Dave "Doctor" Gonzo is a former disgruntled senior executive of a large media company that went south when it was bought out by another large media company. He is now a high-priced consultant in the beer and communications industries. His political rants appear exclusively in American Politics Journal.

Tuesday, September 22, 1998 -- WASHINGTON -- "It's unbelievable, Doc. The press and GOP promised us 'Sex, Lies and Videotape'... but what we got instead was 'Ishtar.' "

The Doc was sitting in a hotel room in the Watergate complex, chatting by phone with one of his old college buddies, Stiggs. He's a Wharton-educated business and economics whiz who dumped the world of yuppiedom in the late eighties and now enjoys a career as pit boss at one of the hottest casinos in Vegas. Like the Doc, he's also a news junkie.

And Stiggs was feeling his oats. He's no friend of Bill, but he can't stand Starr. "I'm tellin' you, this buildup in the press -- 'the president blows up and storms out, swears a blue streak, see it all Monday at 9 AM, 7 Mountain time on CNN' -- I mean, we should have seen the writing on the wall, Doc -- especially after umpteen proclamations from the Special Prosecutor that his investigations had hit a 'major turning point.' All dry wells. It's a farce -- and where the hell is the outrage in the press over being led down the garden path once more by Starr?"

"Forget it, Stiggs. They're all in on the fix. Not a one is going to complain, because they hope they can still squeeze a few juicy leaks out of the Starr posse -- heck, the whole charade's been a windfall for cable news and the big papers. And look at the buildup to the 'release' of the tape. MSNBC was running commercials every ten minutes all weekend -- that on top of the Uberpundits plugging it nonstop!"

Stiggs started laughing. "It was like Super Bowl Weekend for politics fans -- I swear, Doc, it was just like the non-stop build-up to the big game. Heck, we were even taking bets on the change in Time/CNN 'flash' polling numbers! And most of the suckers were betting that Clinton was toast."

"My sense is that it backfired big time -- with plenty of help from Starr's gang and the GOP marketing the testimony as Clinton at his worse. Wrong-ola, bud -- the guy stood his ground, and got in a few of his own licks on top of it."

"Yeah -- too bad the Fox News Spinterpreter wasn't turned on -- that first 45 minutes or so where the prosecutors try to dissect Clinton's Jones depo answers -- what a riot -- listen between the lines and Clinton was saying 'The bozo Jones lawyers parsed their own words and backed themselves into a linguistic corner! They can't tell their "Is"-es from their "Was"-es!' "

"Here's what I can't figure out, Stiggs -- at one point, it sounded as if Bittman was claiming that ANY contact with a woman's inner thigh constitutes sex. Are these guys for real?"

"You've gotta come back to Vegas, Doc, contact with the thighs of some of the showgirls out here is better than sex! Y'know, I don't think Starr and his boys even get any! And it shows -- their little 'video show' is enough to put a sane man off sex. But the coast-to-coast feed may be the best thing that has happened to Clinton since this mess started spinning out of control. And it wasn't just the content -- the whole Starr posse sounded like they were badgering Clinton, trying to twist his words to fit their definition. And Clinton still managed to keep his cool -- and look contrite -- and look the rat bastards in the eye -- and call them the attack weasels they are. He spoke truth to the all-powerful Inspector Doughboy General -- I was impressed. That moment alone made some of the fence-sitters hop off onto Clinton's side."

"That and saying a few kind words about Monica -- and kicking Linda Tripp's greedy little butt. It all goes miles. And you can bet your bottom dollar that the other effect of broadcasting the tape is that people will see how easily the grand jury system can be abused by an overzealous prosecutor. Starr and the system come out looking pretty smelly. There will be a backlash."

"Including from people who were expecting a blockbuster, Doc. A lot of them wanted Ali-Foreman. There were times where it was more like watching paint dry. And the few flurries all went to Clinton."

"So how do you call it now?"

"Better than even odds that Clinton gets off with a slap on the wrist. Ten to one against it being settled by the end of the year. It's still even odds that Starr moves to indict Clinton when he leaves office, whenever -- but it's also even odds that at least one of Starr's prosecutors is indicted for 6(e) leaks by the end of next year. Three to one for Linda Tripp getting indicted on something -- and you guys were weeks ahead of the news spew on Tripp's tape 'original' sins, waytago! Five to two odds that Jonathan Turley does not disappear from Sunday political television within a month of the impeachment threat being settled -- sorry for the bad news. Three to one that Laura Ingraham's MSNBC show is given the Kevorkian treatment by the end of November. And two hundred to one against Starr or the GOP ever learning anything from the way they bollixed the high-profile 'referral' report release and grand jury tape broadcast fiasco."*

"'Nuff said, Stiggs."

-- Dave "Doctor" Gonzo