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Contact Information for Pundit String-Pullers |
Sunday, November 25, 2001, 2:30 PM EST -- We're bombing in Afghanistan. The Taliban was folding faster than a cheap umbrella in a blast of pundit hot air. Civil liberties are being undermined by the actions of the Smirking Pretender and his Injustice Minister, John "KKKrisko KKKristian" Ashcroft.
So what are the pundits obsessing about this week?
Why, the economy, immigrants and the first successful cloning of human embryo cells -- in fact, our (least) favorite Catholic Sabbath Blowhard, the grandiose Tim Russert, made it item one on Defeat the Press, flogging the top story in this week's U.S. News and World Report.
The handlers of our bumbling Bogus POTUS had sent Paul O'Neill to make the rounds -- and push for loads of tax givebacks for big businesses and rich Americans. Thanks to Russert's hand-wringing over embryos, Dr. Michael West, the boss at Worcester, Mass.-based Advanced Cell Technology, was also all over cable news channels and pundit shows this Sunday morning.
Here's what we caught...
This Weak
O'Neill Plugs Smirk-O-Nomics!
The top issues would be... the holiday shopping season (i.e. the economy) and the war on terrorism. Unfortunately, Cokie Roberts was not on vacation, and so once again we had to grit our teeth and endure her smarmy, self-important form of moral arbiter "punditry" this Sunday.
But first we had to endure reports from an ABC reporter in Afghanistan (disputed reports on Taliban surrenders), another in Bonn (talks are on to create some sort of quasi-stable government for Afghanistan), and Sam Donaldson's toupee (the holiday shopping season opens, Daschle slams Smirk-o-nomics). Do the imbeciles at ABC actually do their homework on the viewership of these Sunday shows? Most of what we saw had already been run on CNN, MSNBC and even BBC News 24. Don't waste our time with "news" -- we want our PAP, dammit!
And pap we got from the first guest, Treasury Secretary Paul "Alcoa Boy" O'Neill, still recovering from bruised ribs inflicted during an ill-considered football game between O'Neill and a bunch of his teenage hooligan relatives. Despite the energetic questioning, the segment was dull, dull, dull -- was O'Neill on some mild pain-killers? He was mellower than usual -- and believe us, he is not exactly the most energetic member of Team Smirk.
O'Neill made it a huge point to play down the de facto recession, lied as he claimed that "as of Sept. 10 we were in a recovery phase", and then tried to convince us that airline security was having a huge effect on the economy. Yep -- he must be on drugs! Did he raid Little George's "special stash"? The loony assertions emerging from his yap can only make one wonder.
Sam quoted an analyst for Morgan Stanley who has forecast a long and deep recession. O'Neill forecast a recovery beginning early next year -- as he called for the "added stimulus" (translation: mondo huge-o tax givebacks that would do nothing but line the pockets of the rich -- it's not a stretch to picture Paul O'Neill feeling right at home in Tammany Hall -- we bet that he pockets a healthy "stimulus" himself as the Smirk Mis-administration slogs on).
Sam tried to make the couple of bucks Smirk plans to slip to the poor as significant, important, INFLUENTIAL as the big payoffs to big business. Yup -- the segment had quite rapidly morphed into a "disinfomercial" for the George W. Putsch Scam to Make the Rich Richer, with Sam asking lightweight questions engineered to prompt O'Neill to give his one-sided spin. When Sam flogged the sudden run-up in stock markets, O'Neill played coy, saying he would not make any forecasts (he is, after all, the pitchman for tax givebacks).
What we wouldn't give to see someone like Gene Sperling counterpointing O'Neill's insufferable assertions -- but don't count on any balance from the biased producers at This Weak. They're almost as dishonest as the Ailes Propaganda Ministry over at News Corporation's FAUX News Channel
Following the break, Cokie began a segment on Osama -- the hunt and reports of "Osama sightings" (for some reason, we couldn't help thinking about how Cokie sounded as if she could have been describing Elvis sightings). Her pre-pap "news piece" played up all the possibilities that Osama would never be taken alive.
Strangely, Cokie asked her guests, paranoiac ex-CIA boss James Woolsey and Shibley Telhami (who presently holds the Anwar Sadat Chair for Peace and Development at the University of Maryland), what might happen if Osama is captured. Telhami said it wouldn't make much difference. Woolsey said that our bombing technology could cause caves to collapse, burying Osama forever -- grinning like an idiot as he described the scenario. Well, isn't that special -- it's always nice to know what really gets these guys off. Cokie brought up the "Osama look-alikes" (only reinforcing the comparison to Elvis). Telhami said that neither Osama nor the Taliban have ever been popular in the Afghan region -- but a few took to Osama's message about, and method for, change. Cokie asked what the military code of conduct would be if Osama threw up his arms and surrendered -- an obvious and therefore stupid question, as everyone pretty much knows the answer and it's clearly unlikely that Osama will just give up. Cokie claimed that Osama would use his trial to "get his message out". Telhami scoffed at the notion, using the trial of Manuel Noriega as an example. Woolsey said it's necessary to help nations such as the Philippines -- and we will have to deal with Saddam Hussein sooner or later (Woolsey said so pointedly and at length, citing a litany of evidence tying Saddam to global terror). Telhami said there is in fact not enough evidence yet (emphasis on "yet") to tie Saddam to the present wave of terror (huh? whuddabout the meeting between Mohammad Atta and a Saddam operative in Prague?). Telhami also cautioned that we should not confuse terrorism with enemies of America, and the international community supports our war -- but we have to get them involved to define a broader war. Woolsey, ever the isolationist and Screw-the-World America First-er, said there was no need for us to get the world's permission.
How heart-warming. Spoken like a true Bush facilitator!
Besides, we know what Woolsey's afraid of should we capture the wily Osama and put him on trial -- the possibility that a defense lawyer will ask Osama exactly what came down when a CIA agent visited him in the hospital earlier this year, and Osama will give an answer that would reveal other motives for bringing the "war on terrorism" to Afghanistan first.
Next up -- a mini-round-table dealing the death of civil liberties as Smirk rolls out military tribunals. Naturally, the "mini-news" piece mentioned World War II.
But let's not forget -- that attack was on our military. The attacks of September 11 were accomplished by organized civilians against civilians -- an act of terrorism as opposed to military war.
The panel consisted of George "Ignore Me" Will and historian Michael Beschloss. Will whined about Patrick Leahy -- hey, you don't suppose Will was the one sending those anthrax letters? Beschloss mentioned that Lincoln was frustrated by his own GOPers during the Civil War, and presidents love to glom onto more power during war. Cokie said that after Nixon, Congress sought more power. Will said something really stupid -- the president can do little BUT declare war (we almost pulled a rib muscle on that one -- sorry, delusional George, but you failed to diminish even Bill Clinton all that much). Beschloss called Smirk's plan for military tribunals very much in the historical tradition.
Right, Mike -- the history of the post-Weimar Republic or the Stalin-era Soviet Union.
Will's mention that Eugene Debs was put in jail for opposing the draft surprised us -- it actually undercut the argument for military tribunals!
Cokie: "Once again, the founders had it right." Yeah -- just like they did on denying women and non-landowners the vote, protecting the practice of slavery, and committing genocide against Native Americans. Invoking the wisdom of our Founding Slaveholders is the refuge of the intellectually lazy -- or the average right-wing apologist. So which is it, Cokie?
Following the break, the real round table. Sam insisted on making a big stink about the successful cloning of a human embryo. Will mumbled something. Linda Douglass, who is looking almost as gaunt as Courtney "Fashionable Anorexia" Cox, discussed the issue of therapeutic cloning -- sort of. Cokie seemed offended by cloning. Then -- bombing Osama! Will said something about picking targets and Saddam. Cokie said there'd be little objection about going after terrorists (really? after September 11th? wow, what a stretch). Douglass brought up a good point -- North Korea has a germ warfare program, so given the present wave of anthrax mania, do we go after them and "branch out" a war on terrorism? Will defended something Smirk said. Sam ticked off a list of things that "bug" people about the war: 5000 rounded up (including 50 Israelis) and no access to lawyers. Cokie said that Ass-KKKroft had claimed there would be no racial profiling, and now local police won't round up Arab-looking guys (she failed to mention that in Oregon, they are embarrassing "Jay-zuss John" and the GOP by making this a states' rights issue). Douglass mentioned the reluctance of foreign nations to allow extradition of accused terrorists to the US without a guarantee that there would be no death sentence. Cokie then claimed that there is no outcry from civil libertarians on Capitol Hill -- and she is completely WRONG -- then admitted she agrees with Ass-KKKroft's opposition to assisted suicide.
Douglass seemed to make fun of Smirk's call for Americans to go out and spend money. Will STUPIDLY called the drop in gas and oil prices a "tax cut".
We almost ignored the now-regular final commentary of George Will, whose personal moral failings as a conservative commentator are only surpassed by those of John "Fornicate With the Girlfriend's Daughter, Too" Fund -- except for the fact that he LIED about second-hand smoke. Contrary to Will's misleading comments, here IS scientific evidence that it makes people sick -- and can kill.
One thing we DID notice on our local ABC affiliate was too damn much of Smirk and his wife in a bevy of public service announcements. The former comes across as inarticulate and stupid, the latter as stiff and nervous -- not exactly the reassurance America needs.
-- Dave "Doctor" Gonzo
McLaugh-In
Damn Furriners!
The opening credit of McLaugh-In always has a shot of the panel chatting before the ranting begins. McLaugh-In regular Clarence Page was making bizarre gesticulations with his hands above his head. From that moment we could tell it was going to be an entertaining session of America's favorite right-wing-sponsored encounter group.
Issue one for John: securing borders! The paranoid-sounding bellower said the "nostalgia" for immigrants is over (huh? it's been over with the GOP for fifty years), and 12 million "illegals" are in America. John implied the hijackers were illegals -- but it looks as if they were in fact not! John pushed the idea of intense screening of young Arab men seeking visas for the US, as he focused on the nations from which the hijackers got their visas (mostly from Saudi Arabia).
Michael Barone WRONGLY said equal protection does not apply to foreigners -- but we think he may be on the right track about cracking down on visas for Saudis, although we don't buy his push to reject 97% of them. Eleanor Clift asked John who would decide who gets in and who doesn't -- and answered low-level State Department types. Tony Blankley said he thinks there are too few people processing applications, meaning that default rejections may be the answer until enough trained pros are on board to screen applicants. Clarence Page said there's too much focus on the low-level guys -- Osama wants Michael's plan to win in order to exacerbate the culture clash! Instead, we need smarter open policies. Tony disagreed in the short term -- because we don't have enough people! Shouting, predictably, ensued. John calmed down the caffeinated panelists and said that "AWWWWWL of the alien terrorists have been Muslims... of Arab descent... 67% of American [Muslim] clerics... believe America is a corrupt and decadent society!" Clarence chimed in that a LOT of Christian clerics agree! Mike said the Saudis are subsidizing American clerics. Eleanor said retract the welcome mat for those who protest America abroad.
Is unrestricted immigration over?
Mike: Yes.
Eleanor: There will be new controls.
Tony: Yes.
Clarence: There will be tightening up.
John: Over, and overdue!
Issue two: "INS means Information Not Sought"; they never check to see if immigrants are staying where they claim, "they simply disappear." John played a clip of Sen. John Kyl claiming foreigners can get a fake driver's license for $50.
Well, gosh, so can ANY high school kid!
John then quoted news reports by INS "dissidents" critical of the agency, citing incompetence.
Question: is this critique overstated? Eleanor mentioned pressure from airlines who want to please customers and make customs fast and easy. Blaming an agency with 2000 agents, she said, is ridiculous. John had to concede that the agency is "under-financed"; Eleanor said corruption is still a problem. John even said Smirk's idea to empower the INS is doomed to failure because of interagency infighting. John asked how the Us finds foreign criminals who are already here; Mike said with "modern electronics" we can do it; Tony cited biometrics while conceding that it would impact on civil liberties; John said "the Brits already do it... the majority of Americans DO support the national ID card!"
Should there be a temporary moratorium on immigration?
Mike called it a lunatic idea.
Eleanor: It'll hand the terrorists a victory.
Clarence: Drug enforcement is better than ever (huh)?
John: Yes!
Following the second round of GE propaganda, John and Tony discussed the proposed plan to shift FBI resources away from civil rights and environmental investigations to counter-terrorism (thank God they won't nosing around polluters like GE anymore); Eleanor expressed concern about domestic intelligence gathering. John described the new FBI head as a Washington "insider" and called that a compliment! Tony said that counterintelligence goes hand-in-hand with some paranoia; Eleanor said the new FBI boss's reputation is one of fearlessly making structural and key personnel changes.
The final prognostication: Give Ass-KKKroft a letter grade!
Mike: B+
Eleanor: C-
Tony: A-
Clarence: A+ on secretiveness
John: A+
It was a completely predictable outcome. We give him an FF -- for Flaming Fascist!
-- Dave "Doctor" Gonzo
Defeat the Press
Pundit Superstar Wars Episode Zero: Tim Attacks the Clones
Tim Russert, devout Catholic that he is, decided to make his top item on Defeat the Press the front-page article in this week's US News and World Report -- the successful cloning of a human embryo.
We were not surprised. That meant Tim could exile the REAL issues political junkies crave -- war in Afghanistan and Smirk's assault together with Ass-KKKroft on constitutional protections -- to the late-in-the-show gulag.
His guest was Dr. Michael West of Advanced Cell Technology. Tim, of course, made much of some smarmy Luddite at the National Right to Life Committee who criticized this technology which can enhance life and health for millions. West said that they have not created individuals but cellular life. Of course, Tim had to mention the House bill that would ban the work ACT is doing. West said they'd have to stop their research -- and that would be a tragedy; the religiously insane right (West said "some" without naming them) are engaging in the same whining about "Brave New World" that was heard over in-vitro fertilization.
US News reporter Joanie Fisher talked a bit about the development of the story for the weekly news magazine. NBC science correspondent Bob Bezell depicted the news as worrisome; it's the most significant step yet toward cloning a full-fledged person. Bezell and West did a little back-and-forth on the use of the technology for making stem cells -- and making people (Ooooooh, spooky stuff!). West pointed out that the FDA regulates reproductive technology (we think this may be useful in constructing a strong legal case against the House legislation should it somehow become law). There was some back-and-forth on the safety of cloning when Tim asked the "money" question: will human cloning happen in our lifetime? West avoided a specific answer, talking about weighing ethical issues and stating outright that the goal of ACT was to save lives.
West described the process of creating stem cells -- and Tim interjected something about ACT selling these cells (so what? they HELP people, Tim). When will the technology to grow replacement organs be available? It depends, said West, on the resources -- but the first applications may occur in the next ten years.
Fisher described the reaction of other scientists -- and their unanimous view that this was not the creation of human life.
Following the break, Tim wasted our time by forcing Sen. Richard Shelby (R-obsessed with Clinton) and Patrick Leahy (D-VT) to talk about cloning. Leahy said cloning research will continue -- outside the US if the religiously insane get their way and ban it in America. Surprisingly, Shelby seemed to lean toward a moderate view of the technology, until Tim prompted him to bristle at "destroying life". Good grief. Should the Senate move immediately on cloning? Leahy said no -- he seemed just a step short of saying, "Are you insane? We've got bigger problems, you plump moron!"
The first half was stultifying. Dull, dull, dull. The last few weeks, Tim had established MTP as even faster-paced than FAUX News Sunday -- the entire first half of this week's show, however, was a snore.
Thankfully, war, politics and civil liberties dominated the second half -- and the pace picked up.
After the break, Tim first ran a taped interview with US diplomat Ken Keith. Taliban defeat is near, he said; they are surrendering. Will foreign Taliban fighters be allowed to go home? Strangely, Keith did not say no; he said they would be disarmed. What about Mullah Omar? Keith said he "might be interrogated under different circumstances." So we wouldn't arrest a guy who helped Osama? Keith would not say yes or no -- but did say that depending on the interrogation and investigation he might be prosecuted, and it may be an internal Afghan affair. Tim put on his best faux-indignant tone, asking if Omar shouldn't be extradited; Keith would not play that game. Tim asked about reports that Pakistani airplanes had evacuated some Taliban; Keith could not confirm the reports; Tim pressed him and Keith said he had no information at all. Where IS Osama -- in Tora Bora? Keith said he has little space to hide and the US will investigate; there is not reason to think he is not in Afghanistan. What about Kandahar, still under Taliban control? The mission, said Keith, is to root out Al Qaeda and get Osama; until Kandahar surrenders, the job is not done. Will they make their last stand in Kandahar? Probably, said Keith, and the story is coming to an end. What if they retreat to the mountains and mount a guerilla war? With coalition support, said Keith, we will win.
Tim repeated an unconfirmed report that Pakistan was evacuating the Taliban; Sen. Shelby acknowledged that it was unconfirmed, but would be no surprise. "But the United States has said that these people have to be brought to justice." Shelby essentially agreed. Leahy said he agreed that it's no surprise that some in Pakistan may want to evacuate their own, reminding viewers that it's not uncommon for America to look the other way in some situations. What about prosecuting Mullah Omar? Shelby wants him put in front of a military tribunal. Tim asked Leahy if he was troubled that Omar may be released, and Leahy said he doubts that Omar, if caught alive, will be sent home -- in fact, he thinks Omar will be tried in a neutral nation; if caught, he should not be released.
Tim then, finally, turned to secret military kangaroo courts. What's wrong with that? Leahy said they cannot fairly determine degree of guilt, can deny defense counsel, can deny access to information -- he came a step short of invoking Stalin and Hitler, but did say foreign leaders are not happy, and we look bad setting aside our justice system and then making demands from our allies. Leahy also pointed out that Hoover kept exculpatory evidence covered up during WWII tribunals. If Smirk wants tribunals, should he issue a formal declaration of war? Leahy said yes -- but at the end of our day, why not trust our justice system?
Tim then turned to Shelby, quoting Bill Safire's scathe of "kangaroo courts" and Bob Barr's opposition. Shelby talked about people respectfully disagreeing. Sure, Richard, you're such a respectful person -- that is, when you don't abrogate your responsibilities as chairman of an intelligence committee by putting your full support behind an investigation of President Clinton's sex life INSTEAD of terrorist threats against America. It goes without saying that Shelby, nothing more than a Bush-league McCarthy disciple and a world-class hypocrite, has got to go.
Leahy wisely cautioned viewers that the way our justice system is perceived will affect our alliance against terrorism.
Tim then asked Leahy about the letter he and Sen. Hatch sent to Ass-KKKroft about his actions that undercut the constitution and their request that he testify before the Judiciary Committee. Ass-KKKroft has said no. Leahy said he is very upset about this as he detailed Ass-KKKroft's abuses of wiretaps and imprisonment. He cannot fathom why Ass-KKKroft does not want to answer questions about how effective legislation is. "The criminal justice system is going to be BETTER" if he answers Leahy's questions. Tim pointed out that Leahy voted against Ass-KKKroft, who is now dissing him. Shelby said he is not as upset as Leahy, but Ass-KKKroft should appear before committee to explain himself -- and he believed he would. Shelby even expressed skepticism about Ass-KKKroft's desire to monitor lawyer-client conversations.
Leahy brought up the anthrax letter. Tim asked about his notion as to who did it -- foreign or domestic parties (a good sign that the press knows this looks like domestic terrorism and will have a hell of a time reporting it). Leahy would not answer, pointing out that the letter itself had enough anthrax to kill a hundred thousand people.
In his final word, Tim congratulated ABC and This Week for celebrating its twentieth anniversary -- and George Stephanopoulos on his marriage. We suspect Tim is laughing behind their backs at the comparative mediocrity of ABC's sorry excuse for a pundit show. But we were also left to wonder if Tim gave George the wedding present of steak knives -- after all, "Judas Maximus" Stephanopoulos has more than proven his adeptness at back-stabbing Bill Clinton.
-- Donna Wynner
Donna Wynner is an attorney. She lives not far from the George Washington Bridge in beautiful Fort Lee, New Jersey.
Dave "Doctor" Gonzo is a media guru, bon vivant, noted producer, and political gadfly who lives in a robustly fortified compound hidden in an apartment high-rise on Manhattan's Upper East Side. He strongly supports cloning those babe-a-licious Gore girls.
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