American Politics Journal -- Harry Potter and the Unbelievable Act of Stupidity

American Politics Journal

"Grownups in Charge," My Foot!
HARRY POTTER AND THE ACT OF UNBELIEVABLE STUPIDITY
By Tamara Baker
(with apologies to J.K. Rowling)

DATELINE: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Somewhere in Scotland, July 16, 2001 -- Harry Potter was sitting in the bedroom he shared with Ron and Neville and Seamus, reading the American edition of Goblet of Fire and laughing out loud at the bizarre Americanisms inserted by the Yankee editor over at Scholastic, when he heard a strange thumping noise coming from the Gryffindor common room. He set down the book and went to investigate it.

As he entered the common room, he soon found that the noise was resulting from Professor Snape's repeatedly banging his forehead against the wall, muttering to himself with each blow:

"I..." Bang! "...can't..." Bang! "...believe..." Bang! "...they..." Bang! "...would be..." Bang! "...so..." Bang! "...STUPID!"

Harry tugged at Snape's sleeve, stopping the newly-named Gryffindor co-head from denting the wall further. "What happened, Professor?"

Snape's face twitched uncontrollably; he obviously had not slept well the night before.

"Remember how, during the election campaign, my former lord, BushdeCheney, made much reference to the allegedly out-of-control, childish nature of the White House as run by Albus ClintonGore -- particularly in regard to foreign policy?" Snape said, in tones verging on the hysterical. "Remember the favorite phrase used by BushdeCheney upon usurping the throne? 'Now the grownups are in charge'?"

"Yes," replied Harry, looking askance at Snape and wondering if he should notify Madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing.

"Well, one thing the 'immature' Albus ClintonGore was able to do, and do quite well, was to keep our rivals and enemies from making common cause with one another against us. But now, NOW, the blustering, sabre-rattling, Star-Wars-loving, treaty-smashing 'grownups' of the BushdeCheney regime have so frightened the rest of the world that even longstanding rivals such as Russia and China are uniting to face down the threat posed by BushdeCheney. Here," he said, tossing Harry a copy of the London Times opened to a certain article outlined in red ink, (http://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/0,,3-2001241967,00.html), "read this."

Harry read the article in question:

MONDAY JULY 16 2001
Jiang and Putin unite to block US supremacy
FROM GILES WHITTELL IN MOSCOW
PRESIDENT Jiang Zemin of China flew to Moscow last night to cement a strategic pact with Russia designed to boost trade between the two countries and co-ordinate their opposition to American dominance of world affairs.
The accord falls short of a military alliance, but provides for swift joint action "in case of extraordinary situations or a threat to each other's security", Aleksandr Losyukov, Russia's Deputy Foreign Minister, said in a clear reference to the quick development by the Pentagon of a "son of Star Wars" anti-missile shield.
The Good Neighbourly Treaty of Friendship and Co-operation, to be signed this morning, attaches more importance to economics than politics and is expected to come with agreements for Russia to help to build a 3,000-mile gas pipeline across China and to sell Beijing ten Tupolev-204 airliners.

Harry broke off his reading. "I can't believe it! BushdeCheney's stupid tough-guy posturing caused our two biggest enemies to leap into each other's arms!"

"Believe it, Potter," said a frazzled Snape, who then resumed beating his head against the wall.

Harry soon joined him in this activity, and the sound of two heads banging resonated softly throughout the Gryffindor common room.