Pundit Pap

Pundit Pap
for Sunday, October 3, 1999

Pundits Turn Into Art & Literary Critics
Sabbath Blowhards Give Free Ride to Giuliani, Grief to Ventura and Morris
Isn't Anyone Discussing Issues Anymore?

by The Editors

Sunday, October 3, 1999 -- NEW YORK-- The Editors received a rude surprise this morning in the form of a power blackout that shut down not only their usually festive media room but their web host ISP in New Jersey shortly before the magic hour of 9 AM, which made the writing of today's issue of Pundit Pap a bit more harried than usual.

Thankfully, Dave "Doctor" Gonzo had a portable ten-inch TV and a power adapter in the back of his '70-something Chevy Malibu, and we were able to catch the most egregious of the Sunday programs. And Liz Callahan managed to tape Meet the Press--which turned out to be mostly a waste, but which we will review in a follow-up article this evening.

Suffice it to say that the Sunday opinion mafia was ignoring events in Washington--including a near-meltdown among House Republicans on appropriations legislation which reveals that the hard-conservative wing of the GOP may indeed be losing clout. Make no mistake--this is what the Beltway is really buzzing about.

Instead, the bloviators allowed New York Mayor and "art- critic-come-lately" Rudy Giuliani to expound upon the evils of certain cutting-edge art being exhibited at the Brooklyn Museum, slammed an interview Minnesota Governor Jesse "The Body" Ventura gave to Playboy magazine--which included some politically incorrect comments about organized religion and the "Tailhook" scandal--and continued to try to undermine Edmund Morris' Reagan biography Dutch.

Fox News Sunday
GOP Candidates On Parade--Liz "Mrs. Pfizer" Dole

"Can Liz Dole overcome the 'fifty million dollar man?'" asked Tony Snow at the top of FNS. he also mentioned a "dung-stained Madonna"--a reference to the most notorious painting at the Brooklyn Museum "Sensations" show. Problem is, it's not dung-stained--the elephant dung is an integral part of the painting. At least we knew that Rudy Giuliani's appearance would have us laughing.

Guest one--Liz Dole, who was gushing about how thrilled she was to have a hometown school named after her. Maybe it should have been a charter school! Tony queried her on the issue of school vouchers, and Liz surprised us by sounding less than enthusiastic about the sort of vouchers that George "Shrubya" Bush favors. Liz said that she supports tax credits for people who underwrite tuition, and talked about lofty public education ideals, and said that "education is crucial to the future of our nation."

Gosh, how erudite.

Liz also said she supports "putting information about schools on the Internet." That one had us laughing! Be realistic--just how many parents are going to be able to find these sites?

Talk turned to the move by Russ Verney, currently--but not for long--the big cheese at the Reform Party and "Perotista numero uno"-- to kick Jesse Ventura out of the party. Liz, grinning, said that what Jesse said was "very, very offensive" to many Americans--then started talking about how Pat Buchanan put off World War II veterans!

Huh? First, we can tell you that most Americans, while not necessarily agreeing with Jesse on organized religion, may not be aware that that segment of the Playboy interview concerned the religious right--and would not be offended, but instead share Jesse's disdain for these arrogant theocratic wackos. And the segue to Pat was sloppy, Liz--but then, maybe she actually thinks Pat is a bigger threat to her chances, which are pretty much zero, than Jesse. But heck, anyone who picks on Neo-Nazi Pat BuKKKanan can't be all bad!

Tony followed up by asking Liz if Dubya made a mistake by "reaching out" to Pat Buchanan. Liz, much to her credit, called it an "affront to the American people."

Now if only she'd start talking about his proud military career--which probably sent some poor Texas kid off to 'Nam.

One thing we noticed about Liz: whenever she hits the airwaves, one hears her saying a lot of "(fill in the blank) to the American People." She should drop this cliché from her sound bite vocabulary post haste.

Liz said that she wants to "phase down funding" for the NEA (in other words, defund it), then began attacking John McCain's foreign policy views, saying that we "should have a firm world view… the President must protect our freedom."

Liz, honey, we DO have a firm world view. In fact, America is now more respected internationally than we were under the Bush regime! And Clintonomics have brought prosperity that not only protects but enhances liberty.

Liz then attacked high taxes (what a shock), decrying what she called a "25%" tax burden.

25%. Right--that is, unless you're rich enough to pay no taxes.

Liz started to sound deluded when she talked about (skewed) polling numbers that show her beating Al Gore--and that she has "executive experience."

…which only served to remind us how her tenure as head of the American Red Cross almost compromised the national blood supply. With a record like hers, imagine the damage she could do to national defense!

Spots for Home Depot, Sprint, CIGNA, iVillage.com (a women's web site our own Liz Callahan refers to as "WhiningYenta.com") followed.

The punditocracy seem to be doing everything they can to shore up Ronald Reagan's image as a near-saint, so it came as no surprise that the second segment would be spent tearing apart Edmund Morris' new Reagan bio Dutch. Tony's guests were Nancy Reagan's flack Sheila Tate and what appeared to be the mummified remains of William F. Buckley Jr.

You can imagine our shock in the media room--we hadn't been aware that Bill Buckley had been dead for so long! He appeared dessicated almost beyond recognition--until his unmistakable voice instantly confirmed that the great intellect of pre-Reagan conservatism was indeed back from the grave.

The Buckley Mummy talked about the Reagan "mystery" in such vague terms that he practically agreed with Morris' characterization of Ronnie as a "cipher" as he denounced Morris' "intrusions." Tate said she saw a photo of Reagan in uniform in the book--and half expected to see Morris inserted in the photo! We laughed out loud at that one!

Buckley's remains decried Morris' technique of "inserting" himself in the book. Tony asked if the editors of Dutch had "failed" Morris (we know he really meant Reagan), and Buckley said that Morris had created a "reader's block" (as opposed to a writer's block). Buckley was doing an amazing job of dissing Morris--for a dead guy.

Juan Williams said that elements of the book were very unflattering--prompting Tate to spin the book as "pretentious," and claiming that Morris failed to discern the public Ron from the private Ron.

Which prompted Tony to describe The Great Napper as "courtly" (isn't that what they said about England's King George III?) as he asked Buckley if that element of his "style" may have hindered Morris' ability to understand the man.

One of our interns chimed in, "Style? He cribbed his style from Chauncey Gardner!" We were on the floor laughing again as the Buckley Mummy said something irrelevant and impertinent about the "irrelevant" and "impertinent" in Morris's book.

These three clowns, along with the legions of conservatives hell-bent on elevating Reagan to sainthood, are putting every kind of spin on Morris--with little if any knowledge themselves of Reagan the man!

Juan asked Pharaoh Buckley if Morris had been lazy--and the Buckley Mummy surprised us all by smashing that characterization, citing 14 years of Morris' work, as he talked about episodes that were "pure Reagan." Tate said that Morris' conclusions were contradicted by her own experience. But we have to wonder how close a flack for the First Lady is really going to be allowed to get to the Big Kahuna, outside of the occasional and usually "business-oriented" dinner with the First Couple--and that's after the mitigating factor of her being a professional opinion shaper for Mrs. Reagan.

And Tate, like a lot of others, fell into the trap of misinterpreting Morris use of the word "insulting" in the context of describing blood transfusions which Reagan did not take well to.

Spots: IBM, Revlon, and local spots for Toyota, Astoria Savings Bank.

Panel time! Topic one: Jesse Ventura's "notorious" statements on organized religion. Fred "The Weasel" Barnes, substituting for Brit Hume, claimed Jesse had trouble distinguishing between the "fake" wrestling world and politics.

Do you believe it? We hear fakery week after week on FNS and all the other politi-blabfests from both politicians and talking heads--and Fred has the nerve to call Jesse's "from the hip" comments fake. Fred, once again revealing his hypocrisy, had the whole room roaring with laughter!

Juan said that Jesse was being an honest man--which prompted Tony to "defend" Pat BuKKKanan's WWII comments. Fred said something about "sheer bigotry against Christians." Hmmm--sounds more like anger at bigoted Evangelicals, the real target of Jesse's wrathful comments--and we're shocked that the hate of so-called "Christians" could generate "bigotry."

That's what we love about Fred--you can always count on him for at least one or two loopy hypocritical "views' when he appears on FNS. And he was laready two for two!

Topic two--Al Gore moving his campaign to Tennessee, which Juan characterized as a "campaign in free-fall." After some meaningless Fox O-Spin-Ion Dynamics numbers, Mara Liasson said that Gore's campaign was "topheavy" and that Gore's performance may not be "fixable."

But then, how would the public know? Evening news is all Dubya, all the time, and we hardly have an opportunity to judge Gore's performance, let alone even see Gore--unless it can be shown in a manner most embarrassing to Al!

Fred said that Al "needed to [move the campaign] in the first place," which prompted Tony to discuss a news story concerning Gore campaign boss Tony Coelho being accused of involvement in sleazy practices. Fred called it "nit-picky"--actually defending Coelho, saying "this goes on all the time."

Huh? What gives here? Does Fred want Coelho, who we at APJ feel Gore should have axed months ago, to stay in place so he can be a target of investigations? Or is Fred implying that he knows that certain GOP campaign honchos are involved in similar questionable practices to Coelho? "This goes on all the time," indeed.

The Fox panel then turned to the pressing issue of art aesthetics as they discussed the Brooklyn Museum's "Sensations" exhibit, into which Rudy
Giiuliani has insinuated himself as a sort of living piece of "performance art."

Interestingly, the panel said nothing about "public funding"--since, as it turns out, the exhibit itself is privately funded, and is drawing huge crowds . But Tony asked if it's "okay to put up racist or anti-Semitic art"--an attempt to cast the much mentioned "Holy Virgin Mary" black-Madonna-with-cow-dung as bigotry of some sort.

Following spots for AT&T, a pro-"managed-care" organization, Benecol, Fox shows, and a local spot for Brooklyn Union Gas, nationally-renowned art
critic Rudy Giuliani was the guest in the Fox DC studios.

With all the traveling he seems to do, you just have to wonder where Rudy finds the time to run New York and harass his critics--people like A.R.T.I.S.T. president Robert Lederman, whose drawings of Rudy Giuliani as Der Fuhrer have made him a favorite arrest target of NYPD.

Rudy started by slamming the "shock commercialism…that drew more people than the Monet exhibition."

On the lawsuit by the museum against the city: "Maybe I'll sue them personally." Oh, Rudy--what a man!

He explained what the museum's lease "allows" him to do: "I'm gonna have to approve or disapprove whether the museum stays open… I couldn't possibly approve this as a use of taxpayer dollars." But Rudy is essentially lying--not one red cent of tax He talked about some of the shock art: "pigs cut up… glorifying a child-murderer…. You could have this exhibition in plenty of private art museum."

Tony asked Rudy if the museum had made "suckers" out of art patrons. When Ruby said yes, the whole APJ media room was once again in hysterics--because galleries and museums always make "suckers" out of art patrons with inflated prices in the former case, blatant merchandising in the latter!

Talk turned to politics, as Rudy tried to cast himself as a "moderate" who does not like big government or "collective solutions." Jeez--between
crushing the First Amendment and these little hard-right buzz-phrases, Rudy was sounding somewhat to the left of Pat BuKKKanan.

Tony said that Dick Morris (wrong as usual) calims Hillary Clinton is not going to run! Of course, Dick works for Fox, and Rudy said that Hillary will run. Fred mentioned the burning clemency issue, which set up Rudy to slam the FALN clemencies, claiming that they showed no remorse--an outright lie.

All in all, this was one of the funnier FNS episodes of the year, capped by the pap of Rudy's appearance.

The McLaugh-In Group
John Goes Bizarre--As If That's Anything Strange

Issue One: John has truly gone mad! He decided to talk "millennium bizarrerie," the first of which was Al Gore "turning his presidential run upside down and inside out… practically unheard of in American politics." He made a lot of Gore saying he is the "underdog."

Bill Salmon of the right-wing WashingMoon Times said that Gore needed to do it, but he's still "tied to Clinton"-- we can only guess in the same way
that Sammon is tied to his paper's owner, Sun Myung Moon.

Eleanor Clift said that it's too early to call Gore doomed--but the debate gambit is "high stakes."

Tony Blankley pointed out that Nashville has cheaper rentals than K Street, but that Gore "needs to bring the battle to Bradley." Given Tony's bounteous girth, we're surprised that he didn't mention the food's better and cheaper in Nashville, too!

Talk turned to McLaughlin's made-up term "victimology," which opened the door for Tony to call Democrats the party of victims.

Hmmm... let's see... Dick Scaife, Bill Safire, Bill Bennett, David Sentelle, Ken Starr, all those other so-called "Independent counsels, the Ruther-Fraud Institute--given the sort of scams they've been pulling for over seven years, Tony may just be right!

John then ran the video clip of Gore talking about "'Clinton-fatigue' fatigue"--and said Gore "looks looser." Tony pointed out that Gore is a solid debater--but his expectations are high, which could be a danger to him.

Then John brought up "bizarrerie" number two: the Jesse Ventura interview in Playboy. Ventura, said John, takes on organized religion, prostitution, gun control, obesity, and Tailhook. What Johndidn't say is that the entire interview is "red meat" for anyone out to slam Ventura--but it's clear from the comments John picked that Ventura was being humorous and even a little facetious.

Eleanor said that his comments could come back to haunt him, but Bill said that while he did say "offensive things," many will be pleased with his honesty.

Tony said that his statement on religion would "end his political career outside of Minnesota"--but on that we disagree, because of the growing anger
and resentment over the religious right in this country. We do agree with Clarence Page, who said that Ventura's comments on Tailhook--and his follow-up in an interview with Tim Russert in which he called many of our elite troops "Frankensteins"--will hurt him among women and military people.

There was a little talk about Gore trying a "fresh start"--culminating with John comparing Gore with the Ancient Mariner who kills the albatross, then has to wear it around his neck! Good one!

Following GE commercials, John turned to another "bizarre" story--GOP candidate Gary Bauer's denial of an affair with a 26-year-old aide. John characterized the "unlikely" source as the Steve Forbes campaign.

Unlikely? Every OTHER pundit in the Beltway knows Forbes has become the king of "opposition research," and Eleanor said as much. Tony said it was "no fair."

Right, Tony, no fair "outing" a political; wanna-be you'd feel comfortable cozying up to!

Bill compared Bauer's denial to Ross Perot's claim that ninjas would disrupt his daughter's wedding! We loved it--even the Washington Times thinks Bauer's a nut!

John's next millennial oddity--the Sensations exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum, starting with a soundbite of Rudy Giuliani. Of course, Catholic John made much of the notorious "Holy Virgin Mother" painting replete with genitalia and elephant dung. No surprise there--some cult Catholics act as if the Virgin Mary is holier than God himself!

The conversation was completely inane--John talking about a hypothetical painting of Adolf Eichmann embracing Anne Frank, Bill talking about a "piece-by-piece basis," Tony claiming that bigotry against Christians being "the last acceptable form of bigotry in America," Eleanor pointing out that Rudy approved bussing school children to see a Whitney Museum exhibit featuring Andres Serrano's infamous "Piss Christ", and John asking the panel if they are "edified" that Congress wants to block funding for the Brooklyn Museum.

John, in his final question, tried to cast Rudy as the winner and Hillary the loser in this dust-up--John called it a "monumental Rudy coup, and it has legs."

We know--the man went mad long ago!

After twelve minutes of GE spots and before predictions, John had to slip in a cheap shot--"7 million Catholics in New York, and they're all angry."

Hey, John, THIS New York Catholis is angry, all right--at Rudy's neo-fascist leanings!

Predictions:
Bill: Gore WILL become the underdog.
Eleanor: AFL-CIO endorses Gore.
Tony: Misproportionate number of new kids in September 2000, a result of millennial nookie.
Clarence: Pat Buchanan will not leave the GOP.
John: The looming Y2K "crisis" will not "chill" the Fed!

CNN Lame Edition

We caught one segment of Lame Edition--Wolf Blitzer's interview of ex-Reagan aide Daivd Gergen and boigraphers Lou Cannon and Haynes Johnson. The subject: Dutch.

Gergen said that while Morris is a fine author, he had failed to capture the essence of Reagan. Cannon cited Reagan's privacy and reticence stemming from having had an alcoholic father, and claimed that Dutch "takes away" from the Reagan story--a theme becoming a common criticism from Reagan's most ardent boosters.

Johnson, whose book Sleepwalking Through History remains one of the finest analyses of the Reagan years, called some segments of the book "brilliant [and] poignant," but said that during other sections he wanted to "throw it against the wall." The problems: Morris failed to analyse the Reagan presidency and talked too much about the Morrises.

Gergen, working to boost the Reagan image as always, took umbrage at the characterization of Reagan as "airhead," and Wolf followed up with a
question to Cannon about whether criticizing Reagan while he is suffering from Alzheimer's Disease is a sort of "piling on." Cannon claimed--accurateely--that criticism is not just coming from conservatives.

The problem is, non-conservatives are criticizing Morris for just what Johnson pointed out: it fails to talk all the much about the political and social impact that Reagan's team had on America.

To follow--Eat the Prez.