Sunday, May 21, 2000 -- WASHINGTON -- 

How desperate are the pundits to cultivate a "horse race" in the state of New York, where First Lady Hillary Clinton is poised to trounce political flyweight Rick Lazio in the November election?

Well, desperate enough for all five of the "big shows" to invite "Little Ricky" (as our New York staff loves to call him) to appear on their shows.

Here's the run-down...

Fox Noise Sunday
Tony Launches "Soap Opera" Sunday

Tony Snow began FNS by 

calling the New York Senate race a "soap opera!"  So true!  Then he said he'd talk to GOP leaders to see if GOP leaders feel "relieved or betrayed" by Rudy's departure.

Tony's first guest -- Rick Lazio.  Tony asked if Little Ricky can assure us there are no "skeletons" in his closet.  Rick said no -- we can only presume Newt Gingrich never issued him a "Poontang Express" card.  Tony then asked Rick if he thought Newt was OK, and Lazio said something about bringing the GOP agenda to the "next level" (as if they'll have a chance.

When Brit Hume asked about the possibility that Rick would be criticized for being a Newt sycophant, Rick called it laughable and launched into a story about his hardworking dad who ran an auto parts store.  And Brit would not let him off the hook for avoiding the question, saying he would be assailed for voting the Newt line.  Rick said he wanted to know what Hillary was against -- the balanced budgets, tax relief, and so on.  Heh-heh -- tax cuts for who?

Tony then started with the attack questions -- is Hillary a phony New Yorker?  Rick said something about seeing who he is, and called Hillary a fake "new Democrat" and claimed that Hillary was using the Senate as a "stepping stone."

So what, Ricky?  If people want her, they should have the opportunity to vote for her -- for the senate or whatever office.  That's what you and the GOP fear.

Tony then brought up the touchy money issue -- does Rick expect cash from Rudy?  Rick plugged lazio.com and slammed the "spin machine on the other side" after he had said Rudy's been through a rough time.

Right, Ricky -- strolling up Third Avenue with your mistress and a camera crew is sooooo strenuous.

Hume simultaneously asked about tax cuts and -- the Elian liberation raid!  Lazio ummmed and errrred through the wonk issue with the usual platitudes ("We need to look for new ways... tax relief... give people control over their investments...) before he hit Elian, and even he called it a "tough question," then pandered to the CANF by calling the raid a "travesty" (yeah, sure --nobody dead despite the Cuban community, and Elian back with his dad) and saying that Washington should listen to the Cuban-American community.

Tony then welcomed sad-sack New York Governor George Pataki, the king of dull (in both demeanor and intelligence), who talked kindly about Rudy and said that for a GOPer to win, he needs to get a million Democrat voters to win.  Lord, such insight!  Brit asked where he would get them, and Pataki said -- in so many words -- Rick could do it as he trashed Hillary's "philosophy."

In other words, Pataki has no idea!

By the way -- we used to say that Pataki looks like a slimmed-down Tom Arnold.  He is not aging well, and now looks more like Don Knotts plus a suit minus the bulging eyes..

Tony asked if Bill Clinton is a liability for Hillary.  Pataki said that Tony had asked a "political consultant question" (heh-heh), then called Hillary's position on health care "new Left."

Ha, ha, ha, ha!  If that's the case, America's gone Commie, Pataki!

Pataki then praised Lazio: "he doesn't have to learn about Long Island Sound."  No kidding -- our question is, will he bother to learn about the South Bronx?

Sen. Mitch McConnell was the next guest, and Tony said that Rudy had talked to Mitch about money.  Brit asked what restrictions would be on the money, and there was much talk about "independent expenditure" ads -- McConnell called them the "most useful" expenditures.

That's right -- because the attacks can be outright lies and the campaign is "not accountable."

Tony then said that Lazio had attacked Hillary at the start of his speech -- and McConnell revealed the key flaw with the GOP strategy when he said the election is "about her."

As a New Yorker, this writer is sick of interlopers and outsiders like McConnell telling US what OUR election is "about."

There was a little debate about the not-as-powerful-as-they-want-you-to-think New York Conservative Party debating whether to nominate Lazio or DiGuardio.  McConnell said for about the ninetieth time that this is the most significant Senate race ever.

Yawn.

Following the break, Hillary's campaign boss Bill de Blasio was the guest.  Tony bad-mouthed Harold Ickes by saying that he'd called Lazio a Gingrich GOPer -- did Hillary "authorize" this?  Bill said he was not there to talk about details of their campaign strategy -- a weak answer.  Tony claimed that calling Rick a hard-right GOPer was some kind of crime of bad-mouthing -- and Bill smiled as he called Tony "dramatic" then turned the tables by saying that Rick did his own insulting.  Tony asked the same question a THIRD time!  Good grief, Tony -- GIVE IT A REST!  Juan Williams asked Bill about the polls -- and Bill essentially said "who cares?" as he called the numbers premature.  Bill also called Lazio a "key lieutenant" of Newt Gingrich during the Republican revolution, and pointed out his support for trashing Head Start and the EPA with votes that were not in the interest of the EPA.

Tony asked where Hillary disagrees with the Contract ON America -- and Bill assailed tax breaks for the rich and the assault on the Department of Education; there is now a consensus on standards, a push to reform on the national and local level, and widespread support for student loans.

Bill did not impress us as an interviewee at all.  The Hillary Clinton campaign should have sent Harold Ickes instead -- we'd LOVE to see Tony and Ickes duke it out verbally!

Tony then welcomed "the most controversial Republican" in DC -- Tom DeLay/  DeLay praised Lazio as he said he was "amazed" that his opposition was "demonizing" him -- ha, ha, ha, ha!  he then claimed that "the Hillary people" are at a "loss for words."

That's right, Tom-Bob -- at a loss over what easy meat Lazio is going to be!

DeLay then called Lazio -- catch this -- "no Newt Gingrich!"  Hey, Tom-Bob, that's not gonna please the New York Conservative Party.

Tony then asked DeLay about China and criticism from the right that the GOP is "appeasing" Congress.  As DeLay tried to play up the GOP as big human rights champs (snicker) and talked about his efforts to free Christians from prison (unless, we imagine, their name is Karla Faye Tucker), we were asking ourselves, "Hey, Tony, GET TO THE KENNEDY LAWSUIT?"

Well, Tony did, two minutes later -- will DeLay hold firm to his threat to depose Democrats?  DeLay LIED and said it was not his threat -- and that it was a possibility.  He claimed that this shows just how desperate the Dems are -- but we hear that DeLay and his staff are in a panic over the very real possibility that he may fall under scrutiny not only for fundraising but DeLay's own questionable business practices.

Tony then brought up the latest fake news about Janet Reno and Louis Freeh, and DeLay in so many words threatened to sic attack dog "melon madman" Dan Burton on her.

Tony then talked about the "culture war" -- and Tom DeLay said we have to renew "American values."

Which ones, Tom?  Segregation?  Slavery?  Monopolistic business practices?  No social safety net?  Denying the vote to women?

What does DeLay think of the campaign to keep Dr/ Laura's show "off the air?"  DeLay called it "intolerance!"  Ha, ha, ha -- we imagine he's never heard the overpaid, overrated harpy's lunatic radio show!  She's not even a doctor in the area of psychology!

Panel time!  GOP sycophant Ceci Connelly substituted for Mara Liasson.  Ceci said that the "plan" was to demonize Lazio as Newt -- and asked, STUPIDLY, if anyone really remembers Rudy!

Um, Ceci, have you ever heard of the "We Will Remember" campaign?

Hume echoed the GOP spin that the race is about "her" -- and Ceci said she has no "record>'  So what?  Ceci conceded that she's become a good campaigner.  Hume prompted Ceci to say that Hillary and Gore take few questions.

Hey, cretins, has Bush taken any lately?

Ceci claimed that the Gore campaign is adrift.  Again, this lunatic must have missed his Social Security speech this week -- but then said that the Gore campaign was putting a lot of money on biographical ads, and this is a mistake.

She is in part right -- the Gore campaign should hit with both the bio and spots that highlight issues.  And we'll say it again -- Gore should FIRE his senior campaign staff -- they are BOTCHING what should be an easy win.

Hume said that Cuba has succeeded in establishing a Cuban indoctrination school in the US following the seizure of Elian!  This is the latest spin from the hard-right -- which Juan nuked by saying the point is that Elian's dad wants to work this out in the American court system.

Good grief -- the Elian story is like crack to these Sunday spinmeisters -- they can't resist grabbing for it when even the SMALLEST detail hits the media radar!  There ought to be a twelve-step program for the Sabbath Gasbags!

Tony gave a witty final word.  The bottom line: "We don't know SQUAT about what's gonna happen!"

Hear, hear, Tony -- you've given the most honest pundit posse self-assessment of the year!

The McLaugh-In Group
Reactionary Pundit Madman Caught Off-Guard with NO Footage!

Issue one: John had NO video intro to his first "big story" -- Rudy Bows Out!  John needs a faster production staff!

Larry Kudlow predicts this development will hurt the GOP at the state level -- and lose them seats!  Eleanor Clift said archly that it's "very serious," moving the New York Senate race to the backwater.  She also pointed out a fact the GOP fears -- Hillary could be as big a fund-raising asset to Dems as Ted Kennedy in the Senate.  Jim Warren said Lazio could be a strong candidate. Mort Zuckerman of U.S. News predicted a "glass ceiling" for Hillary.  Huh?  Mort did say fundraising will be tough for Lazio.  Eleanor said Hillary (i.e. her team) is not being overconfident and while Lazio portrays himself as a moderate there are votes that contradict the depiction.  Mort said that Giuliani would have gotten the liberal line -- and Larry half-rightly said the conservative line is more important than the liberal line.

The problem is that this Conservative Party line stands to be a net NEGATIVE with the building backlash against the GOP.

Mort did get on Hillary's case over "bobbing and weaving" on the issue of allocating more money to the New York City school system -- but we can tell you she has to stay mum on this so as not to alienate upstate voters.

How does the panel rate Hillary's possibility of success against Lazio?
Larry - 6
Eleanor - 8
Jim - 5.2; she lost her biggest asset, Rudy
Mort - 7
John - 7

Issue two: "My gun. my friend."  John recycled footage from his other show (McLaugh-In One on One, seen by about a dozen viewers) of Texas State Rep. Susanna Huff talking about the traumatic experience that prompted her to support the "right to carry" in Texas.  Then McLaughlin used a bunch of NRA numbers (including dubious numbers from the prestigious University of Florida) to claim that these laws lower crime.  John claimed this research is the reason people are "flocking" to the NRA!

Right, John -- I'm sure that brings great comfort to the families of kids killed in that Fort Worth church some months back.

Mort said that keeping guns out of the hands of kids and crooks -- the goal of current legislation -- is fully valid.  John tried to whip up the gun nuts by saying it's all an effort to take people's guns away, and Mort sanely said taking away unregulated guns is a good idea.  John started shouting about "self-defense" -- and Larry agreed, although he pointed out it is "politically incorrect."  Eleanor said that until you can guarantee that everyone is going to remain sober and calm all the time, concealed carry laws are dangerous.  John said that Bush was being "Clintonian" in his trigger-lock strategy  We disagree -- Clinton would have been less opportunistic, a lot more subtle -- and would have had the GOP screaming bloody murder having been once again outflanked.

John, sounding truly insane, said that states should honor other states' carry laws.  Larry bashed liberals and lied about enforcement.  John slammed Eleanor on her view that the Million Moms would model a campaign after MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving).  John, sounding like Frankenstein's Monster, practically screamed "Self defense GOOOOOOOOD!"

On the (John screamed) MERITS -- which side has the more defensible position:
Larry - NRA
Eleanor - Handgun Control Inc.
Jim - Handgun Control Inc.
Mort - Handgun Control Inc.
John - NRA

Issue three -- a brief chat on Bush's social security scam.  Larry called it bold, Eleanor said it blows up on Bush, Jim called it a plus for Gore, Mort said it could backfire on Gore (!), and John let Larry make some ridiculous claims before he said Bush is "riding the crest of the wave."

And when said wave comes crashing to shore, John?

Final assertions!!
Larry - Bill Buckley will accept an honorary degree from Yale, "his attacked alma mater."
Eleanor - Rudy will go back to law, then run for Governor "which is what he always wanted to do."
Jim - The Senate will vote to loosen the trade embargo against Cuba -- and "the House will reject the notion. "
Mort - Pataki will run for governor for a third term, blocking a Giuliani bid.
John - An all-Europe defense force will cause the US and Europe "to drift apart." 

Eat the Press
"Slim" Russert Whitewashes Rudy

Fresh from a session of butt-whipping from Salon magazine, "Slim" Russert showed his crudity by coming to the rescue of Don Imus after a Catholic Priest and a Rabbi stormed out of his studio at MSNBC -- the REAL cable HATE network -- after they witnessed one of the usual, but more vicious, attacks on black Americans by the sicko Imus staff, people whom Don believes give his pathetic show credence.

Russert, who never misses a chance to be on television -- even by phone -- made sure to join the pack of other losers who "love" Imus and appear regularly on his bigotry-filled show. Russert acted as if nothing had happened, although TomPaine.com had spent a fortune to make the despicable conduct of Imus and his cohorts on radio and television a focal point. But there was Russert this past week, making nice to Imus.

Russert could learn a few things from Chicago Tribune writer and black American Clarence Page, who pronounced the entire litany of Imus race-bating and religion-mocking tidbits which spew from his mouth and those of his colleagues (most notably Bernie McGuirk, whom we could easily picture in a white sheet and hood) the sewage they are.

But even Page rolled over like a spinning Oreo -- appearing on the Imus show by phone, and making Imus take an oath based on the litany while Imus mocked it and said HE hadn't done most of the things that Page outlined.

Do not doubt for one moment that Imus was and is on the hot seat at the King of Racism on NBC and MSNBC, because he had allowed himself to go too far. MSNBC should have canned his ass, as should have WFAN, his New York radio home.

But no. They like the money coming for advertisers who seem to like ultra-right-wing Neo-Nazis that listen to Imus.

They'll learn.

Russet’s first guest was another pathetic racist - Rudy Giuliani -- who now acts under the pretense of being a caring, loving man (who cheated openly on his wonderful wife with myriad women, including a woman on the New York taxpayers' payroll -- essentially a tax-paid whore). The truth is that he's a man who defends the murder of black men in the streets of New York and a man who lives for power alone. Mac MacArthur learned this one evening at the Met when Rudy came in to a flourish of trumpets fit for a Queen.

Giuliani is now supposedly "facing his mortality" with cancer of the reproductive system (an apt payback for the humiliation he flaunted in front of his kids). But don't be fooled: Rudy is not quitting because of the cancer or because of the break with his wife Donna Hanover.

He is quitting because Hanover has so much on him that she could land him in prison in heartbeat. One of our tipsters, a close friend of Hanover and a drinking buddy (Pepsi only) tells us that Giuliani outdid any Boss Mayor of any big American City and the take was huge.

Rudy is dead meat. He cannot run for Mayor again, and to see him as a gubernatorial candidate is akin to running Mary Matalin for Chairman of the Democratic Party.

Rudy, who "cleaned" the streets of Manhattan -- to make it safer for the obnoxious old-money and nouveau-Yup wealth that overpopulates it -- will pay dearly for his sins. He cleaned those streets by cutting the neediest of all from the safety net of welfare and then tried "putting them to work." Right: putting them to work living under the docks and freeways in Newark and Hoboken, New Jersey where the miserable fled -- fearing arrest or worse when Rudy declared war on them. He followed this by suggesting that the working poor and the few homeless left in the City PAY for their horrifying, rat-infested, insect laden cots that the wonderful City of New York provides for SOME of its poor to sleep in -- and then be thrown into the cold that next morning.

He then backed the NYPD, who -- with the help of psychopath Howard Safir -- created a Neofascist "street crimes" force that murdered several innocent black men and destroyed their families under Rudy's "get tough" policy.

First, Rudy told "Slim" straight out that the cancer is the ONLY reason he is not running.

Sure. Mrs. Giuliani, who's out to get this slug, must have been rolling on the floor.

Russert, who loves to treat fascists as if they are worth listening to, kept asking DA MAYOR how we would rethink his horrible life. Of course, Slim didn't say it that way. He asked how Rudy would fix things up with the black community, who are praying that his prostrate will explode. Here's our question -- will you visit Abner Louima's family? How about the family of Patrick Dorismund -- gunned down by your private army?

Russert asked him how he could attack Hillary Clinton for using U.S. planes (at the insistence of the Secret Service). Rudy said that many of us believe in the Bible -- but forget to practice our beliefs. Ha. ha, ha, ha.

Rudy said he thinks Rick Lazio -- a GINGRICH Republican all the way -- can beat Hillary for the U.S. Senate. Well, that's a laugh. Lazio has no money, he's so young he would be an able candidate for Hitler Youth. He's also a racist, a liar, and a man who told the wealthiest Republican contributors that his and Newt's attacks on the Clintons had nothing to do with the President at all -- but the destruction of the Democratic Party.

We know this for a FACT -- one of our writers was sitting in the room.

When Russert brought up the nine million in campaign cash Rudy has in the bank -- stolen from contributors, in our book -- Rudy clammed up and wouldn't say what he would do with it. He brought up all the excuses he could not to give back the money. He said he would help them for sure.

How nice.

Rudy thinks that what came good from all this was that he figured out that politics was not his whole life.

We believe that. And that's good for him, because he won't get another chance to rout the poor for the good of the rich.

We suggest he go back to the practice of law -- and defend the poor while prosecuting suits against police who abuse their office. That would be a fitting end and just turnabout to his so-far despicable life dedicated to the worst America has to offer.

Rudy ended his interview doing a great impression of the Godfather. It was scary.

On Tim's usual, all-Republican all-the-time show, his next guest was, of course, Rick Lazio -- a do-nothing Congressman from the most boring part of Long Island, the evil stepchild of New York City.

Rick Lazio couldn’t even do well on the Zogby Poll -- a poll known to "squinch" a lot toward the GOP. He is trailing Hil, according to "the Zog," by 14 points.

Now this doesn't mean much now -- if Lazio gets the money. But Lazio, a fascist and a pretty stupid guy, will drop like a stone when New York state residents find out what he's really about.

Sure, he'll take the redneck vote in Northern New York state. So would David Duke.

Now, if you want to puke, Lazio claimed the centerpiece of his campaign will be to help the homeless! How? By giving them brooms to sweep Madison Avenue in the nude? He then topped this lie by saying he wants to CLEAN UP THE ENVIRONMENT! He said he was one of the guys who threw the poor out of their public housing -- a joke to begin with -- and instead would have them work for four bucks and hour at some slop joint.

Golly -- that's take home pay of about $120 a week! Pocket money for most Americans.

He then attacked Hillary Clinton for her health care dreams: to make good health care and prescription drugs available to all in this country. He called her everything but a goddamn Commie.

Yet more than 80 percent of Americans are in favor of socialized medicine for themselves and the poor if it comes to that.

Lazio the imbecile said he supports tax cuts and beefing up the military. Lazio said he wants to give Wall Street a big hunk of YOUR social security and twists this idea into giving people "control" of their futures. Ha, ha, double ha! What would some poor schmuck who invested his retirement in E-Commerce stocks in January of this year do now? He would be near bankruptcy as far as retirement goes.

Lazio claimed he was a strong supporter of the Brady Bill (he was not in Congress at that time) -- but of course he is pro-NRA now.

Lazio said he supports Bush's phony "compassionate conservatism" -- which is something like the "Benevolent Slaveholders" groups that formed in the 18th and 19th century. Lazio looks like a guy on a Kellogg’s Corn Flakes box, and is obvious a lightweight intellectually. He thinks he will do well in a debate against Hillary Clinton. We were laughing like hyenas at that boner! He will ground up like chopped meat.

Lazio is so stupid that he said that Hillary is "trying" to position herself as a New Democrat. Trying? She and he husband were the prime movers behind the so-called New Democrat movement in the late 1980's and early 90's. What a cretin!

What Lazio is good at is smiling and looking like the All-American Boy. We'll give him that.

Too bad, Rick. You should have stayed in the House. You might have won in November. Now you'll just be another has-been at Hillary's swearing-in. That is, of course, if you are invited.

Maybe Don Imus can get you tickets.

Hillary's spokesman Bill de Blasio then came out of the box, pointing out that Lazio didn't even wait to announce before he began calling the press and attacking Mrs. Clinton. Russert wanted to know if the Clinton campaign will run negative campaigns against Lazio. He also attempted to imply that Hillary never did anything for the people of New York -- but what a lie that is. Hillary Clinton lobbied the Congress for the White House and was very instrumental in passing dozens of bills aimed at children and families -- especially poor ones, in New York and elsewhere. The Clintons also spend much of their time in New York -- more than many New Yorkers of their status. World-class citizens like the Clintons are, in a sense, citizens of that world and, ergo, citizens of New York.

Russert, the pig, tried to bring up Bill Clinton’s salacious past and hang it on Hillary twice in this short interview -- about six minutes with de Blasio against 40 minutes for Giuliani and Lazio.

HAVE YOU FIGURED OUT THAT GENERAL ELECTRIC HATES THE CLINTONS YET -- AND THAT TIM RUSSERT IS THAT COMPANY'S PAID WHORE?

This Weak
Softballs for Little Ricky and Governor George

Scam and Cokehead (Gene Lyons is going to hate us!) began the show with the Giuliani-Lazio race. Cokehead sat down with Lazio this morning and interviewed him. She wanted to know if Lazio will come out swinging. Lazio claimed he is a committed environmentalist and crafted the first balanced budget in generations.

Here's the truth: Lazio was PRESSURED to write bills to clean up the Long Island Sound -- if he hadn't he would not have kept his seat. The corporate financiers who supported his ridiculous candidacy in the first place at the plea of wonderful Congressman Newt Gingrich are angry at what he cost them to save his seat. Lazio voted to kill PBS and to close the Department of Education -- and now lies about it! He did so five times on television this morning.

And here's more truth: Lazio voted against he bipartisan Patients Bill of Rights. Lazio loves guns. But remember this: THIS IS JUST ANOTHER DAMN PROSECUTOR who now thinks that because he was a failure in law school he deserves to be in the Senate.

Look at who Gingrich brought into the House: the worst scumbag prosecutors, men like Lazio who are prosecutors largely because they cannot get a job in a normal law firm. Prosecutors don't make much money. Gingrich knew that these losers were at least known in their districts, and that Americans were afraid of the rise in crime in the 1994 and 1996 election cycle. So Gingrich rounded them up: Rick Lazio, Bob Barr and many, many more. Why not run for Congress? You are in a nowhere job where most people can't stand you. Run for Congress and do my bidding. Lazio took the offer. Now he thinks he'll be a great Prosecutor-Senator. But the Senate doesn't have a lot of prosecutors in its ranks. One is the gnarly old curmudgeon Arlen Specter -- who has to act more like a liberal Democrat than a Republican. Can you name the others? Can you explain why the Democratic Congress has so few PROSECUTORS in its ranks? It's the mindset. To help people, or to throw them in filthy prisons only to make them worse.

You decide.

Now Cokehead interviews New York Governor Pataki -- the do-nothing, know-nothing governor who only 40% of New Yorkers can name. Pataki merely sits in Albany and twiddles his thumbs. He is never in the news, or rarely. He is in his second term -- first elected in 1994. Pataki admitted Lazio is the underdog, but does not chide himself for shutting Lazio out of the race -- as he did to keep Rudy from a good challenge months ago.

Cokehead wants to now where Giuliani's money will go. Pataki doesn't answer save saying that the Mayor will campaign for Lazio. Guess they spoke on the phone last night.

We have nothing against Pataki, by the way -- he is a do-nothing Republican, and if a Republican has to hold office, a do-nothing Republican is best.

Pataki is sending out fundraising letters saying that Hillary will "Destroy everything we are working for...."

Yes -- like bringing back slavery.

Cokehead wisely reminded Pataki that the last time this philosophical debate happened was two years ago when Chuck Schumer trounced the corrupt Senator Al D'Amato because New Yorkers knew that keeping D'Amato in would result in nothing more than a reputation as a breeding ground for scum.

Lazio, on the other hand, is not scum -- at least from what he have heard. Someone on Long Island told Mac MacArthur that Lazio is too stupid to take money -- and besides, as a junior member of the House, Lazio can't do much for anyone anyway. And so it will be the case if he won the Senate.

But Hillary Clinton could and will. Her connections, and her and Bill's fundraising prowess, will make her a formidable and senior opponent to the GOP in the US Senate -- and an unassailable for New York. Watch for New Yorkers who now trade Hillary jokes to breathe a sigh of relief when she wins and then rush to her side bestowing New York City citizen status on her immediately!!!

You just have to laugh at this classic political irony.

Madeline Albright, who now looks like a dead ringer for a fat Margaret Thatcher, was next -- and yes, she was wearing a ridiculous pin on her left shoulder, too big and poorly placed. She wears these pins every day.

She was there to cheer on China -- and the status of China debate. She claimed that it will impact positively on human rights abuses by "opening up" China to capitalism. That's like opening up Russia, isn't it? What we will have in China then? Tong wars, private armies, gangs, Gestapo private sector shenanigans? Or will China be able to handle American-style Democracy and market economics? If Russia is any example, you might decide to take that trip to China sooner than later.

Maddie, now Jewish, talks about Israel and the problems there including new rioting. A sad thing.

She is also going to the latest summit with Clinton and Putin in Russia.

Then came a cameo appearance by America’s biggest fraud: Colin Powell. He was there to talk about "THE CHILDREN."

Oh, the children, the children, what can we do in the name of the children that will whet our appetites for war?

Remember Powell's "America's Promise" -- another remake of Big Brothers of America? Well, it was under investigation for fraud and misuse of funds only last year, and now Powell is trying to bring it back on track while nursing his wife.

Powell, who gets 50-75 thousand an hour to speak (usually to hard-right groups spread across America who think Pat Robertson and whipping your kids is the way to go), uses the little red wagon to symbolize his group. "A metaphor for Communism?" quipped our Mac MacArthur. "Dr." Gonzo mentioned that Powell bent over for Oberführer Bush in Desert Storm and basically lost that war, left Sadden in place and allowed him to continue building nukes, chemical and biological weapons.

Scam asked him whether he has an obligation to use his popularity for good. Well stupid, that's what he is doing. Scam baits him and asked whether using his popularity to LEAD THE NATION would be a better use of his POPULARITY.

Well, wait a minute: Powell is popular among Republicans, of course, but not so popular among Democrats. And when all the dirt comes out of his laundry he will lose a great deal of GOP support as well. Powell as a saint won't fly -- but, sadly, Powell as an Uncle Tom, warmonger, and abandoner of his people will. Powell thinks that it is BUSINESS that will keep affirmative action alive.

Sure. And Elvis was gay.

Powell advised Bush to stop the war. He claimed that when Iraqi troops fired on American troops that changed his mind on going after the Iraqis. Powell kept the press far away, and then claimed that they were traveling with General McCaffrey's division. He covered up his atrocities -- destroying Iraqis even though it was days before his recommendation to Bush to stop. This is a smokescreen -- using McCaffrey, a Clinton Administration official, to cover Powell's mistakes.

George Will didn't get his private interview time today. HEY ABC -- what the heck is wrong with you?

Will was also not wearing a bow tie today -- is this a slap at Tucker Carlson, our favorite young punk on CNN? Will was talking up Lazio. Look, George, New York is a Democrat state -- get it -- A DEMOCRAT STATE. Lazio will LOSE! Lazio is against abortion, for charter schools, against the poor, against health care, against unions, against everything not white, Christian and stupid.

Then laughter filled the Ampol media lounge again -- when we got our first look at George Staphylococcus. HE HAS DYED HIS HAIR RED! Is he, or isn't he? Only his bartended knows for sure!

Let's tell you something: when Clinton leaves ol' 1600, Staph will be a thing of the past and someone who won't be able to get a job -- anywhere. At least a good job. We bet he is working on a doctorate at the moment so he can TEACH. Hey Staph, make sure to send a resume to Scaife so he can fund a chair for you at fascist Malibu U," Pepperdine!

The panel then talked about stupid Americans investing their only retirement safety net in, of all things, the stock market -- which is about to crash.

The final topic: Charlatan Heston accepted a third term as the President of the NRA last night, holding a rifle over his head and shouting "FOR YOU MR. GORE [to pry] FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS.

Tee-hee!

Late Edition
Ickes disappoints

Following "same-old" interviews of Lazio and Pataki by Wolf Blitzer, Harold Ickes was his guest.

Ickes was more soft-spoken than we would have hoped - -although he made it clear that Lazio is "out of step" with the views of most New Yorkers.  He mentioned Hillary's visits to every county in New York -- but tried to claim that the "Newt Clone" point was overemphasized but that he did vote against the US Department of Education -- regardless of his claims to the contrary.  Ickes also took Lazio to task for his views on guns and school funding.

Ickes dwelled too much on "distinctive differences" that "will" occur -- he should have come prepared with more specific issues where Lazio's voting record and public comments are at odds with the views of Hillary Clinton.

But Ickes did go to town on the issue of health insurance -- drawing clear distinctions between Lazio and Hillary.

Wolf mentioned that Lazio had hit all "big five" Sunday shows -- and, in a gratuitous cheap shot, said that Monica Lewinsky attorney Bill Ginsburg did the same thing.  Will Hillary start making the rounds?  Ickes essentially said yes.

For the most part. Wolf was actually asking questions that opened the door for Ickes to put the Lazio campaign on the defensive -- and, to our disappointment, Ickes seldom took the opportunity to present facts and information that would have fought fire with fire.

C'mon, Harold -- show some backbone!