Weld vs. Helms: Apologizing to a Goober

Weld vs. Helms: Governor Bill Weld

Apologizing to a Goober

Thursday, July 24th, 1997 -- It's hard to believe Jesse Helms is a U.S. Senator, let alone Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee.

That's bad news for America, and even worse shakes for moderate Republican Bill Weld, whom President Clinton has nominated as ambassador to Mexico despite Helm's inarticulate opposition to the Massachusetts governor.

Helms, an international embarrassment, says he'll block Weld's appointment by refusing to hold confirmation hearings. He can do it. But as usual, like a white trash bully, Helms might be in the schoolyard alone as his fellow committee members run for cover not wishing to look like fools.

You might wonder why Helms would embarrass a fellow Republican. Helm's says it's because Weld is soft on drugs and pro-choice in a state that wouldn't elect him if he wasn't. Helms, in some geriatric perversion of truth, says Weld is soft on drugs because Weld supports the medical use of marijuana. Huh?

However, the real story is that Weld emabarassed Helms by refusing to openly support Helm's Chairmanship of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee during Weld's losing race against Senator John Kerry last year. Helms, a goober from the get-go, believes in "tit-for-tat -- rubber bat" logic, and any reticence from GOP colleagues is met with adolescent rage and undeserved smugness by the way-too-old Senator who some say is "skating on the edge of reality."

President Clinton wanted to make sure that Weld was in this fight for good. So he floated the appointment and watched Weld open fire on Helms. Convinced Weld had the right stuff, Clinton took the no-lose position of nominating the governor despite Helm's threats. The reasoning? --A fight between Weld and Helms will only serve to make the whacked-out Senator look even more insane and put his Foreign Relations chairmanship in jeopardy. Weld may end up falling on his sword, but Clinton may end up with Helms being forced out of his all-too-powerful position -- one he gained with no qualifications other than age.

The mainstream media thinks Clinton is relying on Madeleine Albright -- a reputed buddy of Helms -- to smooth the hick Senator's ego. But Albright ain't dumb. She knows Helms gets a kick out of hanging out with a Jewess Secretary of State, sort of like Thomas Jefferson "dancing" with slave girls at Monticello. Secretary Albright might convince Helms to give in on Weld, but only because she can present a logical case that Helms could be putting his own legacy in jeopardy by refusing to yield.

Fellow Republican senators publicly wish Helms would shut up, and privately wish he would disappear. The blowhard Helms leaves them red-faced more often than not, and his lack of intellect is one for the record books. Some are urging Weld to visit Helms and apologize for his lack of support in the past, if only the placate the old man. Weld, thus far, is refusing.

Senator John Ashcroft of Missouri -- a sure-fire conservative -- has been running around trying to drum up support from other Republicans to pressure Helms to give in, but as of today, Helms remains deluded.

Helms said of Weld recently, "I don't think he is ambassador quality and neither do a great many of the conservatives and Republicans in the state of Massachusetts."

I submit that being Ambassador to Mexico isn't rocket science.

Helms should know.

After all, he is the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee.