American Politics Journal -- Pundit Pap



"The Pundits, Flush With Pride" courtesy the Wizard of Whimsy.

Pundit Pap
for Sunday, August 12
Stem Cell Spinning Trumps Real Issues... But Hey, It's August!
by Morrie Friendly

Sunday, August 12, 2001 -- NEW YORK/WASHINGTON/CHICAGO (APJP) -- With Dave Gonzo away on vacation, it fell to yours truly to monitor the Sunday tomfoolery.

Naturally, all of the big network shows played to the ministrations of the White House hype machine and made the Smirk Stem Cell Sellout the dominant issue of the week. Never mind that the Middle East is in a massive spiral into more chaos and death. Forget about the fact that most Americans are far more interested in a real Patients' Bill of Rights, ballot reform and strengthening Social Security without selling out to big brokerage "privatization" scams. And above all, don't breathe a word about all the polls that show the Imbecile Pretender -- former Texas governor George W. Bush -- with UNfavorables well above fifty percent; instead, run polls rigged to give the Simian Dauphin approval ratings that just penetrate that magic half-way point.

We focused on two of Sunday "public affairs" chat shows: This Weak and Defeat the Press. Here's what we saw...

Guest one -- White House staff boss Andy Card, who never fails to come across as that senior exec that just rubs you the wrong way no matter what he does or says. George Stephanopoulos immediately forced Card onto the defensive, saying that the pro-life loonies were "angry" at Smirk; all the cornered Card could do was recite the "party line" rote about embryo stem cell line destruction. Steph quoted some whiner from the laughable fringe propaganda-tank Family Research Council, and Card was again forced to talk about all the stem cell "lines" (60, all going stale) that can be researched and financed by tax money.

The truth: five dozen pre-existing stem cell lines will not constitute all that much material for research. In fact, Smirk's decision amounts to an attempt to ban research using embryos.

Card said that German, Italian and French governments are debating use of embryos. And we'll bet our bottom dollar they go for it. Why? There's a LOT of money to be make from patents and discoveries. Card made a weak attempt to slap down John Kerry's scathing critique of His Illegitimacy's extremist decision. Steph mentioned legislation that would allow research using new lines of stem cells from embryos slated for destruction. Card knocked that notion down, talking about his so-called boss's "morals," "values," the "sanctity of life" and "ethical decisions."

Please. The truth is that this research holds the potential of helping and curing millions. Millions. Smirk has slowed it down with his restrictive, backward position and his servility stance toward an insanely "religious" sub-minority's narrow definition of "sanctity of life", attempting a "compromise" that would put off as few of them as possible. This was no "ethical decision" -- this was pure damage control politics applied to an issue where Smirk can do nothing but lose no matter his decision, no matter the amount of press about the so-called president "agonizing," "deliberating," and "weighing the alternatives".

And what happens should the NIH tell the Card Administration that there's not enough diversity among present stem cell lines? Card, assuming the role of biological genius, said he's certain there's enough diversity. Wow. We're impressed.

Steph got in a final question about the continuing mess in the Middle East: has the bogus POTUS spoken to PLO Chair Yassir Arafat or Israel's Prime Minister Ariel Sharon? Card did not believe so, saying that Smirk is leaving it to a guy who can actually think critically. Okay, so Card didn't use those words, but that's the first thing that crossed our minds when he talked about Powell's work and communication with both leaders in an effort to make the Mitchell accords work.

The second segment had Cokie Roberts "immoderating" a debate between three ethicists. Dr. Patrick Callahan said that George It's decision is "the only feasible compromise" -- but admitted that it was one that would upset both sides. Callahan claimed that Smirk (read: his handlers) was in a genuine moral dilemma -- we think it was probably the first of his life, as he had no problem covering up his criminal past and being essentially handed the presidency by a crooked court! Bishop Joseph Fiorenza, conservative even by average Catholic standards in the U.S., took the post-Pius-XII ultra-hard-right position that embryos must be human beings and claimed that Smirk did not keep the position he set (i.e., broke his campaign promise to "Catholics" -- most of whom take a "cafeteria" approach to the faith in this nation). Cokie brought up the fact that the chicken pox vaccine was derived from fetal tissue; naturally, Fiorenza began droning on about the horrors of elective abortions and claimed there was an alternative: placentas and adult stem cells. But Bioethicist Jeffrey Kahn said that Fiorenza was making an unproven assertion about adult stem cells -- bravo! He also slammed the Idiot Pretender for making a ridiculous decision about embryos slated for disposal.

Cokie brought up a little-mentioned issue -- namely, that the Doofus-in-Chief has set the stage for government regulation of in-vitro facilities. Kahn thinks it's a good idea -- and that may actually be true if it can be used to protect the rights of such clinics from state regulation, especially in the superstitious, anti-science Bible Belt.

Callahan showed his real colors when he said that science should not be going all-out to find cures for diseases by any means available. Okay, so we think that there should be limits on human experimentation for the post-born -- but there is so much promise with stem cells that there is no reason NOT to go all-out.

The third segment was the "ground round table," and Claire Shipman (the former NBC correspondent who pissed off ultra-conservative GE/NBC Führer Jack Welch by reporting fairly and honestly about Al Gore) said that there while Smirk's handlers had been claiming that Bush "agonized" over his stem cell fumble, the Midland Moron told Shipman he did NOT, and actually bristled at the assertion in the interview (a clip of the interview was shown). Shipman claimed he had answered the "gravitas" and "engagement" issues convincingly.

Huh? Did she see the same stiff, twitchy, marionette-like speech we scoffed at earlier this week? Little George looked like he was undergoing a root canal! And "gravitas?" Well, if you think Charlie McCarthy and Howdy Doody have gravitas....

We ignored what George Will had to say; Steph said that the scientific community would have gone nuts if Smirk had approved funding for only 5 or 10 cell lines. But Steph accurately said Card may be on the warpath over leaks to the press -- and heads may roll in the West Wing.

Cokie turned back to the Shipman interview, and the question of what Chimp Boy would do over -- he admitted he had stumbled on environmental issues, notably putting arsenic back into kids' drinking water. He tried in vain to claim that they were using "good science." It was a typically dumb assertion -- and a stereotypical use of the hard-right's spin of "good science" (i.e. results underwritten by big business, heavy industry, or environmental rapists) vs. "junk science" (i.e. any science that debunks politicized "findings" embraced by the right and their minions).

George Will slammed Gephardt's "extremism" (we can only suppose that in Will World his own ultra-right Taliban extremism is OK). Steph said that Card had left the door open to funding more stem cells lines. Will said that George Jr. had asserted that there are enough lines to show whether there is promise in stem cells -- but Steph said the Boy Wonder contradicted himself and that stem cell lines may go stale after a couple years. Shipman said that Smirk was lucky to reach "something of a compromise" -- and Steph said that even the National Right-to-Life Committee supports the stem cell compromise (yeah, but what about super-conservative Catholics?). Shipman made light of His Fraudulence saying his biggest fault is that "he works too hard."

Heh-heh -- yeah, right, mister one-month vacation is soooo overworked. "Make them stop, Dick -- thinkin' is so exhaustifyin'!"

Following the break, Steph turned to The Al Gore Debate. Okay, Al's beard has the press abuzz, and we think it doesn't look half bad, but the press is acting as if this were some sort of huge "re-emergence," which it isn't -- there was strong coverage of Gore's stint as a Columbia University instructor in New York. Now the lock-step lemming press is asking whether he'll get back into politics. Steph asked Gore's advisor and former tobacco lobbyist Carter "Cancer Boy" Eskew about another possible run.

I'm going to rile a few readers, but I'll say it -- it was a mistake for Gore to give Eskew a position in his campaign last year. Sure, Gore would have won anyway if there were a full, fair and complete count in Florida -- but there would have been a FAR wider and uncontestable margin of victory if Eskew hadn't been a substandard manager of the Gore campaign and Gore had assigned his campaign to more aggressive and, dare we say, ruthless management.

Eskew said that Gore and Bush are dead even in their polls (huh? Some polls, including UDR's, had Gore ahead of Bush by 9 points in early July, with a surprising number of GOPers supporting Gore). Eskew did say that they should have run a more "guerilla campaign;" Steph acted as if Gore lost -- yes, he did concede Gore won the popular vote, but still refuses to dare say that Bush stole Florida. Eskew talked about healing rifts within the Democrats. Steph also asked Eskew about the issues Gore is passionate about -- doesn't he feel an obligation to speak out? Eskew said that Gore said he would step out of the spotlight for a while when he graciously conceded the election to the Appointee. He should have added that Gore is a man who keeps his promises -- unlike Boy George. What advice would Eskew give Gore? Eskew said that if he's ready, he should run -- but gave no indication as to when Gore might make that decision. Steph dissed Gore in the follow-up with Cokie, saying many of his aides no longer want to work with him; Shipman hypothesized that facial hair is part of a "strategy"; Cokie said Gore could make a formidable electoral reform candidate. We again ignored Will's wrong-minded spew. There was talk about other possible candidates -- Cokie mentioned Sen. John Edwards, and John Kerry's name came up.

We tried once again to ignore Will, but when he said GOPers want to run against Gore because he lost, Steph SLAPPED HIM DOWN, interjecting, "Um, he WON the popular vote." Will fired Steph a not-so-mock "mock" dirty look.

Meet the First Lady
Andrea Mitchell proves a formidable -- if conflicted -- pseudo-moderator

Great news from Planet Jack Welch: Tim Russert is away on vacation. None other than the wife of "President" Alan Greenspan -- First Lady Andrea Mitchell -- was guest host.

Now, in a fair and just world where the press could be relied on to honestly report the news, we'd castigate both NBC and any relative of a government official acting as a "talking head" for promoting conflicts of interest -- but in the age of Big Conservative Media, we have to admit that First Lady Mitchell is so much better as a moderator of Meet the Press than Russert, and so more conspicuously intelligent than Jack Welch's rotund attack pundit, that we can't complain.

The lovely Ms. Mitchell -- or is it Mrs. Greenspan? -- gushed about stem cell research as being "such an important issue," and made mention of a New York Times op-ed allegedly penned by Smirk (yeah, right) -- then brought up the changing moral distinction between stem cells before and after his address. Her Guest, HHS Secretary Tommy "Cheesehead" Thompson, said that "the decision has been made" -- in other words, "that's the way the political chips fall and we're stuck with it." Thompson praised the so-called "solution" that allows ONLY cells that are already in the cryo-freezer to be used and hyped it as "a breakthrough" -- as he proclaimed that he opposes "further destruction of embryo[s]."

Well, gosh, Cheesemeister -- what happens if the preliminary research with these cells is more promising than anticipated -- and there are not enough cells? There's "no wiggle room, said the First Lady. Thompson said that Smirk "would not equivocate." Then the head cheese at HHS (does that make him Health Head-Cheese?) tried to "explain" the issue -- in typical truth-bending style, which means that Smirk's narrow guidelines are all that count, and 60 stem cell lines are more than enough.

We can't wait to see Tommy and His Idiocy both crash and burn politically as this issue becomes more and more contentious and divisive.

Thompson gushed about the public sector making great strides -- but the First Lady kept pressing him on the moral aspect of the issue. Thompson, showing he is just another stock unapologetic sycophant to the religious right, equated a frozen embryo cell with human life.

The First Lady then made Smirk a liar, pointing out pledges and promises made during the campaign in the now-bogus-POTUS's own words -- pledges that he broke with his decision. Thompson tried to whitewash Simian George's backpedaling and assuage religious crazies with a baroque, evasive and outright confusing answer.

Then -- BUSTED! The First Lady quoted a news story in which Thompson praised stem cell research and scientist Dr. Jamie Thomson as a "bold researcher." Thompson said Thomson would call this a "bold step forward."

Tell you what, Tommy -- I'll call him tomorrow and ask him what he thinks about the ban on the use of new cell lines.

Mrs. Greenspan then quoted Catholic bishops (all picked, we will remind you, not by congregations as they were a century ago, but by the ultra-conservative, anti-science, bring-back-the-Inquisition Holy See) who have come out strongly against Stem Cell Smirk. Thompson then talked -- rather foolishly -- about moral considerations. His answer -- touching on the ethical woes of what to do with embryos which will be disposed of -- only served to show how the Great Shrub Stem Sell makes few happy.

Thompson did say that there is debate about what type of stem cells -- blood, embryonic, placental, adult -- hold the most promise. We'd wager they ALL hold promise -- and ALL will be needed.

Thompson: "In order for us to move forward, the basic research has to be done.... This President has now allowed that research to continue." Right, Tommy -- but only because the GOP-controlled Congress would have blocked Bill Clinton on moving forward with this research. We all know it. And 60 lines may NOT be enough for "basic" research. We know that too. And all your talk about "moral" issues does nothing to obscure that fact that if 60 lines are not enough, Smirk is holding back research that could help the health of millions.

In the course of the twenty-plus-minute interview, Thompson managed to gain no ground for himself or his boss. Instead, his defensive answers and hyperbolic grandstanding served only to show how weak, compromised and extreme the former Texas governor's position on the stem cell issue truly is -- and how vulnerable and unpopular he has become.

There was a four-way debate on the stem cell issue. Rep. Chris Smith (R-Women-'r'-second-class-citizens) called it murder and slammed "corporations" that "engage on the wholesale destruction of human embryos." Oh, please -- so there's no right for couples having trouble conceiving to use technology to have kids? Smith is your typical doctrinaire right-to-life Luddite. Rep. Jim Langevin (R-Thinking-conservative) is, like Smith, a shill for anti-reproductive-rights -- but only up to a point. Langevin supports stem cell research. He praised a technology that can help infertile couples and said that the surplus of embryos can help millions. Langevin is paralyzed -- and mentioned paralysis, diabetes, Alzheimer's disease and other illnesses that stem cell research could help. The First Lady then welcomed Sen. Sam Brownback (R-Turn back the clock), who opposes stem cell research, asking for his view -- but Brownback sounded like he's getting on the Smirk Ban-Wagon and most of his time wringing his hands and howling about the moral and ethical horrors of cloning. He does not believe there are enough votes in the Senate to ban stem cell research.

Talk about a parade of know-nothings! Langevin, despite his anti-women's-rights views, came across as the most well-informed and forward-looking of the bunch.

Then Her Excellency turned to one of the smartest health policy wonks in America -- Cheesehead Tommy's predecessor, Donna Shalala. First, Shalala said 60 stem cell lines are just plain not enough. Then she slammed Thompson for supporting such a narrow approach to stem cell research and expressed her disappointment that the Selected One did not appoint a council to oversee progress on the issue of stem cell research. She is opposed to human cloning and supports strong ethical guidelines on stem cell research and cloning (translation: benefit to millions outweighs destroying embryos which will not be used or adopted). The First Lady then played the specious argument of John Bordon, who, at a congressional hearing asked which of his two sons conceived in vitro would the assembled politicians "take"? It was a cheap appeal to emotions without a basis in critical thinking or logic. Naturally, the anti-choice evangelizers on Ms. Mitchell 's panel ate it up. Shalala, however, responded to First Lady Andrea 's invocation of Aldous Huxley by saying that the bogus POTUS has at least triggered national debate, and science cannot get ahead of ethics.

Then the lovely Mrs. G showed off an hilarious newspaper "ad" by the troglodyte American Life League comparing Smirk to his daddy in that broken promises will lead to a one-term presidency. From the tone of her voice, we could tell she too thought it unintentionally uproarious. Sam Brownback gave a rambling answer. Neither addressed a major flaw with the ad's logic: those anti-choice extremists most tiffed by Smirk's Stem Cell "sellout" are a tiny minority within the GOP -- or have already fled for BuKKKanan's "Reichs-Reform-Partei."

After the break, there was a dull panel chat. Bill Kristol is concerned about the ethical implication. Andrea then made much of a NY Times editorial title: "William Jefferson Bush" -- but put more emphasis on the fact that GOPers are whining and bristling at the comparison between the man they love to loathe and the loser they're saddled with than on the content of the editorial, which talks "triangulation" -- a favorite code-word of Clinton-bashers. Well, one panelist whose name we missed said that people forget that "triangulation" is in fact finding a middle ground, which is what Clinton did so effectively and Smirk is now claiming he has done. The Real First Lady mentioned that the spin coming from Midland was about "thoughtfulness" -- the implication being that they are NOT having much success in convincing anyone that C-Student George is capable of deep thinking.

Talk turned pessimistic as focus turned to the Middle East. That mystery panelist whose name we did not catch said that Clinton and Barak deserve praise for trying to achieve an ambitious peace plan -- even if it failed -- and added that Arafat has failed, and all that can be done now is an attempt to stop the shooting. Kristol called Israel's retaliation -- taking Orient House in retaliation for the death of 15 people -- mild.

Mild? It was a risky move -- and a provocation. At about the time Kristol's comment ran on our local NBC affiliate, another suicide bomber struck, this time in Haifa.

Then -- the Clinton Memoirs! Podesta said that Clinton is not interested in settling scores but laying out the truth. "Yeahbut," said the First Lady emphatically -- a definite cue that it was time for the program's mandatory Clinton-bashing. Andrea implied that Clinton would not be totally candid and not lay it all on the line (i.e. "he's a liar" -- well, duh, he's a politician -- but is he even 1/100th of the liar that Smirk is, Andrea?). Podesta said Clinton's book would be straightforward -- and entertaining. And what about Al Gore's beard (i.e. will he run in 2004)? Podesta seems bullish on Gore -- and his issues.

Okay, so the panel nearly put us to sleep. About the only interesting person on the panel was Andrea Mitchell herself. She's tough and right-leaning, but far more fair and probing than Russert.

The powers-that-be at NBC News (i.e. Jack Welch, who loves to tamper with crucial news coverage) would be wise to send Rotund Russert permanently packing -- he'd fit in well with the self-important bozos over on the FAUX News Channel -- and install Andrea Mitchell as the network's First Lady of Punditry.

Morrie Friendly is a political consultant, retired advisor to elected Republicans (but not the proto-Fascists that seek to dominate the party), and master barbecue chef. He lives and works in the Georgetown neighborhood in the District of Columbia and owns a fuel efficient-vehicle sporting a bumper sticker that reads "Washington D.C. | Taxation Without Representation".