Taylor, Jones & Starr
An Action-Packed Day of Clinton-Bashing Monkeyshines

Thursday, April 16, 1998 --- New York (APJP) -- Mother told us there would be days like these...

9:20 AM EST --
TAYLOR SAYS PRESIDENT COMMITTED 90 ACTS OF PERJURY AND 150 FELONIES!!!!!

Not to be seen as "getting it," Don Imus invited "Odie Colognie" lookalike and recently shamed "reporter" Stuart Taylor on his show via telephone.

Imus evidently came to some snap judgment that Jim Leher's decision to can Taylor -- the only decision a respected journalist could make -- was somehow wrong. Of course, Imus is Imus, and largely chooses to take the other side -- whichever it is.

Taylor, of course, painted himself as totally innocent and accepted Don's sycophantic praises like "you're brilliant," yadda yadda yadda.

Stuart Taylor -- giving
Imus a "whiff" of his "truth."
But the real Taylor made himself evident when he launched into a petty attack on Jim Lehrer for not "realizing" he was a "commentator," NOT a "journalist" all along! Ha, ha, haa. He then told the world that Lehrer graciously asked him to keep the advance he'd been paid for a year (gee, why, we wonder, was he paid in advance?) but that he, Taylor, would not do that. He would send the money back -- but only before consulting his tax accountant! Ha, ha, haha. Sure! Perhaps his bankruptcy attorney and priest would be more appropriate.

Taylor then launched into an insipid attack on the President telling Imus that he "wouldn't be suprised" if Ken Starr had 90 perjuries and up to 150 FELONY COUNTS ready to give the Congress!!! Of course Taylor said this information was NOT a result of his private "chats" with Ken Starr, who was trying to recruit him to write that very report.

Sure, Stuart. And you are an independent.

Taylor, who made his name largely by teaming up with Paula Jones and resurrecting her pitiful charges against Bill Clinton, now finds himself without a steady income from The News Hour or The Legal Times from which he pontificated so partisanly.

Taylor is a Harvard Graduate.

They are weeping in the yard -- with laughter and disgrace.

2:15 PM EST --
KEN STARR QUITS HIS JOB AT MALIBU U -- NATION STUNNED!!!!!

In an after to shore up his sagging reputation with the American public, "independent" counsel Kenneth Starr held a press conference "on the steps" in Washington.

Starr dropped several bombshells, smiling all the time:

First, he has informed the President of Pepperdine University -- playschool of the Pacific -- that he will not take the jobs as Dean of the Law School and School of Public Policy there. Pepperdine is funded by huge grants from Richard Mellon Scaife, the billionaire recluse who is reputed to have funded the shady "Arkansas Project," David Hale, and others out to "get" the President.

Second, Starr told reporters that he declined the Pepperdine posts because he was so busy and would not be able to reach Malibu before August of this year in time for the Fall term.

Starr said he believed that a University should not go without leadership for more than a year.

We ask -- what about 18 months?

Third, Starr implied that he had hired a PR "expert" and is parting company with his predecessors' decision not to have a public relations arm in the office of the Independent Counsel.

Starr said of the case against the President, "The end is not yet in sight," signalling that rumors Starr will send a scathing report to Congress may be true.

Fourth, Starr claims to have never met Richard Mellon Scaife -- "I have never met him, never talked to him, made no arrangemnt with him direct or indirect..."

Fifth, he has sent a letter to the Attorney General re the method by which his office or hers should handle the Hale-Scaife payoff allegations.

Rumors are already circulating that big money donors at Pepperdine were getting queasy over the latest Starr excesses, including his subpoena of the books bought by Monica Lewinsky, the subpoena of Secret Service Agents, the Robespierrian treatment of Marcia Lewis before the grand jury, and the allegations that his star witness, David Hale, was on the take from Richard Mellon Scaife. The story is going around that the Presdient of Pepperdine himself called Starr and began hinting around for a resignation without asking for it. This rumor cannot be confirmed as of now.

The second rumor, more damaging to the White House, links the Starr resignation to allegations made by legal pundit Stuart Taylor this morning on a national radio interview with radio schlock-jock Don Imus. Taylor alleged that Starr had at least 90 instances of perjury and perhaps as many as 150 felonies with which to go to Congress with his report. This may indicate that Starr is telling the truth -- that he won't be able to be in California by August -- perhaps because he will be in the middle of a tumultuous report to Congress or, worse yet, supervising Grand Jury indictments of the President and other White House staff.

At this writing, Paula Jones -- who is all over news television studying LAW BOOKS with her attorneys (she can read?) -- will announce she will mount an appeal of Judge Susan Weber Wright's decision that Jones was whistling Dixie if she thought she had a case against the Presdient.

Odds in Las Vegas on Jones potential suceess with the 8th Circuit are 80-20 against -- and her own lawyers are said to be placing large bets!

5:30 PM EST --
PAULA JONES WILL CONTINUE HER SUIT!!!!!

In one of the saddest moments in American history, Paula Jones -- pawn of the ultra-right-wing Rutherford Institute and a coven of lawyers dedicated to destroying homosexuals in their home state of Texas -- took the dais in Dallas today and announced what most Americans knew all along -- Paula was going for the Gold.

The setting? The posh Fairmount Hotel in Dallas, where the royal blue curtains draped the wall behind Paula, her husband, a bevy of lawyers and the defiant Susan Carpenter McMillan.

McBimbo opened the press conference in a room swarming with media. At precisely 3:08, more than an hour after the announced conference time, McMillan ascended to the podium, took a breath and began what promises to be a two-year long circus orchestrated by men and women who call themselves "Christians" and defile the teachings of the Old and New Testament as they do.

The delay of an hour and ten minutes was of course orchestrated to the Nth degree. Cable news stations began hyping the Jones statement 48 hours ago and began showing old clips of Jones every ten minutes from 4 AM this morning.

Susan Carpenter McMillan, wearing a chic black suit, opened with a Texas "Hi y’all" which was so studied as to be ridiculous. She went on, syrupy, "Here sits my dear sweet friend and her husband Steven, her two attorneys Don and Jim." One thought she was introducing the waiter, busboys and wine stewards at a cheesy over-the-top eatery.

"We are going to let Paula speak. She is going to make a statement. She will take no questions. After that Mr. Campbell will speak..."

Of course she will take no questions! If she had, her ignorance, her viciousness and her avarice would only have been highlighted further.

McMillan paused again, pregnantly. "I’d like to introduce you to one of the most courageous women in this country... Paula Corbin Jones.”

You could hear laughter from the press court - faint, but there.

Jones crept up to the podium like a shocked lamb. She cleared her throat, wearing a beige linen suit and a newer hairstyle, longer and straighter than before.

She began to speak.

"Hello, as you know the court in Little Rock surprisingly dismissed my
case, I was shocked..."

Jones -- queen of alligator tears.
Jones then started to "weep" -- or so it seemed. She was uncontrollable and for at least 20 seconds, no one came to her aid. Then, the husband -- looking like an alley denizen -- came up, as if on cue, put his arm on her shoulder and said "Take you time, take you time." -- not the, "Honey, you don’t need this. Sit down. Let the lawyers handle it."

We at American Politics Journal reviewed the tapes over and over. If there were tears on Jones' cheeks, we have yet to see them.

Through what we felt were mock tears, she continued, "I was shocked and I believed what Mr. Clinton did to me was wrong and that the law protects women that are subjected to such abuse of power. I consulted my attorneys who gave me advice about a possible appeal. I believe that the grounds for a possible appeal are very strong and I knew that they have my best interest in mind -- but there was something else I had to consider -- my husband, my two sweet little boys" -- more tears and
sniffling.

"I have also consider the fact that the court ruling affects many women other than myself. Despite the strain on my family and me I have not come this far for the law to dodge this responsibility. They should not be allowed to abuse their positions of power at the expense of female employees.

"Therefore I have decided to appeal the court’s decision with the assistance of my attorneys and the Rutherford Institute and the support of my friends and many people across America.

"I am confident that the 8th District Court will rule that my case should be heard by a jury.... That’s all that I sought..."

Then Donovan Campbell, the semi-competent attorney most responsible for blowing the filings and the case for Jones, rose as defender of Christ and launched into the most pathetic speech about women’s rights and all the "support" Jones has -- despite polls which show more than 75% of Americans wish she and her team would disappear from the face of the earth.

Campbell went on, "My partners and I are proud to represent Paula Jones. Mr. Fisher and Mr. Pyke and the rest of our lawyers... We do not think that the law permits a male supervisor to expose himself to female subordinates... Mr. Clinton said he wanted a trial, but he has consistently instructed them to delay and avoid a trial. We expect and look forward to a speedy reversal of this decision."

To the press corps he said, "Tell me who you are and what media source you are with."

Campbell outlined a hopeless laundry list of points that he feels will enable him to have Judge Susan Webber Wright’s decision to throw Jones case out overturned.

He cited civil rights statutes -- although the judge explained in detail why they did not apply.

He cited a "hostile workplace" -- despite no proof whatsoever offered on this issue from him or Jones' previous legal team.

He also cited "The Tort of Outrage" -- a queer Arkansas law that allows recovery if one is "outraged" by another’s conduct. We're outraged by your makeover, Paula... so fork it over!

Finally -- and this was the most pathetic reaching on the part of a lawyer we’ve seen in years (aside from Ken Starr) -- Campbell said "We deal extensively with the suppression of evidence and obstruction of justice campaign by Clinton -- and it is very clear that this is a legal admission that Mr. Clinton's case is weak and unfounded.

Pathetic... not to mention a clear try to link Jones to the Starr witch hunt.

Of course, arch jokester John Whitehead was there to take his pound of credit and his pound of flesh. He revealed that his "Institute" was not paying the Campbell legal team and that it had spent $300,000 on expenses like depositions, travel, and of course hairstyling and clothing for Jones and fees from her spokesperson -- Susan Carpenter McMillan.

Whitehead also said a resounding "No" to a question about whether Richard Mellon Scaife was funding the case. The audience broke out in laughter at that.

Campbell added "He [Clinton] will not necessarily be out of office, it can be resolved within two years -- but even if he is, you will see he was sued individually. We don’t care if he is President of the US or bussing tables at Lou Bees cafeteria. She is not in it for the abuse she has had to suffer for the last four years."

Yes, she is suffering for money, like many of us.

Both Campbell and Whitehead went to great lengths to try and link Jones to the women’s movement and women’s rights in the US. Whitehead went so far as saying that a large women’s rights group had called him with support. Campbell was hilarious telling the press that people "all over America" come up to Paula and extend her support -- although not with checks -- he added.

He then said the strangest thing. He said, "We’ve passed that on to Paula" -- as if she hadn’t witnessed this, or as if she had been told to say she had.

We are certain that there are at least a few percent of Americans who support Jones, but we doubt they are in abundance.

Campbell actually said that Jones case was "a women’s rights issue."

He invited women’s groups to submit amicus curiae (friends of the court) briefs to the appeals court.

A hopeless plea.

McMillan cut off the questions at that point and said, "All right, uhhh, they are going to exit and I will pass out Paula's statement and then I will pass out the Paula's press release."

We simply passed out -- with laughter!

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