American Politics Journal -- Pundit Pap



"The Pundits, Flush With Pride" courtesy the Wizard of Whimsy.

Sunday, September 9, 2001 -- WASHINGTON (APJP) -- The economy is tanking. Violence in the Middle East continues. Mexican President Vincente Fox had been to town, catching the Bogus POTUS off guard by proposing a "fast track" on legalizing "guest workers".

So what was item one on the talk show circuit? Shoring up the utterly insane Neo-Star-Wars missile defense boondoggle! The old boys in the West Wing sicced National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice and Defense Minister Donald "Strangelove" Rumsfeld on the pundit circuit in the hope that they could somehow shore up support for the insane proposal.

The Smirk Administration decided to fire the first shot in their "save the missile defense" campaign on their favorite network, FAUX. Donald Rumsfeld would be their first guest; host Tony Snow was practically gushing over this rare appearance by the latter-day Doctor Strangelove.

FAUX News "eye-candy" reporter Laurie Dhue -- who, by the way, looks LESS appealing with the current coif that the marketing geniuses at FAUX have saddled her with -- put way too much emphasis on the football season "starting" today with a ceremonial coin toss by the Smirking Usurper.

Tony then welcomed that missile madman, Defense Minister Donald Rumsfeld, who was out to pitch right-wing viewers on pushing Congress to give the Department of Defense money the nation does not have -- or, failing that, at least the Social Security "surplus."

Rummy talked about the need to close some bases, cut some civilian jobs at DoD, and still make the military stronger. It is interesting that Rummy is now saying that a head count of 1.3 million members in the military is indeed enough and that the U.S. can fight on two fronts at once -- but he sent two contradictory messages by saying our forces are overdeployed yet we are committed to peacekeeping.

Take note of that. It's a telling 180-degree turnaround -- a signal that the U.S. will continue to act in the role of peacekeeper, though likely at a smaller level that the nation did under Clinton.

Rummy then LIED about Clinton having "said" American troops would be out of Bosnia in five years and they're still there. Funny, but we remember Clinton's comments not as a pledge but as a projection with NO ironclad guarantee.

How will Rummy persuade the Senate to fork over enough money for his sci-fi "Star Wars" scam? Rummy just can't understand why Democrats are "against defending Americans" and leaving them vulnerable.

But Rummy, they are defending Americans -- against unworkable schemes that will destabilize the globe and igniting a new arms race. If anything, Americans should be worried about bioweapons -- or a small nuke hidden in a freighter.

Rummy said he is looking forward to meeting with his Russian counterpart -- then began sputtering about putting his anti-missile "shield" in Alaska (he got that weird, slightly insane gleam in his eye), which led to a back-and-forth between Tony and Rummy over where the money will come from. All Rummy could say is that Americans support their own defense and generally Congress goes along. Rummy wants his boss the Shrub to veto any amendment to the ABM treaty because it "ties the President's hands" in negotiating Star Wars.

Right -- Rummy would rather piss off the world and see America labeled as a rogue state for backing out of one of the most successful treaties of the 20th century.

Is it Rummy's view that Yassir Arafat and the PLO are harboring terrorists? Rummy didn't directly say yes but came close, saying that there are terrorists operating out of Palestinian territory and the interaction of extremists and the PLO is "complex" ("It's not clear to me that [Arafat] controls all aspects of what goes on"). Nevertheless, he said, the PLO has to crack down and the U.S. must work with parties in the region to reduce violence and tensions. Tony pointed out that presidents have been hands-on in peace; Rummy threw up some cover that His Illegitimacy is being hands-on.

Yeah, right, his hand is on the telephone receiver, asking George Mitchell, Dick Cheney and Condi Rice, "So whuddo I do? Whuddo I say?"

Tony asked if the U.S. is going to "go after" (i.e. destroy) facilities in Iraq that may be making weapons of mass destruction. Rummy, naturally, bad-mouthed Iraq and Saddam (as most any politician would anyway) and said that "we are taking a hard line against Iraq." But it's tough, said Rummy -- they're using mobile facilities that are hard to track.

Tony then allowed Rummy to deny a recent column by Al Kamen in which it was hinted that Rummy may be on the way out. Has Rummy been diplomatic? Rummy instead whined about his "team" not having been confirmed by Congress.

Tony was awfully gentle as the "devil's advocate" throughout the interview -- a far cry from how he treats, say, Charlie Rangel or Barney Frank.

Next up: Senate Budget Committee chairman Kent Conrad (D-ND) and Mitch McConnell (R-Destroy Social Security!). The subject: Smirk-O-Nomics. Mitch started with the GOP boilerplate spin: the "slowdown began last summer" and Little George's tax giveback "is in the mail." Conrad targeted bigger problems: there should have been a bigger tax cut this year but less giveback in the future, long-term interest rates should be dropped now, and there should be an end to bookkeeping gimmicks combined with strong fiscal discipline. Tony asked (keeping in mind that the Dow tanked on Friday) if the downturn is over; McConnell said that Dems "demonize" tax cuts (huh? didn't he hear what Conrad said?), tax cuts "churn the market" (ha, ha, ha -- last Friday is telling "proof", Mitch), and "we've done the right things... let's wait for the next few months."

If things get worse, Dems should hang this quote around Mitch's neck and put him on display as yet another supply-side-myth phony.

Conrad said that limiting tax rebates to income tax was not a good idea -- in other words, if Mitch wants to churn the market, lower the cap gains tax!

Tony actually dissed George the Lesser ("dip into incoming Social Security revenue") and both Clinton and Gore ("the lock box is a fiction") -- and Mitch said that there would be no need to dip into Social Security as he blamed Clinton for all of America's fiscal problems. But Conrad replied in a way that made Mitch look utterly stupid, explaining the GOP's gimmicking of the budget and putting his foot down, saying "no more." Tony sounded goofy as he said that Conrad wants to replace one budgeting gimmick with another; Conrad said it's a process of undoing a favorite GOP accounting gimmick.

And here's a fact that Tony only hinted at: on Friday, Mitch Daniels told congressional GOP leadership that Boy George intends to dip into the Social Security surplus.

Panel time! Mike Barone joined the panel -- and got about the hundredth plug we've seen in the last couple months for the all-new 2002 edition of The Almanac of American Politics. Hume said that Smirk should lower the cap gains tax -- but also pretty much said that it looks like Dems will take back the House in 2002, destroying and even reversing the Cheney-Card Agenda. Ceci Connelly said that the Cheney-Card regime is troubled by the timing of a call for cap gains cuts in the midst of an economic downturn -- in other words, Dems are out to disrupt their "cut taxes" mantra. Barone pushed the standard GOP spin on Social Security privatization (young people have no faith in the system), then launched into a long analysis of how individuals react politically when the economy sours -- a long-winded and wonky answer. Tony flashed a funny political cartoon of a donkey and elephant locked in a "lock box", both thinking to themselves that they backed the other into a trap. Juan Williams said that voters look at this as a psychological issue -- how much does the federal government care about the elderly? Hume argued that with Dems saying they could go for a cap gains tax cut, Usurper Boy ought to jump on it. Barone mocked the Dems for making much of balancing the budget, somehow putting the name Herbert Hoover into the mix (and somehow forgetting that mass media, automated financial markets, a much larger percentage of Americans in the workforce and a true global economy did not exist under Hoover).

Finally, Tony and the gang turned to the story the George W. Putsch team has been promoting all week -- the visit of Mexican President Vincente Fox (45 minutes into the show for a story that the administration tried to stage-manage as the Event of the Week) and his call for a new policy on "guest workers." Hume said that high unemployment may "diminish" Democratic support for the idea -- but Brit, Republican free-marketeers secretly LOVE these illegals because businesses can get away with paying then $1.00 an hour and circumventing OSHA regs! Why do you think stealth-bigot anti-regulation acolytes including the Cato Institute secretly call these illegal immigrants "brown gold"?

Following a break, Tony played a clip of the guy he STILL loves to hate, Bill Clinton (making sure to flog rumors of a "split" between him and Al Gore). Clinton was speaking about the consequences of global warming and the ominous possibility of rising sea levels. Juan Williams said the Clintons are overshadowing Gore -- as if it's the Clinton's fault that they remain popular! Hume grumpily harrumphed that the Clintons have the Dems' hearts. Tony said it now looks like Janet Reno will get the nod in Florida to run for the Senate, and Barone explained that Florida no longer has runoffs if a candidate gets less than 50% in the primary. Hume said that there is "the danger" that Reno will energize the Dems (warning! danger! Democrats are bad!) -- and he brought up the possibility that it would refocus attention on what he called "misadventures" in last year's presidential election.

He's got to be kidding -- the corporate media will shun the theft of last year's election, continuing to depict George W. Bush and the Supreme Court ruling on Bush v. Gore as legitimate. God forbid they should rock the boat and admit that the only reason Bush wanted to stop the count is that a fair, full and accurate count would have put Gore over the top and revealed massive tampering with paper ballots by right wingers.

Juan said it will play out, "as Cheney says, big time" -- and that Dems are still "angry" over the Supreme Court. Well, no kidding, Juan -- but at least it's good that SOMEONE in the media is admitting as much.

Talk then turned to California redistricting -- and Condit's redrawn district yielding many more Democrat voters. Juan and Ceci pegged Condit for what he is: a conservative (translation: Condit may not run next time, by his own choice or that of the Democrats).

Tony's final word: spinning a statement by Rev. Jesse Jackson that he is going to get behind reparations for Blacks in a big way. Tomy called it "evil," racially divisive and even litigious!

Got news for you, Tony -- we don't know exactly what Jackson's position on reparations is. And a lot of people would love to at very least see the former Confederate states pay war reparations -- not just for slavery, but for their brutal treatment of Union soldiers and civilians.

Issue one: you have no privacy on the Internet! Once again, McLaugh-In dared to go where none of the other pundit shows would dare -- into an underreported issue. And, to our surprise, they did a half-decent job of balanced debate.

"We're still in the infancy of the tracking and monitoring decade," said John, referring to the massive databases tat credit reporting agencies and banks have on customers. Is financial privacy a lost cause? Solveig Singleton of some organization called the Competitive Enterprise Institute (read: Wonks for Banning All Federal Regulations on the Free Market) seems to love this "data mining" -- so you can tell where she stands on privacy, namely, it's big business, so it's business's business to use business to locate potential suckers... er, customers, and individuals should stop whining. Eleanor Clift mentioned the new "opt-out" laws, but said that consumers nevertheless have little privacy left. Tony said that privacy advocates support opt-in as opposed to opt-out, but "the notion [of privacy] is passé" and technology has ended the notion of privacy. John was shocked -- as if Tony had turned to the liberal "dark side."

But Tony pretty much hit the nail on the head. Hundreds of companies are mining data from Web surfers' "footprints", and few do anything to cover their tracks.

Jerry Berman of the Center for Democracy and Technology said most judges are pro-privacy -- and Eleanor forecast more regulation. And she's right -- but it will be mostly window-dressing, legislation with lofty goals but few teeth. Jerry mentioned the FBI's "carnivore" surveillance system and the need for consumers to be assured that their privacy will not be compromised when they use the Internet. Tony, again on the money, pointed out that technology will always be a step ahead of the law. Solveig said that free markets are much, much, much better than regulation.

John asked if "Big Brother" is indeed government regulation -- but to our surprise, he agreed with Jerry, who said that big business has become Big Brother.

Hmmm... including GE? Funny that John should say this on practically the day Jack Welch retires.

The privacy talk continued after the cumpulsory GE infomercial telling us that we should love the company for all the good things they bring to stockholders... er, to life. John turned the spotlight on the networking of health records -- and the many ways that even the regulations Clinton championed may have been too little, too late. The issue -- people could be denied jobs and insurance based on their medical history. Jerry got right to the point -- medical records should remain private unless the patient gives consent. Eleanor said that there are loopholes, Solveig wants "expreimentation" with making medical records more accessible, and Jerry countered that there should be more privacy -- prompting John, ever the pessimist, to say Berman is an idealist but it will never become reality.

Then John turned to the use of online "anonymizers" which Web surfers can use to protect their privacy and identity. And John made a very good point -- a stolen card is a hundred times more likely to be used by a mugger than a hacker.

John then turned to the Supreme Court decision that threw out the conviction of a dope grower convicted based on electronic surveillance. Solveig loves it -- property rights triumph over big government. Eleanor is more concerned about surveillance in public places.

Predictions!
Solveig: There will be progress on privatizing Social Security by the end of summer.
Eleanor: Privacy safeguard legislation, championed by Sen. Chris Dodd (D-CT), is on the way.
Tony: Both parties will fight over who is the real champion of privacy.
Jerry: Legislation will empower consumers to find out how their online data is being used.
John: The US will have a photo ID database within 10 years.

"Should illegal Mexican immigrants be allowed in the United States?... Can we afford a missile shield? The stock market keeps going down...." Tim sounded to be in maximum "it's a crisis" hand-wringing mode during Meet the Press's opening teaser.

His first guest: Stealth Secretary of State Condi "Heel, Colin, Heel" Rice. Her entire appearance sounded overrehearsed. First, she spouted a litany of platitudes as she manages to say plenty of nothing about the Mexican immigrant "problem" and how devoted the Smirking Usurper is to working with Congress and Mexican President Fox on the issue and "get this done" this year (read: allow illegals to do scut work at sub-minimum pay to buy support from business). Rice was trying to cast the issue as one of immigration, justice, and compassion on the part of her boss El Smirko -- but make no mistake, this is a dollars-and-cents issue, which Rice acknowledged when she mentioned the goal of "matching up willing workers with willing employers." All that is missing is "a system that works" (read: amnesty is good because it helps dash regulations and laws while fattening the bottom line of businesses in the South, especially Texas). Rice was emphatically pushing the issue along with the "principles" and "understandings" that will have to be worked out, and added that it would be wonderful if Mexico were as prosperous as us, and Mexico does not want to lose its best workers.

Good grief -- OF COURSE they won't lose their best workers -- the illegal immigrants who come to the U.S. are overwhelmingly unskilled laborers that Fox would hardly lump in with their "best".

Tim then brought up the failed war on drugs, pointing out that most cocaine that comes to the U.S. is routed through Mexico. Rice said that Mexico is extraditing drug kingpins -- yet admitted that little has been done to stifle the demand side. Rice said she believes the Mexicans are "being vigilant."

Tim then quoted Joe Biden's major dis of the Cretin-in-Chief's Star Wars dreams that envision "one system" that won't work, since there are three "problems" to be solved and therefore three systems needed. Rice was able to say little in reply -- other than to claim that there's a "massive threat" from nuclear missiles. Will the U.S. step away from the ABM treaty? Rice called it a very restrictive treaty -- we have to "move beyond" and build "a new strategic framework". She cast the highly successful ABM treaty as a "Cold War artifact" and said that Smirk is "sensitive" to international views and issues.

Oh, really? If he truly were sensitive to the world's concerns, he'd be moving ahead with strengthening the ABM treaty while negotiating for shared antimissile technology.

Then came the Unintentionally Telling Pundit Pap Moment of the Week (and possibly the year):

Condi: "We are going to make the Russians and others an offer on a new strategic framework..."
Tim: "An offer they can't refuse?"
Condi: "We hope."

Tim then turned to comments by Pete Domenici (who wants to raid Social Security) and Tom Davis (who seeks to cut programs). All Armey could say that they had to take a look at how money is spent -- "we need to look at ways to spend the money more wisely" (in other words, kill good programs). Should there be a capital gains tax cut? Yes, said Armey, it creates a more vibrant economy -- as he then cited debunked supply-side theory that claims that more money thereby goes into capital investment which miraculously creates jobs and tax revenues.

Biden replied to Armey's claim that they would not raid Social Security, but would cut programs and cap gains. Biden said that over a million people were put out of their jobs this year and, well, "they don't care what [Armey] has to say." Meanwhile, continued, Biden, corporate leaders are skeptical about Smirk-O-Nomics. If Armey assures him that there will be spending cuts, then Biden said he and his committee don't have to worry about financing a missile defense program. Circumstances have changed, he concluded, and all we get from the GOP is the same mantra.

Tim then played a portion of Hillary's priceless "Honey, I shrunk the surplus" press comments -- and tried to claim that Hillary spoke for all of the Dems.

It almost seems that some Dems seek to flee from associations from the Clintons at every opportunity, this despite the fact that Bill Clinton commands decisively higher F-scores than Smirk, and Hillary is among the most popular federally elected officials among rank-and-file Dems. Moreover, Hillary has in fact become a major powerhouse on the Hill.

Our simple advice to Joe Biden and other Dems: stop acting like cowards when it comes to the Clintons -- and fire back at the press! In an ideal world, Biden would have said, "You know, Tim, you had it in for the Clintons while Bill was in the White House, you had it in for Hillary during that debate with Lazio which led to his defeat in New York, and you still seem to have it in for her. Well, Tim, get over it. She's saying exactly what Americans that care about the way this country is run are thinking -- and she is and will always be way more popular and relevant than you'll ever be, pal!" He could have just said, "She wasn't speaking in an official party capacity, Tim, as you're trying to imply -- but she's absolutely right."

To his half-credit, Biden did agree with Hillary and said that the ball is in the Compassionate Hypocrite's court -- it's his budget and his responsibility to walk the fiscal responsibility talk.

Clap-Trap-ital Gang
In today's performance, the part of Mark Shields will be played by Al Hunt.

This week's guest: Byron Dorgan, (D-Upper Dakota). Byron apparently buys his toup from the same place Sam Donaldson gets his. Both appear to be flattened and shellacked bird's nests tacked onto their heads.

The group hit the ground running with the economy and capital gains tax cuts on their minds. They showed video clips of our nation's leaders (Lord help us all).

There was Clueless George, Trent "Double Starch" Lott (R-KKK), and here's Denny "Refrigerator" Hastert (R-Yes sir, Mr. DeLay) assuring us that sure, capital gains tax cuts are a "proven" way to fix the economy, most economists agree (What is this, a toothpaste commercial? "4 out of 5 Supply Side economists recommend tax cuts for their representatives who need to be reelected!").

Then Kent Conrad (D-Upper Dakota too) was shown attempting to sound dignified while saying that the whole damn budget plan, or lack thereof, is a giant sucking mess. We then got another glimpse of The Dim Wonder saying, "We can work together to avoid dipping into Social Security."

Undertaker Bob Novak blessed us with a cocky dismissal of any infidel who doubts the wonders of tax breaks for the wealthy. He also rang the bell for the right by pooh-poohing the sanctity of the Social Security trust fund. The right are now saying that this trust fund is simply a myth, since it's stocked with promissory notes, and therefore supposedly doesn't exist, and therefore fair game to play around with.

Blobula was incensed that Smirk was too "passive" about pushing for Bob's beloved capital gains tax cut.

Dorgan put the lie to this dangerous myth by maintaining that millions of people have diligently paid into this "trust" fund with the full expectation that it was to be there for payment of benefits. Why do you think it's called a TRUST fund? I suggest it's not to be used as mad money after this Unelected Chimp climbs behind the wheel of the economy and wraps it around a telephone pole.

Dorgan went on to say that people see through the tax cut scam and suggests that Bush and congress submit a new budget.

Al asked Kate if she'd like to "jump in" on this issue. Kate made a funny without even trying to, when she said she'd like to "Jump away." Kate meant this as in "fire away", but it came out sounding like she wanted to jump away from the issue rather than jump in. Everyone laughed and Kate had no idea why.

In her patented screwball analysis, O'Beirne said that the Republicans wanted to get rid of the surplus as fast as possible -- to "get it off the table" before the Democrats couldn't spend it. Well Kate, you've almost got it right. The right wanted to grab it all for themselves and their millionaire backers before the Democrats had a chance to spend it on schools, health care, and other worthy and much needed programs for the disadvantaged and suffering in this country. Thank God for that, Kate.

She says that now it turns out there's no money left for them to grab, so they're going to have to dip into the "phony", as Kate puts it, Social Security trust fund, in order to afford the big giveaway to the already successful.

Margaret Carlson spoke from Boston and got in a great line. She said that His Dimness not wanting to push for capital gains tax cuts only proves that he can "grow in the presidency." Ha, ha, ha! Carlson rightly points out that if the Simian Prince pushed for this capital gains tax, it primarily benefits the wealthy -- while simultaneously raiding Social Security, it wouldn't exactly play too well with the public.

Hunt pressed Dorgan on what steps the Dems might propose to fix the economy. He didn't say much, as the Dems are trying to tread water and let the Republicans hang themselves with this issue. It's a waiting game and so don't look for any proposals from the Dems anytime soon.

It's a real shame Smirk doesn't get to make decisions himself. He'd have made such a mind-boggling mess of things that we'd be treated to our second impeachment spectacle about now. It's already a nightmare -- and that's with the "best" minds he can find helping him.

Novakula shifted into full sneer mode and pronounced the idea ridiculous -- and then launched into a incoherent stuttering rant having something to do with "the surplus coming in" "in a Social Security" and how the Democrats thing it's OK to give it away to bond holders, but not tax breaks or something. I was baffled.

Kate jumped on Margaret for "thinking the Democrats can get away with blaming the Republicans for this tax cut." She says that the Democrats proposed a "larger tax rebate this year" than the Republicans, and that Dem candidates "enthusiastically" voted for this tax cut.

Dorgan simply said "There's so much disinformation around here I don't even know where to begin!" It was nice to hear someone call it for what it is.

He pointed out that the Dems wanted a larger tax rebate THIS YEAR, which is true, but the Repub plan gives back FAR more, and is FAR more skewed to the wealthy over it's multi-year pay out. He also had the guts to tell the truth, saying that claims the Social Security trust fund doesn't exist is "an enormous fraud." And that it is Byron, that it is.

Al Hunt closed by pointing out that Jerry Rubin, well known 60's radical, says that the capital gains tax cut doesn't increase savings and does nothing to help the economy... wait a minute, I meant Robert Rubin, Clinton's treasury secretary, acknowledged to be one of the best ever to hold that position. Oooops.

Hunt added, "But it gives a LOT to rich people!", as Sunshine Bob shouted, "And he was WRONG!" in the background. Ha, ha, ha

There followed the usual slew of expensive corporate propaganda, painting them all as cute and cuddly as Panda bears.

Then it was on to The Dope's meeting with the only guy he knows outside the U.S., the president of Mexico, Vincente Fox.

Margaret made much of the fact that Junior is basically an idiot that his handlers don't dare trust with anyone but Fox. The genetically damaged mutant has met with Fox and knew him prior to being plopped in the Big White House. As Carlson had said last week, El Smirko doesn't have a foreign policy, he has a Mexican policy.

Well, OK, let him screw up relations with one country at a time. And besides, he doesn't know many millionaires and billionaires from the other countries yet. But he has met a lot of the Mexican plutocrats. And his corporate string-pullers need all that dirt cheap labor and zero environmental regulation when they ship their operations across the Rio Grande. Could be a cozy little relationship with something for everyone. Except 99.99999999% of Americans (and Mexicans.)

And then she brought up Junior's little quarter-million-dollar tax-dollar-funded fireworks display for Fox's state visit. It was NOT announced to the public, Carlson said, so people in D.C. thought they were being bombed! Ha, ha, ha. The Imperial Dunce kept it all hush-hush, lest any of us among the great unwashed might crowd around the White House.

By the way -- the head of the fireworks company just happened to be a $2000 donor to Chimp's campaign. Not a bad return on investment, huh?

Margaret also mentioned how immigration issues would divide the Republicans into the jingoist "build a wall to stop filthy immigrants stealing our jobs" faction a la Buchanon, and the "we need those wetbacks to exploit for millions" faction.

What a great party! There they are, divided into terrible and worse than terrible.

Kate made a funny when she said that if we had a space based defense system, people in D.C. wouldn't have had to be afraid when Chimpy's fireworks exploded over their homes in the night. Even if that were true, which of course it's not, they'd still have cause to be afraid. Namely of you and your ilk, Kate.

Dorgan also adroitly commented that listening to Kate and Bob, one would think that every problem in the country can be solved by either a missile defense shield or a tax cut. In Novak's case, it's absolutely true.

Novak think Fox's call for open borders caught Chimp boy off guard, but got all squishy and liberal on us by noting that his grandparents were immigrants and "nobody invited MY grandparents to come in", which, judging by their descendant, is not hard to understand.

Blob thinks that the Repugs had better work something out regarding open immigrations, but only for the cynical reason of trying to woo Hispanic votes.

Then it was break out the hats and hooters time! Huckleberry Hound himself, Phil Gramm, is going, going, GONE!!!

I pride myself on doing a killer Phil Gramm imitation. I do one of his more notable lines uttered a few years back during his quixotic bid for the presidency.

"Ahh, like most of you, have more guns than ahh need, but not as many guns as ahh wont." And of course, "Aah have plenty of the mother's milk of politics, ready money." I guess he was lactose intolerant. His campaign was one of the weakest ever.

Kate began the tributes by saying he was a great legislator for fighting commies, trying to eliminate welfare, and other great right wing policy faves.

Al Hunt noted Gramm wasn't too "warm and cuddly" and Margaret mentioned that camera hogging became known as "Gramm-standing." She commended him for not being a "blow dried" type of politician and for having a lot of energy.

Dorgan then recalled sitting near Gramm in the house when Gramm was a Democrat. He said Gramm was, "not always right but never in doubt." HA!

Nocturnal Novak went on and on about how SMART Gramm was. This probably needed to be done, as Gramm truly does sound like a moron. Bob also said one of the things that first struck him about Gramm was how conservative he was. Wow! That's REALLY conservative.

Al Hunt speculated about Gary Condit's possible resignation, and said that the Dems would all breath a "collective sigh of relief" if that came to pass.

The Capital Gang Classic was a hoot! It prompted Kate to new depths of ridiculous spin and made Novak look just plain stupid, both during his appearance on the tape and while trying to backpedal afterwards. It was great! If only there were more of this type of thing to show just how utterly and breathtakingly WRONG these usually right wing pundits are.

During the first year of Clinton's presidency, the forecast for economic growth had been revised down from 3.1 to 2%. In a clip from their Sept. 4, 1993 program, Novak was seen confidently pronouncing that, "The economy isn't going ANYWHERE. The economy is in the ditch, and that's political trouble for the president." HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Shields remarked that people judge the economy by jobs, GOOD jobs, and mentioned how many people either had, or knew recent college grads that had moved back home.

This set up Novak to make a fool of himself, spouting, "There's a lot of WHINING going on. There was whining going on in the Bush administration, there's whining now. We're not in a great depression! When I grew up, people were REALLY in bad shape." (We know, and you had to walk to school 15 miles barefoot through the snow, uphill both ways.)

"But there is so much hand-wringing, and-and people worrying about people not having the right kind of jobs. I think Americans are very well off." Well Bob, your pals were always well off. But if you thought things were so great then, you surely must have been deliriously happy and grateful when Clinton put the country on its longest period of economic growth in history. What? You were STILL bitching? Ha, ha, ha.

"Was your gang excessively gloomy back then?", Hunt asked after the clip had finished.

Kate then gave a world class spin job. She said that Clinton and Gore had "set you guys up" during the campaign, by "carrying on in this outrageous way" about the worst economy since the depression", she squeaked, "which of course wasn't true!"

She then said that a "weak" recovery had begun in '93, but not soon enough to help Bush Daddy. But she was just getting warmed up, saying, "But you didn't realize that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and that the Republicans would take over congress in 1994 and the recovery would begin with that!" OK Kate, you're right, the best economy EVER was all Newt and the boys doing -- NOT. Gag me!

Margaret gloated about how very NICE it was to see that Novak was "completely and utterly" wrong about everything back then. And that she had heard Bob, "whining about the whining in the tape, and then at the beginning of this show, I heard him whining about the stock market!" Ha, ha, ha!

Novak, obviously flustered, simply stated, against direct evidence, that he had in fact been RIGHT in the clip -- in typical right wing fashion. Never learn from by your own mistakes. Never believe your lying eyes, even when presented with irrefutable proof you were dead wrong. Never EVER admit you were or are wrong about anything.

Stymied, Blob's mind reverted to taxes instinctively. Saying that no one had mentioned the tax increases during the Clinton administration, he tried to get a good rant going. After fumbling and, mumbling, he realized that he couldn't very well condemn a tax increase when it led to such an astounding economic growth. He looked down in mid stammer and finally said that the tax increase had nothing to do with the economic recovery. He then lamely said that "we didn't have a stock market-uh-crash and um - er-" at which point Al Hunt mercifully stepped in.

Boy, Bob REALLY stepped in the brown'n'stinky there! Big time! And even better, he set himself up to get knocked down perfectly.

Hunt adroitly picked up on this and said to Dorgan, "But people like Phil Gramm and Bob Novak told us that the tax increase was going to kill the economy, it didn't, did it?"

Dorgan quickly and efficiently administered the coup de grace by saying, "No, it didn't. They predicted it would wreck the economy. In fact, we had unprecedented economic growth."

For sheer entertainment value, you just can't beat watching Bob and Kate try to ooze their way out of a jam when confronted with direct evidence that they are UTTERLY WRONG. At least Novak, to his credit, appeared to be squirming in his shorts, while Kate cheerfully chirped her disingenuous distortions. I guess at least Novak has managed to retain a shred of dignity.

The next segment was the Margaret Carlson's interview of Arlen Specter (R-Anita Hill). Arlen said nothing noteworthy while he droned on, pausing in... very odd places. Often in the middle of sentences, in his... peculiar style of speech. One thing that did come as a surprise to me is learning that Specter is 71 years... old. To his credit, I never would have guessed him that old.

The following segment dealt with the New York mayoral contest, which is shaping up to be interesting.

Al Hunt went first, befitting his status as pinch moderator. Tom Davis and Bill Frist are co-sponsoring a "wretched", in Hunt's words, piece of legislation that would gut a bill Frist had previous championed. This bill will forbid the FDA to set standards for tobacco products. What's even worse is that both Davis and Frist are on the Republican House and Senate campaign committees, and Big Tobacco has given 7 MILLION big ones to the Republicans. Hunt says this "smells" like a pay-off. I'm only surprised that this sort of thing was even noticed among the thousands of other blatant pay-offs happening almost daily in the Smirk era.

Novak is pissed off at John Ashcroft! This must be one of the signs of the apocalypse! Seems our pal Bob is greatly annoyed that the Attorney General is refusing to release documents related to the investigation of 1996 Clinton-Gore campaign finances which are being demanded by a hand of Republican morons STILL obsessed with investigating the Clinton administration 8 months after their imbecile was installed in the White House (these people are truly sick). Bob takes a few cheap swipes at Janet Reno, of course, and then suggested that Ashcroft was so intimidated by his "brutal" confirmation hearings that "he's not the same John Ashcroft anymore." UGGH! He further whines that AshKKKroft is following in Reno's footsteps, is under "deep cover", and is refusing to take questions on this matter.

That's so insane it's laughable! On with the inquisitions!! Heat up the hot oil! Prepare the rack!!! Cue the iron maiden!! What a bunch of troglodytes! Yes, folks, they are STILL trying to find some wrongdoing, ANY "crimes" on the part of Clinton and/or Gore. They KNOW it just MUST be there somewhere, and like Ahab, they have completely lost their marbles in their insane quest. Bob's steamed because he was sure old Ashcroft would be a willing accomplice to this continued insanity.

Margaret Carlson takes a jab at NOW, the National Organization for Women, for coming to the defense of Andrea Yates, the woman that murdered her children. NOW is angry that prosecutors are refusing to consider that Yates slaughtered her kids due to post-partum depression. NOW suggests Yeats needs treatment, not punishment. Carlson suggests blaming YATES for the crime, and that she needs treatment AND punishment. Carlson said NOW used to be concerned with equal pay, and child care, and asked if there aren't better things they could spend their dues on than defending Andrea Yates.

Kate did not disappoint in today's complaint. She wrapped herself in the flag while sneering and mocking the UN conference against racism. In noting that the US delegation walked out, she suggests that they should have stayed longer -- long enough to haughtily lecture those puny little countries that have the NERVE to "lecture" us about racism and declare that, until they join together to get rid of slavery in Africa, "We don't care WHAT you think."

Even if she did have a point, her attitude is SO obnoxious that I automatically find myself taking the other side! Any enemy of Kate's is a friend of mine. How could I go wrong there?? Ha, ha, ha

Her entire argument apparently is that We, The Great America, are so advanced and free from racism that it's outrageous for ANY other country to DARE question us about it. That's is an ugly, ignorant attitude. And naturally Kate is proud of it.

And there you have it. Another Sunday, another session in the Chamber of Pundit Horrors. But it's all done in service to you, dear reader. I'm weak, my eyes are aching, my mind is battered, but I have an entire week to recover. The struggle to observe and expose the workings of the pundit mind is ongoing and never ending!

Morrie Friendly is a retired advisor to elected Republicans (but not neo-Confederates). He lives and works in Georgetown and supports statehood for the District of Columbia.

Dave "Doctor" Gonzo quit his job as a disgruntled entertainment industry executive to become a disgruntled political commentator. He lives in a highly fortified high-rise compound on Manhattan's Upper East Side.

Dash Riprock is a free lance smart aleck based in Moline, IL. Readers are welcome to try their luck reaching Mr. Riprock during one of his occasional lucid moments at dashriprockapj@hotmail.com.