American Politics Journal -- Pundit Pap



"The Pundits, Flush With Pride" courtesy the Wizard of Whimsy.

Sunday, July 22, 2001 -- NEW YORK/WASHINGTON (APJP) -- Those pundits just love sex.

To hell with the fact that a young lady has gone missing to the pain and horror of her family -- the pundits have taken it upon themselves to obsess over that studly congressman with whom she reportedly carried out an affair. The more that they can imply he's a suspect, the more they can flog his "extracurricular" activities and dig up dirt on members of his family. To hell with the fact that they're destroying his private life -- heck, this tabloid trash disguised as "investigative journalism" sells papers and keeps the children tuned to FAUX News Channel (because they have neither the maturity nor the sophistication to tune to the slightly less conservative CNN) glued to the tube.

It's been too long since we've checked in on our favorite Sunday source for ultra-right spin, FAUX News Sunday.

Unfortunately, the fast-on-his- feet and always entertaining Tony Snow was away on a well-deserved vacation with his wife and kids, so we were subject to the snarling ministrations of substitute host -- and FAUX News Washington Grand Dragon -- Brit Hume.

Possibilities for real laughs presented themselves as Hume introduced both the top news of the week (the G8 Summit and Gary Condit's wiener) and his panel of loons: hard-righter Fred "The Weasel" Barnes, NPR's resident stealth GOPer Mara Liasson, Juan "I'm not a liberal, I only play one on TV" Williams, and Paul "John Fund Lite" Gigot.

Guest one was Treasury Secretary Paul "Alcoa" O'Neill, whom Hume complimented on his tan. Hume played a vid bite of President Alan Greenspan saying that it is unlikely that there will be a huge impact now from Bush Baby's big tax giveback scam -- and that America is saddled with an economy that "is still deteriorating" but "the deterioration is slowing."

O'Neill contradicted the erudite Greenspan, claiming that the economy is growing based on auto sales (he conceded that LIGHT cars are selling well). O'Neill also said that Intel is seeing growth in chips for telecommunication.

Wowie zowie -- based on those two indices out of thousands, O'Neill deems Greenspan mistaken. We're so impressed. Not.

Hume pressed him for exact numbers on economic growth, and O'Neill gave a mealy-mouthed "3% in 2002" answer. Hume plugged the "tax rebate" and grumbled that Greenspan said it would have little effect. O'Neill, who has the most cloying, droning tenor voice we've heard this year on Pundit TV, said that we can expect growth in September.

The Weasel asked if anything of substance came out of G8 that would result in growth. O'Neill said something vague about "structural changes... we will see action." We can only guess that O'Neill means turning national policy over to the oil, coal and aluminum industry. Weasel-boy claimed that the German and Japanese economies are somehow "holding back" the American economy, and O'Neill expressed some skepticism (there was a rare hint -- but only a hint -- of emotion in his voice). Finally, The Weasel asked if the dollar was too strong -- and O'Neill cut him off with an emphatic "No."

Hume interjected that exporters would disagree -- then muttered a semi-angry spew about the Genoa economic summit having talked about global poverty and the environment when the world economy is "teetering." O'Neill dismissed "doomsday sayers" -- meaning Hume -- and then actually praised a day when there would be no more poverty!

What a riot -- as if Alcoa, GE and ADM will do anything proactive to reverse the woes of the poor, who can't afford cars, MRI tests or ethanol.

O'Neill blathered a string of vague visionary thoughts as Weasel said something about OPEC -- and O'Neill again disagreed about their all-pervasive influence.

It's pretty interesting that O'Neill, a shill for heavy industry if there ever was one sitting as Trade Secretary, began many of his answers saying he disagreed with the spin of Hume and Barnes, themselves shills for big business and the modern ultra-right.

Following the break, Sen. Joe Lieberman, one of the few Democrats "acceptable" to FAUX News, was the guest. It seems every time one of them exposes the FAUX panel of stooges as a liar or partisan, they are blacklisted. Joe's too much of a "gentleman" to do that.

Hume took a shot at Tom Daschle's comments that Smirk has undermined America's influence and prestige -- and then at his ill-considered "non-apology" apology for the timing of the statement. Lieberman diminished Daschle by calling his backpedalling "gracious" -- but added, "Thank God we're not in a war," because, as Daschle said, Dumb-Yuh is following a unilateral foreign policy that "is isolating us and [is] a failure of leadership."

Hume angrily smacked down the Kyoto Treaty on the thin "criticism" that only Rumania has ratified it. What an idiot -- if Hume took a careful look at the American process, he'd see it can take YEARS to ratify a treaty -- and the same goes for many other countries. Moreover, as Joe pointed out, the details are STILL being negotiated, the people of Europe demanded it, and Americans will want it.

Then Joe did something wonderful in a moment that is very telling about how FAUX News works: when Weasel Fred and Brit Hume claimed that Joe voted against the Kyoto accords in a 95-0 vote in the Senate, Joe stopped them BOTH in their tracks and explained that the vote to which they referred, the Byrd-Hagel Amendment, focused on a NARROW procedural facet of the Kyoto accords. Hume and Weasel were sufficiently chastened that Hume actually said, "Uncle!"

What a riot -- and that is a classic example of why FAUX News avoids most intelligent Democrats: they shred the FAUX spin in a matter of seconds as Joe had, tearing the curtain from in front of The Wizard of Ailes, exposing him and his minions as political communications stooges rather than journalists. But Joe did it so deftly and in such a gentlemanly manner that Brit conceded!

There was an exchange between Juan Williams and Joe concerning missile defense during which not much was said. Mara asked Joe about his comment at the recent DLC conclave that Dems do a poor job of communicating to "people of faith" -- was it a good idea to vote against Smirk's cash for evangelists scam? Joe announced that he intends to draft his own "faith-based initiative."

Ah-ha! So Lieberman is beginning a campaign to steal people of faith from the GOP while preserving non-discrimination rules if religious organizations use our tax dollars. The pundits have been saying an awful lot about the GOP's campaign to steal women from the Dems -- are they paying attention to Joe's latest idea?

Mara returned to "values" issues, claiming that GUN CONTROL is one such issue! While we suppressed our guffaws, Joe said that it's critically important that Democrats address the issue and are careful to explain that they respect those with whom they disagree.

The Weasel, who just can't keep his fingers out of President Clinton's pants, said in his most "moral" tone that Joe had castigated Clinton over his conduct with Monica -- and then asked Joe how he felt about Gary Condit. Joe essentially gave a "so what?" answer, saying that the search for Chandra Levy is a law enforcement matter.

In other words, "Get your nose out of everyone's pants, you sexual McCarthyite sleaze!"

Following the break -- well, what else would you expect from the tabloid network that brought us Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire? Why, a full panel Gary Condit gang bang, of course!

Juan said something about "if he's somehow guilty in Chandra's disappearance...", which is exactly the tack FAUX News Channel has taken in their tabloid coverage of the story; Juan also said that he should come clean. Gigot said that his silence has not worked, nor has anything he's done since the story broke. Hume pulled up some silly FAUX O-Spin-Ion Dynamics numbers in which Condit's own constituents were polled -- if you believe the numbers, they don't believe Condit and think he should come clean. Hume asked Mara if Condit's "hiding something" and Mara gave a long non-answer about talking to constituents and Condit's future in politics. The Weasel said the obvious: just when you thought Condit couldn't have a week worse than the previous one, he has one -- in the form of a polygraph test that backfired, reports that he threw out a watch case from another alleged lover, and a reprobate brother arrested in Florida. Juan countered with the heavily-covered story of an evangelical minister who falsely claimed that his daughter had an affair with Condit -- and the LITTLE reported story that the minister admitted he lied.

Good grief. Won't someone state a few obvious facts? First, the press LOVES to report on bad-boy political studs, especially when they try and fail to conceal their extramarital adventures -- and the public eats it up. Second, NOBODY is shocked by the fact that a politician is having an affair -- in fact, the public loves "chick magnets". Third, Condit is a Republican in all but his party affiliation -- and not only supported the sham impeachment of Clinton but spoke out about Clinton's "morals", thereby making himself a world-class hypocrite.

Hume cut back to Smirk's favorite reporter, Jim "Right" Angle, to talk about the bogus POTUS's attempts to convince Vladimir Putin that missile defense is, as Martha Stewart would say, a "good thing" -- and Putin has now hinted that he is willing to talk about the claim that anti-missile technology would help Russia from a defense standpoint.

After the break, Hume mentioned that there was a joint statement by the Bogus POTUS and Putin -- and the consensus that it was some sort of "big victory" for Smirk. Then Hume turned to the protesters, asking the moronic question "What do they want?" Mara said there is no single "they" -- and then mispronounced the nickname of U2's lead singer (it's "Bah-no", not "BONE-o", like the late congressman) and forgot to mention that Bono's at G8 to push for relief of third world debt. Barnes said that "free markets" are the engine of growth, and that the protesters are against freedom. How shallow -- we'd expect that sort of moronic claim and lack of penetrating analysis from, say, some knuckledragger at Free Republic. Well, now we know where their "ideas" com from. Paul "Free Market Gigolo" Gigot slammed Europe for ruining the GE-Honeywell merger. Hume predicted a more secretive G8 in the wake of violent protests.

There was, predictably, not one word about Italian Duce Berlusconi's brownshirts having gunned down an anarchist in cold blood -- let alone mention that offices being used by anti-globalization reporters and activists were raided by truncheon-wielding carbinieri thugs in a bloody orgy of violence.

But what else should one expect from Berlusconi, a self-styled Italian media magnate who at times makes Rupert Murdoch look like a progressive?

Brit concluded with a very comical and telling clip of Donald "Doctor Strangelove" Rumsfeld admitting he has no idea of how to do a good job as Defense Minister.

Issue one: The Smirking Embarrassment is back in Europe -- and John McLaugh-In started his spin with a vid clip of His Ignorance clumsily reciting his boilerplate pap about who he is and how he speaks. John seemed to imply that Japan's Prime Minister Koizumi and His Fraudulence will kill the Kyoto treaty.

Mike Barone lied when he said definitively that the Kyoto treaty kills growth and there is no science to back it up. John made a stupid comment about bovine methane (we wonder if any would show up in a breathalyzer test of McLaugh-In). Eleanor Clift, the only sane member of the encounter group, said there is scientific evidence that global warming is real. John lied a second time, implying that there's no relation between science and "precautionary principle." Ha, ha, ha -- great non-point, John. Eleanor said that she's not counting out Koizumi on Kyoto. John cued Tony Blankley to slam Daschle for calling Little George an isolationist -- then Tony said that Japan and the US have a beef against the EU about artificially low standards (well, duuuh, Tony -- we pollute more than the EU). Larry O'Donnell slammed Snippy and Bionic Dick for bad-mouthing Bill Clinton every time he was out of the country. John said that Dems will stop at nothing to destroy the Chimp in Chief.

John then detailed Koizumi's biography -- that is, if you consider crucial to an understanding of Koizumi his love of both opera and heavy metal music, the fact that there's now a Koizumi action figure available in stores (shades of Governor Ventura -- maybe there'll even be a FOX Kids action series with the two doing battle against the forces of evil), and his "Beethoven" hair-do.

Eleanor returned to the issue of isolation -- Daschle is 100% correct about Smirk-o-lationism on missile defense and global warming. A shouting match ensued. Then John turned to Putin's comment that Russia might well join NATO. Tony said he's not serious about joining NATO, but IS serious about closer ties with the US. Mike echoed Tony -- and was right when he said Putin sees Russia as a European nation. Eleanor said Russia in NATO might make sense.

Predictions on the future of a Kyoto treaty and Koizumi's stance were predictable -- and uninteresting, except for John obsessing about his hair and Larry O'Donnell saying Koizumi will stick to the accords.

Issue two: Senator Bill Frist backs stem cell research. It was good that at least one pundit show decided to tackle this issue in depth. John pointed out that George the Lesser has backed off his promise to oppose stem cell research -- and that both the NIH and Orrin Hatch add traction to the push for federal funding of stem cell research. John seemed to think Smirk will get enough "political heat from the political right" to stop funding; Tony said that even Catholics and self-identified pro-lifers support stem-cell research. "Pope" John obsessed on the Catholic definition of life; Eleanor said that the embryos that some are all hung up about would be discarded anyway. John was fretting over wombs. Larry said that if Smirk supports stem cell research, it will impress moderates.

Talk devolved into debating Catholic positions on the death penalty and the "practicing" Catholic vote.

John shouted that he wanted to "move on" and ask if Smirk will lost support if he backs "stell cemm" research. Did someone forget their lithium? There was shouting about Karl Rove; John said that Frist is Rove's stalking horse. How will Smirk decide?
Mike: He'll go with Frist.
Eleanor: It's important to every voter who knows about it; he'll go with Frist.
Tony: He'll come down in a compromise position.
Larry: He'll go with Frist's position, which is VERY limited on funding. Larry also said something about death being defined by brain function -- we couldn't help but think about John's brain!
John: He'll support a pro-life compromise version.

Final predictions were pre-empted by a very welcome and heartfelt hats-off to the late Katherine Graham by John.

Delete the Press
Tim obsesses over Gary Condit -- is he still suffering the shakes from Clinton Withdrawal?

Tim's top story was Gary Condit:; "Where should investigators be looking?" One of his first guests was sleazebag Michael Isikoff of Newsleak, the other was FBI profiler Gregg McCrary, whom Tim asked about the process of profiling. Boring, boring, boring -- we wondered when Tim would make his first grab for Gary Condit's crotch.

It only took about 60 seconds, as Tim asked about the possibility that Chandra Levy was the victim of a snatching, kidnapping, or "Gary Condit's involvement." And after a rambling but thorough answer from McCrary, Tim asked about Condit's insistence that Levy not carry ID.

Here's a question for you, Tim: why not ask Newt Gingrich, Bob Livingston or Tim Hutchinson if they've ever asked their mistresses to do the same thing? MY sources tell me this is often standard operating procedure among "family values" cheaters on Capitol Hill.

We ignored everything that bottom-feeder Isikoff, the worst kind of self-serving press opportunist imaginable, had to say. Tim, again grasping for trouser trout, flashed a news report on the screen to the effect that the FBI "dismissed" Condit's polygraph test. McCrary said that a polygrapher must be integrated with the full investigation. Tim had to make a huge deal out of Condit's brother having been arrested in Florida yesterday for a parole violation. After something from "Spikey" Isikoff that we also ignored, Tim claimed that someone had said something to the effect that Condit told them he might be in trouble and may have to disappear.

Now that Tim no longer has Bill Clinton to kick around, it's pretty obvious that he's glommed onto Condit so that he can try him in absentia -- with the soft-spoken McCrary and fellow crotch-grabber Isikoff as jurors.

NBC and the producers are once again out to Delete the Press. Real issues that affect real people have been pre-empted as Tim continues to play up a NON-ISSUE on what is supposed to be a program that focuses on political news and public policy.

Tim continued the character assassination by asking his next guest, Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle if Condit -- who, Tim argued in a torturously constructed scenario, might be a blackmail target -- should recuse himself from the House Intelligence Committee. Daschle refused to play along.

Then Tim played video footage of Condit calling for full disclosure from Bill Clinton re. Lewinsky. Tim said Condit's a hypocrite. Again, Daschle wouldn't play -- though he said that full disclosure was a good idea.

Tim turned to tax cuts and that unethical refund letter from Smirk. Daschle said millions of Americans who though they were entitled to a refund aren't going to get one. But won't those rebates help stimulate the economy? Daschle said there will be no bang for the buck -- but there would have been if it had gone to the worst off in our nation.

Will Dems seek to undo the tax cut? Daschle said that Smirk would veto such legislation -- so it is time to put the focus on where to put the surplus.

Tim then turned to Daschle's critique of Smirk's positions and policies which are isolating America. Daschle said that Sen. Warner agrees with him on Smirk's missile foolishness. Tim then quoted a bunch of Smirk apologists putting down Daschle -- including Trent "Whites Only" Lott's stupid, wise-ass swipe about Daschle being on "training wheels." Daschle -- "no apology."

Tim then focused on Daschle's criticism of Smirk's Star Wars dreams and the now-taxed relations between the U.S. and Russia -- then quoted vague and kind words from Putin about Idiot George. Daschle pointed out that when you've got two world leaders next to each other, diplomatic warmth will prevail.

Could Daschle support a bilateral policy of arms reduction? Daschle said he needs details -- but is open to new and good ideas and solutions. What about the allegedly "successful" missile defense test? Daschle poked a hole in Tim's question, saying it's nice to know the exact time and place a dummy warhead is going to show up.

Daschle said he intends to fight drilling in protected areas and that there would be a debate about "faith-based initiatives" -- but that concerns about such charities not discriminating must be solved. Tim came back with the predictable pap that churches are exempt form discrimination in hiring laws. Daschle responded that the present bill opens the door to new ways to discriminate against people based on any number of criteria. Daschle also said that there will be a debate -- but would not commit to one this year.

Daschle said that he is supporting legislation to fund stem cell research. When talk turned to Smirk's push to make "legal" Mexican immigrants, Daschle said he wants to talk about immigrants from other countries.

There was also talk about the recent slanted "report" about the Social Security "crisis" (Tim said nothing about this being a stalking horse for privatization). Daschle said there's a problem, but not as dire as the report implies. He wants to apply surpluses to the Social Security trust fund -- and is against cutting benefits. Moreover, privatization will deny benefits to Social Security recipients, said Daschle.

Tim tried in vain to nail down Daschle on his plans for 2004 -- under South Dakota law, Daschle could run for the Senate AND President that year. Daschle: "What are YOU doing in 2004, Tim?"

Following the break... well, what could be worse than Nixon apologist Bill Safire and former LBJ moll and purported mistress Doris Kearns Goodwin talking about Gary Condit? The segment made FAUX News Channel look fair and balanced by comparison. Tim actually asked what Safire would say to Gary Condit.

Safire said he'd say, "Enough awready." But we think the sexually obsessed Safire would REALLY ask Gary, "She got any sisters?" But when Tim asked if the coverage had become unfair, Safire had to admit it -- even though he called the polygraph test a "stunt."

Tim then asked Doris how Smirk is doing. Naturally, Doris said he's doing fine while acknowledging that there were questions about his legitimacy, MIGHT be tilted toward the rich, and is "underexposed."

And Tim pointed out that the right-wing Human Events rag (for which date-deprived Neo-Nazi Ann Coulter writes) is none too happy with Simian George. Safire said that Bush is doing better after six months than Clinton did (but somehow forgot to mention that this is NOT true according to internal GOP and Democrat polls) but conceded that there may be a push to "reelect Gore in 2004." Safire was referring to the popular vote -- but not-so-inadvertently conceded that Gore did in fact win Florida according to a number of suppressed analyses.

There was the usual pap about stem cells -- Doris said that hardcore right-to-lifers don't want federal funding, families hit by any number of diseases support it. My, my, what a stretch.

Tim did bring up the rather large number of possible Democrat candidates in 2004 -- and showed a clip of Hillary Clinton responding with what Safire called a "premeditated slip" about a presidential run on a Clinton-McCain ticket in 2004.

The final segment was a Meet the Press minute featuring Katherine Graham as a panelist quizzing Nelson Rockefeller on Vietnam in the early 1960s -- and one of her last appearances on MTP a few months ago. Tim proclaimed Graham a paragon of morality -- but we don't know if Graham would take that as a compliment coming as it did from one of the Beltway's most eager pants-sniffers.

To our delight, Reprehensible Soreheads was less reprehensible than usual, spending the first half of the program paying tribute to Katherine Graham. The guest was Bob Woodward, who is suddenly looking about five years older than he did a few months back.

Woodward recalled a moment at the height of Watergate -- the story he and Carl Bernstein covered that propelled the Washington Post to the top of the Beltway pack -- when Post publisher Graham asked him who exactly the anonymous inside source "Deep Throat" was, then paused, put her hand on Woodward's arm, and said, "I don't want to know." There was more talk about Watergate -- until Howie Kurtz asked Woodward about an incident in which then-President Reagan placed a phone call to Graham, in effect dragging her out of the shower, to try and convince her not to run a story about an alleged Soviet spy. Woodward mentioned that under Graham, the Post maintained its edge in investigative journalism, turning its scrutiny recently to stories within DC government.

Naturally, there was a question about the handling of the "Gary Condit" story from Bernie Kalb. Jeez, whatever happened to concern for Chandra Levy? Woodward praised Graham's "hands-off" management -- but got in a dig about Ben Bradlee whining to reporters to get their finger out of his eye!

We tuned out when talk turned to Gary Condit -- and one of the guests was none other than New York Post pseudojournalist Deborah Orin.