Dave "Doctor" Gonzo is a former disgruntled senior executive of a large media company that went south when it was bought out by another large media company. He is now a high-priced consultant in the beer and communications industries. His political rants appear exclusively in American Politics Journal.

Wednesday, September 2, 1998 -- SAN JUAN -- The Doc and his ol' poker pal Tom were talking politics (read: the media's Lewinsky overkill) a couple weeks back when Tom mixed a couple of drinks and metaphors simultaneously, saying "Let him who is without sin live in a glass house" as the martoonies were a-shakin'.

Indeed.

Every elected official in the Beltway finds him- or herself locked in a glass house designed, constructed and advertised to the public by a cadre of right wing activists, journalists, teleclergy, dirty tricksters and their elected and appointed henchmen out to "take down" the president.

And now members of the GOP are beginning to find themselves trapped in that house wearing the Emperor's new clothes of "moral rectitude."

How's THAT for mixed metaphors, politics fans?

But I digress.

Let's look at two of Washington's most famous Republicans, decked out in their new imperial couture.

Starting with Newt Gingrich.

Ol' Newt has, to use the word of one of the Sunday pundit loudmouths, been sending mixed messages about Lewinskian follies in the White House.

Mixed? The Doc would say he's been outright bipolar!

Earlier this year Emperor Newt proclaimed that he would not give a single speech without attacking Clinton for activity he took pains to equate with criminal behavior without saying outright that he was a crook.

Suddenly, Newt shifted his strategy into reverse, saying "We should wait until we have a chance to examine the independent counsel's evidence... I don't think the Congress could move forward only on Lewinsky"

Poor ol' Newt took some heat from the "lynch Clinton" mob over the one-eighty in tactics, but insiders in DC and the politerati had a pretty good idea of why Newt had a pretty sudden change of heart.

And last Friday's edition of Salon laid out the case -- "Gingrich, lest we forget, has a closet full of sexual misconduct" -- starting as early as 1977 when a quite married Newt had an affair with a woman named Anne Manning. Gail Sheehy exposed the whole ball of wax back in 1995 in a Vanity Fair article.

The article also included an explanation of the "Newt defense," i.e. certain forms of sexual contact do not constitute adultery. Fact is, this so-called "defense" has been a long-standing weapon in the educated cad's arsenal of excuses, legal and otherwise.

Nice outfit, Newt. And it looks like you have a new roommate in your Crystal Palace -- the guy you put on the Government Oversight and Reform throne, Dan Burton. He's just slipping into his own custom-made duds right now.

The Doc was greatly amused to learn that Dan seems to be a little bent out of shape by reports that Vanity Fair -- yes, that magazine again -- is planning to run an article on his own amorous peccadilloes!

On Monday night, Burton told an audience of hand-picked, corn-fed Indiana supporters, "Anything you read in the paper that I should be accountable for, I apologize in advance."

A pre-emptive apology! Wow! Slick move -- now, any time a member of the press asks him about one or more of his escapades, he can reply, "Already apologized, next question?"

By the way, he still has failed to apologize to President Clinton for calling him a "scumbag."

Anyone else here smell a cow-pie-sized pile of hypocrisy?

Yesterday, Burton opened the second phase of his battle plan with a "preemptive strike," admitting that he and his wife had separated on three occasions during the course of their 38-year marriage.

But then the Hoosier congressman, almost as well-known for his attempt to shake down a Pakistani lobbyist as he is for "proving" that Vincent Foster was murdered by shooting holes in melons, blamed Clinton's supporters for instigating the article -- a cheap-shot accusation that presidential spokesperson Rahm Emanuel replied to yesterday: "We have been open in our criticism of the way Rep. Burton has conducted his committee, but as to private matters, no one has and no one will comment on his personal life."

Has Dan gone off the deep end? For him to accuse the White House or FOBs without the barest shred of evidence -- and it isn't even the first time he's pulled this goofy stunt -- isn't just outrageous, it's stupid. I mean, did he REALLY think he could get away with calling the President a "scumbag" and not expect some enterprising investigative reporters to bag the scum on him?

By the way, it turns out that a number of other news organizations, including The Indianapolis Star, are looking into Burton's bad behavior -- and it may not be limited to infidelity.

Which leaves us with Emperors Newt and Dan "dressed" and locked in their glass house.

Guess the only thing left for them to do is get stoned.

'Nuff said!

POSTSCRIPT: Overheard today on MSNBC -- Stanley Gildenhorn: "[Clinton] has already admitted regret over misleading the public. What more do you want?"

Gerald Walpin: "I want him to admit that he committed perjury."

Stan: "You in your court of moral opinion may want it, but the American people won't."

--Dave "Doctor" Gonzo