues, Daniels had nothing specific to say -- but then, his specialty is monkeying with numbers, and he wouldn't have his present job unless he could teach Arthur Andersen a trick or two, so God only knows why Daniels is getting this particular line of questioning. Brit turned to some Democrats who oppose deficit spending. Daniels then told the truth, saying "thank God" that House Republican Tom DeLay is PRO-spending (read: tax givebacks for the rich, deficits for everyone else), spinning big deficits as "temporary red ink".
Huh? The Democrat governors in Virginia and New Jersey are coping with just this sort of GOP-caused problem -- and in both states, it may not prove so temporary. So next time you hear the words "temporary red ink", think "Republican doctrine and legacy", and you're a lot closer to the truth.
Is the recession over? Daniels essentially admitted "it IS the economy, stupid", saying he wanted some "insurance" that the economy is coming back.
Tony turned back to that favorite subject of Roger Ailes -- more tax cuts for FAUX News's Grand High Poo-bah and his friends. Daniels said that the Twig Administration would be cooking up a bill making tax cuts permanent. Tony also hinted that there may be friction between DeLay and Bush, but Daniels said that while DeLay will hold Smirk's feet to the fire, they're on the same wavelength.
Tony tried to play down a question about the administration no longer doing business with Enron. Daniels said they are "looking into it".
Brit slammed the "official" budget just published by Smirk for serious content errors that would indicate at first glance that there's NO deficit. Daniels tried to blame a software glitch (yuh, sure, Mitch). Tony asked Daniels about Sen. Jon Corzine's idea to limit stocks in 401(k)s to no more than 20% of the total holdings. Daniels seems to think this takes "choice" away from 401(k) holders (right -- as if there's some sort of shortage of stocks to choose from).
An American Express spot and preview of FOX programming, followed by local spots (yawn) preceded Tony's take on News Meant to Make Conservatives Look Good...excuse us, "Under the Fold": Democrats Abroad chair Tom Fina daring to criticize Smirk so-called "war on terror", feminists getting slammed by a judge in Kentucky, and those evil Harvard liberals making money on Enron "put options".
Then Tony introduced The FNS Axis of Evil -- oops, make that Panel Time! In fact, Tony threw out the term "Axis of evil" for debate, and Brit motor-mouthed his approval of the concept as a bold and major development. Ceci Connelly said people were expecting more from the speech: where's domestic policy? Or Osama? Or Enron? The uninsured and homeless? Elderly that are hurting? Fred "The Weasel" Barnes seemed awfully happy that Kofi Annan was not mentioned (he HATES those minority...um, UN types), and we can WIN this war, dammit! Freddy added that Reagan's one idea was to defeat Communism, Smirk's is to defeat terrorism (an unintentionally critical comment, as it makes both so-called leaders look doctrinaire and uninterested in reality outside of their political belief system). Juan Williams was right when he said other nations are uncomfortable with an undefined and possibly perpetual war -- and what happens to domestic priorities? Democrats are coming on strong, saying the priorities are skewed. Brit characterized other nations as whiners (a typical fallback position for conservative, isolationist Luddites like Brit) as he claimed that "action has changed the atmosphere". Tony reiterated the "too bad" tough talk from Condi Rice, and Ceci said a friend of the Bushes says that Daddy thought he'd done it all with Desert Storm, and he ignored the home front -- and lost to Clinton. Hume LIED about the economy, trying to slough it off on Clinton -- but ADMITTED that Smirk will get saddled with it, yet is WRONG when he says it'll happen "in a few years."
Wake up and smell the burning 401(k)s, Brit -- it's HERE, and the deflated buck stops with you boy Smirk.
Fred and Brit complained about Democrats daring (horrors!) to make Enron a political issue; Juan said that it WILL be a political issue, coming awfully close to saying Smirk's plea to "just judge me on the war" is bound to backfire.
Following the break, Tony showed fragments from two political ads in North Carolina. Democrats attacked Elizabeth Dole (R-Carpetbagger) for her ties to Ken Lay, and the Republican ad lied, claiming that Dems called Liddy Dole unpatriotic. Ceci refuted Fred and said that Enron is political; Smirk is trying to get in front of the issue by safeguarding 401(k)s and making accounting practices an issue. Brit huffily denied that Ceci had a point, in essence defending Enron's executives. Juan told it like it is: Team Smirk got Enron money and got Enron marching orders. Brit tried to sound credible, claiming that Enron got nothing; Juan said that Enron had access to Cheney and pointing out that little matter of paperwork tying Cheney and Enron to California's fake "power crisis." Fred attacked the Democrat ad's music, calling it a "classic attack ad."
We'll go one step further, Freddy -- it's a GREAT attack ad, ominous music and all.
Juan previewed Ken Lay's congressional testimony and the culture of "it's not my fault."
Tony then dissed Al Gore rejoining the national debate -- and played Gore's comments on the economy, responsibility, and fair tax cuts. Brit, right for once, said that Gore has FINALLY associated himself with Bill Clinton. Juan said that Bill Clinton is "starting to look a lot better."
Jeez, Juan, why not complete the sentence? For example: "...better than that smirking idiot who stole the election and tanked the economy?" Now THAT sounds like a complete sentence!
Tony's parting thoughts: foreign leaders and diplomats are bristling at Smirk's proclamation of an "axis of evil". Tony attempted to argue that the words of Ronald "The Great Napper" Reagan (specifically "evil empire") are somehow tied to the collapse of the Soviet Union.
Here's the truth: the U.S. didn't even see it coming because Reagan packed his "inner circle" with doctrinaire reactionaries who put their blind beliefs about analysis of intelligence, facts, trends and information. So did his successor, George Herbert Pardons Bush. These men left America ill-prepared for the political shifts of the early 1990s.
-- Morrie Friendly
Meet the Tim
Tom Ridge blunders his way through a session with Tim
"Our issues this Sunday: The President warns the nation!... High anxiety over security at the Super Bowl and the Winter Olympics... Why were 15 hijackers from Saudi Arabia?... Two key [Enron] inquisitors!"
"Terrorism -- where will it strike again?" Tim welcomed Fatherland Security Minister Tom Ridge, who had no news about missing WSJ reporter Dan Pearl.
Then Tim coughed up poll numbers showing that many Americans think Al Qaeda will strike again. Ridge gave about the most non-reassuring answer you can imagine, rather explicitly putting the blame for the present crisis on open immigration; Tim picked up the ball on cue (was this rehearsed?), quizzing Ridge about all those Middle Eastern men that enter the U.S. every year (translation: we're being overrun by would-be Jihadists). Ridge seemed to want to focus more on illegal immigrants while trying to flog "America's diversity" as a vulnerability.
Oh, I see -- diversity is BAD! Non-White Americans should NOT be trusted. Neo-Nazis and skinheads across the country's heartland are rejoicing at your implicit message, Tom.
There was a little back-and-forth about security at the Olympics; Tim recalled the murder of 11 Israeli athletes at the 1972 Munich Olympics; Ridge talked at length about what a huge job it has been to plan and coordinate security, which had already been tight prior to September 11, and is now even tighter.
Tim then turned to a news story about a captured Al Qaeda training manual, focusing on "spreading fear, terrorists love to do it" as he continued to quote Osama's comments in the suppressed Al Jazeera interview that turned up in part on CNN. Has Osama succeeded in making our life hell? Ridge talked more of "inconvenience" and "put us on notice" -- segueing into the role of his Fatherland Ministry glomming onto intelligence and law enforcement. "We'll be a stronger nation because of it."
Tim then did something that astonished us -- he quoted ultra-right-wing spinmeister Wayne LaPierre, America's number one gun nut and the de facto head of the NRA, who had been whining about stepped-up airport security as some sort of stripping of constitutional rights. Mind you, LaPierre makes Ridge look like a moderate. There was some talk about a "frequent flier" ID card. Tim brought up the failure of airports to institute mandated security measures focusing on baggage screening; Ridge declared "everyone...an honorary air marshall" following Todd Beamer's lead.
Beamer was a passenger on United Flight 93, the plane hijacked on September 11th that crashed in rural Pennsylvania. It's interesting that Beamer is constantly mentioned and his widow, Lisa, is a frequent media guest, while the other key player who helped defeat the hijackers, Mark Bingham, is hardly mentioned -- in fact, ignored by the Texas Dauphin and his court.
Maybe it's because Bingham, a true American hero like fellow passenger Beamer, was gay.
Should we federalize nuclear power plant security? Ridge gave an appalling answer -- they have to review the situation.
Good grief. That's going to go over like a lead balloon with people living around, say, Indian Point, a big nuclear power facility near New York City. It is now nearly five months since criminal thugs attacked the nation -- and all we have is a pending review? Please -- SOMEONE -- get His Fraudulence to fire Ridge.
Tim reinforced the point by quoting a story painting a horrific scenario should a near-fully-fueled passenger jet hit a reactor building. Ridge's "we'll address the matter" answer only served to underscore the current administration's haplessness.
And Ridge was struck silent for a few seconds when Tim pressed him on the death of postal workers and customers in the wake of last year's anthrax attacks. It's okay, said Ridge, there are stockpiles of antibiotics and smallpox vaccine is on the way. Tim followed up by quizzing Ridge about congressional workers being sickened by recently received irradiated mail. Ridge gave another "we're on the case" answer.
Tim then raised the possibility that Osama and friends may try to detonate a nuclear weapon of some sort in America. Ridge's big message: "We are engaged...but it is a race."
The worst thing about the interview was Tim's reluctance to follow through on his questions, particxularly given Ridge's weak answers. Maybe Tim figures Ridge dug himself into a hole without needing Tim's help.
Tim's next guest -- Prince Turki al-Faisal of Saudi Arabia, the nation's former Chief of Intelligence, who compared the Saudi hijackers to American members of the Ku Klux Klan. He asserted that most Saudis condemn their actions. Tim asked about Saudi "charities" and "seminaries" that fund and foment terrorism. Faisal was indignant: "I wish the New York Times would be more careful in what it says and make more extensive investigations of these allegations, because the kingdom in its charity work, for example, is very generous to the poor people of the world. It never intends those charities to be used to breed terrorists, or to make trouble for anybody" -- then attacked Americans who contribute to charities that help the IRA. Tim said the NY Times was not alone in reporting this, citing a comment by (right-leaning) ex-CIA boss Jim Woolsey; Faisal said, "Mr. Woosley? I knew him when he was director of the CIA. If he then had any information about these things, he certainly didn’t tell us about it." He added that the Saudi kingdom had set up a committee to investigate terrorism and Osama, claiming that the Saudis had initiated it and the US was a joint partner on the committee.
Tim said that a lack of public acknowledgment by Saudi officials that their nationals were the primary attackers troubles the American people. Faisal said that the issue of public demonstrations in Saudi Arabia is different, praising the Imams in Mecca and Medina who condemned the attacks.
Really, Faisal? Where are the Fatwas? Where are the calls for Islamic justice for Osama?
Tim fired back with Faisal's own words, quoted in the Los Angeles Times:
"Who put us in this difficult position? America, because of its duplicity to the Arab world and because of its relationship with Israel. I don’t see how we bear any responsibility except that we are reticent in what we say."
Essentially, implied Tim, he said America had it coming for supporting Israel. Faisal said that the Smirk team is publicly praising Saudi Arabia, but in major papers, unnamed administration sources criticize the Saudis.
Tim quoted a member of the Saudi royal family saying that Saudi Arabia must put its interests above America's -- or the royal family faces the fate of the Shah of Iran. Faisal touted the 70-plus years of friendship between Saudi Arabia and the US. Tim then quoted a WSJ article tying Faisal to the Taliban. Why did he resign just days before the attack -- and did any Saudi leaders know about the attack? Faisal denied it -- saying he quit after 24 years and "sometimes ripe fruit smells bad."
Poor choice of old Arab sayings, Faisal...
Tim asked Faisal about Desert Storm's aftermath: don't Saudis feel grateful that the U.S. essentially defended Saudi Arabia? Faisal, naturally, said "Of course" -- and said that Saudi had "steadfastly" maintained friendship with the U.S. back when leaders like Egyptian President Nasser had been condemning it, and had helped America fight communism.
Is Saddam Hussein attempting to develop weapons of mass destruction? Faisal said that when he had departed, he had evidence that Saddam was trying to get the material and the means for WMDs, but has been doing so for years. If Saddam were on his way to developing WMDs, will Saudi Arabia help us take him down? "Any change in Iraq -- with the Iraqi regime and toppling of Saddam Hussein -- must come from inside Iraq. And there are people inside Iraq who want to do that", and there are ways to help them covertly. Can he be deposed with covert ops? "I think so."
Tim then quoted Saudi Prince Nawwaf's comment that implies that the U.S. wants to attack all sorts of Islamic countries. Faisal said that invasion forces will foment anger and rally Muslims around Saddam Hussein.
Tim said Americans are disturbed by reports that American military women do not have freedom when working in Saudi Arabia, then read a litany of rights Saudi women do not have -- everything from owning a cell phone to giving consent for their own emergency surgery. "In the practice of rights, there are shortcomings." Faisal pointed out that women and Blacks had to gain their rights over time in the U.S. -- and this is happening slowly in Saudi Arabia.
Faisal looks very Westernized and speaks excellent English. He also handled Tom's tough questions with impressive grace while asserting the Saudi position. Whether or not you feel that Saudi Arabia is a fair-weather friend of America (or even a stealth enemy), Faisal made an effective spokesperson for the Saudis. We can't buy a lot of his spin -- but the Saudis could've done a lot worse in choosing a person to defend their side.
Tim then welcomed Sen. Byron Dorgan (D-ND), citing the revelation in today's papers that Enron grossly inflated earnings (and we would bet that they're only skimming the surface). Dorgan did something interesting -- he put the responsibility for taking on Enron on the Justice Department -- a throwing down of the gauntlet that AssKKKroft had best not ignore. Sen. Billy Tauzin (R-LA) slammed their balance sheet practices and said there is evidence of securities fraud that "should have been discovered" by Arthur Andersen -- and after reading the report, officers up to the board of Enron "and including Ken Lay" are responsible, citing numerous warnings that board members got. Dorgan said "Employees lost their shirts, investors lost heavily" -- so how did a handful of people at the top make tens of millions? Tauzin slammed sweetheart deals that benefited key dealmakers in the company while most employees lost their shirts.
In other words, Tim let the Byron-Billy tag team look as if they were using the same playbook for the first round of questions, but only to the extent that it portrayed Enrongate as a business, not a political scandal.
Will Lay plead the fifth? Dorgan said he does not expect it. What does he expect? Dorgan said he wants to find out about over three THOUSAND off-the-books partnerships -- including one that turned a bank loan into income -- and about regulators who were asleep at the wheel.
Tim then brought up Arthur Andersen suddenly wanting to separate consulting from auditing -- and Tauzin being a defender of this conflict of interest. Tauzin lied -- he said that he had supported alternative options, whatever they are, but that there was no real need for separation of the two functions. Tauzin spoke proudly of his ties to Arthur Levitt and Chris Dodd (two accomplices in making it easy for companies, brokers and banks to rip you off, we would point out).
Tauzin then made some news of his own: "The true show is going to be when we get [Jeff] Skilling before our committee, and we find out that Skilling and [Andrew] Fastow, who will take the Fifth Amendment, were all involved in these schemes to shake down investors.... Fastow will take the Fifth, Coppers will take the Fifth, Skilling will testify" -- and it turns out Skilling had refused to approve some smelly-looking Enron deals.
Should Cheney turn over his Enron and energy "task force" notes to the GAO? Dorgan said people's tax money was spent on these matters, and Cheney will and should turn it over. Tauzin, naturally, called it a legal struggle about "advice." Dorgan dashed that point, saying this was not about advice, but "about who the members of the task force were. I know it’s misrepresented by some -- Mr. Cheney said what was 'the advice that was given'. That is not 'requested'." Tauzin admitted that Hillary Clinton opened up information about her health task force -- and conceded that Cheney will likely have to do the same thing.
Dorgan said that at the end, this is a matter of betrayal of trust between investors and Enron. Tauzin had three narrower goals: honest accounting, official wrongdoing, and better oversight.
Oh, we see -- swindled shareholders and scammed employees are not an issue.
-- Dave "Doctor" Gonzo
Capital Gang
In which we get a spirited go 'round featuring Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) making Kate look even more foolish than usual.
First of all, there is no one in the congress that is sharper than Barney Frank.
The guy can take on ANYONE in a debate and make mincemeat out of him or her. No one is faster on his feet and more nimble with a phrase than old Barney. And he doesn't take crap from ANYONE. The right wing blowhards always look flustered and shocked when he's on because he does not let them get away with the lazy, factually wrong, cheap-shot innuendo that they are used to getting away with. It's always a delight to see Barney on TV, and today was no exception.
Of course the first topic was Goof-boy's little State of the Union address and his "axis of evil" crack.
Clips were shown from around the world saying how "stupid" the Chimps remarks were.
Bob "Blobula" Novak doesn't dig the Knuckledragger-in-Chief's stupid remarks at all. You know something's really wrong in conservative paradise when even the Prince of Darkness is a little jittery about the idiotic speech.
Barney said he was "stunned" by Bush's remarks. He said it wasn't "coherent" to claim there's an "evil axis", as there simply isn't one. He said that if you took the Smirk seriously -- which we are used to doing when a president gives a State of the Union speech -- then Dim Son was calling for the largest military effort since WWII!
Hunt led off with a VERY pertinent fact: it's sure a strange axis when two of the countries that are supposedly a part of it have slaughtered millions and millions of each other's citizens (referencing the Iran-Iraq war not too long ago).
Al thinks it was just Chimpy trying to act tough and be intimidating, and that it wasn't meant literally -- that we'd never attack any of those places. Hunt then tacked on some silly speculation saying that if Hussein wasn't gone in a few years, it will make Smirk look bad, and that we wouldn't have any place to base our attack from if we were to go after Iraq.
Kate told us that this was just an expansion of the "Bush Doctrine" (a nauseating phrase, if ever there was one). She labeled the speech "frightening" but said it was legitimately so, and said that the accidental president was simply drawing our attention to these countries rather than just terrorism globally.
Well, it would be nice to have it pared down to something a little less broad than being at war with an ill-defined noun which we're supposedly all behind -- even though we don't know what the hell we're fighting. We've heard little from the press but what a great job the Dim Son is doing with this "war," yet not a person can say with any precision just what it is we're fighting and what our goal is exactly. Guess we've just green-lighted a state of perpetual war. How nice. Buy stock in Lockheed, GE, Martin Marietta, The Carlyle Group, Bechtel, and General Dynamics. Let's all ride this war to the bank.
Kate made the somewhat questionable comment that if Al Qaeda had had "weapons of mass destruction," then "of course" they would have used them.
Bob portrayed this new belligerence by Bush as a big defeat for Colin Powell, whom he described as being "outnumbered, but right" in his moderate stance on this incredible aggression by the White House.
Barney made the great observation that Powell's tenure as Secretary of State will be "measured roughly from September 11th, when they finally took him out of the room and let him be Secretary, and ending with the State of the Union." Ha, ha!
Then, in his trademark style, Frank eviscerated Kate with her own words. He said that if it were true that Al Qaeda had the weapons that Iran, Iraq, and North Korea have, they would have used them. But that proves that those "axis of evil" countries had not shared them with them, so there's no "commonality of purpose" between the two.
Then Kate tried to extricate herself by saying that "The President said..." that time is not on our side and that he was not going to wait for events to overtake us. Kate sounds like some little kid that takes every word of a parent or teacher to heart. She acted as if she actually believed that the stuff Bush said wasn't a pile of crap, and was meant as the truth.
Barney disabused her of that notion swiftly. He patiently asked her if we were going to invade North Korea? No, Kate said, we would not invade North Korea. "Well then," Frank replied, "Time will never be on our side, that's our point."
And a good one. How can we eliminate the threat of "terrorists" attacking us with weapons of mass destruction when we're NOT going to invade every country on earth that possesses them? This is what Frank does well -- exposing the folly of the right.
Barney also made the point again that lumping Iran, Iraq, and North Korea together in the same "axis" was just not "coherent thinking" by Monkey Boy.
Well, that's not news. Wake us up when His Simian Fraudulence actually does say something "coherentable," as he would say.
Bob says we need time to build up our arsenal. Great. That's always been a lovely idea. Especially when Smirk and company are rapidly driving the economy straight off a cliff. Guess the poor and middle class just got themselves too much money and it's time to throw it over to the defense contractors.
Kate then made a very stupid remark as she tried to argue that invading Iraq is a great idea: she said our "smart bombs are a lot smarter now." Cool! Will they have better video cams mounted on the nose so we can see cool visuals of their payloads splattering the "evil ones"? Will they knock on the door first, say "Pizza!" and wait until someone answers before blowing them to atoms?
Shields said we have a million fewer men in the armed forces than we did when Smirk Daddy didn't finish the job the first time. Bob noted that we have fewer smart bombs, too! Gosh, Novakula, we'd better just ramp up production! They're only a few million bucks per unit, and Barney noted that we don't have any reliable native allies to help us do the fighting, as we did in Afghanistan.
Hunt again raised the fact that we don't have any feasible spot to base troops if we attack Iraq, as if he was VERY proud of this brilliant observation. Kate said she didn't know, and Al beamed with pride.
If I know this bellicose pretender in the White House, I'm sure that's not a problem. "Hell! Just take over Jordan or one'a'them other countries over there first!"
The topic then turned to Sock Puppet's economic proposals. Hunt summed it up neatly: you normally can't have both guns and butter at the same time, but Chimp wants guns, lots and lots of guns, and tax cuts for the very wealthy, which means the Smirk plan can be summed up as guns and caviar but no butter -- not even margarine.
Bend over and grab your socks, America, you're about to get the "Bush Stimulus Plan" right up the whazoo (and without butter.)
Novak cracked us up by saying that he thought Bush was spending too much on this domestic crap, and that -- get this -- he predicts "within a year or so" we'll have a surplus again and we'll have "money to burn".
I'd like to make a substantial wager on that, Bob.
Bob also likes evil weasel Mitch Daniels, Smirk's "deficit director", adding that we need to control domestic and pork barrel spending. In other words, the people of the U.S. get SQUAT. The entire problem is that we get ANY money at all, according to Novak, Smirk, and Daniels.
Barney said he'd like to come back in a year to see how Novak's surplus is going and to "watch Novak burn the money. I think we'll all be very cold with the money we'll have available to burn." HA!
Frank then laid it out for us: the argument for domestic spending is the same as the war-monger argument. People will die if we don't do it. He added that Bush Baby's prescription drug plan is a sham, as he only wants to offer help to those making $13,000 or less a year -- which leaves millions of elderly and needy retired making $20-30,000 a year out of luck. And Smirk also wants to cut Medicaid funding.
Frank also pointed out that we were all revved up about whether our health system could handle something like mass anthrax exposure. "Our hospitals can't even handle Friday night in many cases, with ERs forced to shut down, let alone deal with anthrax.
"So the underfunding of medical care, which leads to it being denied to an awful lot of people, frankly, is causing more deaths over time than we lose to terrorism."
Obviously, The Chimp doesn't give a rat's ass about these issues. Hell, it's just poor people, after all. We are all our brother's keeper -- that is, IF they make a ton of money and don't need it.
Mark Shields noted that EVERY huge military project that was being debated is now fully funded. EVERYTHING. And Hunt noted that when Clinton was in office, he had wanted many of these projects done, but the political right complained bitterly and fought against it. Now every single one of them is rubber-stamped without even a second thought, along with many "new technology" projects, whatever the hell those are.
Then Bob made the mistake of tangling with Barney. It was great! He tried his smarmy smart-ass routine by trying to start a dialog with Frank by saying, "You lost the election, Barney." Barney paused a second and said, "Does that mean that Democracy is suspended? That we can't have a debate on these issues?" No, Barney, not in Bob's world, and not in much of the right wing press, where they have a different attitude. They LOST the popular vote in a very big way, but were successful in installing their Idiot Prince, so dissent is not allowed! It's in bad taste, I guess.
Barney said that because the Dems had lost the election doesn't mean that they can't call Smirk on his lies. He brought up again that Dim Bulb said he was for prescription drug assistance for people in the campaign. Both Bob and Kate said in unison, "He IS!" to which Barney quickly responded, "He wasn't honest with people, he didn't say, 'I'm for prescription drug benefits as long as you're making under $13,000.' He misled people and we have a right to bring that up."
Imagine! Someone actually calling Smirk on one of his many lies, deceptions, reversals, and scams. Da NOIVE!!!
Next, on to Enron.
Barney was brilliant here, saying that he thought the Enron debate was at its root a debate between different philosophies. He said that he thought the biggest scandal to come out of it would be the appointment of Harvey Pitt to be head of the Securities and Exchange Commission. This guy was a former top lobbyist for Arthur Anderson, not to mention that he was quoted by Barney as having said he would bring a "kinder and gentler" approach to regulating accounting firms.
To this Barney quipped, "I think a kinder and gentler approach to regulating accounting firms than what we've had would violate the sodomy laws of most states!" HAHAHA! This even cracked The Prince of Darkness up, and they showed him laughing.
Then on the heels of that, Frank offered another example of the sort of breath of fresh air that most politicians seem frightened to mention. He said that if Hilary Clinton had been the head of a commission regulating an industry, and then went to work for a major company that benefited from that regulation, as Wendy Gramm has done, you could hear the talk radio NUTS without even turning on your radio, they'd be screaming so loud!
Haha! Amen Barney!
The stonewalling by the evil creep Cheney was up as the last subject of the first half, and the attempt by the right to demonize David Walker was discussed. Walker, the staunch Republican comptroller general who was a delegate to the Republican convention, is having to sue Cheney on behalf of the General Accounting Office to force Evil Dick to act like this is still a democracy. Novak says that they're getting Republican Senators on board by calling them and saying Walker has lost his mind. Nice guys.
Frank said that maybe Smirk should have made it a 4-pronged "axis of evil": Iraq, Iran, North Korea, and David Walker! HA!
Barney asked Novak why Cheney won't hand the evidence over when it's so apparent that he should -- which triggered one of the most truthful exchanges we've seen on pundit TV since Cowboy Smirk took office.
Novak lost his composure and shot back, "You know why? Because they're DUMB!"
Frank leaned back, put his hands up by his shoulders, palms out and looked to the side as if to surrender. He said, "Ok, I'll go with his defense of the administration. They're DUMB!"
HAHA!
Wow! The truth shall set you free, Bob!
The second half of the show was consumed by talk about something called the "super bowl" (whatever that is, never heard of it) and Mike Tyson having his license to box in Nevada yanked.
I'll cut to the chase and present the OUTRAGES OF THE WEEK!
SHIELDS: Thanks to Ed Henry of the Capitol Hill newspaper Roll Call, we learned that at least 104 House and Senate staffers have suffered adverse reactions to handling irradiated mail. Those symptoms have ranged from headaches to dizziness to burning eyes to bleeding from the nose and ears.
One postal service official tried to blame the reactions on unusually warm January weather. Baloney. You can be sure if White House staffers were bleeding from their noses and their eyes -- and their ears -- it would be a front page story and a major national crisis. The men and women of Capitol Hill deserve no less attention.
[They'd be getting more attention if they made at least $10 Million a year. It's there fault they're not rich.]
NOVAK: The overwhelmingly Republican Idaho legislature just did what no state legislature dared until now. It repealed a term limit statute enacted by vote of the people. While America's voters favor term limits, professional politicians do everything they can to block them. Term limits have never been enacted by any state legislature, only by popular referendum.
Idaho is one party Republican state with many lawmakers running unopposed. So politics there and elsewhere need not fear the will of the people. You call this democracy?
[Yeah, sure I do. Republican democracy.]
O'BEIRNE: The Bush administration issued a new rule to help poor women get prenatal care. The program affected provides health care for poor children and now unborn children will also be covered. Makes sense, right? Not to feminists, who oppose this aid for unborn babies because they prefer pretending only one human life is involved when a woman is pregnant. I thought they were pro-choice. Apparently not if a woman chooses to have a healthy newborn.
[Something tells me there's more to this story than Kate let's on. It's her typical "report a small fraction of the story to make it appear to support your views" tactic.]
HUNT: Mark, the Bush administration, which won't give an inch on huge tax cuts for the very rich, instead will propose spending cutbacks on health care for the very poor. Now it's not surprising this draws protest from Ted Kennedy, but Republican governors Jeb Bush of Florida and Rick Perry of Texas also are opposed to the proposed crackdown in Medicaid spending. Don't they realize that public hospitals have to sacrifice their share in order to help country clubs?
[Sure they realize this. They just don't see anything WRONG with that.]
That's it for this week's Capital Gang.
--- Dash Riprock
Dave "Doctor" Gonzo is an award-winning producer and political gadfly. He has hooked up his computer and cable to his stereo and now watches cable news with his proprietary computer-added "laugh track" in his highly fortified high-rise compound on Manhattan's Upper East Side.
Dash Riprock is a free lance smart-aleck based in Moline, Illinois. He agrees with Groucho Marx, who once said, "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies." You can reach him at dashriprockapj@hotmail.com. No salesman will call.
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