What a fun-filled week that was! We folks in the far flung territories finally saw something other than re-hashed news agency reports on the campaign funds issue blabberfest coming out of Washington.

First off came the announcement that the IRS were planning an internal investigation into why Paula Jones was hit with an unexpected audit just days after kicking back an out-of-court settlement offer by Bill Clinton's law team. A coincidence? Or something more sinister? According to insinuations by PJ's legal eagles, Bill apparently gets some satisfaction by living vicariously. Or perhaps he is into voyeurism. Whatever. They're suggesting that if he couldn't do the business with PJ in that Little Rock hotel room, he'd simply encourage the IRS to screw her and drool over the gory details.

What is potentially a serious situation was lightened by White House spokesman, Mike McCurry. In a rare example of White House self-deprecation, Mike told the assembled press corps: "We may have done some dumb things, but we are not certifiably insane."

Oh yeah? Who sez?

It got worse. Or better, depending on how seriously you take yourself and events inside the Beltway. PJ is taking up the option to sit across the table from Bill when he gives his pre-trial testimony later this month. And what about the questions Bill will face? Oh boy.

"Mr President, how many affairs have you had since being elected to public office?"

"Mr President, how many times have you kissed someone in private other than immediate family since being elected to public office?"

What the hell sort of dumb questions are these? If Bill says none and never, his critics will never believe him and will badger him to his grave. If he hands out list, then several marriages (including his own) are in for stormy times. If this is the sort of accountability required of politicians then I am afraid Mike McCurry is quite wrong. You would have to be certifiably insane to accept public office.

The expression 'only in America' sprung to mind when the BBC reported on commercials running on Little Rock television. "If you have ever been molested by the President of the United States, call this hotline number." Holy shemoly, now that is insane.

Just when I thought the week had given all it had to offer - there was more.

I was sitting at my computer in the Metro news room when a wire service report triggered an involuntary: "Nah, get outa here will ya!"

My cry of shock was loud and urgent enough to attract the attention of my colleagues. I clicked a few keys and mailed them the story. Then I sat and watched as one-by-one their jaws dropped open in amazement.

CNN has apparently achieved a friendly take-over of the State Department. Or is it the other way around? Whatever. Announcement of the Rubin/Amanpour merger coincided nicely with CNN's exclusive interview with Iranian President Khatami - conducted by you know who. Great timing.

I am on record as saying I considered Amanpour's reporting of the Bosnian War to be biased and sometimes misleading. It is funny, in retrospect, to realise how many of Amanpour's reports reflected the position held by the US State Department. I am not talking 'funny' humorous.

In any event, I wish them both well and hope to see them as guests on Riz Khan's Q&A real soon! I have my email question ready. Does this union mean that Maddie will become some sort of unofficial, third party once removed 'technical' advisor to the CNN foreign assignments editor? Cool job. Scoop City.

Chris Gelken
January 9th, 1998
Hong Kong