His mother called him a raving lunatic -- and she was right!

Thus far, American Politics Journal had found a few traits about Livingston that make him fit to be Speaker:

...is he the grown-up "Bluto" Blutarsky?
First, he was one of the preeminent drunks at his university fraternity house when most people were avoiding frat houses like the plague.

According to Time magazine, Livingston can play the trumpet while driving his car.

He was also the water boy for his high school football team.

And can beat down liberal members by using his Tae Kwon Do black belt.

But his best qualification to replace Gingrich is that like the deposed Emperor Newt, Livingston's just like him -- a nut -- in the new world of congressional politics where assassinating your friends in order to claw your way to the top is the number one prerequisite for power. Livingston was nothing but a fifth-rank member of the House Appropriations Committee when "Cousin Newtie" chose Livingston to become its Chairman. Livingston then used his power to stab Gingrich in the back last week by using his House IOUs for handing out pork to bring in his base of support and topple the Speaker.

But Livingston, unlike a lot of his class, knows when to back off his conservatism and cut deals with the Democrats. And he had better, because conservatives won't get a lot of what they want with only a 5-seat plurality in the House.

Livingston is a steadfast fiscal conservative -- which, in Republicanese, means:

• cut welfare to mothers with illegitimate children,
• kill anti-smoking legislation
• help HMOs screw their patients and the doctors who work for them
• and quickly aid the rich in getting richer.

He has represented Louisiana Congressional District 1 since 1977. If you know much about Louisiana politics you know that spending 21 years representing a portion of that state is akin to being a Capo for Vito Corleone.

Livingston is also the top man to blame for the latest House budget flop. Bill Clinton succeeded in taking credit for the last minute appropriation of about a third of the US national spending menu. This budget foul-up helped cost the Republicans a hoped-for gain of 25 seats in last week's election.

Reports on Livingston's temper say he once nearly punched out a staff member after screaming "Some son of a bitch on the staff has been saying bad stuff about my staff in the press, and I'm tired of it!"

But the most telling item about Livingston is this: Before publicly stabbing Gingrich in the back, Livingston published a laughable 16-point list of demands to Gingrich that would have stripped the Speaker of all his authority and then sent it to the Speaker.

The last line of this adolescent list reads "ACKNOWLEDGED AND AGREED TO WITHOUT EXCEPTION" above a signature line for Newt.

With credentials like these, 6'5 tall Livingston is a fit replacement as Chief Windbag for the House Republicans. If he survives the House elections, we predict he will fall within months and be replaced by someone sane.

Mac MacArthur