He's a laughingstock right now

Doc's DIS-patch
"He's a laughingstock right now."
Newt Gingrich -- GOP outcast

by Dave "Doctor" Gonzo

Nov. 17, 1999 -- NEW YORK (APJNS) --Everyone knows that old saying concerning never kicking a man when he's down.

And most people agree -- unless that person really, really deserves it.

Now, The Doc was going to give disgraced House Ex-Squeaker and 1994 Republican Revolution Don Juan Newt Gingrich a rigorous dissing concerning the ongoing and messier-by-the-day divorce imbroglio he finds himself in.

Face it -- the man who almost single-handedly poisoned the nation's atmosphere by turning political debate into a stream of ad hominems targeted at those awful "liberals" who "control" Capitol Hill and the press, and then followed it up by stoking the fires of a failed and unwarranted impeachment, deserves a couple of swift kicks.

And this week, Newt got kicked. Twice. And Newt's very own political party is saving The Doc from the need to do the dissin' -- after all, it means so much more when it comes from "family."

More on that below, but first, let's catch you up on the fun details of Newt's current legal woes:

As all of you by now know, Newt is involved in a very ugly divorce squabble with his estranged wife Marianne and her tougher-than-leather lawyers, led by Atlanta powerhouse attorney John Mayoue. It seems the Newtster was a little bent out of shape by some 50 "interrogative" questions which were quite justifiably stuffed down his throat by the Mayoue team last week -- so his lawyers tried to claim that Marianne's team were actually asking hundreds of questions.

KICK NUMBER ONE! Cobb County Superior Court judge Dorothy Robinson ruled that Newt must answer each and every one of the 50 questions posed to him -- otherwise Newt will get kicked harder, this time with court sanctions including, hopefully, contempt of court.

The Doc says this would serve Newt right -- especially after trying to make hay of Bill Clinton's having been socked with a contempt citation from Clinton-hating Judge Susan Webber Wright. Clinton looks to have accurately answered sloppily-worded questions by Paula Jones's thug attorneys -- so naturally (that is, if you consider the neo-fascist thinking of right-wing lawyers natural), Clinton must have been in contempt.

So The Doc was gonna have a lot of fun at ol' Newtie's newest dilemma, but suddenly, as if out of the blue, came...

KICK NUMBER TWO!! Newt got booted again yesterday -- this time by news that he's being "dissed" by his own GOP Revolutionary Class of 1994!

Yesterday's online edition of Roll Call reported that top Republicans are worried about the "political wisdom" of inviting Newt to a big fifth-anniversary "House Takeover" party. One senior GOP aide was quoted as saying:

"I think he's really hurting himself lately. He's a laughingstock right now."

The source was obviously not referring to a puff piece in Time magazine concerning Newt's struggle to keep the pounds off. The Doc's advice to Newt: lay off those multi-hundred-dollar bottles of wine you like to buy when you dine with your extramarital tootsie Callista. Wine is higher in calories than you think!

But I digress.

Another Republican strategist, citing the possibility that photos of Gingrich with House GOPers could be used in opposition campaign advertising, was also quoted in Roll Call:

"People are like, 'Get the hell away from here.' His time has come and gone."

But honestly, is anyone out there surprised? These GOP honchos are merely "spreading the love" -- the sort of "love" espoused by Newt himself. It's that great big ol' conveyor belt of Karma at work -- and a package for Gingrich just popped off the assembly line. Of his own making, of course.

For the last few years, my good colleagues here at American Politics Journal and I have documented Newt's bad behavior -- first his political and campaign finance peccadilloes, and then, in the wake of the impeachment coup Newt helped engineer with such Machiavellian flair, his personal indiscretions, particularly reports that Newt paid for the services of call girls with his own credit card. We predicted that he and his political extremism would eventually be laughed out of the Beltway.

And look at what's happened now: he's an outcast from his own revolution, his own party, all of Washington.

They say that you shouldn't gloat too much, but The Doc just can't help it -- especially since even the GOP now agrees with this "liberal" e-zine.

It's unanimous. Newt's a laughingstock now.

'Nuff said!