Sunday, July 30, 2000 -- WASHINGTON/NEW YORK (AmpolNS) -- 

It did not take ling for Dick Cheney -- hard-right conservative and anointed running-mate for George "DumbYa" Bush -- to go on the offensive.  He decided to attack Bill Clinton, calling him an "embarrassment" and a "tragic figure" no less than four times each this Sunday.

Dick, here's a tidbit of news: you're not running against Clinton -- and every time your party does, by the way, it loses.

Dick appeared on all five of the major Sunday talk shows, all of which originated in full or in part from the site of the GOP week-long infomercial in Philadelphia.  Here's what we caught:

Fox Schmooze Sunday
Dick Cheney is an enormous embarrassment to the Republicans

Tony opened his "special edition" of FNS from the empty First Union Center in Philly.

During the news update, Fox played footage of DumbYa saying that his running mate "knows what the meaning of the word 'is' is."  Well, DumbYa, so did Bill -- that's why he pointed out that Reichsprosecutor Starr's team didn't!  At another point, a member of the GOP platform team saying that their language this time around is "more progressive."  We were rolling on the floor laughing -- it's about as progressive as 

Guest one -- Dick Cheney in a pre-taped interview. Question one: does he have any skeletons in his closet? "Not that I'm aware of."  Hahahaha -- what about your Halliburton stock dump?  And your weaseling out of military duty?  Tony asked a few "small talk questions," giving Dick the chance to decry "cynicism" about politics -- buy, he's one to talk!  Is Gore a nice guy?  Dick admitted he didn't know him that well -- and then said he's uninformed because he's a liberal!

Tony and Dick used that as an opportunity to segue to Bill Clinton, and Tony rolled footage of Clinton making a campaign speech.  Tony: "Blur, blur, blur." Dick said "He's got a very impressive sort of basic interpersonal political skills that ought to stand a politician in good stead, but he obviously has fundamental flaws." Translation: "He's a better politician than we are, so we have to resort to smearing him over his private life."  Tony then brought up Clinton's "most ethical administration" comment, and Cheney -- who server under Bush, remember -- said he had not lived up to it.

Dick, remember Iran-Contra?

Cheney said Gore will "be evaluated on his own merits" and that he hopes that there would not be "partisan jabs" -- the boilerplate pre-campaign pap that the GOP and Dems have used for decades.  On the campaign, he claimed he would not be a "slash-and-burn" artist -- this after he'd tried to slash and burn Clinton!  What a hypocrite.

Cheney talked a good game about taking the jabs and punches during campaigns and an elected official, then said that "Bush is a Texan."  Huh?  So are you, Dick -- even though you sneakily changed your registration to Wyoming?

Dick actually had to admit that cutting defense spending had been a good thing!  Then he said we had NOT taken advantage of technology -- in other words, it's Reagan's Star Wars Boondoggle II: Son of Bush Strikes Back!  Dick then said he'd been anti-deficit during his congressional years -- but we can tell you his voting record says otherwise.

Dick and Tony tried to make hay out of Clinton's "sudden" support for moving the US Embassy in Israel from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.  Dick then slammed Clinton for trying to achieve peace before he leaves office.

Oh -- so THAT'S the problem -- Clinton is trying to take strong advantage of an opening for peace, but shouldn't because he's a lame duck just out to pad his legacy!  GOPers would rather see thousands dead in the Middle East than a Democrat in power.

Dick said the usual anti-Castro, anti-Cuba stuff.

Tony then raised the subject of Dick's wife, right-wing media harpy Lynne Cheney, who, along with Nazis like Bob Bennett, falsely claims that there is a "culture war" in America.  What else could Dick say but nice things about his shrill, pushy spouse? 

Finally, Tony said that Jerry Falwell put out a statement supporting Cheney -- but mentioning the "sexual orientation" of one of his daughters. Tony was not specific about either, although the daughter, Mary, is quite out about her lesbianism.  Dick said it was nobody's business.

Ahhhh... we see.. it's ONLY someone's business if an Independent Counsel can find a way to make it the purview of his investigation -- otherwise Tony shouldn't ask and won't tell.

Following the break: House Speaker Dennis Hastert and Governor George Pataki (R-NY).  Tony seemed upset that New York Senate candidate Rick Lazio didn't have a higher profile at the convention, and Hastert pointed out that Gore and Cheney had the same rating twenty years ago from the NRA.

Of course, twenty years ago, the NRA wasn't run by people who make Mussolini look reasonable.

Pataki slammed the Clinton-Gore for "demonizing" Republicans because "they have not vision."  Pataki used to be ineffectual and dull -- now he's become a vigorous liar!  He talked about Bush's "vision."

Right, George -- big city pollution levels for big cities to match Houston, starvation for illegal immigrants, tax breaks for all his oil buddies.

Brit Hume fumed over John McCain getting seventy reporters to cover his activities!  Hastert praised McCain for helping him with the earnings test on Social Security.  bad choice of words - -it sounded as if McCain actually helped him pass a test!  Pataki gushed optimism and saluted McCain -- and Tony dissed McCain for supporting a shadow convention organized by Comedy Central -- or so Tony claimed.

It isn't, Tony -- shame on you!

Hume talked about the possibility that the congressional GOP might "embarrass" Bush by not acting on legislation, particularly tax cuts (for the rich).  Hastert said he supports tax cuts (including the "Gore tax" -- a lie if there ever was one) as "good for this country."

Oh, yeah, they're good -- if you want to bring back Reagan-era deficits and deep-six the economy.

Tony also made light of WWF wrestler The Rock introducing Hastert at the convention!  Hahahaha -- Lord knows, the GOP would never invite one of those liberal wrestlers from Ted Turner's WCW wrestling!

We caught about half of panel time!  To our surprise, the panel played up the controversy about the Cheney choice -- especially Juan Williams, who brought up Cheney's votes concerning plastic guns and cop-killer bullets.

At another point, Fred "The Weasel" Barnes claimed that the press leaves Jesse Jackson alone when he invokes Jesus -- but would be "all over" a Republican.  Fred, Jackson's a minister -- idiot!

Brit Hume said that he is reminded of 1992 -- Bush is getting a pre-convention bounce and it's going well for him, and tried to claim that the public has already made up its mind.  Juan said that Gore would get a bounce -- and that the "happy" GOP won't utter the word abortion or bring up Cheney's record!  "You won't see Alan Keyes giving a speech here... this is a happy party!"

Tony ended the segment by reading viewer letters -- one of which praised Brit Hume and called Tony "authoritarian!"  What a riot -- Tony may be a wise-ass and yes, he may cut off a guest answer every now and then, but we think he shouldn't change a thing.  And Roger Ailes, we think Hume needs a lot more vacation time -- say, 52 weeks a year -- just don't put Fred Barnes in his seat, please!

Tony's final word -- on labeling Cheney as an extremist as a "lame attack" and the "fact" that an "informed press" was a roadblock!

What informed press, Tony --The Washing-Moon Times?

The McLaugh-In Group
The Bush-Cheney Honeymoon is already OVER!

Issue one: John, CORRECT for once, said that Cheney is on the defense -- for his voting record, for his big-oil connections.  Is he doing no harm?  Michael Barone said yes -- although he conceded that the GOP was unprepared for the criticism.  Eleanor said that despite the geniality and gravitas, it's a losing ticket -- Dick is a team member of George's dad, not George Jr. -- and all he does is nail down the right wing and steal votes from Pat Buchanan, with a potential big loss for the GOPers.  Tony Blankley said that George made  a smart choice; it solidifies George's base, and people believe in capitalism and watch CNBC which nullifies the "big oil" critique.

That's about the dumbest thing we've heard the usually lucid Tony B say all year.

Clarence Page made a great joke about "looking in Daddy's cabinet" as he called it a bad choice.  John kept claiming that Cheney is a likable, cuddly guy!  How well is Cheney defending himself?  John played a clip of Barbara Boxer saying that Cheney is anti-choice -- then John called Gore's changes on reproductive rights a "flip-flop!"

We were laughing out loud -- Gore makes Cheney seem frozen in time... the Fifties!

John was insistent that people do not vote based on the veep nominee -- and that polls are showing that Bush is showing an 11-point lead.  Eleanor said that the numbers will continue to bounce -- and she's right.  Is the Cheney choice a net plus or minus?
Barone: Plus
Clift: Wash
Tony: Plus
Page: Draw
John: Plus

Issue two: who will Gore pick?  Page says Durbin.  Tony wants to see Joe Lieberman from Connecticut -- but only because Lieberman personally embarrassed Clinton, we imagine.  Eleanor likes John Edwards, and Barone mentioned Bob Graham of Florida.

Final predictions!
Barone: Hugo Chavez will win the Venezuelan presidential election -- and wants to be Castro!  Ha, ha, ha -- does that mean he'll finally move Venezuela toward a modern export economy and universal health care?
Eleanor: Bush and John McCain will campaign together in Arizona "to tweak the Democrats" the week of their Convention.
Tony: the Bush folks do not expect a poll bounce after the convention "because Bush already has about 95% of the Republican base."  You mean the Neo-Nazis?
Page: Bush will see an 8-point bounce.  Yeah, Clarence -- and a 15-point drop within three weeks
John: Napster will strike a deal with the RIAA "to avoid a costly court case." 

Face the Nation
Rattling his Cheney

Bob Schieffer welcomed Dick Cheney -- and told him not to get too comfortable.  Bob then brought up his ultra-conservative voting record -- but that Dick was now saying he might vote differently today.  Is he being politically expedient?  Cheney was unapologetic, bringing up the Cold War and saying that the surplus should be used for "programs" (yeah, Star Wars).  Cheney was forced to backpedal on the Department of Education, claiming falsely that the government might "federalize" education.  But who says that might not be such a bad idea in today's society and economy?

Cheney criticized the Clinton Administration for prosecuting less gun cases -- but that's the result of GOP Draconianism and the fact that most gun prosecutions are at the state level -- and are UP!

Cheney made the usual platitudes about "partisan backbiting" and "looking to the future" -- empty rhetoric that matches his running mate's empty head.  Cheney also talked about the ERA, and said he voted against it because it needed amendment -- specifically, to prevent women from going into combat (a true lame excuse if there ever was one).

Bob pointed out Cheney's comment on FOX that Clinton was an "embarrassment" -- and Cheney reiterated his sound bite that Bill Clinton was a "tragic" figure.  Ha, ha, ha -- and Newt and Bob Livingston weren't? And Bush won't be?  Cheney then lied about the Texas education system improving for minorities, citing questionable test scores.  Bob thanked the "always articulate" Dick.

He could've fooled us, Bob!

Guest two was far more interesting -- John McCain.  Bob asked McCain about Dick "backing off some of these votes," and McCain talked about "aid to the Contras and very partisan behavior."  Hey, if our "friends" were butchering nuns and I were in the House, I'd get a little "partisan" too.  McCain gushed about Dick, and even brought up attacks on his daughter's "sexual orientation."  McCain said that Cheney "led us through one of the greatest military successes on modern history."  Yeah, right --  a great military success if you're selling oil equipment, as Dick's company does.  Gloria asked about possible Democrat running mates -- and McCain enthused about his fellow war hero Kerrey!

Wow -- two vets versus two draft dodgers!  Now this is a mystery -- why do so many GOPers seem to want Kerrey as Gore's running mate?

Bob then asked McCain, as an "expert" on independent voters, how Cheney might bring in those swing voters -- and McCain once again brought up the glories of Desert Storm.  Ah-ha!  So Cheney will attract hard-righters and veterans -- but we'd be willing to bet that a lot of Desert Storm vets will look askance at George "AWOL" Bush!

Bob then asked if McCain would be on the dais when Bush accepts the nomination.  McCain said he did not know if he had been invited but would gladly be there if asked -- a gracious answer.

McCain also praised the Bush campaign, citing those questionable poll numbers showing a bump.

Gloria then pulled a Russert, citing McCain's having labeled Bush a "Pat Robertson Republican" -- and McCain essentially told the truth, citing this as a comment from a tough campaign.  But he did light into Robertson, whom he said was pushing the GOP in the wrong direction.

McCain also tried to deflect questions about the possibility of a run in 2004, using the obvious ploy of saying that he'd be campaigning for the Bush re-election four years from now.

Why should we change horses now, asked Schieffer (after once again citing Cheney's "embarrassment" comment).  McCain said that Americans have gotten used to this prosperity.

And that's the problem for the GOP.  The President is not the direct cause of economic upturns or downturns, but does wield influence.  People won't forget the Clinton Boom  -- and the ultimate failure of Deficit Reaganomics -- come November.

Reliable Sources
Citizen McCain

Reliable Sources was live Sunday morning from the site of the GOP Convention; the first subject was John McCain -- because of his appearance at the "Shadow Convention."

Michelle Cottle of The New Republic recounted traveling on McCain's "Straight Talk Express" bus as she called Gore and Clinton boring by parroting the same stump speech (has she ever heard Bush?), and Bill Schneider, in the course of discussing McCain as "the story of the year," found a lame excuse to bring up Clinton scandals.  Bernie Kalb mentioned McCain's "I apologize if  caused discontent" comment, saying it was said with a wink and a nudge.  Howie Kurtz asked if the press was roughing up Cheney by "picking up Democrat talking points"; Cottle said Cheney was dull; Kalb said in essence that the press was being fair; we tried to restrain our laughter; right-winger Rich Lowry (of National [Socialist] Review) made fun of long-haired seniors hanging with McCain, saying they should "give it up"; again, we were howling with glee -- Lowry can't stand McCain and it shows! 

RS cut away to John McCain's address to the Philadelphia Shadow Convention, organized by Arianna Huffington and activists on both sides of the political spectrum.  Following the speech -- easily the best we've seen McCain give this year -- we were sure that more than a few senior GOP string-pullers were kicking themselves in the butt for allowing Dubya to be maneuvered into the candidacy.

Eat the (Vice-)Prezz
Fat Tim sanitizes Cheney

Even though we can't abide Dick Cheney or his phony wife, we could not believe that Russert began by asking Cheney a non-stop series of idiotic questions about his heart.

Who cares? Heck, if the dude croaks, someone will replace him. We hear that Mrs. Cheney already has been shopping tennis clubs and the like for a replacement.

Dick Cheney was shown an ad which reports he opposed clean water, Head Start, and school lunches, thought it was good that OPEC raised oil prices, and even more -- a great ad that will begin running tomorrow.

Cheney then lied about the fact that he did not "own" an oil company. In fact, the company he did not own -- but was the CEO of, with no experience -- was Halliburton, a company that could not exist without high demand and high prices for oil and which promotes oil exportation. Halliburton manufactures and sells oil production tools.

Cheney then engaged in a goofball hocus-pocus explanation of gas prices. He claimed the price should be set by the market -- this after he talked about gas prices getting too low!

Cheney then talked about his great environmental voting record -- a acid rain bill that failed, and putting a million acres in parkland.

Where? Wyoming, where he has a ranch. We bet his ranch sits adjacent to this federal land.

He claimed that he would fund Head Start today and that he voted to increase funding for Head Start.

Russert was clearly asking these questions to help Cheney to sanitize himself of the Neo-Nazi reputation he has outside the Beltway. Sure, inside the Beltway he is "respected" because he has to be; remember, reporters and other in the government have to kiss the ass of any powerful Republican or Democrat. Cheney, who was the fool Secretary of Defense, another position he was not qualified for, commands such respect.

However, people in the know are not impressed with him. He's a cold, arrogant man.

Cheney then claimed (as he had before and he will again) that he voted against aid for the African National Congress (ANC) and against releasing Nelson Mandela because the ANC, of which Mandela was the titular head, because -- get this -- was an armed revolutionary force.

So, in other words, Cheney thinks that his fellow Neo-Nazi Boer crackers should have been allowed to continue to enslave African blacks in poverty so desolate that the average life expectancy of a man was 37 years old, and that these men should not be able to lift up arms and fight against their racist oppressors.

What an ass!

Cheney also voted against the Equal Rights Amendment, because he wanted to "prohibit the drafting of women," he weakly claimed. In short, he is living in the early 20th Century -- the same period that Hitler grew to power.

Russert does not ask him the obvious: why shouldn't women be drafted?

"Newt is a close friend of mine." Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha -- Dick is such a moron. Cheney added, "I think he was a very good influence."

Lynn Cheney said that she has to cover her daughter's ears when she is watching TV. Ha, ha, ha! Shades of Tipper Gore! Cheney called Clinton (for about the tenth time this Sunday) a "tragic figure," but refused to say whether Clinton should be disbarred. He would not answer.

Then the asinine Russert said, "Do you think he lied under oath?"

"I do."

Well, asked fat Tim, that means you think he should be disbarred. Cheney mumbled something.

Russert then showed a clip of Cheney saying "My political career is over." Russert laughed and Cheney tries to laugh, but he can't -- he isn't capable of laughing, only sneering.

Of course, Cheney's poetical career IS over -- he's just too stupid to realize it.

The grotesquely overweight Russert, next guest was James Carville, who pointed out that said that everybody's happy, Democrats and Republicans love the idea of Cheney running.

Then the biggest Neofascist scumbag of all -- Bill Bennett, the nobody who thinks he is somebody and writes books filled with lies to confuse our children -- joined Tim to express his love for Cheney. Bennett said that Russert should put the Gore interview -- for which he was nearly fired -- against the Cheney interview.

What a moron. Gore did an outstanding job not only standing up to Russert ambush interview, but ,making Russert look like a fool.

Joe Klein, who we feel should always remain anonymous, said that everyone who likes or hates Cheney looks silly. Klein said that "Everyone is a Clintonian" -- Republicans and Democrats -- and so there is no difference between the two parties.

Will Gore choose Senator John Kerry? How about George Mitchell? How about Bob Graham or Evan Bayh or Leon Panetta? Carville thinks Panetta might be a good choice, but James thinks Gore won't choose him.

God, of course not. Panetta is a troll.

Bill Bennett, who was once a Democrat for 22 years -- until he sold out to the GOP -- said that Al Gore is a bad candidate because he is "not authentic." I think he should take the other Bob Kerrey (Space Alien). Ah, so that's it! Bennett must also be an alien...could it be that he changed into a Republican under instruction from creatures on Uranus?

Russert then mentioned trumped-up NBC poll numbers which show Nader getting 8 points! Ha, ha, ha, ha -- but Russert is so stupid because we know, among the few, that Nader will plead with his voters to go to Gore toward the beginning of November. Anything is better than Bush, he will say, and that's been the plan all along.

You heard it here first. Remember that. Nader will withdraw in favor of Gore as his 8 points shrinks.

Russert said that Bush is getting everything -- that he leads everywhere in every demographic.

Carville then attacked Bennett without even being asked! Carville was great, but not nasty enough, when he asked what Bennett was doing during Vietnam. Where was Cheney during Vietnam?

Bennett snapped back, "The American people do not believe Al Gore. This guy is not coming across."

What a laugh! And Cheney has? And Bush has?

Bennett then said, faux-ominously, "You don't want to bring up fundraising!" He said that over and over again. He then insulted Carville personally and said that Carville "probably doesn't understand the good people like Bush!!!!" That had us rolling on the floor, our sides aching! Bennett had implied that is because Bush is an honest fundraiser!! What an indictable liar.

Klein said that people see Gore as a plausible candidate. The first test for Bush is who he chose for Vice President -- and he failed at that, although Klein said he passed. The second test will be the speech he makes at the convention -- which no one will watch, of course, but which the media will hail as stupendous since the GOP owns the media. The third test will be the debates -- where Bush will lose -- especially if Gore simply begins reading the criminal allegations against Bush, non-stop, when his turn in the debate begins.

Bush will absolutely lose it... and probably, like the punk he is, begin to beat up Gore on live television. That will sort the wheat from the crackhead chaff.

A Gore campaign ad on fatherhood ran in this break.

Russert then showed poll numbers which "prove" that American morons vote for Bush because he is totally unknown. They think he is A Nice Guy, A Strong Man, and Trustworthy.

Well we know that will change as soon as Larry Flynt puts out the Bush Report. The numbers "show" that Americans want another Ronald Reagan -- but a really stupid one in Bush, mean nothing.

A nonstop litany of stupidity from the entire panel ended the show -- nothing noteworthy was said. Everyone agrees, however, that Gore needs improvement.

Do you realize why?

Because Al Gore is the only real person in the race.

He is not an actor, he is not a brash young neuvo riche punk like Bush who has made he way through life on Daddy's money -- acting the entire time, fooling the police, fooling the courts, fooling the investors, fooling the voters, fooling the Air National Guard, cheating on Texans and their children -- thinking he is getting away with it.

Thank God Eat the Vice-Prez was over. It was better than usual today, because Russert knew what a lightweight he was against a group like David Broder, James Carville, Joe Klein and even Bill Bennett, who at least "appears" to be smart.

This Weak
Scam and Cocky cut Dick down to size!

Scam opened the show with -- surprise! -- none other than "Dick" Cheney. At least this time he did not claim he was not directly connected to the oil industry. He is getting more than two million for leaving Halliburton -- not bad for a poor boy who was warming his chair in the House less than 20 years ago. Where did he get his money? He resigned from the EDS board already, he will resign from Procter & Gamble's Board (the "Satan" company according to rumors reportedly promulgated by Amway) soon.

He explained that he had to say he wanted to business with Iran and Libya -- and tried to push this through and then instead, against US law, used other shill companies to cover Halliburton's ass out of trouble.

Cheney is such a pathological liar -- as are all politicians -- and he is so smooth about it that he looks just plain evil. He claimed that Daddy Bush did not ask him to serve. Cheney, you may remember, was the man who was supposed to be choosing the VP and then he ended up in that spot.

Wanna know why? Because he was the only idiot who would say yes -- and only because Bush Daddy has the goods on him.

Why did Cheney vote against the hate crimes act, the older Americans act? Cheney said that he probably voted two or three thousand votes when he was in Congress. Now, he said, I have been out in the Real World.

What? Is that the real world -- corporations where you sit on their boards? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Yeah, sure, that's the real world for all of us.

Scam wanted to know why Cheney did not fill out the 83-question form that he made everyone else fill out who was being considered as Bush's losing mate.

Scam turned to the Mandela freedom resolution -- Cheney the scum then blamed the ANC portion of the bill for his "No" vote. He said he "guesses" he would have voted yes if the ANC was not included in the resolution. Uh-huh.

Then Scam did something we could kiss him for: he made Cheney STAMMER when he said, "BUT NELSON MANDELA WAS THE HEAD OF THE ANC!" It was hilarious! Cheney couldn't worm out of this.

Scam then reminded Cheney that he voted against putting at least 3.5 ounces of metal in the all plastic guns that terrorists favor. Cheney thinks people should have plastic guns. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Scam wonders aloud whether people should also have Stinger missiles and rocket launchers! We were loving it! Cheney would not answer Scam's questions about plastic gun in favor of which he voted.

We noticed that when Cheney gets mad, he clasps his hands and squeezes them as hard as possible.

It was pointed out that Cheney voted against everything that could help older Americans -- a bill that would have cost less than $2 billion dollars -- and Scam then pointed out the Cheney hosted one of these phony Pentagon cocktail parties to groups of Republicans who paid $5,000 a person -- the ONLY mention of this little flap all weekend.

Cheney: "I do not know the details about this." Ha, ha, ha, ha! Well, we will find them out for you, you lying little putz.

Scam said don't you think that you should have said you didn't want people whose only pass was a five thousand dollar pass in the PENTAGON?

Drug use was next. Scam asked whether, if someone has used cocaine, that person should become the President of the United States! Wow -- Scam was putting the heat on Cheney. Cheney dodged it. Scam said, I am just asking a question on principle.

Talk turned to Russia. Cheney said that Gorbachev could not reform the Russian system. He thinks that on Putin the jury is still out. We will watch very carefully, he said.

Next up was Lynne Cheney, who has the biggest mouth in Washington (and a Neo-Nazi one to boot) since Martha Mitchell, who told the truth about Nixon and her disgraced husband, Attorney General John Mitchell -- who helped destroy Nixon though his malpractice of the law. Lynne Cheney raped the National Endowment of the Humanities -- which under her stewardess-ship became the National Endowment of the Inhumanities. She is coifed like Pat Nixon.

Lynne was a real bitch, and recently said that Hillary Clinton "makes her crazy" when she "phonily" takes the hand of Bill Clinton as they walk off the helicopter. You just have to laugh at Lynne, who sounds even more frustrated than Peggy Noonan and all the other shrews who have written their unsourced books about how "awful" Hillary is. They're like a litter of cats --with Lynne one of the cattiest.

We've decided to dub her "Henny Cheney."

Cockie asked her about state tests to measure educational standards. "Henny" said that national history standards were terrible -- because they treated Republicans like the garbage they are. She then -- get this -- said that she has decided that the National Endowment of the Humanities should be abolished. She claimed that the Clinton Administration destroyed it -- for giving money to writers who do things that Henny and her pal Bill Bennett don't like.

Cheney was also a co-host of CNN's nightly attack show Crossfire way back. She is no feminist. Women should have equal opportunity, she said, but the minimum wage is just part of "the union problem." Cockie reminds her that more than 50% of women earn minimum wage. Henny Cheney said that this question is -- catch this -- TOO ESOTERIC!

What an imbecile! Then she followed up by saying women should be home raising their kids -- shades of Dr. Whore-A!

Cocky finished the "questioning" and then plugged Henny's latest lousy book that is ostensibly a humor book. Mary Cheney, a great girl and Henny's daughter, recently declared that she was a lesbian. Henny Penny just about screamed, "She has not declared that!!!" Cocky ignored her (good for you, Cocky) and asked if Henny is not concerned about it especially during a campaign.

She should be, because the GOP will turn on her for it.

Mary can't stand her mother and father, we've heard, and hates everything they stand for. Good for Mary. Yes, she loves them as her parents, but backs away from there selfish corporate morals. We know -- one of our writers went to school with her.

Newt Gingrich was "back," and who else but George Will interviewed him.

Why is Cheney's record more conservative than Newt's, asked Will. Newt stabbed Cheney by saying that Cheney wanted to close down the Department of Education, and "he was less interested in the environment that was I." What a riot! That's like asking who was worse -- Hitler or Hirohito?

Gingrich looked like he has lost about 30 pounds, but is still fat. He has been trying to make a comeback --he does it about three times this year, but fails each time. Let's see what he'll do at the GOP convention. We bet -- nothing, nada.

Gingrich said he was the reason the budget was balanced -- another lie! It is the President who presents his budget, and the President who can veto it. The GOP could never override a Clinton veto because the majority was so slim. So what is Gingrich talking about? Nothing, but lies -- as always.

Gingrich said he is proud that he cut welfare payments to the poor in some states by as much as 70%.

Good grief, he is still the same moron. The Rand Corporation -- paid to do so now -- said that Texas is the state of GREATEST IMPROVEMENT in education, said Gingrich -- but he swallowed the word improvement. Why? Because Texas started from the absolute bottom of the list when Rand began compiling its data -- it was easy for Texas to be improved. All it needed to do is move 20 students to be able to read at the third grade level for a 2000% gain! Even the Governor of Texas can't read or pronounce English as we all know already -- and he ostensibly graduated from Yale.

Tee-hee!

Cocky interviewed Bob Dole who appears, sorrowfully, to be going down the same road as Ronnie Reagan. God help him.

Then George Staphylococcus rode around with John McCain in a bus. Staph did not ask McCain a single interesting question. Staph asked why McCain has not made an argument for campaign finance reform since he was defeated. We will be interested to see McCain's speech next week.

McCain was critical of Cheney's Pentagon coffees -- but said that it was a minor incident. McCain does not want old man Cheney's old job. Why would we? McCain would not say no, but he would not say yes. If Bush loses, asked Staph, would you run again in 2004? McCain stupidly said he will be campaigning for Bush again in 2004. Yeah -- because Bush will again be stupid enough to think he "got the right stuff" for the White House.

Scam gave only five minutes to the round table.

George Will said he thinks Cheney's selection was a "master stroke" and that Cheney should have been the President of the United States. Gore has "fear" in overdrive and wants to try to frighten people about Cheney. Cocky said that the polls show the Bush numbers were up after Cheney, but Staph -- bless his little Brutus heart -- said that people changed their mind when they saw Cheney's record a few days later. Of course! Bush will show well in the polls and may be up as much as 20 points after the convention.

But this is the last hurrah for Bush. He cannot win.

Will said that Bush has "better values"! Than who? Nixon?

Scam mentioned Pat Pukeanan -- then said the GOP is saying good riddance to him. That's for sure! When Buchanan emerges from this race you can be sure that the $15 million that we are giving him through the Reform Party will be in his pocket somehow.

Thankfully, the show ended.

CNN Late Edition

We tuned in for Wolf Blitzer's taped interview with Cheney on Late Edition.  Wolf asked about Bush not being fully prepared concerning Cheney's voting record -- implying that Cheney had not given Bush enough info.  Cheney's weak response -- that he had been thoroughly vetted.  Wolf asked who vetted him -- and Dick first talked about his health being vetted and the multiple FBI investigations into his background -- which, Wolf pointed out, happened BEFORE he became boss at Halliburton.  Cheney's pap about the SEC didn't wash.

Dick also tried a preemptive attack against Al Gore, calling him an attack dog.  After playing a clip of Gore slamming Cheney's record. Cheney said that the Clinton-Gore Administration

Wolf specifically asked about Halliburton's policies that were in line with OPEC production cuts, then played a clip of Mark Fabiani saying an "all-oil" ticket wouldn't wash.

Wolf: "That's a serious charge."

Dick [testily]: "That's not a serious charge." Wolf had hit a nerve.  Cheney's lame reply concerning gas prices was defensive and a little angry.

Wolf then brought up Cheney's voting against freedom for Mandela -- and Cheney gave his prepackaged answer that the ANC was viewed as a terrorist organization" -- this from a man who backed the Contras.  What a sanctimonious hypocrite.

Wolf followed up with Cheney's vote against banning cop-killer ammo -- and Cheney said that if you look at these resolutions, they were done under suspended rules.

So what?

Then he brought up the NRA's false "definiti0on" of the Second Amendment to defend his vote.  Boy, is Cheney gonna get hammered on that!  He talked about ideas like age limits on gun ownership, and added something about "fundamental Second Amendment" rights.

As interpreted by Charlton Heston, who is reportedly in a drunk tank!

A little later, Bob Shrum and Haley Barbour  were the guests.  Shrum said Cheney is competent -- to do everything wrong.  He also derided Cheney for calling the ANC Communist-dominated, when nothing could have been further from the truth.  Haley said that Gore will do nothing but attack -- but Shrum said that the GOP argument that Bush should be elected on his record is ridiculous in that he only has a 5-year record as a weak governor.   He lit into embarrassment -- Cheney voting against hungry kids.  Haley said Gore was getting shriller and shriller -- he must find the truth shrill!  Haley sounded JEALOUS when he said Gore had hired vicious partisans like Carter Eskew!  It was hilarious -- especially when Shrum derided Barbour for crying "dirty" when he'd been involved in some of the dirtiest tricks in political history, then defied Barbour to talk actual issues.  he asked Haley where Bush's billion dollars for some project would come from, and Barbour DID NOT ANSWER, staying on "dirty politics" message.  Shrum" "Don't talk about the four trillion dollar surplus" which the GOP intends to turn into a deficit.

Haley wouldn't give up -- he kept saying it wads all attack politics and REFUSED to defend with his own assertions.

It was almost too painful to watch -- Shrum beating up on a completely outmatched Barbour.  A caller asked about the minimum wage -- and Shrum said he was surprised that Barbour didn't call the caller mean-spirited!

We did notice this -- Barbour loves to begin his retorts with the words, "Well, I know this, the American People..."  Haley did it at least three times.  That old propaganda ploy doesn't cut it anymore, Haley!

The Last Word

The piece de resistance: the appearance of Jon Stewart, host of Comedy Central's The Daily Show, on Late Edition.  He got three quotes of the week!

Wolf: "A lot of our audience..."
Jon: " 'A lot of your audience' is an overstatement!"

Not much later, Jon commented on Comedy Central's  coverage of the GOP Convention: "We're a phony news show covering a phony news event."

Finally, this exchange --
Jon: "When you do those polls, do you even address how many people hang up?"
Wolf: "Our political analyst, Bill Schneider, would..."
Jon: "I know Schneider -- I don't trust him!"

That makes all of us, Jon!