American Politics Journal

"Not fer nuthin', but..."
By Steve Young

Jan. 7, 2002 -- LOS ANGELES (APJP) -- Supporters and critics alike were thrown into a grammatical tizzy following President Bush's fiery comments made to Hispanic entrepreneurs in Ontario, California during his West Coast political swing.

In attacking the Democrats and Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle, the President declared, "Not over my dead body will they raise your taxes."

The partisan crowd, about to react raucously, was stopped in mid-clap as they realized that they weren't exactly sure what the President had actually said.

Small business owner Miguel Cortez admitted some confusion. "Did the President mean that 'taxes would not be raised over his dead body' or did he mean that 'if he were dead taxes would be raised?' Then again, if Mr. Bush were not to die, just where would that leave our tax situation?"

With reporters and English teachers alike running for the text books in an attempt to analyze the President's latest speech, fifth grader Kelly Ryan, made this assessment: "He made a double-negative."

The President's opponents feel that the President clearly meant to confuse his foes.

"He's more savvy than anyone gives him credit for," said Senator Joe Lieberman (D-CT). "How the hell are we supposed to respond intelligently to his comments when we have no idea what the hell his comments mean?"

Bush confidant Andrew Card, who had approved the President's seeming off-the-cuff remarks, would only say, "You can never give a plant too much water!"

Steve Young, contributing editor at the WGA's Written By magazine, is a Prism Award winner and a Humanitas Prize nominee for his television writing, is author of the forthcoming book, "Great Failures Of The Extremely Successful" (Tallfellow Press 2002). He can be reached theeothersteveyoung@juno.com