It's Almost Time to Don White Sheets and Burn Crosses

Anyone listening to pundits on cable television these days can tell you that the cadre of opportunistic hyenas passing themselves off as "analysts" and "commentators" don't want the dirt to go away. Everyone from sick television evangelists to "scoopers" like Matt Drudge -- who at least have the guts to show themselves publicly -- have jumped onto the morals bandwagon, a hypocritical hayride that started more than 10 years ago toward the end of the Reagan era.

Now, if someone from an Island in the Galapagos landed in New York and watched MSNBC or CNBC for a month, they'd think a Christian Jihad was underway. Next will come the Klan, who still burn crosses on the lawns of "immoral" Blacks and Jews when they get drunk enough. One wonders why they have not, as yet, burned one in the park across from the White House.

And why not? America was founded on a Puritan ethic. Perhaps we can turn back the clock 400 years, as would-be black-hatters like Pat Robertson and Pat Buchanan would love to see, and start scouring our neighborhoods for all philanderers, cheaters, goosers and even husbands and wives who perform "outlawed" sexual practices.

How many times can we listen to preachers like "Brother" Tim Russert -- who makes his living destroying politicians too stupid to turn down his invitations to appear on Meet the Press -- say something like "How would you like it if YOUR daughter was a White House intern?"

Never mind that about 60% of women are sexually active by age 17, Tim. Never mind that Monica Lewinsky was in that percentage, according to reports. It's Monica's parents -- divorced, playful -- that should be asked "How exactly did it come to be that your daughter was 'doin' the nasty' with the President of the United States."

And how did they handle immorality in the good old days? In Puritan neighborhoods, when a man cheated on his wife, the man was forgiven quickly by the town -- it was the woman who was crucified as a tramp, bimbo or worse. That was just as wrong as focusing on a President -- Democrat or Republican -- with little more in mind that the money one stands to earn from feeding off a tryst with the Big Man, or "Creepo," as Monica lovingly and childishly called him.

The KKK might consider driving over to the Monica's place at the Watergate and burning a cross there -- but what fun would that be? The place is already a shambles, and besides, Bob Dole still lives there as well. The ultimate truth for Monica will come when the press is finished using Lewinsky and they toss her aside after tearing her apart as they did Paula Jones -- perhaps deservingly, but "shredded" nonetheless.

The Klan would most likely consider lynching Betty Currie for being the loyal but African-American executive secretary to her boss. All in the name of Christian brotherhood, mind you!

See how careful the press is with Betty? No matter what she told the grand jury, she is stereotyped by the media as a victim -- not as the professional woman she is who earned her position at the White House through hard work and experience and knows how to handle "what's happening." Despicable moralists like Russert and "Reverend" Sam Donaldson would have you believe that no true man slips out the back door on the wife -- ever!

Nonsense.

Let's get it straight:

According to every sexual research tome published, from Kinsey through Hite and beyond, men and women foul up all the time. We all know it. We all have seen it, in our own families, with our friends, and maybe even with our own spouses.

And it's not only men that cheat, is it, ladies? Hite tells us that women, too -- perhaps more than 65% of them -- stray, at least on occasion and many more regularly. Human nature is not a pretty thing. Monogamy is not in the Constitution -- it certainly isn't in our chromosomes.

Maybe the President has a sexual addiction problem -- but not one that pseudo-intellectuals like George Will would have you believe compromises national security. Sexual addiction, a "disease" manufactured by two-thousand-dollar-a-day sleep-away clinics for people who love to copulate, has been with us for about a decade. Before that, it was just common knowledge that men loved to "get it on" -- and not so common knowledge that women do too.

Perhaps the Clintons, for a long while, have decided they love each other, but that life in the bedroom -- at least with each other -- is a thing of the past? But we think that's not the real issue. If anything, Bill Clinton has become the victim of a world that unrealistically deifies leaders -- especially the head honcho of the largest corporation in history, The United States of America. We are surprised, to be honest, that some moronic reporter hasn't asked the First Lady whether she cheats on the President or whether they have an arrangement a la the "open marriage" craze of the 60's. Perhaps choirboy cum "journalist" Tim Russert can do that nasty job. We're sure he's dying to.

And it's going to get worse.

The Lewinsky testimony , thanks to perverted inquisitor Kenneth Starr, is reportedly filled with "technical details" about her encounters with Mr. Clinton. Certainly Ms. Jones didn't disappoint with her lurid descriptions nor Ms. Willey -- who has mysteriously disappeared from the Cable charts. Where are the "Christian Leaders" when the details are spouted? Drooling perhaps, like the coke-bottle spectacled nerds of the 50's who couldn't get a date and made do with a jar of mother's hand cream and Uncle Hugh's dirty magazines.

The REAL Christians are shaking their heads, understanding Mary M.'s profession, and remembering Jesus and his forgiveness. She didn't have to apologize first.

Can you imagine Starr advising his own daughter about how to handle suspicions that HER husband might be roaming? We can hear him now, standing before her amongst his moralistic buddies and suggesting she query him at the Thanksgiving table just before dinner and in front of the entire family -- or better yet, at church, and from the altar of righteousness. That way the entire community could know about it. And why not hire a private detective to tap his phones and follow him to take 8mm dirty movies of the couple to show at the County Fair?

Well, folks, that's what you are witnessing.

Why the President hasn't given the thousand-year-old finger to the small but loud and media-anointed minority of Americans who are seeking to undo the 1992 and 1996 election is beyond us. According to John Gibson -- the "Ghoul" of early evening Clinton bashing on MSNBC -- the President's just a stupid egomaniac rather than an Oxford scholar who is hanging in there fighting for the reasons he was elected: to protect the less fortunate who are being gobbled up slowly but surely in nightmare programs like workfare, a lack of health care, and the worst schools in the civilized world.

But then again, why do we need schools -- as long as there are wealthier and wealthier people to provide menial jobs.

So the country wants more of an apology from Bill Clinton -- or so says our favorite Republican Senator, Orrin Hatch.

Orrin, you are a cad. It's not the American people who want an apology -- it's the system, the sick political system that wants him to shame himself further, so you can whip him once again.

You've got it completely backwards.

It's you, the media elite, and even the American people who owe the Clintons the apology -- for throwing stones, as did others 2000 years ago, right before Christ intervened.

--- The Editors