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Take the
New Texas Achievement Test!
by Dave Gibbons

Tuesday, Sept. 12, 2000 (AmpolNS) -- Governor Dubya has produced astonishing improvements in Texas students' test scores, particularly among minorities. Confused by critics' charges that the tests have been dumbed down ("Dubya'd down") to artificially increase scores, Bush released this copy of the new test. Can you out-think the Texas students whose pollution-addled brains have to deal with this test? Try it!

Words
1. How is "Texas" spelled?
a. Texas
b. Wyoming
c. Tzpht

Counting
2. If Juan has 2 burritos and Juanita has 1 burrito, and each burrito 
costs $1, what is 2+1?
a. 3
b. Wyoming
c. 21

3. How many boots does the average man wear? (assume no farming or 
industrial accidents)
a. 2
b. Chevrolet
c. 9

Science
4. What color is air?
a. kind of see-through brown
b. bagel
c. 9

5. If a mosquito bit a dinosaur and got trapped in amber, then they used the DNA in the blood to make a dinosaur today, wouldn't it be cool?
a. yes
b. Wyoming
c. fish

6. If a tornada comes, which of these things should you hide under?
a. the desk
b. Wyoming
c. a giant glass-and-razorblade sculpture

History
7. President John F. Kennedy was shot to death in Texas. Isn't that cool?
a. yes
b. avocado
c. Ralph Lauren

8. Which of these states was purchased as part of the Louisiana Purchase?
a. Louisiana
b. Norway
c. April

Places
9. Where is Texas?
a. Texas
b. North Dakota
c. Africa

10. If you live and work in Texas but the law requires you to live somewhere else, where do you pretend to live? (assume "Mexico" is not an answer)
a. Wyoming
b. Wyoming
c. Wyoming

Click here for the key!

Special AmPol Bonus: 
Name two famous political families where three brothers were very successful, two brothers were embarrassing, and one brother was really embarrassing?
a. Bush and Kennedy
b. Bush and Wyoming
c. Bush and Menendez

The New Texas Achievement Test Copyright © 2000, Dave Gibbons. Reprinted by permission
Copyright © 2000, 1999, 1998, 1997, 1996, American Politics Journal Publications, Inc. All rights reserved. ISSN No. 1523-1690