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FEATURE
John Boehner: Master of Timing
John Boehner's graduation photo? By the way its "Bay-ner" not "Bo-ner."
NEW YORK -- You've got to hand it to Republicontra Congressweasel John Boehner, and by "it," I mean a pistol to shoot himself in both feet and the head.
His party's most ridiculously successful (e.g. successful and ridiculous) attack on the President hinges on turning a deaf ear to wiretap laws, and now he files a lawsuit accusing Democrats of violating the very same laws.
I know what this guy's smoking, and it's not a performance-enhancing substance.
Boehner is suing Democratic Congressman Jim McDermott, who "accepted" illegally-taped evidence of Newt Gingrich, Boehner, Dick Armey, and other high-ranking Republicans breaking the law.
Yes, the real law, the one that says you can't lie to Congress and you have to obey judicial sentences. This wasn't some abstract concept like turning a wink into subborning perjury.
Newt and the boys were really breaking the law on this tape.
Unfortunately for other abstract concepts like Truth, Justice, and the American Way, they were taped by Democrats. When the tape was turned over to McDermott last January, he passed it to the proper authorities (the House Ethics Committee), who in turn dropped it like a nuclear mutant rattlesnake. The Democrats involved, a husband and wife, were then forced into a plea bargain with Federal criminal prosecutors, where they plead guilty to illegally intercepting a telephone conversation.
Tape a call, you're a criminal. ... If you're a Democrat.
Fast forward exactly one year later, and here's a short recap of details for those who have a life: Psychic friend Linda Tripp (author of the upcoming bestseller "Make Good Money from Home in the Recording Industry") gets her namedropping chum to tell fantastic stories into a tape machine. She starts shopping the tapes around to elements of the Republican conspiracy set.
Here's Boehner tutoring little "Tripps to be"
Unfortunately for her budding publishing career, the diGenova mob tells her the tapes are transparently felonious and would therefore be a little too hot to fence to reputable publishers.
Tripp seeks out a criminal defense attorney to cushion the upcoming felony conviction, but finds out there is a magic man who can make his very own laws. She runs to the protective folds of special persecutor Ken Starr's cape.
Starr salivates, bases a whole new attack on the illegal "evidence," and we end up with Charles Grodin chastising us all for panty-sniffing when we should be helping the homeless.
THE MOST IMPORTANT OVERLOOKED EVENTS (at least for this story): Maryland cops do not arrest Felonious Linda. The local prosecutor (a Republican) announces she has no plans to do her job. And the Maryland legislature makes a big, loud, impotent fuss, virtually ensuring no justice will be done.
Tape a bunch of calls, you're immune. If you're a Republican.
Republican propaganda machines are on every channel telling us wiretap felonies are no big deal, and loudly trying to change the subject from the legality of the tapes to the President's bringing about the 'End Of Civilization As We Know It.'
The last thing a smart Republican would do is remind the world that felonious invasion of privacy is a big deal.
Enter John Boehner: Idiot.
John, while you're generously pointing out Republicans' on-again off-again interest in justice, please consider doing us a few favors:
* Praise Canadian, Australian, Cuban, Hong Kong and British contributors to your party, claiming overseas contributions are no big deal.
* Call Fife Symington a victim of the liberal media, because fraudulent land schemes are no big deal.
* Ask us to forgive Bob Dole, Newt Gingrich, Bob Barr, J. C. Watts, and Dan Quayle their adultery, because womanizing and infidelity are no big deal either.
- Dave Gibbons
By the way -- To get an idea of the kind of congressman Boehner is, check out his record on the environment! Here's his Ohio Scorecard from the League of Conservation Voters -- Remember the average Buckeye Congressman got 60%!
John Boehner (R) 0% - ha, haha, haha, haha a BIG FAT -0-
a real piece of work, huh?
- The Editors
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", a client, a friend, and one of the keenest minds in American politics, told me one afternoon: 'A good place to begin thinking critically about American and Western European democracies to ask yourself: What kind of man or woman would choose to run for public office? Think about that.' - I did."
- Eliot Janeway ,1991 New York
From an Introduction to JK's essay and speech, "Washington - The New American Babylon"
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