Crap-ital Gang
Novakula exposed as a liar, tombstone teeth O'Beirne as lunatic!

First topic: the Chimp-in-chief's energy proposals.

They showed a clip of The Chief Chimp saying that his policy allows "rissssk-takers-s-s-s" to explore for oil. He's got that right. But the risk they're taking is with OUR pristine wilderness as well as the risk that the environment will be permanently degraded for future generations.

The consistently crabby clarion of condescending conservative consternation, Kate O'Beirne, commenced her crazy cacophony of careless caterwauling.

She maintains that Dems don't want to do anything in the short-term and actually WANT an energy crisis so that they can have an issue for 2002.

Carlson: "Bush must be living on fumes.." if he thinks that his plan is balanced. It's not an energy policy, she said, but a drilling and mining policy, with a few meaningless sops to conservation thrown in. And Sick Cheney mocks conservation.

Novak: Calls for increased conservation equals Libs telling "the lower classes how to live." No Bob, it's trying to give future generations a chance to live! The Dark Prince just loves the drilling plans, but is sore that it involves that classic boogie man, Big Government.

Hunt: Why did Bush say it's a crisis? Hunt's not sure there IS one, other than in California. Prices are lower than in 1980, spending 5% on energy now as opposed to 8% in the past. And Dim Son's plan provides for nothing to prompt short-term improvements, so it will be a political loser.

Right on, Al! If there's any justice, it will be.

O'Beirne: She too wonders too why the monkey at the switch calls it a crisis. But the only answer she can dream up for this is to say it's to prevent Dems from saying he's neglecting the problem.

Shields: It's not an "energy" policy... it's an GAS and OIL COMPANY policy. Shields said that California needs help now, and the Knuckledragger's scheme does nothing to address this. He pointed to the fact that the gasoline problems and California's problems are two completely separate issues, but the Bushoids have merged them into the same problem in order to trot out the Big Lie to try to sell their energy corporation dictated plan.

Novak pointed out that it's NOT just an oil plan because there's nuclear expansion included as well. Gee Bob, thanks for pointing out that it's even WORSE than we imagined.

Carlson: Margaret correctly recognized the Republican's parrot-like response to every mention of the Dim Son's energy proposal: Blame it on Clinton and rail about the lack of an energy policy in the past. This, of course, is a complete red herring and dishonest as can be. Any policy (or lack of one) is not remotely responsible for the current situation and they know it. And where in all this blame do they make a case for the proposals in the Simian chump's short-sighted and damaging proposals?? Nowhere. Because they can't.

Margaret thinks the "blame Clinton" mantra is an attempt by the GOP to shield themselves (read Big Energy) from any blame for $3 a gallon gas prices. One must wonder just how far the jackals of the right can continue to hide behind the imaginary curtain of the perceived shortcomings of Clinton. Shields would provide the answer, pointing to an inconvenient fact the mis-administration and their flacks ignore: energy production on public land DOUBLED under Clinton over Reagan and Dim Dad, thus exposing the BIG LIE from the Republicans. But really, can't we all safely stipulate that anything you hear from more than one Republican is a lie?

Next up: the tax "plan" in Congress.

Carlson: They may have gotten the number down a little, but the Dems LOST. They're scared to death to vote against it. Dems were totally ineffective in fighting against it.

Novak: He thinks the reduction of the top tax rate from 39.6% to 33% is not enough. What a shock! He calls it "a crummy bill" but predicts it will pass easily and is "better than nothing."

Hunt: Huge defeat for Dems. In negotiations, anyone should put Sen. Max Baucus (D-Montana and ranking minority member on the Senate Finance committee) on the other side, saying he's the worst negotiator possible and gave away the store in these negotiations. It gives nothing to the middle class. Saying that we all owe a debt of gratitude to Senator Gramm (R-Goofy), who in explaining the rational behind this tax cut said that "the last vestige of bigotry in America is against the successful" Hunt said that he hopes "all those minorities and gays and disabled people who have been feigning prejudice against them will go out and realize the real bigotry is against all those CEO's, the investment bankers, and coupon clippers." Way to keep it real, Al!!

Hunt pointed out the horrible truth that, when faced with tough choices to get it passed, Repubs threw out everything that would benefit those in the low to middle income class but held on dearly to the sops to the rich, such as inheritance taxes and lowering of top brackets to benefit "people that are discriminated against" like Novak. Ha!

Then Shields provided a flash of fight and a reason for optimism. His parting shot going into break was "As soon as it (the tax plan) passes, it is George W. Bush's economy, and you can forget blaming anything more on Bill Clinton." Amen. Can't wait to see what they hide behind then. The light of day ought to be good for them.

Then came discussion of the attempt to install lying creep Ted Olson as Solicitor General. (If Olson doesn't make it, I'll buy every one of you a beer.)

A clip was shown of Orrin Hatch (R-Polygamy) saying (with a straight face) that he saw in Olson's weasel-like testimony "...no inconsistencies or evidence that Mr. Olson misled or was less than truthful to the committee in any way, rather they show him to be forthright and honest."

This prompted several gag reflexes, which I successfully quelled.

The Undertaker said that he found asking little Teddy hard questions "absolutely outrageous" and said it was a fact that Democrats will vote against ANY conservative candidate. (Don't we wish!)

Then in a telling Freudian slip Novak said "My friend Joe Biden from Delaware votes against any controversial opponent if he is a liberal." Novak needs to double up on his Geritol. Then, in his finest anti-democratic fervor, he asserted that it's, "a travesty to have a fine lawyer like Ted Olson even be questioned for the Solicitor General thing on these trumped-up charges."

There you have it: proof that if we allow the right to run things, pretty soon we won't even be able to ASK any questions about someone seeking a position that will affect all Americans. No, wait! As a matter of fact, we're already there! Orrin Hatch (R-Chicken Coop) at first refused to allow a bipartisan group to conduct an investigation to find out if Olson was indeed as truthful as they all heatedly say he is. What are they hiding? And now it's a "travesty" to even ask questions that might hint that a far right nominee is a deceptive rat-bastard partisan hatchet man and unfit for the office he's seeking? You can see the way this is going.

In response to the charge that this was just Dem payback time, Hunt said no, because Baker meant more to the Knuckledragger's victory than Olson ever did, and Baker would have been confirmed easily. Even Russ Feingold (D-WI) voted against Olson, and he is not prone to partisanship, as witnessed by his vote to confirm AssKKKroft and every other Smirk nominee.

The lovely and talented Kate O'Beirne dredged up a column by the completely-over-with Bill Safire in favor of Olson -- as if that should carry any weight -- then blasted Sen. Leahy. It IS payback for Florida, she says. She also asserts that the Dems don't mind if Olson is Solicitor General, but they don't want him on the Supreme Court. How loony is this? Speaking for myself, I REALLY would mind quite a lot if Olson ends up being Solicitor General -- how about you?

Carlson noted that Clinton nominee Bill Lan Lee couldn't get a vote because of his views on affirmative action, so why is ideology ruled out now as a reason to oppose Olson? She also, like all sentient beings, realizes that Olson lied when saying he wasn't involved with and was unaware of the sleazy Arkansas Project.

Then things got good. Novakula started sputtering that he was on the American Spectator board and HE didn't know anything about this Arkansas Project. Questioning Olson's involvement in the sleazy illegal effort to take down an elected president is occurring because the Dems are against Olson's views -- and is nothing but a red herring. Hunt then correctly called Olson a smear artist.

Shields, with what must be the play of the day, said that Olson having said he didn't know what was going on with the Arkansas Project was like a piano player in a cat house saying he didn't know what was going on upstairs! HA, HA! Novak maintained that Olson didn't know, and Shields erupted, shouting, "Anybody who went NEAR the TOXIC, LOUSY American Spectator knew what it was about! It was about the DESTRUCTION of BILL CLINTON! That's what it was!" Novak spluttered, "You're just showing your prejudice! Anything to do with the right, you hate!" Shields asked Hunt if his description was an objective observation of that magazine. Hunt said, "That was a project that was funded by a right-wing NUT. I think we all agree that was improper, even Bob." Novak shouted that nobody on the board knew it, to which Shields groaned in disbelief. It was great! This rattled Novak and he said like a petulant little brat, "You say ugh, well you don't know anything about it!"

Margaret jumped into the fray by correctly pointing out to The Prince of Darkness that, "... it's quite alright for Bob Novak to be there (on the American Spectator board), but we're not voting for you to be Solicitor General", to which Shields, bless him, added emphatically, "You better believe it!! Unless he goes to night school in a hurry!" Laugh? I thought I'd die. Shields is living proof that those on the left are both smarter, more honest, and a LOT more fun! (Not to mention usually better looking.)

Next they dredged up a Capital Gang Classic: the topic was Clinton's attempt to impose an energy tax, disproving the lie that Clinton never addressed the energy issue.

Highlights included Shields saying of Novak that he was a believer that "a rising tide lifts all yachts" (brilliant!) and Novakula's dour and hopeful scolding that what people need to realize is that Socialism is dead. And we got to see old Newty - remember him? -- in his glory days.

Afterwards, Hunt agreed that Clinton caved by abandoning the energy tax proposal in order to save his economic package. But said that the economic package was the greatest thing to happen in a long time, and it made Novak and his buddies a LOT of money.

Al Hunt then interviewed John Lewis (D-GA), who 40 years ago was beaten and bloodied in Montgomery, Alabama while marching for civil rights. Asked what he learned from the experience, Lewis said: Never give up, give in, or give out. Keep pushing, keep moving, and don't become bitter or hostile. Sounds like lessons learned well by Clinton.

Hunt said that while blacks have made progress, the criminal justice system is still overwhelmingly populated by blacks, particularly black youths. He asked Lewis, "Is this pathological, or a civil rights issue?"

Lewis feels correctly that it's a civil rights problem both for blacks and for all Americans.

As to the apparent lack of any prominent black leader, Lewis said that there's no one that could even approach Martin Luther King, but there are many fine individual leaders at the local, regional, and congressional level. Lewis sees how there's a need for one person to personify black leadership, and held out hope that one will emerge.

Should campaign finance reform matter to blacks? Lewis thinks so, for the same reasons it should matter to everyone.

Do young blacks appreciate what people such as Lewis did in the civil rights struggle? Lewis didn't think young blacks or anyone really, understands what went down those many years ago.

After the clip, Novak commented, "We don't have Lewis' brand of courage anymore." (No Bob, your side never has and shows no signs of ever having it.)

Carlson: While today there's nothing as dramatic as hoses and dogs, people are still at work against racism. There's still terrible problems; witness how almost all the election problems in Florida resulted in black votes not being counted.

Megadont O'Beirne: Blacks are not served by their loyalty to Dems. (Their interests SURE the hell aren't being served by the still strong and influential racist element of the Republican Party)

Al Hunt pointed out that the Government stepped in to fix the horrible oppression and violence in the South.

Novak responded that it was Government in the South was causing the oppression! (As if that proves Government is the problem.)

Hunt and Carlson helped poor Novak by pointing out that it was LOCAL government (the kind the right thinks should take almost total power from federal government) that caused the oppression, and the FED government (the kind Novak's mob wants to strip of power) that stepped in and put an end to it!

Former Secretary of Defense James Schlesinger, rising from the dead like most of the Chimp boy's cabinet, was next to appear.

Schlesinger had been sent to Russia by the Nixon Center. Under questioning by the panel, he basically sided with Putin and against those that decry the Russian government's crackdown on freedom and ouster of the editor of the largest independent media outlet in Russia.

Schlesinger said that the editor didn't own a majority of the stock and was given the boot. That's capitalism, so we shouldn't complain, he says.

Hunt pointed to a poll showing that 70% of Russians think the break up of greater Russia was a mistake, and half don't like belonging to NATO.

Schlesinger said that if he were a Russian, he wouldn't like the NATO troops being 60 miles from St. Petersburg either.

Shields asked him for any good news from Russia and Schlesinger said that the oil market is up (no, James, we didn't ask for good news for the Cheney cabal), and standard of living is up. People in the streets are a lot happier, he reports. Guess we have to take his word for it, though I doubt he spent much time in the street there, unless it was in front of his posh hotel.

Schlesinger's segment was basically a waste of tape, and I can't figure out why they'd even have him on, unless he's feeling a little left out of the rush to drag ancient Republican's out of mothballs and let them show how out of touch they are on TV.

And now it's time for..... brrrrrrrrrrrrrummmpummmmp crash! THE OUTRAGE OF THE WEEK (usually the shallow slander from Timber Teeth O'Beirne).

Shields was outraged by what he mockingly referred to as the "dean of conservative columnists" January 28, 2001 piece in the Chicago Sun-Times, where Novak wrote:

"The unprecedented trashing of White House offices by departing Clinton aides included cut wires, pornographic pictures in fax machines and garbage in refrigerators... sabotage of telephone, fax, and e-mail communications, blacking out the White House for the Bush takeover's first days."

Shields nailed it by saying, "Malicious conduct if true. But the only malice were totally made up charges fabricated by Bush aides who CLAIM they want a new 'civil tone' in Washington! People who spread these ugly untruths [read: NOVAKULA] owe a public apology to Clinton staffers and to American voters."

Damn straight, Mark! The fact is that a General Services Administration report found that the allegations were totally false and nothing but PURE BS, cooked up and spread by the lying shill Ari Fleischer and others in the occupation zone -- and with total impunity. And the report that proves them false has been buried on page A-72 amid ads for cell phones in the same major papers that flogged the story on their front pages when it initially appeared.

People better start making some noise and DEMANDING that these things be given adequate coverage (or get covered at all) and letting their opinions be heard loud and clear -- not only on this matter, but all other clear examples of "THE BIG LIE" coming out of the illegally occupied White House! If these despicable episodes are widely shown to the American public, perhaps then they'll realize that Bush and gang make Clinton look like a piker when it comes to lies and sleaze. Everyone is free to make up their minds, but when half the story, usually the truth, is hidden from them, it's impossible for them to have a truly informed opinion.

The Undertaker was up next. Of course, he made no comment on his proven lies to the American public and slander of Clinton aides. That would require that he display the "honor and dignity" that he insisted was completely absent in Clinton and present in abundant quantities in the defective offspring of G. H. W. Bush.

Instead, he railed about reports of Janet Reno's possible run for governor of FL. With spittle-flecked passion, he described Reno as "One of the WORST Attorneys General EVER.... who was out of touch and never in control...." Vampire Bob used the entirely justified seizure of Elian Gonzales as proof. He concluded that Dems deserve this fate, but it's still an outrage.

Carlson's outrage? Rudy the Pig Giuliani defending his mistress in a press conference, saying she doesn't deserve this. What do his kids deserve, Carlson wonders? A father that trashes their Mom? The "one time morality czar" that set about cleaning up Times Square is now engaged in disgusting sleaze in his personal life. But that galling hypocrisy is rampant among the right, with a list composed of almost every major figure involved in screaming about how we simply could not tolerate Clinton's extramarital affairs revealed to be adulterers themselves, and in MUCH more premeditated, long term, and willful ways than Clinton ever was. Of course, there's too many to list, but it also includes people that sexually molest their own children and those that have been repeatedly arrested for soliciting homosexual contact in public parks. When will the public realize this false morality posturing as the big lie it is?

O'Beirne: The term "deciduous teeth" normally refers to baby teeth, but in Kate's case, it's "deciduous" as in trees.

She opened by piling on and trashing Reno, then bitched about liberals' valid concerns about Ashcroft's religious lunacy in requiring staff to participate in Bible study sessions.

While saying that this is voluntary, a person should not be put in the position of feeling that their not participating would subject them to negative scrutiny. This is a clearly a very bad idea and should be abolished, yet old Walnutmouth thinks it's just terrible and silly that anyone would object. She ended with a typically contemptible comment: "The left's criticisms reflects a mindless hostility to religious expression, when it's clear that Janet Reno might have benefited from a little divine guidance."

If anything qualifies as mindless hostility, that comment surely does. She's too dumb to realize that this has nothing to do with "religious hostility" and everything to do with Ashcroft injecting religious participation into a workplace where it has no justification. And why is there the constant need to suggest that Janet Reno would have done better if she made a habit out of displaying her religious practices? Reno has more integrity, intelligence, character, and ability in her earlobe than O'Beirne could ever hope to achieve.

I say it's time for Kate the Unloved to feel a little divine retribution herself for comments like these. But then again, perhaps her looks and sour demeanor have been enough already.

Hunt's outrage was our favorite anal-retentive good ol' boy, Trent Lott (R-Most Poverty-Ridden State In The Union). It seems helmet-coiffed Trent tried a dictatorial power play in Congress (maybe to see just how much he could get away with against the weenie Dems). In desperation, Lott refused to send the Senate-passed campaign finance bill to the House for consideration. Hunt said calling this move "stupid" may be being charitable.

And he's right.

-- Dash Riprock

Unseat the Pest
Will the Real Slim Cheney Please Shut Up????
Big Time lubricates, obfuscates, and tells us how it's gonna be, and Tim inches back towards credibility in his own obsequious manner...

This week, "Timb" (that's what Karl Rove calls him when his nose is packed) examined the Dim Son energy policy. Continuing the show's "fair-and-balanced" approach, Russert's guests are Sick Cheney, and to provide balance, Trent Lott, thus spanning the political spectrum from very far right to "even farther right than that!" right -- the whole range from Y to Z-minus. I'll leave it to you, dear reader, to ponder if they drew straws backstage to determine who would play the "liberal."

It's always refreshing to see the supremely confident and cool as a cucumber Slick Dick Cheney having his huevos placed in a vise. Of course, he and his sock puppet W have provided plenty of material for Tim to spring on him. But don't get your hopes up: Dick is oily, and this makes it very difficult to keep His Lubricious Majesty in position long enough to crank down on the vise.

First up: the Middle East. Big Dick droned on in his unbearably creepy and barely audible voice, which belies the dangerous views it conveys. I would not be surprised if he appeared while stroking a long-haired cat laying in his lap, or maybe rolling a couple steel ball bearings around in his hand as he speaks. Let's face it: this guy radiates weirdo waves. I bet dogs yelp and run away when he walks by. Horses probably rear and whinny in his presence, a la Frau Blucher in "Young Frankenstein."

It took me a few moments to tune into his drone, so I missed what he said regarding the Middle East. We'll all hear about it when the war breaks out anyway.

He is very effective at wearing the listener down to a stupor. I almost succumbed, but held on with all my strength in service to you, the valued reader.

Grandmaster Dick said that he thought the spy plane presently grounded in China will be crated out. In yet another indication that the White House is far from the efficient, businesslike, well-OILED machine (well, that it is) it's been touted to be, Tim mentioned that Dr. Strange-Feld had said, "The plane MUST be flown out." Sick Dick said that we want the plane back (well, duh!) and it hasn't been decided how that will happen. Tim said, "And that will not be a humiliation for the United States?" Poor Dick was reduced to just shaking his head no.

Trying my best to hear him and parse his oily phrases, I was able detect his predictable attempt to blame the oil crunch on everything BUT the oil companies themselves. I caught him saying that there was a "hot play" in the Caspian, a huge find, but it will cost BILLIONS to develop. It's not in the OPEC sphere of influence, so it's in "our" interest to have it long term in the market place, but at $10 a barrel, "it's not economic" so from "our" standpoint as consumers, and from OPEC's standpoint as suppliers, it's probably better to have stability (read sustained high prices for oil) rather than price fluctuations.

Who is this "we," Chemo-sabe? Sounds like Sick Dick is doing his thing, which is to blur the distinction between the oil industries interests, the public interest, and the national interest, to the point of nonexistence. To Cheney, Big Oil's interests are the nation's interests, and I don't think he gives a damn about "consumers." But he's doing his damnedest to make it appear that all three are one and the same. "What's good for Big Oil is good for you and the country too" should be their slogan. I don't think they can pull it off.

Then clips were shown of Smirk -- looking like a complete imbecile, naturally -- ranting on the campaign trail about how he thinks a "prezzdent" should just get on the horn and tell those OPEC guys to "open their spigots-s-s-s-s."

Tim pointed out that that point was exactly the opposite of what Oily Dick had just said. Is it just me, or is this sort of embarrassing, contra-Dick-tory stuff happening all the time? Uncle Dick, like the disciplined trooper he is, remembered the first rule of the Simian Occupying Forces: When trapped like a rat, blame Bill Clinton!!! He said that he was sure that prices would have been higher had "we" not been in office, and tried to finesse it with his crooked grin. But Tim wasn't buying.

So Cheney then said they HAVE been talking to OPEC, but.... quietly.

When asked if we didn't want them to increase production and lower prices, Dick said that, well, we'd LIKE lower prices, BUT he thinks "stability" (again code for sky-high oil prices) is "preferred."

What about taking care of the gouging oil companies? Ted Kennedy (D-MA) was shown calling for investigation of these companies who are making obscene profits.

Cheney, looking exasperated, said that prices were "good" now, but they used to be "terrible."

Terrible for who, Dick?

He said government needs to take care of their "own house" and make sure we have reliable supplies here at home. He then reverted to saying that Kennedy has always been against increasing production.

He then bemoaned those that share Kennedy's views, saying they are being fed a "conspiracy" notion of politics, and people like Kennedy want to go out and blame somebody (yet all the Chimp brigade DOES is BLAME Clinton for all this!) and allege a conspiracy and blame the oil companies instead of dealing with the "real issues."

Damn Uncle Dick, when it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, what the hell do you expect?!! You're lucky they're blaming Big Oil at the moment. You're next!

Tim then brought up this reasonable question: given oil company profits at 53% (!), why not bring in the oil companies and ask, "Hey, listen, this is a public relations nightmare for us, why don't you lower your profit margins a little so we can lower the price of gasoline?" But then, as if to remove himself from that view, Tim then said, "This is the way the consumer looks at it." Guess he must be taking lessons from Dick - or his press moll, Mad Mary Matalin.

Revealing how accustomed he is to being a dictatorial CEO, Cheney then said, "I know, but the consumer's wrong." Man, that should go over like a lead balloon! Way to call it like you see it, Big Dick! Cheney then fell back to the "no new refineries built in 25 years" excuse and trying to portray big oil as some sort of paupers that are suffering with "difficulties" because "...the government comes along and loads a lot of additional requirements on the industry, things that have to be done..." then with obvious disdain, and appearing as if it pained him to say it, continued, "because we value things in this country, such as clean air." (Doh! Damn that clean air!) Continuing the litany, he ticked off lack of refinery construction, large areas of the country that are off limits to any development, dependence on overseas sources, and so on -- all dubious excuses with no certainty as to whether any of those things are connected, and no evidence that changing any of them would help in a meaningful or long-term way (other than spilling a few billion bucks in top oil execs' direction).

Would Sick Dick support raising miles per gallon requirements on SUV's?

Cheney: "We'll review it," and "we'll sit down with the companies to see if there are other ways to do this." A cross-eyed dog can see that this means, they don't plan on doing anything about it, unless the automakers want to, as if to say, "We at the White House take our directions from multi-national corporations now. You peons might as well give it up."

It was funny when Tim (who is gradually redeeming himself -somewhat) showed the Imbecile-in-charge mocking Gore's proposal to offer tax credits for hybrid "Vee-hick-ulls", then pointing out that Cheney's proposal includes just that!!

Cheney sounded like a disingenuous schlub and tried to say that they were criticizing Gore because he only offered tax credits, whereas Dick and Dork offered "broad-based" tax reform. Does that excuse mocking Gore's proposal and then embracing it yourself? I didn't think so.

Tim then read a piece from the L.A. Times noting that Californians paid 7.4 billion for electricity, and this year will pay $70 BILLION, a 1000% increase! Oily Dick wore his own trademark smirking demi-sneer while Tim read what California Governor Gray Davis has said blasting the un-ministration for their inaction.

Showing he shares Chimpy's famous ability to dish it out but not take it - in this case, when confronted with the pleas from California to do something to influence oil companies to take a cut in their enormous profit margins in return for avoiding a crisis and obscene rate hikes -- Cheney got pissy and lambasted California with the Big Oil version of "why California and Gray Davis are to blame" theory, including characterizing their actions variously as "cheap political options", "a hair-brained scheme to try to use the state to purchase power", and "screwy" regulatory schemes.

Boiled down, his message was clear. California tried to force energy companies to produce power without windfall profits. This angered the Oil Gods, of which Dick and Dork are members, and now California will be made to suffer for having the audacity to even think that they should have the right to regulate energy industry profits and actions.

This clearly has been whipping these billionaires into a vengeful frenzy -- which is why they, though evidently penniless (to hear Cheney describe their dire situation), they managed to scrape up a meager $40 million to give to Dick and Dork for their campaign. Now they're in at the top, and THEY'LL call the shots, and screw the consumer! I bet they even have a bigger desk in the Oval Office than the NRA does! If all goes as planned, they'll lay the blame squarely at Gray Davis' feet, and by extension all Democrats, then buy their chosen Republican candidate into the Governor's office. (But who do they have to back now that Awwwhnold's said he won't run? Such problems!)

As an example of how responsive they've been to this dire situation, Slick Dick said they've ordered federal buildings in California to reduce their consumption (in other words, turn the lights out at night). Guess we can't say they're doing nothing.

Dick wants to establish so-called "long term solutions" but hastens to say that price caps HURT (read: we will hurt you if you attempt to control or regulate obscene oil profits).

And what's up with dusting off nuclear power? Tim brings up the fact that there's no solution to disposal of nuclear waste. Sick Dick said there were solutions, just not the political will -- which is true, but for a very good reason. It's POISON! And it lasts practically forever. Cheney was confident they could steamroller that little snag past people. (A Riprock stock tip: take a strong position in Geiger counters.)

Tim is aggressive -- not in the mean-spirited antagonistic way he was though out the Clinton Administration, but more in the manner of brainstorming and trying to offer his warnings about what might harm Republicans politically. It's plain that Tim fancies himself a "savvy political honcho," so this is only natural. Rather than attacking in the manner he did with Democrats -- a way which clearly revealed the fact that he personally thought they were vile and wrong -- now Tim brings up obvious glaring problems with Republican policies and always adds something like, "That's what 'they' will say," making sure it's clear that he's just being helpful by telling them what the opposition will think, and not voicing his personal opinions. He still sucks.

Timbo compared Cheney's group of former oil execs and lobbyists that put their energy plan together working in total secrecy with Hillary Clinton private meetings on putting together health care, for which she was roundly condemned. Cheney said he did it the way government makes policy all the time. Hmmm… that's interesting. When pressed, he mumbled some minor difference saying that his group wasn't bringing in outside figures, while Hillary's did. Still smells like hypocrisy to me.

Russert then asked this question which was a mortal lock guarantee that Uncle Dick would lie like a crack addict. Is this an effort to repay big oil for the 40 million bucks they stuffed in Smirk's pockets? (With more on the way?)

I won't elaborate on Oily Dick's reply other than to say he did fall short of telling the truth and saying, "Of course it is! Isn't that obvious, you pudgy nitwit?!"

The real Slim Cheney said the oil posse's plan balances increased production with "other needs of society." The creep can't even bring himself to utter the word "environmental concerns"! And rather than actually say "conservation" in Cheneyspeak, it's now "efficiencies." Dick is slick, and he's also Oily in more ways than one.

He wasn't dazzling with brilliance, but he sure as hell was baffling with B.S., displaying his insider's knowledge of the oil bidness with a rapid fire and almost inaudible stream of corporatese.

But I'll give him this. If I were Joe Six-pack, and I would be if I could afford a six-pack, I'd sure think this guy is sharp (which he no doubt is). Sure, I wouldn't understand a thing he'd said, but he appears to be the arch-typical hard-driving, sharp, intense CEO type. I'm sure that he's enjoyed the ability to get people to follow him, even if they don't have a clue as to where the hell he's leading them. I fear he'll have that effect on the majority of Americans as well.

One thing is clear, however: his primary interest is in putting massive amounts of money in the coffers of those in his "club." The fact that he may truly believe that enriching his pals in the energy field is also beneficial to the country does not make his intentions any less wrong-headed or detrimental to our country in many ways. In his focus on the supposed benefits that giving energy corporations free reign would bring, he is either blinded to or chooses to ignore the very real dangers involved, both economically and environmentally. He is shockingly dismissive of any views other than his own.

Completely abandoning even the pretext of balance, Unseat the Pest booked Trent Lott opposite Cheney. After the exhausting effort to HEAR what Uncle Dick was saying, coupled with trying to decipher his code, I was just plain too burnt out to try to deal with the right-wing's second-favorite retired male cheerleader. I can assure you that nothing of importance would be learned from his appearance. And hey, it's my birthday, so screw it!

--Dash Riprock

Morrie Friendly is a political consultant, retired advisor to GOP officials, and golf hustler who lives in the Beltway suburbs.
Dash Riprock welcomes your comments, kudos, or withering damnation at dashriprockapj@hotmail.com. He also accepts donations to his non-profit “It’s great to have food to eat” fund.