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Dave "Doctor" Gonzo: The Early Rants
"Nukes for all!"

May 5, 1996 (apj.us) -- The following message was posted to a Prodigy message board in response to an obnoxious, gay-bashing gun nut who suppoted private ownership of automatic weapons. It caused quite the uproar among the Rush clones -- and got quite a knowing laugh from the self-identified "lying Socialist weasels."

Enjoy!

You guys are still whining about assault weapons? Keep yer candy-ass semi-autos...I think nuclear weapons should be legalized for hunting and home defense!

That's right...if some minority scumbucket breaks into my house to rob me and rape my daughter - or vice-versa - I damn well want to make sure he's dead! And a nuke is the best way to make damn sure he's dead!

And while we're at it, gimme a TANK to drive to work in, because when those half-breed crack-crazed gangbangers come to carjack me, I want to be damn sure I can defend myself! That's right...I wanna be able to turn that turret, say "BRING IT ON, YOU WELFARE-LEACHING MUTANT SCUM!!! GO TO HELL, GODLESS VANDAL HEATHENS!!! RIGHTEOUS BE THE ANGEL OF DEATH!!!" as I blow their Godless sinful butts to hell to join Teddy Roosevelt, Franklin Roosevelt, Eleanor Roosevelt, every Kennedy in sight, and every other sexually deviant communist liberal pinko traitor to this great nation of God!

Halle-fricklin-lujah!

Then I'd drive that tank over to that den of Godless iniquity, The Public School, crash that sucker through the principal's office, and say "Do YOU believe that Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior? Well, if you do, why the HELL doesn't this school teach the TRUTH??? Like that God created this world in seven GLORIOUS days??? Or that gays are an AFFRONT to God??? Y'know, every time you sin, you make the Baby Jesus cry. Do you enjoy makin' the Infant Jesus cry? WELL, DO YA???"... at which point I'd blow that gay-loving atheistic bastard's head clean off.

But wait... I'm not by no means done.

I'd lower our great nation's flag from in front of that undeserving whorehouse of socialism and Godlessness, drape myself in it, and put on my prized campaign buttons of the only true Americans who were ever President of our great nation, Ronald Reagan, Richard Nixon and Barry Goldwater (well, he SHOULD'VE been President, dammit)! Then I'd grab Bessie (my prized AK-47 I bring to each and every Militia meeting), walk down the halls of that school, and cleanse it of all the Godless liberals I'd see so those kids could witness morals for once in their pathetic, welfare-subsidized lives. At last they'd see what it is to be a great American: fear of God, unquestioned loyalty to your superiors because they were placed there by God himself, and hatred for all Communists, heathens, atheists, gays and all who sully the American way!!!

Then I'd lead my army of children into Mexico so we could clean it of those NAFTA-lovin' inbred communist rats attempting to undermine our Nation by importing drugs, illegal immigrants, and bad tequila.

We'll make America heaven on earth, and we'll evangelize the world to Christianity, and make it our duty to send whoever doesn't agree straight to HELL!!! If America can't do this, then God will entrust another worthy nation with His plan. We might fall to Lichtenstein! Or worse yet Monaco, with those two oversexed bimbo princesses! MY GOD, MAN! Do YOU want to be invaded by a nation that doesn't even have a STANDING ARMY???

Yes, this is my plan - God's Plan - and I pray you too will join me in taking back America and filling it once again with great Americans like myself.

God Bless America!