YOU CAN READ MORE OF DOC'S PAST WORK BY CLICKING HEREYOU CAN READ MORE OF DOC'S PAST WORK BY CLICKING HERE
Doc's DIS-patch
To: "Malibu" Ken Starr It's over, Ken.
Pack your bags, your surfboard and your swastika armbands. Duck your head, tuck your tail between your legs and get out of Dodge. Besides, there's a plush office waiting for you at Pepperdine University in Malibu, where the weather's great all year -- at least when El Niño isn't wreaking havoc and brush fires aren't dry-roasting seven-figure-value properties.
Because you don't stand a chance of any charges you make against Bill Clinton being taken one bit seriously anymore. By the House Judiciary Committee or by the American public. They've become the biggest April Fool's joke in modern American political history.
Besides, you know they'd only drive Clinton's popularity up five more percentage points.
Now, we know your Clinton-hating cronies make it a habit to call you "Judge Starr" when they appear on the political chat shows -- and we know it's gone to your head, even if it's a false and deceptive use of the word "judge" since your function as Independent Counsel is persecutorial... er, prosecutorial, NOT judicial.
If anything, it's high time you, a seven-figure-in-private-practice, part-time Independent Counsel, emulate a real-life full-time Republican judge -- a Bush appointee named Susan Webber Wright, the one who threw out Paula Jones' phoney-ass civil case -- and declare the faked-up whining about "high crimes and misdemeandors" by Bill Clinton the fraud that they are.
You spent millions of taxpayer dollars investigating Whitewater, rightfully prosecuting three wrongdoers -- and uncovering evidence which seems in fact to exonerate the Clintons!
You then spent millions more sniffing Clinton's bedsheets and aiding and abetting in the ruination of numerous personal reputations -- based on testimony clearly tainted by money from enemies of the President.
You have never adequately addressed huge conflicts of interest which you have, including but not limited to your ties to right-wing organizations and your legal work for big tobacco firms, regular friends of Clinton's political opposition and de-facto enemies of the President.
Your idiotic subpoena of Sidney Blumenthal backfired -- it not only smacked of payback for Blumenthal's lawsuit against an Internet gossip columnist for slander, it also struck many as an attack on the independent press and their First Amendment rights.
You have never adequately addressed allegations that your office was in unethical, possibly illegal collusion with defense attorneys for Paula Jones.
You have never adequately explained your knowledge of and participation in illegal tapings -- tapings which a state Attorney General in Maryland has turned his back on in what we can only interpret as corrupt
behavior.
And you have never adequately addressed charges that YOU have been suborning illegal leaks from your grand juries --- a serious charge which, if proven, could land YOU in jail.
So give it a rest. Give it up. Close down your "fourth" branch of government, regulated only by Clinton-hater David Sentelle and two judges who seem to be a couple of senile old coots.
Because if you continue, you'll only prove yourself a bigger fascist and loser than we know you to be already.
Besides, surf's up!
Hang ten, dude!
'Nuff said.
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